Harry Potter is the biggest pop-cultural phenomenon in the post-Christian zeitgeist today. The tenth movie in the franchise raked in $400 million last week at the box office. After reading the eighteenth encouragement from Christian reformed/classical/literary enthusiasts to embrace Harry Potter, Kevin Swanson finally reads the book and watches a Harry Potter film. Shall we encourage our eight-year-olds into this fantasy genre? Or would this sign us up for the Matthew 18:6 treatment? Here is a careful analysis of the Harry Potter worldview in this parallel universe of autonomy.