Send Gemma a message

Have you ever left a date feeling completely conflicted?  Part of you feels excited.

Part of you feels anxious.  Part of you wants to see them again.

And part of you feels relieved it's over.

In this episode, I explore why dating can feel so confusing and how different parts of ourselves can interpret the exact same situation in very different ways.

Drawing on concepts from Schema Therapy, I introduce three key voices that often show up when we're dating. 

You'll learn how old wounds such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, defectiveness and people-pleasing patterns can quietly influence attraction, decision-making and relationship choices.

I also explore common dating coping modes including

Most importantly, we'll look at how to strengthen the Wise Self - the part of you that can step back, gather information, spot red flags, honour boundaries and make healthier relationship decisions.

In this episode you'll learn:

• Why dating can feel so confusing at times
• How vulnerable parts of us influence attraction
• The role of coping modes in dating and relationships
• Why familiarity can be mistaken for compatibility
• How schema chemistry can override good judgement
• The questions your Wise Self needs to be asking
• How to recognise who is currently "holding the microphone"
• Why healthy dating involves learning to date from wisdom rather than from your wound

Resources Mentioned:

Love Wisely Foundations
Love Wisely Group Coaching Program
Dating Profile Check-Up
1:1 Coaching with Dr Gemma Gladstone

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the early warning signs of controlling, narcissistic and potentially coercive relationship dynamics - particularly the subtle behaviours that many women dismiss, minimise or explain away in the beginning.

This episode is not about blame. It is about prevention, awareness and learning to trust yourself earlier.

Gemma breaks down:

•  why some controlling behaviours can initially look like care or protection 
•  how love bombing and boundary crossing often work together 
•  the subtle ways controlling people gradually erode your autonomy 
•  why narcissistic and coercively controlling individuals struggle to tolerate your individuality and separateness 
•  how early manipulation often appears through “small” interactions 
•  why boundary creeping, guilt, criticism and emotional pressure matter 
•  the connection between control, entitlement and coercive dynamics 
•  why many women ignore or override their early instincts 
•  the importance of recognising what gets in the way of leaving early 
•  how schemas such as abandonment, emotional deprivation, subjugation and self-sacrifice can keep women stuck in unhealthy dynamics 

Gemma also discusses:

•  emotional manipulation 
•  intrusive behaviour disguised as care 
•  isolation tactics 
•  shame sensitivity and rage reactions 
•  dependency-building behaviours 
•  subtle control around appearance, friendships and daily choices 
•  the psychological function of coercive control 

Most importantly, this episode highlights why early recognition matters.

The sooner unhealthy dynamics are recognised, the easier it becomes to protect your sense of self, your wellbeing and your future.

In this episode:

•  What coercive control actually is 
•  Why control often begins subtly 
•  The difference between care and control 
•  Early signs of dangerous relationship dynamics 
•  Boundary crossing and “boundary creep” 
•  Why love bombing can feel confusing 
•  How controlling partners gradually isolate women 
•  Why healthy partners tolerate difference and autonomy 
•  How schemas can interfere with self-protection 
•  Why taking relationships slowly matters

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

EXCITING NEWS - Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind program and receive early access benefits

Why do some people constantly put others first, struggle to say no, worry excessively about upsetting people, or feel guilty for prioritising themselves?

In this episode of Healing for Love, Dr. Gemma Gladstone explores the deeper psychology behind people pleasing through a schema therapy lens.

This is not simply about being “too nice.” People pleasing is often a learned survival strategy rooted in early relational experiences, attachment dynamics, fear, guilt, conditional acceptance and coping styles developed in childhood.

Gemma unpacks:

•  What people pleasing actually is 
•  Why it develops 
•  The difference between self-sacrifice, subjugation and approval-seeking 
•  Why guilt and fear often drive people pleasing behaviours 
•  How early family dynamics shape self-suppression 
•  Why some women struggle to set boundaries or speak up in relationships 
•  The connection between people pleasing and emotionally unavailable or narcissistic partners 
•  How schemas influence dating, relationships and self-trust 
•  Why people pleasing is often linked to survival, safety and connection 
•  Small practical steps to begin changing these patterns 

This episode also explores:

•  Self-sacrifice schema 
•  Subjugation schema 
•  Approval-seeking schema 
•  Abandonment dynamics 
•  Conditional parenting 
•  Coping modes and “dating personas” 
•  The importance of reconnecting with your own needs, preferences and authenticity 

If you often:

•  Put other people’s needs ahead of your own 
•  Feel guilty saying no 
•  Worry excessively about upsetting others 
•  Need reassurance before making decisions 
•  Stay quiet to avoid conflict 
•  Feel anxious expressing yourself 
•  Struggle with boundaries in dating or relationships 

…this episode will likely resonate deeply.

Mentioned in this episode

Gemma also shares details about her upcoming self-study program:
Love Wisely Foundations (coming soon!) - a schema-informed relationship program designed to help women understand and rewrite unhealthy relationship patterns and “love template.”

