Goodlad Unscripted

Marriage is a thing like getting a puppy or buying a boat.  If you want it to make you happy and give you years of joy, it requires constant care and maintenance.  We call it "work" when we talk about maintaining a marriage, but maybe a better approach, for something we wanted so badly at one point, would be to think of it as caring for, building, or even enjoying our marriage.  A bad marriage can destroy lives.  A well-maintained one can be a beacon of light to the world, and the generations that come after you, not to mention, be the most gratifying endeavor one could embark upon in life.

Ana and I spend a great deal of time caring for our marriage because number one, we promised we would when we took our vows and because so much happiness, security, love, and goodness pours into our lives when we do. 

Love, because it is a gift, is best measured by the one receiving it than the one giving.  So I regularly ask Ana if I am hitting the mark or, despite my good intentions, falling short.  Only she knows if I am making her happy, and the only way for me to measure my efforts is by asking her.

We start this episode talking about coffee and some other odds and ends, and then I put her on the spot.   I asked her to talk about five that I do that make her happy, or that would make her more pleased if I changed how I do them.  

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Five years ago, Greg Hasberry, an otherwise healthy and vibrant young man, was slowly reaching the end of his life.  His kidneys had failed, he had been on dialysis for some time, and his body was giving indications that it just wouldn't be able to keep functioning much longer.  He is a single parent, and the only thing that kept him going on the toughest days was his daughter and wanting to be there for her.    

Then one day, he got a call.  It was a man that wanted to meet with him.  In the middle of a local coffee shop, that man told Greg he wanted to be his kidney donor.  

The memories are still vivid for Greg.  In this podcast, he shares some of those thoughts, fears, and feelings during his slow walk toward impending death and then the kindness of a Christian man he barely knew that gave him his life back.  

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For more than two months now our kids have been glued to our sides every minute of the day and frankly, they get sick of us from time to time and become hard to handle.  There are few places we can take them and few things they can do so our parenting skills have been tested to the limit.  And almost every parent on the planet is going through some version of this.

For some this is not a small problem so for this podcast, we talk about some ideas that work for us, some concepts that may seem different but we are getting amazing results with them leading to a more harmonious home environment.  As always, we hope this helps someone.

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We haven't posted a podcast for a couple of weeks, so there is some catching up to do.  We are starting a new business, restructuring the old one, and we finally made our family legal on May 12th when we adopted our girls.    

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The walls are closing in; money is tight, you can't get a second to yourself, jobs and businesses are unsure or already lost, the news is all doom and gloom, and the world is angry and fed up.  About then, your wife, or husband, or kids look at you the wrong way, and you feel like you are going to lose it.  Domestic violence is on the rise, and so are bankruptcies, and soon the divorce rate and suicide rate statistics will be made public (when there is no political advantage to keeping them quiet), and they will be alarming.  Getting along with the people in your house is the greatest challenge many of us face each day.

We are quarantined with four adults, four toddlers, two dogs, and Ana and me.  Our business is suffering catastrophically.  Our savings are gone.  I am working as a security guard to keep food on the table for all of us.  There isn't much left when the dust settles each payday.  We have more than enough reason to be on edge, and we have been many times in the past three months.  

But we have taken a step back and realized that what we do have is each other.  And that this quarantine circus will come to an end, and we have plans to recover when it does.  We also have our faith in God that we will all be healthy and fed and together.  But we have to do the work. We have to solve the problem.

Ana and I talk about how we are doing that and the success we are having.  Our home is full of love and happiness, and while quarantine is extremely difficult, I can proudly say that our children love it, and we are a much happier and closer family than ever before.

We hope that you find something valuable in this podcast, especially if you are struggling.  

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Within a couple of hours of me posting our last podcast where I essentially said to Ana that I thought our family was complete and we were not going to have any more kids, we got a phone call about a little boy that needed a foster home.  After we heard his story and his circumstances, it was an immediate yes from both Ana and me.  

We tell the story and talk about why we know this is the right decision in this episode.  And I finish the show by explaining why having four toddlers at 60 years old is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

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Time.  We have plenty of it right now, and many people are spending theirs feeling afraid, frustrated, angry, and worried.  Justifiably so, but it doesn't feel very good, and we do have the option to think about whatever we want.  Dreaming, for instance, or planning for what you would do if you could do anything in the world.  Daydreaming, in other words, and it's a very healthy and positive escape from the day to day challenge of quarantine.  You might discover a forgotten passion, or you might realize that your dream is not so impossible after all and you start making plans for the life you always wanted.  .  

You have the time.

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I think it's a safe bet to say we have all, even us optimists and otherwise positive types, had enough of this whole quarantine business. Each day the carnage grows consisting of lost businesses, lost jobs, lost fortunes, lost marriages, and lost lives. We can only control what we can control, so Ana and I take a break from the misery to talk about the positives that have come from this mess.

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Elaine Goodlad, now 55 years old,  joins Terry , now 60 years old, on this episode of the podcast to talk about the past, the things that shaped their lived and what they would do differently if they could do it all over again.

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This extended quarantine is really getting to some people, while others are doing better because of it.  I saw a post from someone basically chewing everyone out that was posting positive and helpful messages about how they are dealing with it.  It was an emotional response to the stress of quarantine and illogical, but is there a better way to deal with it?

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