Healing Childhood Trauma

A lot of people assume not being ready for therapy means being in denial or lacking self-awareness.

That’s usually not the case.

In this episode, I’m talking about something I see all the time in early conversations with potential clients. The moment where I can tell someone isn’t quite ready for therapy yet. And it has nothing to do with how much they’ve reflected or how well they understand their past.

You can be insightful, emotionally aware, and still feel stuck in the same patterns.

Because the real shift in therapy isn’t just about understanding what’s happened to you. It’s about being willing to look at your role in what’s continuing.

Inside this episode, I talk about:

• Why self-awareness alone doesn’t create change
  
  
  
• The difference between focusing on other people and focusing on yourself
  
  
  
• Why it can feel safer to stay focused on what others are doing wrong
  
  
  
• The part of therapy that people don’t always expect
  
  
  
• Why validation on its own isn’t enough to move things forward
  
  
  
• The shift that tells me someone is actually ready for therapy
  
  
  

This isn’t about blame or taking responsibility for things that weren’t your fault.

But if your focus stays on other people needing to change, you’ll likely stay stuck. Even if you’re right.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re doing “all the work” but nothing is really shifting, this episode will help you understand why.

Lizandra is a UK- based relational psychotherapist who works with attachment, anxiety and relationships in St Albans and online. Learn more about her private practice New Frame Therapy and how you can work with her here.

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Many millennials are waking up to something previous generations rarely had language for. Childhood trauma. Emotional neglect. Attachment wounds.

In this episode, I talk about what it means to be part of the first generation in many families actively trying to understand and heal these patterns.

For a lot of people, this realisation comes with mixed emotions. Greater awareness can bring clarity. But it can also bring grief, anger, and confusion about how to hold compassion for our parents while still acknowledging the impact of what we experienced growing up.

I explore why so many millennials are looking back at their childhood with new understanding. And why being the person who questions family patterns can sometimes feel lonely.

In this episode we talk about:

• Why previous generations often survived trauma rather than processed it

• How conversations around mental health, therapy, and attachment became more visible for millennials

• The grief that can come with recognising emotional neglect or unmet needs in childhood

• What happens when you start seeing family dynamics differently

• The reality of being the one who begins breaking generational patterns

This work isn’t easy. But every time someone understands their childhood trauma, heals attachment wounds, or learns how to build safer relationships, the cycle starts to shift.

And often, that shift begins with one person.

If you’re exploring your own attachment patterns or the impact of childhood trauma on your adult relationships, you can find more resources and ways to work with me in the links below.

Lizandra is a UK-based BACP registered psychotherapist who works with childhood trauma, anxiety and attachment. Based in St Albans, Hertfordshire and online across the UK and EU. 

Book an intro call here. 

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Burnout isn’t just feeling tired—it shows up in ways that quietly sabotage work, relationships, and daily life. In this episode, I sit down with clinical psychologist and friend Dr Claire Plumbly to explore how burnout presents in real life, share stories from clients, and reflect on our own experiences.

We cover:

• Common signs of burnout you might be missing

• How burnout impacts relationships, work, and wellbeing

• Practical ways we work with clients to prevent and recover from burnout

• Personal reflections from both of us on managing high expectations and overdoing it

Dr Claire Plumbly who is a Clinical Psychologist, author of Amazon bestseller ‘Burnout: How to Manage Your Nervous System Before It Manages You’, and founder of Plum Psychology - a boutique psychology service for overcoming trauma, burnout, anxiety and low self-esteem - based online and in Taunton, Somerset. 

Resources 

Claire's Guide: Switching off after work http://www.plum-psychology.com/

Lizandra is a psychotherapist in St. Albans, Hertfordshire who works online and in-person with high-achieving women. She specialises in anxiety, childhood trauma, and attachment challenges, guiding clients toward clarity and self-trust. Discover more about her private practice New Frame Therapy

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If you’ve ever been told you have an anxious attachment style this episode is going to make you pause.

In this conversation, I explore whether what we call anxious attachment is sometimes a nervous system responding to emotional inconsistency, unpredictability, or lack of safety in a relationship.

We talk about:

• What anxious attachment actually is
  
  
  
• Why women are often labelled “anxious” too quickly
  
  
  
• The difference between attachment wounds and ongoing unsafe dynamics
  
  
  
• How emotional unavailability keeps anxiety alive
  
  
  
• Why your reactions might make sense
  
  
  

This isn’t dismissing attachment theory. It’s adding nuance.

Before you try to regulate yourself into being less reactive, it might be worth asking whether your nervous system is responding to something real.

If this resonates and you’re ready to explore your attachment patterns more deeply, you can find details about working with me 1:1 (UK and EU only)

This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered the following: 

How do I fix my anxious attachment style in a relationship? 

How do anxious attachment styles act in a relationship? 

How to overcome an anxious attachment style in a relationship

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In this episode, I’m breaking down 5 types of emotionally immature behaviour that high-functioning women often tolerate, excuse or overcompensate for.

