Good Enough Parenting

Oh dreaded transitions. 

Anytime we’re asking our kids to move from one activity to another (“stop playing and come to dinner” or “head upstairs to brush your teeth”) a whole host of things need to happen in their brain and body to turn their boat in a new direction. 

Transition struggles are the biggest complaint I hear from families I support. It is incredibly frustrating when you have to yell “Get your shoes on!!” 600 times before your kid hops to it. 

But there are some ways to make transitions easier (or at least slightly less painful). 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share tips and tricks for getting your kid moving BEFORE you start throwing things at them. The key is to honor the transition itself, not just focus on the before/after activities. 

I also share how to honor the bigger life transitions – like moving or heading to a new school – to help ease the passage from one phase to the next.  

Might be advice we all could use when we're stuck in a youtube rabbit hole even though  we should be heading to bed. Turns out transitions aren't just tricky for kids.... 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Setting boundaries with our kids is a tricky, tricky dance. We’re always trying to find the balance between overly authoritarian (i.e. setting boundaries just to show we are the ones “in control”) and overly permissive (i.e. not setting limits because we’re afraid of how our kid might respond).

I wish there was a formula I could share that gets it right all the time. But the truth is your boundaries are going shift depending on what you and your kid are experiencing in the moment. 

And that’s ok. 

Family life gets messy and we need to be flexible. 

But here’s the number one thing to remember when you’re wondering if you should set a limit with your kid:

“How will I feel if I say yes?”

If saying yes (yes you can have the cookie, yes you can have 10 more minutes of ipad time, yes you can play for 10 more minutes before bed) means that you will feel frustrated, annoyed or worst case scenario – resentful of your kid – then the answer is clear. Set the limit.

If you can say yes joyfully and freely, then go for it. But if you’re only saying yes to prevent a meltdown, remember – it’s better for your kid to have a meltdown because you said no, then it is for you to have a meltdown because you said yes. 

We set boundaries to protect our relationship with our kid. We set boundaries to prevent ourselves from burning out and screaming later. We set boundaries because if we say yes when we want to say no, we end up an angry and resentful parent, which is much more damaging to a kid than losing 10 minutes on the playground. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, I share a story of saying yes when I should have said no, and how it led to a flipped board game and an out of control mom. 

I don’t always get it right but at least I’m learning when I get it wrong. And that’s good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

How many chore charts have you startedand abandoned in you parenting journey?
 

“You get a sticker for cleaning up your toys!” 

“Here’s a stamp for sweeping the kitchen!”

 Parents are always full of hope that these nicely structured (and sometimes beautifully decorated!) systems will turn entitled children into responsible, helpful and courteous kids.

Spoiler alert: You probably have a junk drawer full of half-completed charts, half-used sheets of stickers and kids who would rather lay on the couch than empty the trash. 

Enter Michaeleen Doucleff’s brilliant book “Hunt, Gather, Parent: What Ancient Cultures Can Teach Us About the Art of Raising Happy, Helpful Little Humans.”

If you only read one parenting book in your life, make it this one. 

Michaeleen introduces parents to the concept of acomedido, which she learned while staying with Mayan families in Mexico. The goal of acomedido is for children to pay attention to the world around them and learn what needs to be done on their own. If a child only pays attention to their “assigned chore” they never learn to skill of looking around, seeing who needs help or what needs doing, and taking that initiative to pitch in. 

If you’ve ever heard your kid say, “That’s not my chore” when you asked them to help unload the dishwasher even though it wasn’t on their chart, you get what she’s saying.

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, Carley shares ways to help your kid become a helpful household citizen, rather than just chore chart checker. 

Tune in to learn how to foster acomedido in your own house. Your kid’s future roommates will thank you. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Your kid doesn’t need to sit cross legged, chanting OM while praying for world peace in order to get introduced to the benefits and power of quieting the constant chatter in our brains and connecting to something bigger than ourselves. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, Carley shares the SIMPLE and EASY loving kindness meditation practice she uses in her house to calm bodies & minds, reduce stress, and foster empathy and compassion for ourselves and our communities. 

No mala beads or sanskirt words required. 

You may not reach nirvana with your nine year old, but you’ll feel more peace, connection and compassion with your kids which is definitely good enough. 

(If your kids are all in for a meditation practice, I LOVE the apps CALM, COSMIC KIDS YOGA, HEADSPACE and MOSHI KIDS!)

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

When was the last time you asked yourself, "What do I need right now?" My guess is it's been a while. 

As parents (especially moms) we are conditioned to put our kid's needs before our own.  And that makes sense - babies come into this world completely dependent on the big people around them for survival. 

