HeartBalm

Is It Insanity or Malignant Narcissism? What So Many Are Trying to Name

A lot of headlines are asking, and alot of people are wondering if the person running our country is insane or devolved into madness. They’re watching the lies, the rage, the chaos, the mindless, blind followers - and they’re desperate for a label that makes sense. But what they’re seeing isn’t insanity. It’s narcissism at full tilt - at full cruelty. And for those of us who grew up under it, this isn’t confusing - it’s textbook and, unfortunately, painfully familiar.

Let me be very clear – this is not a man who is losing his grip on reality. This is someone remaking reality – on purpose. That’s toxic narcissism.

Every lie, every scapegoat, every moment of confusion? It's strategy.

Narcissists with power don’t break down or fall apart – they build worlds where they are never wrong, never questioned, never small.

And they will burn everything down to the ground to keep that fantasy alive.

And yes, maybe he has frontal lobe dementia or an STD, or all of the other things people have tried to label and attach to him to make sense of him. But at the end of the day, it doesn’t matter.

Look at his history – he’s been this way all along. This isn’t new. This is a lifetime of toxic narcissism finally unmasked on a national stage.

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Lately, I’ve been sitting with something that came through during a quiet morning. A kind of download or vision. It helped me see how complex trauma, spiritual awareness, and our longing for peace all intersect. This piece was born from that moment of insight, and from years of living in a body that remembers pain, while also sensing something vaster behind the curtain. May it meet you wherever you are: hurting, healing, or just trying to make sense of your own humanness.

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When Staying Small Keeps You Stuck

There’s a version of you that learned early on how to disappear.

How to shrink.

How to make yourself small enough that no one would notice, small enough that you wouldn't be a target, small enough that your needs wouldn’t inconvenience anyone.

For many of us who grew up with trauma, especially under the rule of a narcissistic parent or in an environment where love was conditional, staying small was a survival strategy. It worked. But what helped you survive then is keeping you trapped now.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

_Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love

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Aloha HeartFriends,

Below is a snapshot of all HeartBalm activities and offerings posted in March. Grab your coffee and spend some time reviewing, listening, and remembering how strong, courageous, unique and real you are, and allow your heart to open and be soothed.

Following are the quick links to March’s HeartBalm Healing podcast and The Friday Editions you may have missed. And don’t forget to check out the archives for more healing resources, inspiration, meditations, and posts on healing, CPTSD and trauma-related content.

Sending you all my love and healing vibes! Be sure to subscribe to the free HeartBalm YouTube Channel.

• HeartBalm Healing Podcast read by Sunny Lynn

• The Friday Edition

• All Wednesday Meditations with Sunny, Power Gems, and Notes from Nature

• Access to the complete archives

• Ability to comment on every article

• All free posts, notes, articles, and threads

• Our deepest gratitude in supporting the ad-and-sponsor-free-work of HeartBalm: a loving space to unfold in, heal, and bring comfort and resolve to each one of us, and by extension - the world

Thank you so much to all my amazing subscribers, friends, and companions on this healing journey, and a big welcome to all of our new subscribers joining us! I'm grateful for your support, subscriptions, and donations that help me continue this work, and thrilled to have each and every one of you here as we keep growing, healing, and discovering our best selves together. #HeartBalm #CommunityPower #ShareYourStory #EngageAndInspire

HeartBalm is an ad-and-sponsor-free reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

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When We Get Whomped and Want to Burn It All Down

Many of you know this feeling of opening up – maybe just a little, maybe just enough to let someone in – and then, whomp. Some idiot steamrolls you with their projections, their ego, their absolute inability to see you clearly. And suddenly, you’re right there, in a raging fire.

Recently, I experienced an incident with someone and was left feeling smashed to pieces, and then totally enraged. Ready to fight and mete out justice. I was triggered and feeling overwhelmed with emotions and a nervous system on rage patrol.

The urge to lash out, to rip them apart with my words (or worse), to make them see what they did, and defend myself, felt real and warranted. But in the end, I could see that this kind of reaction wasn’t just about them. It’s about every single time someone took advantage of my openness and vulnerability. Every time I was gaslit, dismissed, preyed upon, betrayed, or bulldozed. Every time I wasn’t allowed to say, NO! You don’t get to twist my reality, you don’t get to rewrite who I am or diminish me for your own gains. Not this time. Not ever again!