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Dating apps can feel like a bit of a horror show at times.

But underneath the frustration, the confusion and the endless swiping… there’s something much deeper going on.

In this episode, I explore how your schemas - particularly abandonment, defectiveness, emotional deprivation and people-pleasing patterns - can shape:

•  Who you feel drawn to 
•  What you tolerate 
•  And why you might ignore your own instincts 

I also walk you through a more grounded, intentional way to approach dating apps - not as “dating platforms,” but simply as introduction tools.

Because real dating doesn’t happen on the app.
 It happens in real life.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

This episode is a special one - I’m sharing the audio from a recent live masterclass where I walk you through the deeper psychological patterns that drive attraction, and why insight alone often isn’t enough to change them.

If you’ve ever found yourself drawn to emotionally unavailable, avoidant, or self-absorbed partners - even when you know better - this episode will help you understand why.

I explore what’s happening beneath the surface, and what it actually takes to begin shifting these patterns from the inside out. 

What you’ll learn

•  Why high chemistry is not always a sign of compatibility 
•  The “love paradox” - wanting one thing, but being pulled toward something very different 
•  How your early schemas (core emotional patterns) shape who you’re drawn to 
•  What schema chemistry is and why attraction can feel so compelling - even when it’s not right for you 
•  The role of people-pleasing, self-sacrifice, and loss of voice in dating 
•  Why “just date more” or “choose better” doesn’t solve the problem 
•  The key stages involved in breaking long-standing relationship patterns 
•  How to begin rewriting your “love template” so you can move toward emotionally available partners 

This episode is for you if…

•  You keep finding yourself in similar relationship dynamics 
•  You’ve dated emotionally unavailable or avoidant men 
•  You struggle to trust yourself in dating 
•  You tend to over-give, over-accommodate, or lose yourself in relationships 
•  You’re ready to understand why this keeps happening - and start doing things differently 

These patterns are not random - they are shaped by deeper, often unconscious processes. And once you understand them, you can begin to shift them.

Want to go deeper?

If this episode resonates, I also share more about my Love Wisely group coaching program inside this training.

It’s a 12-week experience designed to help you:

•  Understand your patterns clearly 
•  Work with your schemas 
•  Build self-trust 
•  And begin relating in a way that supports the kind of relationship you actually want 

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

If dating tends to bring up anxiety, self-doubt, people-pleasing, or the urge to lose yourself in someone else, this episode is for you.

In this practical episode, I’m speaking directly to women who tend to be very giving, very empathic, and very accommodating in relationships, but who often struggle to stay connected to themselves while dating.

If you have a history of subjugation, self-sacrifice, under-entitlement, loose boundaries, or worrying too much about being “too much” or “too needy,” dating can quickly become stressful and confusing. You may find yourself focusing more on whether the other person likes you than on how you actually feel.

In this episode, I walk you through 10 clear dating rules to help you feel calmer, more grounded, and more self-protective in the early stages of dating, without becoming closed off or guarded.

This is about dating in a way that helps you stay connected to your own needs, your own feelings, and your own experience.

In this episode, I cover:

• Why meeting early in real life is better than building a false sense of connection through endless texting
• Why first dates should be short, simple, and low pressure
• The importance of putting a time boundary around early dates
• Why alcohol can make it harder to stay connected to your instincts and boundaries
• Why you do not need to extend a date unless you genuinely want to
• Why it is healthy to directly say you’d like to see someone again if that is true for you
• Why it matters to keep your life running normally when you meet someone new
• Why rushing physical intimacy can create attachment before real compatibility is clear
• How to think about chemistry more wisely, especially if you have a pattern of schema chemistry
• Why the most important question after a date is not “Did they like me?” but “How did I feel?”

Key themes in this episode:

This episode explores how schemas such as subjugation, self-sacrifice, abandonment, emotional deprivation, and under-entitlement can quietly shape the dating process.

It also highlights a more grounded and emotionally healthy approach to dating:

Dating is data.

Rather than treating every date like a test of your worth, this episode encourages you to slow down, gather information, notice how you feel, and assess whether the other person is truly right for you.

If this episode resonated:

If you’ve been enjoying the podcast, I’d be so grateful if you left a quick review on Apple Podcasts. It really does help more women find the show.

And if this episode made you think of someone in your life, feel free to share it with them.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In this episode of Healing for Love, I respond to a thoughtful question from a listener who describes a relationship that is supportive and stable - yet something important is missing.

Her partner is kind, affectionate, and easy to live with. But when it comes to emotional conversations, he rarely initiates them. Over time, she has begun to feel emotionally alone in the relationship.

This is a surprisingly common dynamic.

Many people find themselves in relationships where their partner cares deeply but struggles with emotional expression or emotional dialogue. The question then becomes: is this simply a difference in style, or does it signal something deeper about compatibility and emotional needs?

In this episode, I explore how to think about this situation from both perspectives.

