Good Enough Parenting

You know those fun timelines of your child’s development that you get at the pediatrician’s office or see in books like “What to Expect in the First Year?”

They paint such a succinct, rosy picture of what your baby will be doing at 6 months (eating solids!), 12 months (first steps!), 2 years (welcome to the world of tantrums!) 

They’re not a bad way of preparing for the years ahead, but unfortunately they give the impression that growth is this straightforward process where you move from a-z with no bumps in between. 

What a lie. 

The truth is –

GROWTH ISN’T LINEAR

This is true for developmental milestones (ask any family currently experiencing a sleep regression) and it’s true for social/emotional development. 

Big leaps in growth typically come after big regressions. 

So if your kid is all of a sudden having a lot of tantrums, it might mean there is a breakthrough in coping skills on the horizon. 

And growth in one domain often has a big impact on other domains. 

So if your six year old is learning to read, they might have a harder time dealing with small frustrations (like their little sister taking their toy) because their tolerance for stress is low. 

Our brains only have so much energy! 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share a different way of viewing growth – both our kids’ and our own.

Instead of seeing it as a straightforward timeline with a clear path, let’s imagine a spiral. 

Every time we swing around the center, we get a little closer to where we’re headed and who we want to be – resilient, empathic, evolved humans. 

Sometimes we take two steps forward and one step back – but we’re always making progress. And that’s good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

My favorite movies and tv shows are female buddy comedies. Give me some Boys on the Side, Baby Mama, Bad Moms and especially Broad City and I’m happy for days. 

I just recently went to see “Babes” with my best girlfriends and almost had to leave the theater I was laughing so hard. 

Female friendships have always been essential for me. But once kids entered the picture, it was a lot harder to maintain these relationships. 

It’s like your whole life gets turned upside down and shaken up and the first thing to fall away are what feel like frivolous nights out with the girls.

But being together with other women, especially other moms, is anything but frivolous. Time spent together is not only regulating for our own nervous systems, but it serves our families. We learn from one another (I can’t tell you how many life hacks I’ve picked up just by watching other moms in action), we commiserate with one another over the out of control demands on modern day moms, and we return to our families rejuvenated and restored. 

As I like to tell my husband, mom’s night out is sacred space. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share why I value these relationships so deeply and also the 3 types of “mom friends” I hope everyone mom has in her tribe.

For all the moms, no matter what stage of parenthood you’re in, I hope this summer you can find some time to connect or re-connect with the women in your life who light you up. 

Maybe you can plan a weekend escape a la “Wine Country” with the Tina Fey to your Amy Poehler or maybe you can just squeeze in a 15 minute walk around the block. Any time together is good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Traveling with kids can suck. Traffic, airport delays, an endless chorus of “are we there yet” can make any parent question whether spending a small fortune on a family trip is really worth it. 

But getting our families out of their at home comfort zone has endless benefits. 

Not only do we see what life is like outside of our little bubbles, but we also create lasting memories and return from trips with a fresh perspective on our OWN family life. 

Traveling adventures can make for an amazing catalyst for change if we’re stuck in a family rut. 

If you’re headed out of town this summer and want some ways to make the experience less painful and more pleasurable, tune in to today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast. 

I share my favorite travel tips for keeping everyone (including parents!) calm even when waiting in a 2 hour car rental line. (hint – bring snacks)

My favorite part of any vacation is coming back to the hotel at the end of the night with a pizza and having a “bed picnic” as we reflect on the day. Sometimes we share our favorite sight, sometimes we share our favorite meal, and sometimes we laugh about how one of us had a meltdown in the middle of a museum because everyone was walking too slow. 

Travel days are filled with ups and downs, but we’re having these experiences together and that’s good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

The summer season is officially upon us! Which means it’s time to wrestle your toddler to the ground so you can apply some ghost-whitening sunblock while your six year old screams “I hear the ice cream truck! Can we get one?” at 10am. 

Are you already counting the days until Labor Day? 

Fear not! There are ways we can find more sweetness and less stress this summer with our families. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I’ll share with you my favorite tips for not just surviving but actually enjoying this season of seemingly endless time together. 

