Death isn’t something most of us are taught to face with honesty, compassion, or ritual. In this episode of Messy Liberation, hosts Becky Mollenkamp and Taina Brown sit down with Nikki Smith, The Death Doula, to explore what it means to navigate dying, grief, and collective loss with more humanity.

Nikki shares how her personal experiences with loss led her to become a death doula and grief coach, and why she believes grief doesn’t have to suck. Together, we talk about how our culture fails us in grief (three days of bereavement leave? really?), the myths of the “stages of grief,” what collective grief looks like in moments like COVID and global injustice, and why rituals matter.

We also touch on end-of-life dignity, hospice care, and what Nikki has learned about her own mortality from walking alongside others in their final days. This conversation is real, tender, and surprisingly hopeful—it’s about love, legacy, and finding joy even in the hardest moments.

If you’ve ever felt alone in your grief, questioned how to support someone through loss, or wondered what it means to prepare for your own death, this episode will meet you right where you are.

Discussed in this episode:

• How Nikki became a death doula and grief coach
• Why toxic positivity is harmful in grief
• The many forms of grief, including disenfranchised grief
• The limitations of bereavement leave and how workplaces fail grievers
• Rituals and cultural approaches to death
• The myth of “stages of grief” and why grief is nonlinear
• Collective grief in times of crisis (COVID, genocide, natural disasters)
• The dignity (and indignity) of dying, and hospice care
• Talking with kids about death
• Finding joy, ritual, and love inside grief

Resources:

• Nikki Smith’s website (and podcast info)
• Nikki and Taina’s upcoming session on collective grief (Sept. 25)

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