But as our kids grow and become more self-sufficient, our brains don't often get the message and we continue to suppress our own bodies' needs in order to meet their constant demands. 

It is hard work to re-prioritize ourselves but it is crucial if we want to enjoy our family life. On today's episode, Carley shares a personal story about how hard tending to yourself can be and also how to break the self-sacrificing cycle. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Have you ever had to peel your 4 year old off your leg at daycare drop off? Or tried to convince your 7 year old that they’ll have fun at school when they’re begging you to stay home because the idea of leaving you makes them want to puke? 

Separation anxiety is tough. And unfortunately many of the strategies that parents try, like being logical (“You love your teacher – you’re going to have a great day!”) or bribing (“If you don’t cry on the way to school you’ll get a cupcake!”) actually make things worse. 

On today’s “Good Enough Parenting” podcast, Carley explains why separation anxiety develops (thanks ancestors!), how to help your child understand what they’re feeling, and what to do when the dreaded moment of separation occurs. 

Sneak peak: Be clear. Be calm. Be consistent. Anxiety doesn’t stand a chance when a parent speaks clearly about expectations, maintains their own calm, and holds consistent boundaries. 

Tune in for her top tools for taming this common childhood struggle so that you can become the steady guide your anxious kid needs rather than getting stuck in their storm of stress. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

What sound sets you off? Nails on a chalk board? Your co-worker loudly noshing on pretzels? Neighborhood leaf blowers? 

 If you’re like most parents, hearing your kid scream (at their sibling, at you, at their friend) triggers you more than any landscaping equipment or loud breather. 

And so often we respond by screaming back “Stop yelling!” and then we’re caught in a fun little dance with our kid called “who can get louder.” 

Good times. 

But there is a way we can use play and imagination to change the volume level in our homes. It's called “animal talk.” 

On today's episode, Carley shares how to use this game to help our kids use a tone of voice that is strong but calm. 

This role-play game is simple yet powerful. It lets everyone get playful in stressful moments and gives you a tool for turning down your kid's volume and finding a little more peace and quiet at home. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

If every problem in your kid's life feels like a level 10 catastrophe, this episode is for you. 

Tune in to learn a game-changing parenting tool called "Pebble, Rock, Boulder."  

In essence, you share with your child that some problems are pebbles (a pencil breaking, running out of milk), some are rocks (having a hard time with math, fighting with friends) and some are boulders (natural disasters significant illnesses). 

When we are overtired, hungry, or cranky (or 4 years old) pebbles can feel like boulders. The goal (for kids and grown ups!) is to pause, figure out the size of the problem and then give it the reaction it warrants.

Having this strategy in your parenting toolbox can feel like magic – it makes a very abstract concept concrete, which is what a young brain needs. Instead of yelling in frustration “Don’t get so upset!” we can ask “What size is this problem?”) 

Often kids are able to right-size their response on their own, with a little guidance, empathy and support from us. And even if they still boulder size a pebble problem, you’re still planting the seeds of reflection and problem solving, and that’s good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Kids are pretty annoying. They are unruly, demanding, and leave a trail of mess wherever they go.

And often as parents, we get caught up in seeing the annoying traits of our kids, especially if they are in the middle of challenging phase or just happen to have come into the world with big feelings and deep sensitivities. 

But when we only see the negative “story” about our kid, we miss the good. And what we appreciate (aka pay attention to and focus on), appreciates. So the more bad we see, the more bad we get. And vice versa. 

On today's episode, in the spirit of Valentine’s Day, Carley shares how to look at your kid through a lens of love. because, as child development expert, Dr. Stuart Shanker reminds us:

“When you see a child differently, you see a different child.” 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG! 

Want a better behaved kid? Begin by teaching them about their brain. 

This helps your kid externalize their struggles – they go from feeling shame (I’m a bad kid for acting this way) to self-compassion (sometimes I have a hard time and my downstairs brain takes over). 

Reducing shame, reduces challenging behavior. As childhood expert Pam Leo reminds us,

“You can’t teach children to behave better by making them feel worse. When children feel better, they behave better.” 

When we teach kids about their brains and help them understand what triggers them, it normalizes their feelings. We still set limits on behavior, but it comes from a place of compassion rather than control. 

These are big concepts for little brains. And it can feel a little intimidating to talk to your five year old about neurobiology. 

But just remember – you don’t have to get these talks perfect. You just need to make them good enough. 

To get Carley’s free video teaching you 4 play therapy techniques you can use TODAY to calm your emotional child and bring joy and freedom back to family life click here!
http://www.paceparent.com/play 

And follow her @CarleyCounsels on FB & IG!