We cover:

• What emotional immaturity actually looks like in adult relationships
 • The defensive partner who turns every conversation into an attack
 • Gaslighting and why it slowly erodes your self-trust
 • The minimiser who makes your feelings feel “too much”
 • The avoidant who disappears when things get real
 • The victim performer who collapses when you ask for accountability
 • Why capable, high-achieving women are especially vulnerable to these dynamics
 • The nervous system cost of staying in emotionally immature relationships

If this episode resonates and you’re ready to stop carrying the emotional weight in your relationships, I work with high-functioning women in 1:1 therapy to:

• Strengthen boundaries without guilt
 • Rebuild trust in your own perception
 • Break attachment patterns rooted in childhood
 • Stop confusing emotional chaos with chemistry

Lizandra is a BACP registered psychotherapist who works 1:1 with relational trauma in the UK. Book an intro call here. 

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Previous Relevant Episodes 

4 Attachment Styles in Relationships [Ep 2]

How to Heal from Anxious Attachment [Ep 4]

Is it Narcissism or Avoidant Attachment? [Ep 28]

This episode is for you if you’ve ever wondered: 

What are the signs of someone who is emotionally immature? 

How does an emotionally immature person act? 

What are the red flags of emotional immaturity? 

What are the signs of low emotional intelligence? 

Signs of an emotionally immature partner

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In this episode, I talk about the subtle, everyday ways attachment patterns show up in high functioning women.

We explore:

• Why replying quickly can be about regulation, not politeness
 • Why resting can feel uncomfortable, even when you’re exhausted
 • Why asking for help feels harder than just doing it yourself

Attachment isn’t only romantic love. It shows up in how you move through your day, how safe you feel slowing down, and how much you carry on your own.

📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra 

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Lizandra is a UK-based psychotherapist who works with high achieving women to break unhealthy relationship patterns and to overcome anxiety and burnout. 

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In this episode, we dive into high-functioning anxiety—what it really looks like, why it’s so common among high-achieving women, and how childhood experiences can secretly shape the way your nervous system responds to stress.

We talk about:
 . How high-functioning anxiety shows up in day-to-day life
 . The hidden costs of always “being fine”
 . Why your nervous system can keep you in overdrive even when life seems calm
 . Small, practical steps to start calming your mind without giving up ambition

If you’ve ever felt exhausted by your own brain, struggled to ask for help, or worried that slowing down means failing, this episode is for you.

📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra 

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If you've ever wondered what avoidant attachment looks like in women, this episode answers that and more. 

This looks at the root cause of avoidant attachment, starting with childhood and how it can impact relationships, parenting, friendships and work. 

Avoidant attachment doesn't always come with self awareness, but this episode looks at what happens when you pair self awareness in high functioning women and avoidant attachment. 

Listen until the end if you want insight on how to shift your relationships from feeling superficial and disconnected to connected and meaningful. 

Relevant Episodes 

4 Attachment Styles in Relationships [Ep 2]

Developing Secure Attachment When You’ve Experienced Childhood Trauma [Ep 7] 

Recognising the Signs of Dismissive Avoidant Attachment: Key Traits and Behaviours [Ep 11]

How to not Lose Yourself in Relationships when you have an Anxious Attachment [Ep 14]

Connect

📱Book an initial consultation with Lizandra 

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Resources 

Get your free attachment healing guide and join the mailing list 

Lizandra is a psychotherapist based in the UK working with high achieving women to heal from the past so they can have healthy relationships. 

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And we're back after a mini break with a brand new episode. 

In this episode, I’m speaking to high-functioning women who look fine on the outside but feel tense, switched on, and disconnected inside. You might be self-aware and insightful, yet still struggle to feel settled in your body or safe in your nervous system.

We explore why understanding your patterns isn’t always enough, and how many women stay stuck in their heads instead of moving into embodiment and integration. I talk about how perfectionism and imposter syndrome link to self-worth, and why high achievement often comes with quiet emotional disconnection.

Now Accepting clients for 1:1 Therapy Book Your Consultation Here (UK & EU Residents Only)

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Christmas has a way of bringing old family dynamics straight back to the surface.

Even if you’ve done the work. Even if you’re self-aware. Even if you usually cope well.

In this replay of one of my most listened-to episodes, I talk through practical, realistic ways to think about boundaries with family at Christmas. Especially when the dynamics are emotionally immature, critical, or draining.

This episode is for you if:
 • You feel activated around family, even when you wish you wouldn’t
 • You struggle to hold boundaries without guilt or over-explaining
 • You end Christmas feeling exhausted, resentful, or like you’ve lost yourself
 • You’re high-functioning, capable, and tired of just “pushing through”

This isn’t about cutting people off or becoming emotionally cold.

It’s about understanding why family triggers land so deeply. And how to protect your emotional energy without abandoning yourself.

If Christmas is already feeling like a lot, this episode is here to support you.

🔗 Links & Resources:

👉 Work with Lizandra 1:1

👉 Visit the Website

👉 Follow Lizandra on Instagram

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