Heal That Shit with Alissa Buethe

How the fuck did I get here?

That question has been on repeat in my head since I landed in Great Falls, Montana. A year ago, I lost my job, and what felt like a crisis quickly became a lesson in surrender. I spent months trying to trust the process, but as my bank account drained, so did my patience. Out of over 100 job applications in 11 states, only Montana called back. And just like that, I packed up my life and moved to a city I’d never even visited before my interview.

Looking back, I realize this didn’t happen overnight. It started with a terrible second date in September 2023 that led me to swipe on someone from Montana, which planted the seed that maybe Minnesota wasn’t where I was meant to be. From there, a series of small but significant moments including random connections, impulsive trips, and unexpected friendships all pushed me further down a path I wasn’t even aware I was on. When I finally let go of trying to control everything, the universe made the decision for me.

Now, I’m here, alone in a one-bedroom apartment, my kids still in Minnesota, our home filled with the people I love, but without me. That house was more than just walls. It was the center of my world, sheltering my family in ways I never fully appreciated until now. And yet, I know I can’t go back. Every time I’ve tried to recreate something from my past, it’s only led to a distorted version of what once was.

So, I have to move forward, even if I don’t know what that looks like yet. The blank slate in front of me is both terrifying and full of possibility. I don’t have the answers, and I don’t feel ready. But maybe that’s the point.

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In this episode, I chat with Brent Woodman, public speaker and coach from Your Limitless Coach. In this conversation we talk about finding your purpose, identifying what drives you, and aligning your why and your values in order to create an intentional life.

We chat about our childhood experiences and how the examples we received from our parents and how they raised us impacted our beliefs and mindsets around success, money, and what a good life is supposed to look like. 

The truth is the road to success is bumpy, messy, and filled with setbacks and detours. But those bumps, failures, and experiences along the way are all part of the process designed to show us what we don't want, discover what we do, and provide opportunities to grow into the person we we're meant to be.

If you're interested in working with Brent, you can find him on LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/brentwidman/ or contact him at 507-382-7641.

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Over the past few weeks, I've been reflecting on a common theme that’s been popping up for me, and I think it’s something we can all relate to. As we move through different chapters of our lives, we’re faced with the tough task of deciding what we want to take with us. This could be physical things, mental baggage, or even relationships. What’s truly worth holding onto, and what’s time to let go of? I’ve had some personal experiences that really brought this idea home for me, and I hope by sharing them, it gives you something to think about as you step into this new year.

One thing that really stuck with me was an interview I watched with Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag about losing their home in the California wildfires. The way Heidi described the moment when they realized the fire was getting too close, when Spencer asked her, “What do you want to take?” and she was too overwhelmed to even answer. That moment stuck with me because, while I can’t imagine losing everything so suddenly, I know we all have attachments to our things. Whether it’s sentimental value or a sense of security, our possessions feel like part of who we are. But what really inspired me was their story of resilience and community. Instead of asking for money, Spencer simply asked people to stream Heidi’s music. And within hours, her album went to number one on iTunes. It reminded me how powerful it can be to ask for help when we need it, even in the most unexpected ways.

This theme of letting go really hit home for me as I’m in the middle of preparing for a big move. I’m relocating across the country for a new job, and I had to make some tough choices about what I can actually take with me. The hard truth is that I can only fit so much into the back of my minivan. I had to let go of a lot of things, but I also chose to bring things that would offer me comfort and a sense of stability, like my favorite chipped coffee mug, the recliner I rocked both of my babies to sleep in, and even my dad’s ashes. It’s painful to leave things behind, especially when you can’t bring everything you want, but it’s also part of the process. Change is hard, but it’s necessary for growth. 

So, as you look ahead to 2025, I want to challenge you: What are you choosing to take with you as you move forward? What’s essential for your journey, and what no longer fits? Let go of what’s weighing you down, and make space for what truly aligns with the next phase of your life.

