Going There with Jen

On this week's #goingtherewithjen, I have a fly-on-the-wall conversation with fellow podcaster and super cool human being, Olivia James.Listen in as I very awkwardly and Olivia very graciously talk about languaging around autism and asexuality, her path to an autistic diagnosis as an adult and how things finally clicked into place, the support she gets from her husband to say - hey - I think that's the autism speaking and why she can still irritate him (er...I mean...don't  we ALL irritate our spouses?!?), and lots lots more.Depression, anxiety, mental health, eating disorders, autism, asexuality, therapy, bouncing, pure joy, octopuses....we cover a ton of ground in 45 short minutes and you're going to love the incredibly relatable and very real conversation (there's even a fart story thrown in for good measure).Are you ready to go there?_____OLIVIA JAMES is an autistic, asexual goofball who loves octopuses, cats, and rock climbing. Born and raised in the great Midwest, she went to school at a small liberal arts college and in the process discovered that too much philosophy makes her depressed. She kicked the ass of an eating disorder, adopted some kittens, and found her true calling as a marketer in a local nonprofit (while writing, podcasting, and doing advocacy on the side). When not working too much, Olivia can be found on bullet journal websites, listening to far too many podcasts, or playing a great deal of Dungeons and Dragons.Connect with OliviaSuper Serious Social Justice Website, Facebook, + TwitterAut of Spoons Website + Facebook_____For show notes including how to learn more about the octopus loving narwhal wearing, Olivia James, head over to jenvertanen.com/goingthere36 and if there’s one thing I want you to remember ever it’s this…You were born to raise hell, not live in it.I believe in you so effing much and I’m here if you ever need an emotional sidekick to help you through tough times.Until next time…love you already,_____Love the fly-on-the-wall intimate conversations I’m hosting on Going There? Yeah? I could use your help...It would mean the WORLD to me if you leave a rating/review on iTunes/Apple Podcasts and share with folks most needing these messages of hope, resilience, healing, and yes…laughter at some of the darker sides to life.Website: www.jenvertanen.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/jenvertanenMy Fave Really Hard Questions: https://www.jenvertanen.com/really-hard-questions/ (because you guys know how much I love digging deeper!) See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

You know what I love? Unicorns (listen to the episode to hear why this is relevant).Know what else I love? Anna Holden. Anna is magical, highly sensitive, clairvoyant, and her filters are about as good as mine which means non-existent. You'll love her too, lol.Anna and I talk about the realities of motherhood (er...ego shattering I believe is the word Anna uses), the dangers of drinking the law of attraction kool-aid fuckery, how fun it is to stew in the messy middle, finding your creative stride, and the work Anna and I are doing to minimize our harm as Spiritual White Women (Rachael Rice's Going There episode is another great conversation around this).Listen in for real talk (especially for moms), laughter, commiseration, and minimal filters. You ready to go there?_____ANNA HOLDEN is a professional intuitive, energy healer and spiritual teacher. She mentors burgeoning psychics and healers in her professional training program, The School for Sacred Rebellion. She also runs The Refuge for Sacred Rebellion, a spiritual enlivenment platform for highly sensitive people, and she hosts The Soul of Sensitivity podcast, a show that explores the intersection of sensitivity and spirituality.Connect with AnnaWebsite | The Refuge | The Soul of Sensitivity Podcast | The School For Sacred Rebellion_____For show notes including how to learn more about the amazingly awesome, Anna Holden, head over to jenvertanen.com/goingthere35 and if there’s one thing I want you to remember ever it’s this…You were born to raise hell, not live in it.I believe in you so effing much and I’m here if you ever need an emotional sidekick to help you through tough times.Until next time…love you already,_____Love the fly-on-the-wall intimate conversations I’m hosting on Going There? Yeah? I could use your help...It would mean the WORLD to me if you leave a rating/review on iTunes/Apple Podcasts and share with folks most needing these messages of hope, resilience, healing, and yes…laughter at some of the darker sides to life.Website: www.jenvertanen.comInstagram: www.instagram.com/jenvertanenMy Fave Really Hard Questions: https://www.jenvertanen.com/really-hard-questions/ (because you guys know how much I love digging deeper!)See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

