Selfishness is not a leadership trait. But some other “self” traits are very much necessary.

* Self-awareness

* Self-confidence

* Self-control

* Self-help

What do you think of when you hear the term “self-help?” I think of all the hours spent in brick and mortar bookstores through the years, browsing through that section called, “SELF-HELP.” Whatever you think of, there may be one thing many people get wrong. Self-help doesn’t mean we have to go it alone. It just means it’s our choice, our decision and we have to do the heavy lifting. Nobody forces us to engage in self-help. 

Narcissism isn’t a leadership trait. Or overpowering ego. Or vanity. Many people in positions of authority are all of these things, but they’re not leaders. They’re just in charge. Sadly. 

Let’s think together about three area where we can help ourselves as leaders. I mentioned them already in that list above. The first 3 are really the sum of self-help: self-awareness, self-confidence, and self-control. Before we can serve others we have to be willing to serve ourselves. Not to indulge in self-centeredness but to pursue our own growth, improvement, and transformation.

Maybe there’s too fine a line for some between self-help and self-indulgence, but that’s why self-awareness is first on my list. The ancient Greek maxim says it best, “Know thyself.” It’s among the hardest work you’ll ever do though. First, you have to know, but then you have to accept. 

The real game changer for all of us is knowing what we’re really good at. Your strength is in the thing you do really well (talent) that comes naturally to you (which means, it’s not difficult for you). Just because it comes easily to you, there’s the challenge to discount it though because culture tells us that everything is hard. Watch Keith Richards or Mark Knopfler play the guitar. They’re talented and it’s easy for them. Thankfully, they don’t discount it so they earn millions playing music. To be fair, they’re good at it, too – so people are willing to pay for it.

What do you know about yourself? What do you accept about yourself? Two very different questions. Which is why so many bosses are deluded. They don’t know themselves accurately. And if they do, they may not be willing to accept the truth. You’ve seen it before. The person who thinks they’re good at something that everybody knows isn’t a strong suit for them. The Emperor has no clothes syndrome. 

Spend time learning more about yourself. You’ll never outgrow the benefits of self-awareness. Or the opportunities to learn more about yourself. You’re not static. You change. So you have to continue to study yourself. Your quest for improved, increased self-awareness should never stop.

I suspect more people struggle with the acceptance part of self-awareness. We’re tempted to want to be something more, something different. Driven by jealousy and envy we can quickly be dissatisfied with who we are. Sometimes we want to be somebody else, or at least have the strengths somebody else has. But we don’t. And here’s where we can get off track and end up in the ditch. It’ll really destroy our ideal opportunities to serve others and become the best leader possible. 

Self-confidence is vital to acceptance. Know that your leadership has nothing to do with mine, or anybody else’s. Sure, some leadership traits are common. Things like honesty, integrity, candor, encouragement and a host of other positive qualities.

We don’t want to admit it, but sometimes we hide. Everybody does it. Sometimes. 

Some people do it often. I’ve even known people who appeared to do it all the time!

We don’t call it hiding. We’re just waiting for the right time to handle it. Something else came up that requires our immediate attention. Excuses.

Hesitation. Procrastination. Avoidance. It’s all the same thing as hiding. 

I was born in Oklahoma, what was once Indian territory. In fact, the county where I was born is Ponotoc County. The county was created at statehood from part of the Chickasaw Nation. Pontotoc is usually translated “cattail prairie” or “land of hanging grapes.” I remember cattails, but no hanging grapes. 

I can’t remember when I first heard the story of buffalo during thunderstorms, another trait of Oklahoma hence the name, “Tornado Alley.” It feels like one of those stories I’ve always known. After catching myself telling it to somebody a few years ago, I finally decided to fact check it to see if it was true. Sure enough, it is. 

Thunderstorms typically come up out of the west and move east. As the storm approaches the area there are cattle out in a field, and buffalo in an adjacent field. Which direction do you think each herd of animals travel once they sense the coming storm?

The cattle will travel east with the storm. But not the buffalo. For some reason they start charging toward the storm, traveling west. Question: which animals are in the storm the longest, the cattle or the buffalo? 

Yep, the buffalo get through the storm quicker because they’re going in the opposite direction of the storm, even though they’re heading directly into it. By traveling with the storm, the cattle are caught in the storm for who knows how long! 