And the good news is …. It involves a lot of 

BENIGN NEGLECT

(my #1 parenting motto!) 

We don’t need to be the end all be all for our kids this summer. 

Let them make their own snacks. Let them be bored. Let them skip the summer worksheets for more sprinkler time. 

Everyone benefits when we give our kids some space. So sometimes they’ll have a chipwhich for breakfast this summer. You’ll make them a veggie filled smoothie in September. 

And that’s good enough.

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Have you heard of the new book “The Anxious Generation: How the Great Rewiring of Childhood is Causing an Epidemic of Mental Illness” by Jonathan Haidt?  From PBS to TikTok – everyone’s talking about it.  And when something strikes a chord this deeply across our culture, it means something big is resonating. 

And here’s the headline – our young adults are showing more signs of anxiety and depression than ever before. And Haidt draws a very convincing connection between how modern parents have overprotected our children in the real world and underprotected them online. 

BIG food for thought. 

Many of the solutions to help “rewire” the next generations will take collective action.  

But there is also A LOT we can do as parents to change course as well. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share how one way we can reduce anxiety in our kids is to foster their AUTONOMY. 

Which means teaching them how to open their own cans. 

Kids who feel a sense of self-efficacy (the belief that I can achieve a certain outcome) are less anxious (anxiety comes from feeling out of control). And self-efficacy comes from experiencing autonomy. 

Whether it’s picking out their own clothes, ordering for themselves at restaurants or making their own mac & cheese – when we loosen the reins and expect our kids to step up, everybody wins. 

Kids feel more in control and confident and parents get to do less and enjoy more. And that’s a good enough start to creating a less anxious generation. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

If only there was a way we could connect with our kids, foster their social/emotional skills, develop their executive functioning while also having fun as a family. 

Oh wait! The answer has been hiding inside our cluttered closet the whole time…. 

Games! 

Structured games are an incredible way to help kids learn to manage their emotions (who hasn’t wanted to punch the candy land board when you get pulled back to gingerbread land mere steps away from the candy castle!), practice calming themselves when anxious (thanks Perfection!) and understand the importance of being a good sport if we want to have people to play with. 

Plus games help families connect on a multi-generational level (watching my 75 year old mom play Headbanz with my 9 year old daughter gives me hours of heart swelling entertainment). 

AND they give kids much needed tactile ways of connecting in person rather than being sucked into screens. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I not only share my favorite games for increasing our kids emotional IQ, but also invite Gian Paolo Aroldi (a teacher, brilliant game designer, and oh yeah, my husband) to talk about how to help kids learn to design and develop THEIR OWN games – which has endless benefits in terms of boosting creativity, imagination, logical thinking, and artistic ability.  

So dust off that old Monopoly Board and get your game face on. You’ll be amazed at how an hour of game play can fill up the whole family. Even if your kid destroys you, you’ll have had a good time playing. And that’s more than good enough.

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

A few years ago, I got a call around 3:00 on Mother’s Day. A dear friend asked me if I would be able to meet her for a drink before dinner. Hell yes. We had both had less than ideal days that were meant to celebrate us but instead were filled with cranky kids and unmet expectations. We needed to commiserate.

And at the risk of sounding like a terrible mother I’m going to be honest – our cocktail hour was the best part of my day. We laughed, we cried and we went back to our families restored and reconnected.

It reminded me of what my dear friend and mentor Carrie Contey has always said about Mother’s Day – ask for what you want.

For some women, spending Mother’s day with their children or their own mother or mother-in-law is perfect. For others, not so much. It can be a vulnerable day, especially if you have lost your mother, have a tricky relationship with her, or if motherhood is not living up to your expectations at the moment.

So now is the time to ask for what you want from this day. Does being with your children and having them make you breakfast in bed sound ideal? Do it. Do you want to binge Netflix shows you never get to watch because you’re asleep in your kid’s bed at 8pm? See if your partner (or babysitter) can bring your kids to Kung Fu Panda 4 while you order a pizza with your favorite toppings. Do you want to journal and cry about missing your mom? Just as valid.