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In this episode, I had the opportunity to chat with Joey Grasso of Relatable Reflections and Pure Love Vibes. Joey shared his story as we explored the idea that, despite differences in age (Gen X vs Gen Z), gender, and where we grew up, many of us go through similar struggles in life.
During our conversation, we delved into the importance of community in overcoming obstacles and finding strength. Joey and I agreed that having people to lean on at different points in life can make all the difference. It is essential to build communities that uplift and support one another, especially when life feels overwhelming or uncertain. This theme of connection and support really resonated throughout our discussion, reminding us that no one should have to face their struggles alone.
An inspiring takeaway from the conversation is the reminder that everyone, regardless of where they are in their own journey, has the ability to make a difference. The only requirement for making an impact is being a few steps ahead of someone else and using the knowledge and experiences we've gathered to help others. The message is clear: we all have a role to play in empowering those around us, and every step forward is an opportunity to lift someone else up.

2024 gifted me with a ton of practice in faith and trust.

The past year was been filled with uncertainty for me, and I’ve had to really face my fear of the unknown. It’s been a reminder that life doesn’t always go according to plan, and sometimes, we just have to let go of the need to control everything. I’ve learned that faith isn’t about knowing all the answers; it’s about trusting yourself to navigate through the uncertainty and knowing that, even when things aren’t clear, everything will work out as it should.

I used to struggle with anxiety, constantly worrying about the future and trying to control every outcome. But what I’ve discovered is that faith is the antidote to that anxiety. It’s about surrendering to the process and trusting that things will unfold in their own time. We don’t need to know everything or have all the answers right now.

Instead, we just need to take the next step, even if it feels small. It’s about allowing ourselves to sit with the discomfort of not knowing and trusting that, when the time comes, we’ll know exactly what to do. The more I embrace this, the more I realize that life is a flow, not a constant grind. We don’t have to force everything to happen—we just have to trust that it’s already unfolding in our favor.

This is something I’m still practicing every day. Faith isn’t built overnight; it’s a result of taking small, intentional steps and embracing the discomfort of uncertainty. As I’ve learned to trust the process more, I’ve found that things start to unfold naturally, even when I can’t see the full picture.

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In today’s episode, I dive into the challenges we all face when life feels overwhelming. Whether it’s financial stress, job uncertainty, or just the weight of daily responsibilities, we’ve all been there. I talk about how, in these moments of struggle, it’s easy to feel like we’re not making any progress, but that’s often when we’re actually growing the most. I share how life’s toughest moments — the ones that bring up old emotions — can be powerful reminders of how far we’ve come, even when we don’t realize it.

I also touch on the importance of recognizing and embracing these challenges, rather than running from them. When we can stop and reflect on the difficult times we’ve overcome, it helps us see our resilience and strength. Life won’t always be easy, and there will always be setbacks, but I believe these struggles are what shape us into stronger versions of ourselves. In this episode, I encourage you to take a moment to acknowledge how much you’ve grown, even if it doesn’t always feel that way.

Ultimately, I hope this conversation reminds you that it’s okay to feel uncertain or overwhelmed — you’re not alone in this. We all face hardships, but it’s how we deal with them that defines our journey. So, if you’ve been questioning your progress, know that every step, even the tough ones, is a sign that you’re moving forward. Thank you for joining me today, and I hope this episode leaves you with a sense of strength and hope as you keep navigating life’s ups and downs.

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In this episode of Heal That Shit, I dive into the tradition of choosing a "Word of the Year" as a way to set intentions and focus your energy for the months ahead. I share my own journey with this practice, reflecting on the words I’ve chosen over the past few years—diligence, joy, and accomplish—and how each one has shaped my personal growth and healing. 2024’s word, "Accomplish," didn’t quite unfold as expected, but looking back, I realized I’d achieved so much more than I gave myself credit for. It’s a reminder that progress doesn’t always happen on our timeline, but it’s always happening.

As I reflect on 2024, I also think ahead to 2025 and the word I've chosen: "Focus." I’m ready to hone in on my goals with more intention, consistency, and discipline, knowing that time is a precious gift. I discuss how choosing a Word of the Year can help guide your decisions, actions, and mindset. It's about more than achieving goals; it's about cultivating the right energy and staying connected to your deeper values. Whether you're aiming for courage, clarity, or balance, your word becomes a reminder to stay aligned with the life you want to create.

Finally, I walk through how to choose your own Word of the Year, offering a simple three-step process: reflect on the past year, dream big, and keep it simple. A Word of the Year isn’t about perfection, but progress—something that inspires you and helps you stay intentional. I encourage you to think about what you want to invite into your life, what challenges you, and what can keep you grounded through the ups and downs. It’s a powerful tool to support your healing and growth in the year ahead.