The lesson is simple. We can run and hide like cattle and endure the agony of the storm longer…or we can be like buffalo, fearlessly going into the storm knowing that it’ll shorten our agony. Make sense, right? Then why don’t we do instinctively do it, like buffalo? Because we’re often more like chickens than buffalo. 

Hiding feels good. I guess the cattle feel good, thinking they’ll outrun the storm. Of course, they can’t. They end up being in the storm much, much longer than if they’d just stayed put. Shorter if they’d followed their buffalo brethren and dashed headlong into the storm. 

Here’s the best illustration of overthinking – which is largely the culprit for our hiding – that I’ve ever seen. A little boy is in the water, on his back, holding on for dear life onto a rope stretched across his chest. Crying and clearly worried, the little boy has no idea that if he’d just put his feet down he could stand up. Finally, a woman – presumably his mom – comes and shoves his feet down into the water, helping him stand up. Instantly, he stops crying because he realizes his fears aren’t going to be realized. 

So it is with our hiding. Our fears are mostly much worse than reality. Hiding prolongs the worry. But the agony has a higher price tag than that.

Hiding Robs Us

Thankfully I’ve never been subjected to a robbery or theft. I’ve been conned, which is sort of the same thing. That’s a story for another day. It doesn’t feel good. Being duped, or robbed. Hiding is self-perpetrated robbery. We do it to ourselves. That makes it even stupider. 

In the moment, it feels better. If we spend too much time thinking about it, we can rationalize it, too.

Yesterday’s show was about our ongoing desire for more. And better. Today, let’s flip that idea on its head and talk about why less might make us happier. No, I’m not contradicting myself. Less is a path we should likely embrace more fully. 

I’m  a broken record in urging people to stop cheerleading that old trite maxim, “Everything is important.” It’s a lie. It presupposes that there are no priorities, which we all know is a lie. Some things are more important than others. 

If everything is important, then nothing is important.

Truth is, some things matter a lot. Other things don’t matter at all. And a ton of things fall somewhere in between. 

But when it comes to thinking about the magic of LESS, we can apply it to priorities, processes and most anything else. Let’s think together about just a few areas where less might make us happier, and more effective as leaders. 

The To-Do-List

I don’t use them. Never have. I’ve always prioritized on the fly, in real-time. I’m skilled at it because I’ve done it my entire life. I’m constantly adjusting things, measuring the urgency and importance. It looks like multi-tasking, but it’s really not. It’s just the opposite. It’s less. 

With today’s technology, there are so many things that can be handled in a few seconds or minutes. Let me give you an example of some things that have recently hit what would have made a traditional to-do-list. 

I do some volunteer work that has to do with my church work. A friend, and co-worker in the Faith who lives in Alabama – I’m in Dallas/Ft. Worth – was texting me late last Friday. We’ve got a Labor Day event here in DFW. I had an idea, asked him via text what he thought. He immediately texted me back, “That’d be great.” Within 5 minutes I had updated a website with the information and posted the same information on two different Facebook pages. Done.

Was it that important? Or urgent? No. But I was at my computer with all the tools I needed to execute it quickly, so I did. 

It would have taken me at least a minute to log it onto a to-do-list. Took me 5 minutes to complete it without logging it anywhere. 

And that’s how I operate. I’m not telling you how you should operate. I’m just telling you what has always worked for me. Yes, I’m practiced. Yes, I’m detail oriented. No, I’m not forgetful. To each his own. 

For me, and I hope for you, we can get more done if we can limit the irons in our fire. We’ve all got a fire going. And we don’t lack for irons. Some irons represent problems. Others, opportunities. 

Too many leaders feel the need to handle the irons. They dodge and perry, shooting quickly from one thing to another, to another. More, more, more. 

We’ve all got too much data coming at us, and we’ve got too many irons in the fire to handle them all simultaneously. Let me encourage you to figure out how you can incorporate LESS into your life so you can actually get MORE done. 

Push your attention and brain power onto one iron at a time. If an iron represents a problem, pick the one that needs fast attention (or it’ll get hotter). Pull it from the fire and get rid of it. Don’t put a bandage on it. Heal it. Forever, if possible. It may mean you do your part to heal it, then you pass it onto somebody else who can carry it the rest of the way. That’s great. Just get it done so you can forget about it. 

