What the if a groundhog could actually predict the weather? Turns out Punxsutawney Phil would need way more than a shadow — we're talking a full groundhog space program, weather satellites, underground supercomputers, and a solar shade the size of western Pennsylvania. Welcome to the groundhog deep state, where fuzzy bureaucrats run atmospheric circulation models and control whether the sun shines on command. And here's the kicker — the whole setup might actually teach you why the weather forecast on your phone is one of civilization's most underappreciated miracles.

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