Ever notice how easy it is to put yourself at the bottom of your own list?

• You tell yourself you'll rest when the laundry is done.
• You'll pursue that hobby when the kids are older.
• You'll make your doctor's appointment after everyone else's needs are met.

Little by little, you disappear.

Not because anyone asked you to, but because somewhere along the way, your domestic productivity became tangled up with your worth. Your ability to feed everyone, keep things clean, and the trains running on time ran right over you. The YOU inside your days disappears in a mountain of to-do's.

Today my guest is Monica Packer, author of the soon-to-be-released book Sticky Habits: A Woman’s Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits that Last.

I'm so thrilled to bring you this conversation with Monica, because you're going to hear about how she tries to avoid martyrdom, feeling invisible, and overwhelmed in her home by focusing on progress rather than perfection.

Connect with my guest

Monica Packer is the mother of 5 children and the author of the soon-to-be-released book Sticky Habits: A Woman’s Guide to Reclaim Happiness, Ditch Perfectionism, and Create Habits that Last. She is also the host of the top-rated podcast About Progress.

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How do you take a vacation that sparks tons of joy?

Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend.

• We’ll focus on The Lover in your relationship and how to increase connection by playing more and maximizing your fun
• We’ll talk about the unique quality of The Lover: Focus on yourself and what you want
• And I’ll give you 4 questions to discover the secret formula to play more while you’re on vacation.

Date Night Discussion

Here’s 4 questions to discuss as Lovers who vacation together:

• When am I likely to be resentful of your happiness and what do I need to do to stay in my own business and make myself happy?
• When am I likely to have no opinion of my own and rely on you to make me happy?
• When am I likely to get lost in my own happiness and leave all the responsibility for details in your lap? And how can I get ahead of that?
• When have I made the best of a bad situation in the past and how can I harvest that energy to do it again?

Want more?

• Do you remember my number one rule for your happily ever after? Stay in your own business.

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The Lover in your relationship craves adventure.

The Lover is part of my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Lover.

• You’ll hear a story about a romance that was dead and was resuscitated
• You’ll get an adventurous habit
• And I’ll give you a date night discussion topic so you and your lover can explore ways to tend the fire between you.

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Vacations are full of details: reservations, travel, and adventure. How do you share the load of logistics when it comes to vacationing with your Partner?

Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend

1. Today we’ll focus on The Partner in your relationship and how to plan a great vacation and rock your to-do lists
2. We’ll talk about the skills of The Partner: Leading and Following
3. And I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports planning with your sweetheart so you create ease and reduce conflict

Date Night Discussion

Here’s 3 questions to explore as Partners who vacation together:

• Let’s get really clear about what we’re doing on vacation. How do you see the rhythm of each day going? (Setting these clear expectations will make a world of difference while you’re on your vacation.)
• Let’s get clear: Who is doing what?
• How do we want to handle money? Shall we have a budget? Shall we save enough to go wild?

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The Partner in your relationship loves to get stuff done.

Who is that “Partner?” you’re asking. I’m talking about my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Partner.

• You’ll hear about the deep intimacy The Partner can create in your relationship from a widow who misses the smell of toast her sweetheart used to make for her every day.
• You’ll hear about a stuck period of my life when I had trouble shaking The Partner role and the damage that did to my marriage.
• You’ll hear why The Partner and The Lover are often at odds, but also why The Partner and The Lover provide the exact balance that the most intimate couples share.

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Dreaming is a vulnerable thing to do. And dreaming with your sweetheart? Doubly vulnerable. So how can you feel good dreaming about great vacations to take together?

Today we’re talking about vacations and my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend

1. Today we’ll focus on The Friend in your relationship and how to increase connection by sharing your dreams
2. We’ll talk about the skills of The Friend: Listening and Revealing
3. And I’ll give you 3 questions to open up a conversation that supports dreaming and connecting with your sweetheart

Date Night Discussion

Here’s 3 questions to explore as Friends who vacation together:

• How can I encourage your dream?
• How can you encourage my dream?
• When is it time for us to follow our own dreams so we can come back to each other fresh and lit up inside?