We discuss:

• Why emotional intimacy matters in long term relationships
• The difference between low emotional dialogue and true emotional neglect
• How early experiences can shape someone’s emotional style
• The role schemas can play in how we interpret our needs in relationships
• Why feeling like a “burden” when expressing needs is often an important clue
• How to distinguish between lack of skill and lack of motivation in a partner
• Questions you can ask yourself to clarify what you truly need in a relationship
• How to communicate emotional needs in a constructive and specific way

Sometimes the most important shift is moving away from the question:

“How do I change my partner?”

And instead asking:

“What kind of emotional life do I want to live in my relationship?”

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering whether your emotional needs are “too much,” this episode will give you a thoughtful framework for understanding what’s really going on.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Hey, if you'd like to reduce your chances of future relationship regret, then come to my free live training: Join here

Have you ever looked back on a past relationship and thought:

Why did I stay so long?
Why didn’t I see the signs earlier?
If only I had done something differently…

Relationship regret can be incredibly painful. Many people find themselves stuck replaying the past, analysing every decision and blaming themselves for how things turned out.

But in this episode, I explain why this mental loop is not actually helping us heal.

In psychology, the “should have, could have, would have” pattern is known as counterfactual thinking. It’s a form of rumination where the mind tries to solve an unsolvable problem - the past.

And while it feels like we are trying to understand what happened, what is often happening underneath is emotional avoidance.

Beneath regret there is usually something much more vulnerable:

Grief.

Grief about the relationship.
Grief about what we hoped it would be.
Grief about the loss of the future we imagined.

In this episode, I explore:

• Why regret often keeps us stuck in rumination
• The psychology of counterfactual thinking
• Why self-blame is so common after difficult relationships
• How rumination can block emotional healing
• The grief that often sits underneath regret
• Why painful relationships are not “wasted time”
• How our schemas influence what we tolerate in relationships
• How to shift from self-blame to insight and growth
• Simple ways to respond differently when regret arises

I also look at an important reframe:

Relationships are often our greatest teachers.

Even the painful ones can reveal important truths about our emotional needs, our patterns, and the schemas that shape our relationship choices.

When we approach our past with compassion rather than self-blame, we open the door to healing and to making wiser choices in the future.

If this episode resonates with you

Many of the women who join my Love Wisely program come with this same question:

"Why did I end up in relationships like that?"

Inside the program we explore the deeper psychological patterns behind attraction, schemas, and relationship choices - and how to create healthier relationships going forward.

You can learn more about Love Wisely on my website.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

In Part 2 of this series, I continue unpacking the darker red flags that often show up early in dating – the ones that are easy to dismiss but costly to ignore.

These are not minor quirks. They are patterns that predict future control, manipulation, blame-shifting, entitlement and emotional instability.

In this episode, I explore:

• What I call “future mirroring” – a subtle form of love bombing designed to accelerate closeness
• The chronic victim stance and how trauma dumping can be used as manipulation
• Why repeated stories of being “wrongly accused” deserve careful attention
• Exaggerated reactions to frustration, shame or not getting their way
• How to recognise blame shifting early
• Why high chemistry without character is not compatibility
• How to strengthen your intuitive muscle and trust your internal data

If you’ve ever felt confused, slightly uneasy or pressured in early dating but talked yourself out of it – this episode is for you.

I also share details about the upcoming round of Love Wisely, beginning April 16, and how you can join the priority list.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here

Send Gemma a message

Not all red flags are equal.

Some signal incompatibility.
Others signal something much darker.

In this episode, I’m breaking down the first three of my Top Five Dark Red Flags in Early Dating - the traits that, in my clinical experience, rarely improve with time and often predict controlling or deeply problematic relationship dynamics.

If you’ve ever found yourself:

• Ignoring your gut
• Giving someone “the benefit of the doubt”
• Talking yourself out of discomfort
• Wanting to be the easygoing, understanding one

This episode is for you.

I explore:

• Why people-pleasing schemas can keep you in situations you already know aren’t right
• How subtle pushiness can signal future control
• Why arrogance is one of the most dangerous personality traits to overlook
• The difference between confidence and entitlement
• How love bombing can be used strategically
• What “future mirroring” is and why it hooks so many intelligent women

I also explain why what you feel in your body matters - and how to recognise when someone is testing your compliance rather than building real connection.

This is not about demonising people.
It’s about helping you see clearly.

Support the show

😊Love Wisely Foundations is here! Enroll now for this one of a kind guided program

✅Dating App Profile CHECK-UP

🩷 Join Love Wisely PRIORITY List  

🎁 Dating With Insight - FREE Guide

💛 Elevate You Worth (50% off only for listeners) - Use coupon WORTHY

Connect with Me

 📩[email protected]  🌐 Website: drgemmagladstone.com
📷 Instagram: @drgemmacoaching

🌻 Support the Podcast 🙏
Love the show? Help us keep going with a monthly contribution: Support here