GOIN' COMMANDO

It was bound to happen. As we traverse the mean streets of '80s and '90s action stars, you have your Arnolds, your Van Dammes, your Stallones. And then you have the other guys. One of those guys is Steven Seagal, unfortunately.

On this episode of the pod the boys dive into Seagal's first movie, ABOVE THE LAW, which as James astutely points out, set the blueprint for literally every single movie he would ever do after this. There's a lot happening, here: an overstuffed plot full of baddie CIA agents running drugs, awkward churchy family stuff, Seagal's character being probably the worst most corrupt cop in history, at least in a vacuum, and more. We get to as much of it as we can stand. Speaking of standing, we also talk about how weird Seagal looks while running, and well, doing just about everything else. We also give our due praise to the queen, Pam Grier. Of course. Plus, tales of Bryne's dentist visit and James' barium soak and subsequent poop stuff. Fun!!!

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James explains Steven Seagal: Lawman to Bryne.

Full-length episode covering Steven Seagal's 1988 debut ABOVE THE LAW coming this Monday, January 18!

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It's a big milestone on the pod: the first truly bad movie. as James and Bryne dive into 1986's COBRA, starring Sylvester Stallone as Marion Cobretti, a tough cop whose dour demeanor is just as off-putting as his pizza eating habits. We discuss all the other weird food things in COBRA, too--gummy bears? Check. Hospital cake? Check. Eating an apple with leather gloves on? CHECK!!! We also talk about Stallone going from almost doing BEVERLY HILLS COP to rewriting the script with none of the humor left in for COBRA; Stallone being inspired by Bruce Springsteen when creating COBRA; the way the message of this movie and other things like PUNISHER are misconstrued by stupid cops who just want to beat up people; the car chase and how Stallone sold his Mercury used in the movie to a guy who then tried to set a land speed record while driving it; plus, we talk about the COVID vaccine; phones tracking us; jacking off (sorry, mom); our favorite movie theater experiences; ONCE UPON A TIME IN HOLLYWOOD (two 36 year old white guys gushing over Tarantino? WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT!); and Bryne finally tells the story of his colonoscopy. Can't believe it took six episodes to get to that.

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It's part two of our Christmas chronicles and we saved the best for last: DIE HARD! The 1988 blockbuster put Bruce Willis on the map, was Alan Rickman's first movie ever, and, after nearly ten years of muscled-up bloody madness, redefined what action movies can be. We dive into all of that, plus key scenes featuring classic 1980s Guys like William Atherton and Paul Gleason, Jan de Bont's cinematography, and the genesis (or at least modern popularization) of the everyman action hero. And yes, James has a convincing argument for why this is a Christmas movie too. We also discuss the trailer for Wild Mountain Thyme and the idea of Christopher Walken doing an Irish accent, which leads into a discussion on English actors doing American accents for movies and how long it took for Bryne to realize that Christian Bale wasn't American. Plus, we *finally* officially rule on spoilers and how long people have until a spoiler is no longer a spoiler. Spoiler alert: it's probably shorter than you think. We also talk about Hallmark original movies and who we'd play in them, and why parents should give their children reasons when they say "no" to stuff. 

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It's a tentpole of the action genre, a movie that spawned a thousand imitators. Some of its lines are *still* a big part of the lexicon (you know, the one about being too old for this shit, etc.). And yes--it's a Christmas movie. On this episode of the pod we dissect key scenes in 1987's LETHAL WEAPON while considering alternate universes in which Bruce Willis plays Riggs and Bob Hoskins plays Murtaugh, plus the chemistry between Mel Gibson and Danny Glover and how their performances and differences skyrocketed the buddy cop action movie as an art form and launched a decade-long franchise. We also discuss how Riggs' character arc mirrors that of many characters in Christmas movies, facial hair, Onlyfans, Gary Busey, whether it's weird or not for your entire family to run into the bathroom while you're in the tub, Warner Bros.' decision to stream their 2021 releases on HBO Max, and how badly we want to see movies in theaters again someday. We also dive into Mel Gibson's very public, very hateful meltdown in the 2000s, his efforts to apologize and rehabilitate his image, which led us into a discussion on cancel culture as a whole that hopefully won't get *us* canceled.

The pod makes its first foray into martial arts movies with 1988's BLOODSPORT. It's the movie that made Jean-Claude Van Damme a household name despite its many shortcomings: an overly simple plot, wooden acting and unearned relationships. James and Bryne slow-motion roundhouse kick all of those topics, plus we discuss our own scars, superficial and emotional; astrology (our birthdays are coming up BTW); JCVD's butt and his seeming willingness to engage in BDSM-adjacent movie scenes, how Frank Dux' final fight with Chong Li is like a pro wrestling storyline, and more! We also discuss the real Frank Dux, a pathological liar when you could still get away with that sort of thing pre-Internet. Now the only guys who seem to get away with it are the clowns in Washington, am I right everyone.

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With Sir Sean Connery passing away on Oct. 31, James and Bryne take a look back at two of his greatest roles. First, his final turn as James Bond in 1983's NEVER SAY NEVER AGAIN--he was older, wetter, but wiser (and still a "panty dropper" in James' words). We discuss the film's non-canonical nature, whether or not we've ever had urine thrown in our faces, the dark web, an underwater fight scene with a shark, James Bond suddenly being a gamer, Fatima Blush's INSISTENCE on the world knowing that she fucks good, an exploding pen, XT7Bs and more. Then, we tackle THE ROCK (1996), which sees Connery playing an old, grizzled veteran soldier and escape artist alongside an FBI chemical weapons expert played by Nicolas Cage. We discuss Michael Bae (Bay), Nic Cage coming into his own as, well, Nic Cage, how a baby doll could shoot gas everywhere, Ed Harris' turn as General Hummel and why his motives weren't as black and white as they seem to be for antagonists in other action movies, James' medical background and what would really happen if you were exposed to VX gas, throwing grenades back at people who threw them at you first, rental cars and how you're supposed to drive them, why the parking meters in San Francisco took pennies, and MORE!

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For the inaugural episode of GOIN' COMMANDO co-hosts Bryne and James tackle the inspiration for the show's name: the 1985 action thriller COMMANDO starring Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's the movie that cemented Arnold as a bankable action star. It has a bad plot, bad acting, a completely unbelievable antagonist and probably the most unintentionally comedic one-liners the genre has ever seen. We discuss all of that, as well as the movie's creative cursing, cursing in front of children, extreme close-ups of Arnold's wet muscles, scenes that just seemed shoehorned in to establish that Arnold was a big strong man, Bryne's confusion as to why the bad guys were driving a beaten-up Chrysler minivan, Henriques being dead tired, Sully's suits, egregious continuity errors, Cindy's fourth-wall breaking, Cooke being cooked and eaten for breakfast, brownface, Bennett's outfit and posture, the sheer insanity of the movie's kills in the last twenty minutes, James' childhood crush on Alyssa Milano, and much, much more.

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This episode of GOIN' COMMANDO is sponsored by anchor.fm. Start your own podcast easily and for free with all the tools you need to record, upload and distribute at your fingertips. Go to anchor.fm to get started today, again, FOR FREE!

GOIN' COMMANDO kicks off with a review of, what else, COMMANDO (1985). In this preview, James and Bryne discuss the unique cursing in the movie, as well as their own, uh, evolution as potty mouths. Full episode coming real soon!

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