We hear a lot about what insecure attachment looks like… but not enough about what secure attachment actually feels like in real life.

In this episode, I’m breaking down five things people with secure attachment tend to do — and no, it’s not about being perfectly regulated or never getting triggered. In fact, some of what makes someone feel emotionally safe might surprise you.

We’ll explore:

• Why securely attached people are comfortable changing their minds (and letting you change yours too)
  
  
  
• How they handle triggers without making it someone else’s fault
  
  
  
• The way they speak up for their needs — even when it’s awkward
  
  
  
• Why they don’t rely on other people to fix their emotions
  
  
  
• How they hold perspective during hard moments instead of assuming the worst
  
  
  

These aren’t magic traits you’re either born with or not — they’re learnable habits. And this episode is here to show you what they can actually look like, so you can start building more of that in your own life.

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Resources

Developing Secure Attachment When You’ve Experienced Childhood Trauma [7}

Therapist Tips on Having Hard Conversations and Dealing with Conflict [Ep 9]

How to not Lose Yourself in Relationships when you have an Anxious Attachment [Ep 14]

What to do when you feel Emotionally Overwhelmed [Ep 17]

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This episode is the clarity around boundaries you need to stop feeling confused so you can show up as more secure and have your best relationships and a good work/life balance. 

This deep dive on boundary setting is trauma informed from the perspective of  registered psychotherapist Lizandra Leigertwood MA MBACP

Themes covered in the episode:

My own imperfect approach to setting boundaries in life 

Why you find it hard to set boundaries 

A sign you should look out for when it’s time to set a boundary 

What it really means when you haven’t set a boundary 

How a simple interaction in childhood can make you override your sense of personal boundaries and safety. 

8 Types of Boundaries you can start setting for self preservation, safety and deeper relationships

AND 

A gentle challenge to help you start setting boundaries that feel soothing for your nervous system (that your relationships will thank you for)

Resources Mentioned

Five Steps to Setting Boundaries Free Guide 

The Boundaries Work Book **Get 50% off with code “POD25”**

Previous relevant Episodes 

[30] Self Boundaries, Attachment and Burnout 

[14] How to not lose yourself in relationships when you have anxious attachment

[03] Boundaries in relationships

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**Summer Offer** Book your single session Attachment Reset Learn more or book here.

You can be incredibly self-aware. Journaling regularly, unpacking your childhood, recognising your triggers and still feel panicked when someone pulls away. 

Still overthink the last message. Still feel like you’re too much, or not enough.

This episode is a reminder that insight alone isn’t the same as healing.
 And it’s not because you’re doing it wrong.

In today’s conversation, I explore why anxious attachment doesn’t dissolve just because you understand it — and what you actually need to start feeling safer in relationships. We go beyond mindset and into the deeper work of nervous system regulation, co-regulation, and real repair.

Whether you’re in therapy or navigating this solo, this episode will meet you right where you are.

We talk about:

• What you can start to focus on if you are both anxiously attached and self aware
  
  
  
• The difference between understanding your patterns and feeling safe enough to change them
  
  
  
• How therapy can miss the mark in healing from anxious attachment 
  
  
  
• What it means to feel secure in your body, not just your thoughts
  
  
  
• Why this healing doesn’t happen alone

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If you’ve ever stared at your phone waiting for a reply, heart racing, telling yourself not to text again but feeling like you physically can’t relax until they do — this episode is for you.

Self-soothing gets talked about a lot in the healing space… but for those with anxious attachment, it can feel almost impossible. In this episode, we unpack why that is — and what self-soothing actually looks like when you’re healing attachment wounds.

👉🏽 If this hits close to home, my 90-minute 1:1 Attachment Reset session is designed to support you in moments just like this. Learn more or book here.

In this episode, we explore:

💬 What self-soothing really is (and what it’s not)
🧠 Why it feels unsafe when you’re anxiously attached
📱 Why you can’t just “put the phone down” when you’re spiraling
🧘🏽‍♀️ What self-soothing can look like in practice — and why it’s not about fixing yourself
🌱 How to start small and build capacity gently, without shame

You’ll leave with a deeper understanding of your nervous system, why you crave connection so intensely, and how to start creating a sense of safety within yourself — even when someone else feels just out of reach.

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☀️**Summer Offer** Single Session Attachment Reset. Limited availability, book your session with Lizandra here 

Even if you don’t think about your childhood often, the patterns it shaped can still be running the show. In this episode, I’m unpacking powerful and often overlooked ways that childhood trauma continues to affect you in adulthood.

This one’s especially for you if you’ve always felt like the high-functioning one, the strong one, or the one who holds everything together… but underneath it all, you’re tired, disconnected, or repeating the same painful patterns.

