Can you be scandalized by a 2000-year-old book? I think I was with Suetonius’ Lives of the Caesars, a gripping, gossipy account of the first twelve Roman emperors, from Julius Caesar to Domitian. Written around 120 AD, Suetonius’ work (part of The Honest Broker’s “Humanities in 52 Weeks” list) blends history with salacious details, offering a vivid, if dark, portrait of power, excess, and moral decline. It's not exactly light beach reading but proved endlessly fascinating for its unapologetic dive into the personal lives of Rome’s rulers.

Suetonius, born around 70 AD to a Roman knight family, organizes the book into twelve biographies, which I've listed here for easy reference:

• Julius Caesar
• Augustus
• Tiberius
• Caligula
• Claudius
• Nero
• Galba
• Otho
• Vitellius
• Vespasian
• Titus
• Domitian.

Notably, Galba, Otho, and Vitellius, from the chaotic years of 68-69 AD, were barely recognized as emperors. Each biography sketches the ruler’s family background, reign, military campaigns, and personal habits, with Suetonius excelling in the juicy details of their excesses. His vivid prose, like describing Caligula as transitioning from “emperor” to “monster,” reveals the depravity of unchecked power—think murders, incest, and shocking debauchery.

The book’s strength lies in its storytelling, but its darkness—wanton death, sexual depravity, and a lack of heroism—can be exhausting. The Roman people’s hope for better rulers is repeatedly dashed, as seen when Caligula’s assassination leads to Claudius, another cruel leader. The complex web of intermarriage and adoptions among the Julio-Claudians is dizzying, with family trees barely helping. Economically, Suetonius notes rising “value” in Roman real estate under Julius Caesar, missing that this was inflation driven by reckless state spending, a recurring issue that strained the empire and its people.

Suetonius’ perspective, shaped by living through Vespasian, Titus, and Domitian’s reigns, adds depth, though his distance from earlier emperors allows for embellishment. This week's music was Mozart’s symphonies 39-41, sweetness and light compared to Rome’s darkness.

This is a year-long challenge! Join me next week for the Koran and the poems of Rumi.

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I misspoke! Gates of Fire was written by Steven Pressfield, not Victor Davis Hansen. Sorry about that!

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