He Blamed It On Me

You said sorry before you even knew what you did. Somewhere along the way, "it's my fault" stopped being a conclusion and became your default setting.

This episode is about the blame dynamic: what happens when one person is the permanent defendant and the other is never on trial. His bad day, your fault. His reaction, your fault. Somehow even his behavior, your fault for provoking it. I'm walking through how you get trained into believing it, and the one tell that proves it was never really you: nobody is wrong one hundred percent of the time. When the fault always lands on the same person, that's not accuracy. That's a system.

If you've ever left a fight sure of what happened and somehow ended up agreeing to his version, this one's for you. The feeling was real. The verdict was rigged.

The next few months had one thing in common: somehow, it was always my fault. A natural reaction. A missed sentence. A chair facing the wrong direction. No matter how carefully I moved through my own life, it was never enough. This chapter ends at a funeral, sitting next to my husband while he said nothing, wondering if we could ever find our way back to happy.

KayllianCollective.com

If you've ever tried to find a therapist and felt like the system was working against you, it kind of is. In this episode, we dig into the real numbers behind America's mental health care crisis: the shortage, the cost, the wait times, and why so many people who need help aren't getting it. You're not imagining it. It really is this hard.

KayllianCollective.com

Source Links:

- https://helloinnerwell.com/reflections/mental-health-statistics

- https://bhw.hrsa.gov/sites/default/files/bureau-health-workforce/data-research/Behavioral-Health-Workforce-Brief-2025.pdf

- https://www.americashealthrankings.org/explore/measures/MHP

- https://www.commonwealthfund.org/publications/explainer/2023/may/understanding-us-behavioral-health-workforce-shortage

- https://www.countyhealthrankings.org/health-data/community-conditions/health-infrastructure/clinical-care/mental-health-providers

- https://app.projecthealthyminds.com/mental-health-blog/how-much-does-therapy-cost

- https://www.simplepractice.com/blog/average-therapy-session-rate-by-state/

- https://www.goodrx.com/health-topic/mental-health/therapy-without-insurance

- https://mydenvertherapy.com/therapy-mental-health-statistics/

- https://naswnys.org/nasw-nys-survey-analysis-behavioral-health-client-waiting-times/

What do you do when you finally have an answer but no idea what to do with it?

In this chapter, I'm holding everything together by calming the kids, talking him down from leaving, and convincing my husband he needed help. I watched him navigate the mental health industry that was causing him more stress. I called his mother when I had nothing left. I kept his secret because I didn't want to add to his shame.

I thought I was helping him heal. I didn't realize I was starting to disappear.

KayllianCollective.com

Can someone love you and still hurt you? It's not a simple yes or no answer. In this episode, we break down the difference between hurt that comes from mistakes and hurt that comes from control, and why loving someone deeply can make it almost impossible to see the difference when you're in it.

KayllianCollective.com

For weeks I kept calling it a rough patch. This is the night I couldn't anymore. It started with something small and good, a gathering with people I'd missed, and it ended somewhere I never saw coming. For fifteen years I'd had one reliable power in our marriage. That night, for the first time, it failed me. In this episode, I walk through the hours that followed, the choices I made trying to hold everything together, and the one I still regret most, the one that pulled our two little girls into the middle of it. By the end of that night, I understood something about what was happening to us that I couldn't unsee.

KayllianCollective.com

In my marriage, saying the word "gaslighting" didn't start a conversation; it ended one.

If you've ever wondered whether what's happening to you is gaslighting or been told you're using the word wrong, this episode is for you. We're talking about what gaslighting really is, what it isn't, and why your experience deserves to be heard no matter what you call it.

Kaylliancollective.com

After one conversation changed everything, the weeks that followed were a slow unraveling. Every day brought a new accusation, a new reason to doubt myself, and a new version of me I didn't recognize. I thought I was a dedicated, loyal, trustworthy person, until someone I loved convinced me I wasn't.

KayllianCollective.com

On our 15th dating anniversary, I sat across from my husband at a coffee shop and told him something completely honest: that a man had hit on me the night before, and I'd said no. What I got back was an accusation of having an affair. This is the episode where the story begins, and where I first learned that telling the truth could be used against me.

KayllianCollective.com

Welcome to He Blamed It On Me. This podcast is my unfiltered story of living inside, leaving, and recovering from a marriage that went from amazing to abusive in one conversation.

In this episode you'll hear why I am starting this podcast and what you can expect.

Learn more at KayllianCollective.com