If an iron represents an opportunity,

Last Friday we ended the week talking about the real power – the negative power – of our self-limiting beliefs. Today, let’s kick the week off talking about what you want. And what you want more of. 

Over 30 years ago I developed what I termed “the trifecta of business building.” I’m not a gambler. Never have been. Honestly, I don’t believe in gambling. Logically or based on my faith. But I took the term “trifecta” because it was the only term that felt or sounded right at the time. I knew a trifecta in gambling terms meant winning the first, second and third place picks in a race. And it’s very valuable! If you can do that, you win BIG.

Well, I’ve spent my life operating successful multi-million dollar businesses. And as I thought about all the issues facing me daily, and all the decisions I had to make, the fires I had to put out…and all the constraints I waged war against…I realized that every single issue fit into one or more of these 3 categories of what I most wanted to accomplish. 

* Getting new customers

* Serving existing customers better

* Not going crazy in the process

I always wanted more of number 1. 

I was never satisfied with the level of success of number 2.

And I almost never was able to experience number 3. 

I can tell you exactly when it happened. When I figured out this trifecta of successful business building. It was 1983. I was 26 years old and in charge of a $14M subsidiary of a larger company. The founder, about 10 years my senior, had entrusted me with a small chain of luxury retail stores. My office was about 20 minutes away from his, but I would often visit the accounting staff and other people, including the founder. On this particular day I finished my usual rounds and made my way to his office. The door was always open. I walked to the doorway and the lights were out. He had an interior office with no windows so it was pitch black. No sound. No movement. But then as my eyes quickly adjusted to the light I noticed a figure sitting in a chair. I called his name. He responded. I asked, “What are you doing in the dark?” He said, “Contemplating suicide with this letter opener.” (No, he wasn’t serious, nor was he making fun of suicide.) 

It was the first time I really gave thought to how crazy our lives were as leaders, executives and business owners. The Rat Race is addictive. We all know it. And we’re completely oblivious to the toll it’s taking on us, sometimes until there’s no escape. But on this day, I was blessed to learn something that most people have to learn much later in life. I was only 26 and already it was clear to me that if our businesses are growing in sales and profits, what’s the point if it drives us crazy? Or if we jokingly want to cut our throats with a letter opener?

Since 1983 I’ve encountered so many brothers and sisters in arms in the business world – leaders, CEO’s, executives, owners (whatever title people prefer) – who feel trapped and smothered. The third leg of hitting the trifecta has grown in importance through the years because NOBODY TALKS ABOUT IT. 

The trifecta is today, and has always been (I suspect it’ll never change) an EVERYBODY, SOMEBODY, NOBODY kind of a thing. 

Everybody is talking about marketing, sales, business development and customer acquisition. 

Somebody talks about delivering extraordinary customer service. Not many, but a few. And I know why. People are lazy and transactional. They want to make the sale, then move on to make the next sale.

Founders, CEO’s, Entrepreneurs. 

People think we’re among the most squared away people on the planet. We’re human. 

That means we’re good at some things and we suck at other things. We succeed at some things and we fail at other things. Some things are easy for us. Other things are insanely difficult, seemingly downright impossible. 

One man’s ceiling is another man’s floor. 

Jim Goodnight is the co-founder/CEO of SAS, the world’s leading business analytics software vendor. With over $3.2 billion in annual sales and over 14,000 employees, and a net worth in excess of $9B, Goodnight has likely managed to overcome most of his self-limiting beliefs since 1976, the year SAS was founded. I’m a big fan of his leadership skills. And his intellect. I’d imagine he would tell us that along the way there were many times he never believed the company would reach these heights. 

It’s always interesting to me to hear stories of highly successful people who confess they didn’t think their success would be so extreme. From Hollywood actors and actresses to musicians, to professional athletes, to business people. People set out to pursue a dream and a few hit a height beyond their wildest dreams. Talent, determination and whatever else is required for big success converge and some people are able to embrace new beliefs along the way. What was once thought impossible begins to be seen – beforehand – as being very possible. 

