Did you really think they’d off and leave you like that? Don’t let your abandonment issues make you think this rejection therapy exercise they’re doing would be over anytime soon. This episode is the catch-up everyone has been on the edge of their little seats for. Hannah got ENGAGED, other Hannah QUIT HER JOB?! 2023 let’s get it CHURNING! Let’s light this candle, baby. 

And just like that their 2022 New Year's Resolution has been accomplished. The girls rejoice in the final episode of the year. A year marked by many accidentally deleted episodes, fairly offensive humor, and a whirlwind of imperfect, yet very consistent, content. They share their gratitude for the many new friends they have met and the beautiful messages they have received from dare they say “fans????”. The listeners have seen them through moments of sobriety, a few life altering realizations, and a whole hell of a lot of birth control. They are both mortified and thankful for the time capsule that this year's podcast has become. They share their hopes for the future and their plans for the New Year but overall this episode is one big thank you. Happy New Year bitchessssss

What starts as a recap of their front yard pop-up quickly diverts into something not at all similar: soap. In one way, this episode is just about Dr. Bronner. That magical 18-1 soap with the long ass label you see in your local Whole Foods. In another way, its about how an innocent peppermint soap that feels nice on the balls is actually associated with multiple crucifixions, a near lobotomy, unhinged family drama, and free ketamine therapy. You will leave this episode having learned cleanliness is indeed godliness and how yes, even body wash can have culty connections. Although clarification is not at all necessary, this is not associated with or sponsored by Dr. Bronner’s Magic Soaps.

Youtube documentary: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LXK9GxCSvEM 

Other sources: 

https://www.sandiegouniontribune.com/lifestyle/people/sdut-dr-bronners-finds-balance-2015jan29-story.html 

https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/5/8/18535403/dr-bronners-soap-label-castile 

https://www.drbronner.com/blogs/ourselves/the-dr-bronners-story   

Consider this the Hannah You’re Yelling Christmas Special. The girls discuss the basic truths of the season, like how we have yet to see a historically accurate nativity set, how impractical it is to have Christmas traditions span multiple divorces, and the absolute chokehold that O Holy Night has on these atheist podcast hosts. Not only does Hannah comes to terms with her participation in a cult activity but she reckons with the trauma of her family’s strictly philanthropic Christmas. Religion or not, we all know the most important thing this Christmas will be those little nick nacks we put under the tree. And oh come all ye faithful, do they have the gift guide for you. 

Merry Freakin Christmas, girls. 

It’s Thursday again and Hannah just figured out she’s still paying for an audio porn membership she forgot she signed up for two years ago. Press play to commiserate with your favorite gal pals as they scream cry over the NYC marathon, talk through their internalized anti-liberalism, and find Hannah’s old blog she was writing for her non-existent daughter. What they hope is that in their lifetime one of two things will happen - we will see universal healthcare become a reality, or you will be able to in some way (even slightly) relate to their very niche and very relentless podcast. Until next Thursday, when we can only pray for some semblance of a theme. 

In this episode, the girls talk about life in their 20’s (a prime example of the blind leading the blind.) They’re lost, they’re confused, they’re fucking up their IRS deadlines, and they’re scared shitless. Despite, they share the things that have helped them most; like choosing your own family, setting up boundaries (gag), and the importance of trying tap dancing despite the mortal embarrassment of it all. Great advice, as you know, always comes from two preachy, very unqualified, self-proclaimed know-it-alls who have BARELY made it halfway through this decade, so you know it's going to be funny. Anyway, here they are once again getting vulnerable for views. At least they’ve figured out that in your 20s no one has the answers, and that type of chaos is comforting.

This week the girls have on none other than the self proclaimed swaggy lesbian (Lauren Girkbudok) to give them advice on navigating their twenties. They talk, finding your niche, finding your clitoris (just kidding, almost), and most importantly, finding your goddamn self. While this is technically a podcast episode, don’t expect structure. Expect vibes.