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In this episode of Heal That Shit, I share how reconnecting with my core values helped me move from feeling lost to living with more intention. A year ago, I was stuck in old patterns and mindsets, making decisions that weren’t aligned with who I truly wanted to be. By identifying and focusing on my values, I started making decisions that were more in line with the person I wanted to become, and it brought me much-needed clarity and direction.

I also talk about how to identify your personal values by reflecting on past decisions, moments of fulfillment, and what you admire in others. It’s not about what society tells you to value, but what feels true to you. Once you’ve identified these values, it’s important to dig deeper into why they matter and how they show up in your life.

Finally, I share how to use your values to make intentional decisions. By asking yourself which option aligns with your values, setting boundaries, and being consistent, you can make choices that lead to a life that feels authentic and fulfilling. I share a personal story about choosing honesty in a difficult conversation with a friend, which ultimately strengthened our bond. Living intentionally with your values at the core helps you create the life you truly want.

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In this episode, I reflect on what has been a transformative and challenging year for me. Losing my job in January gave me the gift of time—time to explore new passions, reflect on who I want to become, and practice patience and trust that things are working out.

However, despite all the growth and self-discovery, I find myself struggling with a fear of commitment. This fear has shown up in my relationships and career choices. I’ve realized that I’m afraid of getting stuck in a routine or life that feels stagnant, and the thought of committing to a long-term path—whether it's a job or relationship—feels suffocating.

Through this journey, I've noticed a pattern in my relationships, particularly with emotionally unavailable men, and how I’ve avoided deeper commitments. I’ve also noticed this resistance in my career, where I struggle to commit to a job long-term, even when it’s something I could enjoy. I’ve become aware of my fear of complacency—of waking up one day in a life I didn’t actively choose, but simply settled into. On top of that, I've been changing and evolving so quickly that I often wonder if the choices I make now will still align with who I am months from now, or if I’ll need to leave them behind as I grow.

Towards the end of the episode, I share my discovery of human design and how learning about my "manifestor" aura type has helped me understand why I resist long-term commitments. I’ve realized that I thrive in short bursts of energy and passion, and I need a lot of space for downtime and flexibility. I crave adventure and the freedom to explore multiple interests and ideas without being tied down to one thing for too long. As I continue to learn about my human design, I’m excited to discover how it can help me find a path that aligns with my true self. I also encourage anyone struggling to understand their own behavior to explore tools like human design, astrology, or the Enneagram—anything that can help you better understand yourself, because when you truly understand yourself, you can love and accept who you are, and from there, you can deepen your connections with others.

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Something I’ve learned in the last year is that any source of discomfort we have has a purpose. And that purpose is to show us the places where we have to be aware of something that we need, that we need something that isn't in our lives, or someplace we are not in alignment with our authentic self.

Ever since I’ve gained that awareness, my goal when I start to feel a certain level of discomfort that I can’t shake, rather than trying to find a way to numb it or avoid it, I challenge myself to sit with it without trying to change how I feel physically or internally. I sit with the yucky discomfort, allowing it to feel gross and then I ask myself: What is this discomfort trying to show me? What is its purpose? What feelings am I feeling at this moment that are making me uncomfortable? And what is that feeling a clue to?

The process in these moments is to recognize the discomfort, allow yourself to feel the feelings, and ask yourself what it is trying to show you. The message is almost always about your fears trying to show you they are present, so you can shift your mindset around them. 

You will continually repeat this process over and over again until you make your way through all of the superficial fears and get to a place where you can dive deep into those core fears. Because that is where the real work needs to be done. That is where you will achieve deep inner healing and when you will experience profound freedom.

My challenge to you is this. This week, when you find yourself experiencing any sort of discomfort, I want you to recognize it, pause, then ask yourself what am I feeling? What is causing this feeling of discomfort? What is this feeling trying to tell me about what is potentially missing from my life in this moment? How can I find a way to create those things within myself so I am not seeking them from external sources? What fears is this discomfort trying to make me aware of? How can I dig deeper past those superficial fears this discomfort is triggering to identify my core fears that I've hidden a little deeper? How can I challenge myself to shift my mindset around those fears so they no longer control how I feel about myself? How can I acknowledge the ways I feel like I don't measure up and still completely love and accept myself regardless of whether or not my external environment or relationships is validating it?

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