Jim Goodnight may be the CEO of a 42-year-old, multi-billion dollar company, but I guarantee he has figured out a thing or three along the way. Beliefs matter. You already know that. The problem is what you don’t know – and what you don’t yet believe. That’s my problem, too. So you’re in grand company. 

Not long ago I was talking with somebody who told me, “I’d like to know what it’s like to make $50,000 a year. I’ve never made more than $42,000.” The topic just jumped up and slapped me in the face. When the conversation was over I kept thinking about it. This person had skills. He had marketable skills, and talent and experience. My empathy drove a bit of sadness that he couldn’t see what was possible. No matter that I could see it, my vision isn’t what mattered. His did. 

I slipped on my headphones and launched some Van Morrison, Days Like This. It’s what I do when I get contemplative. I’m often contemplative…which is why I listen to a lot of music. Late at night mostly. 

I kept thinking about that statement. “I’d like to know what it’s like to make $50,000.” And I began to consider the business owners I know (and have known) who could say, “I’d like to know what it’s like to have a – fill in the blank with some amount of money – business.” Many entrepreneurs dream of growing their business to some specific dollar value, but for some it just seems like a fantasy. 

Your beliefs don’t have to deal with money.

I’ve known entrepreneurs experiencing solid financial success while simultaneously suffering extraordinary loneliness. They dream of finding a soulmate. 

Still, others dream of achieving greater happiness and calm in their personal lives. 

Dreams are fueled by a variety things, covering as many aspects of life as exist. Sometimes they’re possessions. Or accomplishments. 

Small business owners are a special breed. We come from all walks of life. All sorts of backgrounds and educations. 

Small business owners share many things. No matter our differences, we can all instantly “get it,” when we’re around each other.

Today’s special episode is 10 minutes to help you better understand the powerful advantage you can experience in The Peer Advantage by Bula Network.

The focal point of my work with small business owners is all about the trifecta of successful business building:

* Getting new customers

* Serving existing customers better

* Not going crazy in the process

Now Accepting Applications For Charter Membership

Hit that orange button and take a few minutes to complete the form. That’ll prompt a phone call where we can talk about you and your business. We’ll discuss this life-changing opportunity and advantage. At the end of the call, we’ll part friends, or we’ll decide this is THE opportunity for us. 

Be well. Do good. Grow great!

Listen to the podcast

  

The owner is angry. Extremely. Business is good. Revenues are up. That’s usually what we mean when we say, “Business is good.” But if we look at the whole thing – the big picture – business is in trouble. And this owner knows it. 

“I’ve never seen this in 26 years,” he says. “It’s incredible. Look at this,” he hands me a stack of complaints. I begin to thumb through them. They all seem fixable. In fact, they seem pretty simple to fix. None of them are complex. Over the next few minutes, I digest them, making mental notes. Except for one – involving a product failure (it happens) – the rest appeared totally preventable on the front end. But I hold my opinion until I make sure I understand what’s happening. 

We talk about the issues, when things seem to go south and what the owner thinks may be happening. Before I conclude that story, let’s talk about your customer service. It’s the second leg of the trifecta of successful business building.

* Getting New Customers

* Serving Existing Customers Better

* Not Going Crazy In The Process

Customer service is really about one major thing – paying close attention. Very close attention. 

It’s details, details, details. It’s the many little things that irritate customers. Think about your own experiences. We’ve all got plenty of complaints and mostly, they’re things the business could have easily prevented. 

Customer service is about one other major thing – let’s just focus on these 2 – commitment. How determined are you to dazzle your customers? It shows so don’t tell me you care when my experience is more likely to be lackluster than not. Don’t tell me you care when your customer reviews are filled with 1 and 2 stars and all sorts of negative feedback. You can’t preach one thing and live another. Nobody is buying your sermon. 

I’ve recently been battling some swimmer’s ear. I figured I’d find an ear, eyes, nose and throat specialist. So I asked another doctor for a recommendation. I contacted that doctor’s office and tried unsuccessfully three times to navigate through the automated phone system. Each time I got to the option of “new patient,” and the phone would then ring, and ring, and ring. One time I let it ring over 30 times. Nobody ever answered. 