I want a mix – a little time with my family and a little time to myself. So you’ll probably find me eating home made pancakes in the morning followed by a matinee viewing of a movie SOLO and maybe even a cocktail with a friend afterward. And I’m going to ask for this now – so my partner knows what is going to fill my cup on a day meant to celebrate me. No surprises, no disappointments.

What do you want your Mother’s Day to look like? Despite what Hallmark tells us, there’s no wrong way to do it. As long as you do it your way, that's good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

If your family is having a year like ours, you might be stuck in an endless cycle of SICK. 

And just when the illnesses are fading away…. here come the spring allergies! 

I’m thankful every day for medical treatments that help my family stay healthy and heal quickly – my kids are not so appreciative. Especially when they have a huge needle headed their way. 

But we’ve found ways to make scary things a little less frightening and help give our kids a sense of control when it comes to what happens to their bodies. 

 It all begins with the energy you are bringing to the moment. 

If you’re dismissive (“it’s just an eye drop – stop complaining!”) or anxious yourself (shouting “you’re fine!” at them with wide eyes and trembling hands) it ain’t gonna go well. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I’m sharing how you can make healing less hair-raising by

*Using play 

*Helping your kid feel more in control 

*Validating their fears

*Giving options 

*Planning Rewards

Nothing feels worse than having a sick kid. Getting them better shouldn’t lead to more stress. So grab a lollipop and check in with yourself. And remember, your kid isn’t going to be traumatized just because you had to hold them down for a shot. Use the tips and tricks to ease the fear, but if the tears still come, as long as you can keep yourself calm, that’s good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Have you read “Bittersweet” by Susan Cain? If you consider yourself (or your child) a big feeling person I can’t recommend it highly enough. 

As she says, if you like listening to sad music, enjoy a rainy day or feel overwhelmed by beauty sometimes, you can identify with a bittersweet state of mind. 

We used to think these deeper, more complex emotions were only felt by adults. 

But now we understand that children feel the full rainbow of feelings too. 

And here’s a big thought

KIDS TRY TO MAKE US FEEL HOW THEY’RE FEELING

So if your kid is making you feel angry, frustrated, annoyed, scared…. 

Most likely they’re feeling that way too. 

And it’s important that we help our kids understand that ALL feelings are ok and none are good or bad. 

Some might be a bit more comfortable to feel, but being a human means we have to (get to?) have them all. 

And we can’t have the sweet without the bitter.

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast I share ways you can increase your child’s emotional literacy, model how feelings shift throughout the day (heck even sometimes the hour!), and teach them how to ride the waves of a feeling without needing to deny or distract from our emotions. 

This is deep work. And here’s a spoiler – if you weren’t allowed to experience certain feelings when you were a kid, chances are it’s really difficult for you when you kid shows that emotion now.  

You don’t have to channel your Dr. Feelgood 100% of the time (cue my sister playing Mötley Crüe on repeat in my formative years….)

Just opening the door to feelings talk is good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

When we are having big struggles with our kids, we often want to make big changes right away. 

“Let’s start a whole new morning routine!”

“Let’s ban screens!”

“Let’s do a ‘yes’ day to reconnect as a family!” (Ever since watching that movie my daughter has been demanding her very own ‘yes’ day. Curse you Jennifer Garner and your family-oriented movie magic!)

But what helps the most is not when we make big proclamations and attempt big transformation. 

Real change comes from little and often practices. 

Feeling disconnected from your kid? Add five minutes of one on one play time each day this week rather than planning to take them away for an expensive, extravagant weekend. 

Worried they’re getting too screen addicted? Think about what boundaries you can hold consistently every day rather than declaring them banned from the ipads (which we know won’t last….)

Morning routine a mess? What is one small change (getting the kids dressed before breakfast or have them brush their teeth at the kitchen sink after eating) you can hold to for a few weeks before turning everything upside down. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share why little and often is so effective and necessary for steering our family ship in the direction we want to go. 

Hoping you can find one little and often practice you can start for your family or yourself (drink one extra glass of water!) that gets you sailing on the right course. You don’t need to change everything all at once – little and often is good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG!