Headline Heroes

My fellow Americans. I stand before you today with a very simple declaration: all transit smells like poop and I’m here to fix it. Please, take one of my pamphlets. Inside you’ll find important information about Nate’s lawn fiasco, Paul Bunyan kaiju, and presidential facial hair.

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Hey what name did you want in the bowling computer? FART is already taken. Drew is going to take BUTTLICK. Allright, while you give it some thought we’ll limber up our bowling limbs and discuss our senior photos, what’s in a White Russian, and our Tanner APB.

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Oh no! This morning I woke up and all my precious jewels had been stolen. Good thing I have my chinchilla to help me feel better! Aw damn he’s gone too! Looks like all I have left in my meager existence is alien blood infusions, Stuart Little, and Magneto prisons.

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Hey, are you headed to the Home Depot? While you’re there could you grab me some outlet covers, a pack of staples, and also wooden stake with which to slay the undead? Thanks! If they don’t have that, as a replacement you can grab a polyamorous cult, a DVD copy of The Love Guru, and everyone’s favorite spooky game show.

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Alright everyone, let’s get this game started. Everyone has their dice? Their player sheets? Handbooks? Alright we are set. You find yourself in a dungeon, there’s a desk, a cot, and an open book on the floor. You pick it up and read it. It talks about Nate’s bindlestick, Jake Sully from anime, and Jeremy, living large up in his big office with his big job and his big suit. God, I hate Jeremy!

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Hey sorry no time to dilly-dally, this episode is meander free and we aim to keep it that way. Honestly I wish you’d stop distracting me so I can get back to focusing on the episode. We’re pretty “heads down” this time around, so I can't imagine that we’ll end up talking about what our pillow situation is like, Tanner’s birthday, or whether the Earth is the world’s first mattress.

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Goo goo gah gah, this one's a kick in the dolls. So that’s a warning for anyone who finds them creepy. But don’t worry, we put in a smattering of James and the Giant Peach talk, the cast of Con Air, and Founding Father booby traps.

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This is a protest description. I wanted to do a fun bit about birds and planes, and Drew said, “No one reads those damn things anyway.” so here we are. Is this what you wanted? Well too bad it what you’re getting. We talk about TVs or some garbage; I don’t know. Also, we are live from Tanner’s wedding, Jelly Pools, and whether it’s sad that kids recover from cancer.

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This week our schedules were just a bit too busy to be able to record because SOMEONE got married. We have an old favorite to share with you instead!

Are you ready to DO THE DO? We sure as hell are. The cabin door is sealed and the flight attendants are ready for takeoff. Strap yourself in and get ready as we soar into Youtuber pranks, soda slogans, and our collective sons.

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What’s that in my blood? Is it a bird? A plane? Nope. Anyway here’s the episode. You wanna know what we talk about in this episode? Then listen, you lazy bones. Okay okay I’m sorry stop crying. I’ll tell you. In this episode we discuss childhood movie trauma, we help Tanner write his vows, and we imagine a lot of snot.

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