MEET SHANDAShanda Catrice is a fiercely compassionate healer and spiritual mentor who combines practical wisdom with sacred healing arts to guide women through inner transformation. Her work is centered around the integration of the whole self, through radical love and raw authenticity.Shanda encourages women to embrace the love and light, as well as the shadowy parts of their soul. She has over 10 years of experience learning from various cultures and spiritual traditions from around the world and has facilitated workshops, healing circles, guided meditations, and sacred ceremonial retreats that help women align with the deepest parts of themselves and liberate the truth of who they really are.MY THOUGHTSI can’t even. First, go follow Shanda on Facebook because her lives are phenomenal. You will learn so much about yourself…I promise.My heart. This episode is everything that Going There is about. Resilience, surviving and thriving, rebuilding yourself and your entire life, finding your purpose and meaning, laughter, joy, heartache and heartbreak, setting new boundaries, learning to love how you need to be loved…The sheer humanness is off the charts with this one and I cannot WAIT to have Shanda back to share her family of origin stories with us.In the meantime…IN SHANDA’S WORDSalmost dying and having no one help other than her sister “None of the people that I loved showed up in the way that I wanted them to. So from my perspective, that means there were no friends. For me, it was such a painful experience that I felt – here I am – this is the culmination of my life. This is the value and the worth that I have in this world and this planet, that the culmination of 40 years is that when you are going to die, no one cares.”facing her deepest fears “I was essentially forced to face my most deepest fear in the entire world, which is fear of being alone because now I was alone and it had come true.”learning how to receive love and the hard realization that not everyone has the capacity to love in the way you need to be loved “You have to take the love where you get it. You have to receive it where it’s given and you may not get it because some people don’t have it to give. Some people don’t have the capacity to love you at the level that you need to be loved.” painful realizations “The most painful part of this entire journey has been that I had such low self-worth and value for myself that I had put myself in these relationships.”the danger of numbing “It’s a defense mechanism to dealing with trauma and it’s literally killing us!”a quote from Adyashanti  about our origin stories “Could you change your story…could it be possible that you so love the world so much that you came here because you knew that who you were would be the healing balm to the unhealed? That you would be the medicine. And let that be your origin story instead of all the other things you’re telling yourself?”feeling your feelings “You have to feel. Like you have to feel and you have to start to feel your feelings. And I said, okay, how do I feel my feelings? And once again I found the information. I found this tool within psychology to use, which is called the feelings wheel. And you start to practice…”And my very fave…“If you start now, you can make new relationships for 20 more years that now can be with people that can love you the way you need to be loved and the way you want to be loved. And now you’re different. Now you will have the capacity to actually express those needs and communicate those needs and set proper boundariesBecause I was so afraid of being alone that I would never set any boundaries with people that I love because I was just afraid they would leave and I didn’t want to be alone.”CONNECT WITH SHANDAWebsite | Facebook | Instagram | Find Your Love Style | Free Guided MeditationSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet HeatherHeather Thorkelson is a coach who works with entrepreneurs to grow their impact and visibility while growing their bottom line. She has been location independent for 7 years and runs her businesses from all over the world, including, on occasion, Antarctica. Heather is also the owner of Twin Tracks Expeditions, a polar expedition company.BUT THIS CONVERSATION, YOU GUYS. THIS CONVERSATION! TWO VICTORS HAVING COME THROUGH ABUSIVE CHILDHOODS THE BETTER FOR IT.Resilience, determination, a fuck-you attitude to the stuff that just doesn’t matter, learning to survive from an early age, the sweet relief that comes when you realize you’ve healed enough to allow someone else to have your back, and the amazing qualities we inherited from our abusers. Heather has an absolutely heartbreaking and fascinating backstory and I know so many of us can relate to having to literally raise ourselves because of our screwed up parents.So, so good. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!IN HEATHER’S WORDSon people pleasing “So I, I’ve never been that way. I’m still very much not that way. I am unable to understand. I’m unable to actually properly empathize with people who, who people please, and especially the extreme ones that compromise themselves so much. I don’t get it because for me, life has always been about survival, so I have to put myself first. Sorry for everyone else, but like I have to put myself first because there’s no safety net, you know, there has never been a safety net.”and even more on people pleasing “…it’s not going to be a popular opinion, but whatever. I think we tend to look at people pleasers as sort of a little bit weak and the extreme people pleasers, we look at as a little bit pathetic because it feels like there’s something missing in them. Why do you have to run around making sure that everybody’s better before you are? That’s fucked up! You’ve got to change that narrative.”on putting yourself first for survival “…when you’re in that kind of fight or flight environment from as long as you can possibly remember, quite frankly, you don’t really give that much of a shit about anyone else, you know? I don’t mean to sound really harsh and nasty like I’m not, I’m, you know, I’m capable of nurturing. I have good relationships…”a recent conversation with her mom “I’m not going to say what you want to hear to make you feel better about the choices that you made. And some people might think that that’s really harsh, but I don’t think it’s harsh. My whole life got massively fucked because of the decisions that she made.”finding the silver linings “Most people don’t ever want to give any credit to their abusive parent. I’m totally happy to give him the credit for this. I got his brains and I got his sense of humor and like what the hell would I do without my brains?”And my very fave…The way that you become the victor of your own story is you write that story. It doesn’t matter what happened before. Everyday that you wake up, you are writing your story. It’s a work in progress. It’s not a done deal. You are not a victim. You are not that person. You’re not! Whatever thing that happened to you, you are who you choose to be.When you wake up today and tomorrow and the next day and a year from now, you might look back on the first 30 years and go – well –  that was a giant cluster fuck but for the past year, God dammit, I have been doing an amazing job and I am super proud of who I am becoming.CONNECT WITH HEATHERWebsite | Instagram | Facebook | Twin Tracks ExpeditionsSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet Matt StillmanMatt is probably the most fascinating person I know and I don’t say that lightly because…as you’re well aware…ALL of my guests are pretty damn fascinating.But Matt? He’s extra super-duper rare. In a very tidy nutshell which is hard to do with Matt, he…Spent years studying and practicing aspects of Easter and Western spiritual practices and disciplines along with long-form improv.Does tantric bodywork which fascinates the ever-loving hell out of me.Started his creative approaches service and consultancy on the streets of New York offering strangers ‘creative approaches’ to what they had been struggling with – big or small, personal or professional, mundane or profoundly esoteric. Basically, Matt helps people look at whatever is burdening them in new ways. Not to solve the problems but to court new relationships with them.Writes biblical erotica written in Elizabethan English looking at how we might heal the fracture between sex and spirit (I mean…if that right there doesn’t intrigue the hell out of you, why are you even here?!?!).Conceived and produced “The End of Poverty?” – a feature-length documentary about the origins of poverty and why it persists in a world with so much wealth. The film premiered at the Cannes Film Festival and won the Directors Choice commendation. He has spoken at the UN four times about his film.Started a skin care company, Primal Derma, where he attempts to reclaim some older forgotten trails of how people made a deep connection between health of place, animals and humans to making a spot in the world that you belong to a bit more deeply. (Get thee some Primal Derma STAT! It takes away my weird old-lady dry spots between my fingers when I remember to use it. )Is a former Food Network executive and brought groundbreaking shows such as Iron Chef and Good Eats (and many others) to American audiences.Matthew is a life-long New Yorker, a lover of language, culture, and is a practitioner of bigger questions and wondering aloud and sitting in mystery. He is currently a student of The Orphan Wisdom School.NOW THAT THE FORMAL STUFF IS OUT OF THE WAY, I WANT TO SHARE SPECIFICALLY WHAT MATT MEANS TO ME.Matt, out of the blue and with zero expectations other than for me to be a kind and loving person to myself and others, offered to lend an objective ear about a number of things I was going through (this was all before my ‘coming of middle agedom’) at the time – divorce, intimacy and sexuality issues, loneliness, etc.I was just starting to get comfortable opening up to others in more vulnerable and tender ways and he gave me this incredibly safe space (I HATE that phrase – let me know if you have a better one) to explore my thoughts and feelings…no judgment – just objectivity and curiosity and non-boundary pushing insights.I was platonically smitten and I think you will be too.CONNECT WITH MATTWebsite | TwitterSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet KristenKristen Kalp helps creative humans connect to their truest selves through writing, breathwork, books, and business coaching. Join the free F*ck Yah club for free books, chapters, classes, and goodies here.Listen in as we talk about:Kristen's stories of living with depression including the silver liningsThe reasons behind her pink hair and why it's here to stayThe importance of breathwork to her overall wellbeing and our mission to have a 'pink lotus' during a sessionHow Kristen decides when she feels comfortable sharing something as vulnerable as her ongoing battles with depressionPeople + Resources MentionedKristen was first introduced to breathwork by Erin TelfordSteer Your Ship, Kristen's program she's super excited about (I've heard such great things about this!!)Kelly Rae Roberts and the print that was my version of Kristen's pink hairKristen's breathwork classes (she'll even send you a free one!)Connect with KristenWebsite | InstagramSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Life has been SO GOOD in so many and SO SHITTY in a few others. But that's how I love my life...living in the paradoxes and in-betweens.Listen in as I share what's been going on (super sick mom, super suicidal dad, family members I haven't heard from in 20+years, and super fun adventures with family + friends) and why I'm really proud of myself for not going down the rabbit hole and instead, seeking therapy for a specific issue from my childhood that I CLEARLY have not healed.Anyoo..this is me - unscripted, off the cuff, in the buff, raw, sniffs, ums, and all.Enjoy <3...and come say HI at [email protected] and/or Insta @jenvertanen.To our grit + grace + and resilience, Jen xoSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Meet Tanya“I am a child of extremes, raised with poison, steeped in possibility between an orchard and giant maple trees, drawn to flowers, and re-birthed by a frigid, roaring sea.” —Thug UnicornTanya Markul’s path is one of the poetess, intuitive and wounded healer.An unwanted child, she was raised on barren soil of shame, guilt and overwhelming self-hatred. From the womb, her inner navigation was tainted by an ancestry of addiction, instability, abuse and fear. Her journey to self-heal and to become ready to guide others has taken many arduous paths, risks, and harrowing rebirths.She is a guide to the other side of pain. A key and wisdom keeper. A creative midwife. An enchanting storyteller and quirky rule-breaker. She is a tree lover and fairy spirit. Imagination is her wand, the dreamworld her guide and Nature her map.Tanya is dedicated to helping others heal by holding sacred space for their stories, and by unlocking the impossibility of shape-shifting their pain into creative, soul-led, healing purpose.Her medicine beckons the brave curiosity to look within, brings a sense of humour to cracked surfaces, unveils the beauty of hidden authenticity, and conjures the revolutionary courage to love, accept, and empower oneself in this lifetime.Tanya heals with words, the unseen world, sensitivity and vulnerability.May we all live a beautiful life of magic, mystery, inner peace and freedom.The Alchemy is in the ConversationLook, boo. Healing is f*cking messy. It’s alienation. It’s detachment. It’s bat shit crazy. It’s jet black darkness. It makes you ache for the void and mundane. You want to quit everything, but you can’t. You won’t. Not now. No baby, not ever. Because even though it aches the mother of all aches, you’ve changed. Underneath all that bullshit, there you are. Brand new. Born again. An angel who’s woken up to their cosmic mission. And you ain’t ever going back. And, there’s more like you out there. We’re waking up right next to you in the dark, wild one. So don’t worry about fixing any part of you and let your wicked shambles raise the goddamn roof on this whole things. ~ THUG UNICORN by TANYA MARKULI just…how can you read that and not feel empowered?Tanya and I (and so many others) are testaments to how we can be empowered by the healing work EVEN WHEN it’s grotesque and messy and you’re dying a million deaths and it’s lonely and isolating. Because when you have the courage to look at your circumstances – /no matter how shitty or painful or whatever/ – and not try to force it away?POWERFUL. MAGICAL. LIKE, WHOA.I’ve known of Thug Unicorn for a few years. A) How can you not love and follow a name like Thug Unicorn? and B) the words are always exactly the ones you need to hear.But I never thought of the person behind the name…not until a few pages into THE SHE BOOK and I knew this was a kindred, wounded, soulful, healing spirit.I knew there were layers and layers upon stories and stories behind the healing words. I could feel the pain seeping through the pages…and I wanted to know this person. The person behind the very cool name, Thug Unicorn.On a whim, I sent an email…call it a moment of bravery because…who am I? I sent the email into the ether with no expectations because I don’t do disappointment well.And to my surprise and utter delight (seriously – the happy dance was #offthecharts) I received an email the next morning…yes.OUR CONVERSATION WAS MAGICAL.Two wounded spirits in the midst of their own messy healings (because always healing) coming together to share an intimate conversation.Listen in as we talk about:The story behind calling herself an unwanted child.Maybe not every aspect of ourselves needs to be healed….take a deep breath with me…how freeing is that?!?Why do we give people the power to place us into a category? Oh – look at her…she must be so happy because she smiles all the time.Ways we can we creatively express our pain.And screw happiness! How ‘bo

Meet Tanya “I am a child of extremes, raised with poison, steeped in possibility between an orchard and giant maple trees, drawn to flowers, and re-birthed by a frigid, roaring sea.” —Thug Unicorn Tanya Markul’s path is one of the...

Meet Tanya

“I am a child of extremes, raised with poison, steeped in possibility between an orchard and giant maple trees, drawn to flowers, and re-birthed by a frigid, roaring sea.” —Thug Unicorn

Tanya Markul’s path is one of the poetess, intuitive and wounded healer.

An unwanted child, she was raised on barren soil of shame, guilt and overwhelming self-hatred. From the womb, her inner navigation was tainted by an ancestry of addiction, instability, abuse and fear. Her journey to self-heal and to become ready to guide others has taken many arduous paths, risks, and harrowing rebirths.

She is a guide to the other side of pain. A key and wisdom keeper. A creative midwife. An enchanting storyteller and quirky rule-breaker. She is a tree lover and fairy spirit. Imagination is her wand, the dreamworld her guide and Nature her map.

Tanya is dedicated to helping others heal by holding sacred space for their stories, and by unlocking the impossibility of shape-shifting their pain into creative, soul-led, healing purpose.

Her medicine beckons the brave curiosity to look within, brings a sense of humour to cracked surfaces, unveils the beauty of hidden authenticity, and conjures the revolutionary courage to love, accept, and empower oneself in this lifetime.

Tanya heals with words, the unseen world, sensitivity and vulnerability.

May we all live a beautiful life of magic, mystery, inner peace and freedom.

The Alchemy is in the Conversation

Look, boo. Healing is f*cking messy. It’s alienation. It’s detachment. It’s bat shit crazy. It’s jet black darkness. It makes you ache for the void and mundane. You want to quit everything, but you can’t. You won’t. Not now. No baby, not ever. Because even though it aches the mother of all aches, you’ve changed. Underneath all that bullshit, there you are. Brand new. Born again. An angel who’s woken up to their cosmic mission. And you ain’t ever going back. And, there’s more like you out there. We’re waking up right next to you in the dark, wild one. So don’t worry about fixing any part of you and let your wicked shambles raise the goddamn roof on this whole things.
~ THUG UNICORN by TANYA MARKUL

I just…how can you read that and not feel empowered?

Tanya and I (and so many others) are testaments to how we can be empowered by the healing work EVEN WHEN it’s grotesque and messy and you’re dying a million deaths and it’s lonely and isolating. Because when you have the courage to look at your circumstances – /no matter how shitty or painful or whatever/ – and not try to force it away?

POWERFUL. MAGICAL. LIKE, WHOA.

I’ve known of Thug Unicorn for a few years. A) How can you not love and follow a name like Thug Unicorn? and B) the words are always exactly the ones you need to hear.

But I never thought of the person behind the name…not until a few pages into THE SHE BOOK and I knew this was a kindred, wounded, soulful, healing spirit.

I knew there were layers and layers upon stories and stories behind the healing words. I could feel the pain seeping through the pages…and I wanted to know this person. The person behind the very cool name, Thug Unicorn.

On a whim, I sent an email…call it a moment of bravery because…who am I? I sent the email into the ether with no expectations because I don’t do disappointment well.

And to my surprise and utter delight (seriously – the happy dance was #offthecharts) I received an email the next morning…yes.

OUR CONVERSATION WAS MAGICAL.

Two wounded spirits in the midst of their own messy healings (because always healing) coming together to share an intimate conversation.

Listen in as we talk about:

• The story behind calling herself an unwanted child.
• Maybe not every aspect of ourselves needs to be healed….take a deep breath with me…how freeing is that?!?
• Why do we give people the power to place us into a category? Oh – look at her…she must be so happy because she smiles all the time.
• Ways we can we creatively express our pain.
• And screw happiness! How ‘bout we go for empowered instead?
• How motherhood (and not necessarily wanting to be a mom because hello – shitty childhoods) re-opens some mama wounds BUT helps move us forward in our healing.

PEOPLE + RESOURCES MENTIONED

• Tanya’s book, THE SHE BOOK (<== SO GOOD you guys!)
• THE BODY KEEPS THE SCORE by Bessel van der Kolk M.D.
• EAT MY STARDUST – Tanya’s 30 Days Of Creative Writing & Poetry Prompts for Emotional Freedom & Expression
• BRENE BROWN
• Lewis Howes THE SCHOOL OF GREATNESS
• EMOTIONAL AGILITY: GET UNSTUCK, EMBRACE CHANGE, AND THRIVE IN WORK AND LIFE by Susan David (check out her TED TALK on the gifts of emotional courage- it is seriously my fave ever)

CONNECT WITH TANYA

WEBSITE | FACEBOOK | INSTAGRAM