I jumped on their website and used their contact form, telling them I was a new patient trying to get an appointment. Three days later somebody called. Left a voicemail. I returned the call. An automated greeting answered, then promptly disconnected me. I tried two more times. 

Talk about friction for customers (patients)! I reached out again using the contact form to tell them about my experience. My hope was that the practice manager would see my challenges and help out the doctor, who came recommended. I confess, my hope is very low. I strongly suspect this practice manager isn’t terribly concerned. It’s likely the doctor has plenty of patients. Like so many businesses, where business is GOOD (meaning we’re hitting that first leg of the trifecta), they’re not likely thinking of how much better it could be. It’s not about potential. It’s just about keeping up. Bully for them!

I tapped out. 

The other day my wife and I are wanting to grab lunch. We didn’t want some big, long, drawn-out affair. Just a quick, go in, sit down and enjoy 30-40 minutes. She suggested Panda Express. We’re fans and usually, we get it to go and take it home. But on this day we wanted to go inside. We had somewhere to be a bit later. 

We get our food, sit down at a table for two. The food is fine. The place is clean. It’s perfectly good. But details matter.

Great is the descriptive term I use because other terms like “best” are comparison terms. Comparison to others. Or something else. Great, in the context I mostly use, is only in comparison to yourself. It’s your greatness. And your greatness has nothing to do with anybody else. Or anything else. It belongs to you. It’s your responsibility. 

That doesn’t’ mean others can’t contribute to helping you. They can. And do. Who we surround ourselves with matters! The people we allow in our lives make a big impact. For good. Or bad. 

Growing is my verb of choice because it’s present tense, just like the title verb I use, GROW. It’s a now verb. It doesn’t care if you failed yesterday. Or if you’re planning to do something different tomorrow. Do it now. 

Yes, I want to encourage you to keep doing it, but right now is all we have. Let’s make the most of it. 

Growing great isn’t for wimps because wimps spend time comparing themselves with others.

Cowards won’t grow great because they’re busy feeling better about themselves by putting others down. Or by choosing lower standards of comparison. It’s judgmental and foolish. So I’m really supposed to feel good because I can single out somebody who is suffering, or less fortunate, or has had fewer opportunities? That doesn’t sound like the path toward growing great. 

Cowards won’t grow great because they’re busy feeling worse about themselves by exalting others. Sometimes our cowardice isn’t judgmental in the negative sense. Sometimes we’re busy admiring others and excusing our own lives. It’s jealousy. Envy. It fosters bitterness, but it comes at the price of feeling badly about ourselves. If we were only as lucky as them? Or as educated? Or given the breaks they were given? Then we’d be great, too. 

Wimps won’t grow great because they’re not able to see themselves accurately as they continue to gauge their lives by how others are doing. Put any guitar in Mark Knopfler’s hands and he’s a master. Put a guitar in my hands and I’m not even able to successfully fret a chord. He spent years learning, playing and practicing the guitar. I’ve spent years listening to guys and gals like him play. It’s an unfair comparison. But when young Mark was learning guitar, a younger me was learning about sales, marketing and operating business. We both love the guitar, the comparisons of our lives are completely worthless. 

Growing great isn’t for wimps because wimps spend time wearing a mask.

Sure, we all want to put our best foot forward. We want others to admire us. Sometimes the masks are necessary, if not downright helpful. I’ve met with people or stood in front of a group and not felt at my best. I don’t stand up and make an honest declaration, “I really don’t much feel like talking to you people today. I didn’t get much sleep last night. So I just want you folks to know that right now, I’d rather be just about anywhere other than here.” I may feel like that, but that won’t help me, or them. So I grind it out. So do you. That’s hardly hypocrisy, but it is a mask of sorts. 

Then there are other masks that aren’t helpful. Or honest. 

Some years ago I remember hearing a social media guru urge people to use various media logos on their websites and personal profiles. He taught hacking tips on how you could get yourself on the websites of places like ABC, CBS, and NBC. Then he’d encourage people to alter their profiles to say, “As seen on ABC.” If I put “as seen on ABC” you’d think I had been on a TV show, some news interview segment or something more legitimate than simply appearing on the ABC affiliate in...

Likable is powerful. And it’s so ridiculously easy. Or should be.