We’ll explore:

• Why so many women learned to disconnect from their emotions and now find it hard to trust how they feel
  
  
  
• How perfectionism and emotional detachment are often coping strategies that began in childhood
  
  
  
• What self-abandonment can look like in adulthood — and why it’s often mistaken for being “strong” or “easygoing”
  
  
  
• How trauma wires your nervous system to repeat what’s familiar, even if it’s painful
  
  
  
• The deeper connection between childhood emotional neglect and attachment patterns in adult relationships
  
  
  
• What it really takes to start breaking these patterns and feel safe being your full self
  
  
  

Whether you’ve done years of work or you’re just beginning to connect the dots, this episode offers clarity and compassion for the parts of you that are still trying to survive — even when you want to thrive.

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In this episode we explore how the quiet boundaries you don’t set for yourself lead to anxiety, burnout and attachment issues. 

Key points

• How everyday boundary breakdowns feel normal because they've been normalised
• Why childhood trauma teaches us to abandon our needs
• What everyday boundaries look like 
• Powerful reframes to change the way you think about boundaries 
• Reflective questions to facilitate your self knowledge and healing 

USEFUL LINKS:

Book a free 15 minute consultation with Lizandra

**Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to rate and subscribe! **

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Free PDF Download 5 Steps to Better Boundaries

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We don’t talk enough about the attachment trauma that comes from a toxic sibling.
The jealousy, manipulation, betrayal — all brushed off as “normal” or “just sibling stuff.”

In this episode, I’m unpacking the hidden trauma of sibling relationships shaped by toxic family dynamics. 

We’ll explore the roles we’re forced into, how it impacts your self-worth, and what healing might actually look like.

If you’ve ever felt guilty for stepping back from a sibling, this one’s for you.

Resources 

Toxic siblings post on Tiktok 

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Mother 

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Ready to start therapy this summer? Get in touch if you are based in the UK and EU

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 Ever wondered if someone’s avoidant or actually narcissistic? 

In this episode, I break down what sets avoidant attachment apart from narcissism, why they often get confused (especially in anxious-avoidant dynamics), and how understanding the difference can help you stop blaming yourself, start seeing patterns clearly, and move toward healthier relationships.

Whether you’re trying to make sense of someone else’s behavior or reflecting on your own, this episode brings nuance, compassion, and clarity to a tricky but important topic.

What I cover in this episode:

• Why avoidant behaviour can look like narcissism
  
  
  
• What avoidant attachment actually is (and where it comes from)
  
  
  
• The clinical traits of narcissism and how it develops
  
  
  
• Key differences between avoidant and narcissistic patterns
  
  
  
• Can someone be both?
  
  
  
• How trauma plays a role in both
  
  
  
• Why social media often gets this wrong
  
  
  
• Questions to ask yourself if you’re unsure what you’re dealing with
  
  
  

If this episode resonated:

You can learn more about healing attachment wounds and navigating confusing relationship dynamics by working with me 1:1 or joining my email list for more weekly insights. All the links are in the show notes below.

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📱Book your free 15 minute intro call with Lizandra 

Episode referenced in the show:

Ep 18 The Anxious avoidant trap in relationships

Disclaimer:

Everything shared on this podcast is for information and support only. It’s not therapy, and it’s not a substitute for working with a qualified mental health professional. While I hope these episodes are helpful, they’re not a replacement for personalised care. If you’re struggling, please reach out to a therapist or support service in your area. 

When you're anxious or highly stressed, starting your day with a healthy morning routine for better mental health can help to support your emotional wellbeing. 

Some routines can feel daunting or another to-do but when you approach it from a place of being trauma informed and realistic, you can work with what you have the time and means to do. 

This episode gives you ideas to try, even when you are incredibly short on time. 

Did you enjoy this episode? Don’t forget to share and subscribe! 

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If you’ve ever felt disconnected during sex, struggled to enjoy pleasure, or found yourself shutting down emotionally or physically, this episode is for you.

This week, psychotherapist Lizandra is joined by certified sexologist Lucy Rowett for a deeply honest and empowering conversation about the links between trauma, attachment wounds, and female sexuality. 

We explore why so many women feel stuck in cycles of shame or numbness when it comes to intimacy, and what it actually takes to reclaim a felt sense of safety, desire, and connection in your body.

Whether you have an anxious, avoidant, or disorganised attachment style, you’ll hear compassionate insights that help make sense of what’s going on and how to begin healing.

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Download the free attachment healing guide and join the mailing list here 

Lucy Rowett, CSC, is a certified sexologist and sex coach who is passionate about helping women and people with vulvas let go of sexual shame and hangups and embrace pleasure to create the passionate relationships they've always desired. She is the host of the Naked and Unashamed Life podcast, and the resident sex coach at UK contraception platform, The Lowdown.

Learn more about her here: https://lucyrowett.com/

Free guide to confident sexual communication: https://bit.ly/askforwhatyoureallywant

Free meditation to connect to your vulva: https://bit.ly/handheartv
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lucylurowett
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@lucyrowett
Podcast: The Naked and Unashamed Life 

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0MdbEOJW9nXRqLsAMSTRAn?si=2ce2d298be93495c

Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-naked-unashamed-life/id1682478750