Want more?

• The Secret Power of Hello in Your Relationship
• Doug and Jamee Simons on Habits for Your Happily Ever After
• Why you tend to rain on your sweetheart’s parade
• How Fear Impacts Your Relationship Communication

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

The Friend in your relationship wants to feel understood.

The Friend comes from my 3-part framework: Partner, Lover, Friend. These are the three roles I’ve identified in your singular romantic relationship. I’m out of town on vacation, so I’m bringing you an episode from my archives where I talk about The Friend.

• You’ll hear how The Friend thrives when you and your sweetheart have time to just hang out
• We’ll talk about why companionship builds trust between you and your sweetheart
• And I’ll give you a date night discussion prompt to make it easier to spot the ways you and your sweetheart are good companions.

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

What kills a fun time faster than anything else? Someone who doesn’t want to be there.

Not everyone has fun in the same way. When you understand what’s fun for you, it’s easier to ask your partner if they want to join you in having your kind of fun. Today we’ll talk about 6 types of fun (but there are plenty of others).

• Fall into Flow
• Bolt of Joy
• Contentment
• Fidgeting
• Something Messy
• Something Clean

Habit for Your Happily Ever After

This week’s habit for your happily ever after is to create or refine one flavor of fun that is fun for you.

Do you want to borrow from my 6 types of fun? Or do you have an entirely different flavor of fun that I have missed?

Date Night Discussion

This week I invite you to tell your partner about a specific sort of fun you want to put into your life. My invitation is to either:

• Invite your partner to share some fun with you, or
• To describe the sort of fun you want to have on your own or with a friend.

Consider this date night discussion a chance to either issue a clear invitation to your partner or to announce that you want to go have fun alone, but you promise to return and bring a whole bunch of happiness home with you.

Want more?

• Review my number one rule for relationship happiness: Stay in your own business

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

What does it look like to build a marriage where kindness becomes second nature?

I spend a lot of time helping couples figure out how to make their relationship work. Today, you'll hear a conversation with Jamee and Doug Simons, a couple who have spent nearly 50 years creating the marriage many people hope to build.

• You’ll hear what it was like for Jamee and Doug to take of a family business and balance their partnership at work with cultivating a loving marriage at home
• And you’ll hear how the kindness and generosity they foster in their community is ever-present in their relationship.

Jamee and Doug are third-generation owners of Enstrom Candies. They bought the business from Jamee's parents, Emil and Mary, in 1993. It's not easy to work side by side all day, then go home to raise children. They did it for decades. While Doug and Jamee were quick to admit there have been bumps along the way, I was struck by the generosity they bring to their relationship, their commitment to supporting each other, and their refusal to keep score. I hope their story inspires you as much as it inspired me.

Connect with my guest

Read their story: enstrom.com/pages/our-story

Website: enstrom.com

Instagram: instagram.com/enstromcandies

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Reach me at 970-210-4480

Today, I bring you an interview when I was a guest on the podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, with psychotherapist, author, speaker, and media contributor Dr. Zoe Shaw. On her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places, her guiding premise is: “We’re not fixing them, we’re fixing you, and that changes everything.”

Dr. Shaw has been a guest on this podcast before to discuss the impact of shame on your relationship. In this episode, you’ll hear me talk about my book, 6 Steps to Better Marriage Communication.

Discover more from Dr. Zoe Shaw

• Read Dr. Zoe Shaw’s book, or listen to her podcast, Stronger in the Difficult Places
• Listen to episode 54: Let Go of Shame. Own Your Story to Improve Your Relationship with Dr. Zoe Shaw
• Listen to episode 55: More Dr. Zoe: Expectations, Shame + A Magic Question
• Listen to episode 125: Shame Stops the Love You Feel with Dr. Zoe Shaw

Connect to Improve Your Relationship Communication

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Reach me at 970-210-4480