Back when dinosaurs roamed the planet and I got my first real #1 job running a company – a retailing company – I knew something that didn’t seem apparent to my competitors. For that matter, it didn’t seem it was being practiced by hardly anybody who served the public. It was 1982. I was 25. I held a morning meeting with just one focus, being polite. I remember saying, “Who knew there’d come a time when manners would be a competitive edge, but here we are?” For half an hour or so we talked about making sure we always (100% of the time) incorporated, “please” and “thank you” and “sir” and “ma’am.” 

Politeness pays.

It’s at the core of being likable. Without it, we don’t even get out of the gate successfully. It’s true in our personal relationships. And with our customers. And with our employees. 

We could direct any discussion about being likable to a host of worthwhile points. It’s such a valuable quality you’d think it’d warrant more attention. Maybe it just seems so elementary people discount it. 

But once again, I’m going to say what I remember first saying 36 years ago. Who knew there’d be a time when being likable would be a competitive advantage? Truth is, being likable is always – and has always – been an advantage. 

To be liked by some requires a willingness to be hated by others. 

That means you’re going to stand out. Stand apart. Growing up, it’s not something many of us wanted to achieve. High school taught us how invaluable that could be. The pressure was intense to be like everybody else, and not stand out. Fitting in was the objective. We wrongheadedly thought that was the path to success. 

Then life showed us how foolishly wrong we were.

It’s funny. Through the years I’ve talked with people about their 10th, 20th and even more advanced high school reunions. No, I’ve never been to one. My family moved to a different town when I was in the middle of my junior year so I was forever scarred by a horrible high school ending.

Deb Calvert named her company People First Productivity Solutions. Angela Maiers centers her work in education and business around the premise that you matter. No matter who you are. Claude Silver is the Chief Heart Officer at VaynerMedia, a title she crafted to replace what most folks would call “HR.” Three highly successful female achievers who all realize the power and importance of PEOPLE. 

Yes, there are some guys who feel the same way. Tim Sanders, best selling author of Love Is The Killer App does. Stanford professor (and one of my favorite business authors) Bob Sutton does, too. And so does another favorite author, Dr. Henry Cloud.

Two themes emerge in most conversations with leaders. It doesn’t matter if they’re in the business world, non-profit world, local government world, scientific world or creative world. The themes are CULTURE and COMMUNICATION. 

Bula Network, my company, is intently focused on 3 C’s – Connection, Communication, and Collaboration. They each contribute in some powerful way to a 4th C, Culture. 

And at the heart of it all are PEOPLE. Famed TV turnaround artist (The Profit), Marcus Lemonis concentrates on three things in each episode: people, process, and product. He puts people first in that list for a reason. 

There’s compelling evidence to prove that people make the single biggest difference. Bill Gurley is the number 1 venture capitalist according to CBInsights’ latest research. Like most, if not all, successful VC’s, Gurley knows the smart money invests in the founder. Here’s a Tweet he sent out last week about Zack Urlocker, a leader who has helped lead Active Software, MySQL, Zendesk and most recently Duo Security to billion dollar exits. As Gurley’s Tweet says about Urlocker, “One time might be luck. This feels like all skill.”

Hopefully, by now I’ve amply demonstrated how powerful, impactful and necessary PEOPLE are making great things happen. Yet still too many business leaders, owners and CEO’s practice quiet (sometimes, not so quiet) resentment toward people. 

I’ve read more than my share of leadership books by the likes of Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner, authors of The Leadership Challenge. Few authors have written more, or better about the topic. Bright minds like these have contributed to forming my almost-lifelong belief that…

We manage the work. We lead the people.

Why then are so many business and organizational leaders trying to manage the people?

I don’t really care why. It’s just wrongheaded. Some may not know better. Others know full well how they’re acting. And don’t care. It boils down to ego, control, and fear. That’s my intuition about it. I could be wrong. I doubt it.

Leaders can be tempted to resent the success or failure of people in their organizations. They may resent the financial investment necessary to get and retain people with top-tier abilities. One reason I fell in love with sales (commission-based sales) as a young age is that it was apparent to me that it was an endeavor where a person could earn what they’re worth. If you performed well, you could earn more than if you didn’t perform well. Don’t resent people earning what they’re worth.