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Stop Doing the Emotional Work for Others – It’s Not Your Job!

Years ago, a couples therapist told me to stop doing the emotional work for my husband (now ex-husband). At the time, her words caught me off guard – I wasn’t even sure what she meant. But unraveling that comment became a profound turning point. It forced me to see just how much of myself I had poured into managing others' emotions while neglecting my own. As I worked to undo this pattern and rebuild, I realized it wasn’t just about my marriage – it was tangled in deep-rooted conditioning, the remnants of past programming by my narcissistic mother and enabling father and family, that I had to face and unlearn.

One of the hardest truths to accept after long-term abuse and trauma is that other people’s emotions are not your responsibility.

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On Being Who You Are – And Not Taking Others Personally

There’s something magnetic about watching someone who is unfiltered, sharp, and unapologetically themselves. They say what they mean and mean what they say. They see the world through their lens – raw, unvarnished, and unbothered by social niceties. And while it can be abrasive, it can also be incredibly refreshing.

It makes you wonder: What would it feel like to simply exist as we are, without constantly tying ourselves in knots, apologizing, or adjusting ourselves for others?

I have been noticing others as wholly themselves lately – characters in their own movie of experiences – filled with a litany of every insecurity, foible, desire, traumatic belief, like, and dislike rolled into a human form. It made me think about how we are all just reflecting our inner world outwardly – with all of our fears, loves, peccadillos, and subconscious beliefs held tightly by old wounds and stories of the past.

Yet, why do we feel like that is wrong or should be edited, or isn’t enough or okay? What if we just stood fully in our unadorned selves and let ourselves off the hook to be what we think is most appealing to others? Can you let your idiosyncracies shine and your unique way of being in the world be your compass and grounding force?

Because, at the end of the day, others’ opinions of you are none of your business – only your opinion of you matters!

And at the same time, when we encounter others, it is an invitation to see them as they truly are – shaped by their own internal narratives and the full spectrum of experiences, both beautiful and painful, on their journey through life.

Don’t take anything personally. Nothing others do is because of you. What others do is a projection of their own reality.

_Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements

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Dearest HeartBalm’er,

Below is a snapshot of everything posted at HeartBalm in February. Take a moment to review, listen, read, and reread each HeartBalm Healing podcast and The Friday Editions you may have missed. And don’t forget to check out the archives for more healing resources, inspiration, meditations, and posts on CPTSD and trauma-related content.

Sending you all my love and healing vibes! Be sure to subscribe to the free HeartBalm YouTube Channel.

• HeartBalm Healing Podcast read by Sunny Lynn

• The Friday Edition

• All Wednesday Meditations with Sunny, Power Gems, and Notes from Nature

• Access to the complete archives

• Ability to comment on every article

• All free posts, notes, articles, and threads

• Our deepest gratitude in supporting the ad-and-sponsor-free-work of HeartBalm: a loving space to unfold in, heal, and bring comfort and resolve to each one of us, and by extension - the world

Thank you so much to all my amazing subscribers, friends, and companions on this healing journey, and a big welcome to all of our new subscribers joining us! I'm grateful for your support, subscriptions, and donations that help me continue this work, and thrilled to have each and every one of you here as we keep growing, healing, and discovering our best selves together. #HeartBalm #CommunityPower #ShareYourStory #EngageAndInspire

HeartBalm is an ad-and-sponsor-free reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a paid subscriber.

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Why the World Feels Like One Big Narcissistic Family System – And How to Survive It

If you grew up under the rule of a narcissistic parent, you already know what it feels like to live in a world where truth is distorted, the powerful are protected, and the innocent are left to suffer. You know what it’s like to scream into the void, only to watch enablers rush to defend the abuser. You know what it’s like to feel trapped, manipulated, gaslit, and discarded.

And now, here we are, adults, looking around at the world and thinking, “Why does this feel exactly like my childhood?”

It is not in your head. We are living through a time that eerily mirrors the dynamics of a narcissistic family system on a massive scale. The corrupt, self-serving leaders. The enablers who keep them in power. The gaslighting, the double standards, the blatant abuses of power.

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes people to question their reality. It’s not just an individual experience; it’s a social epidemic that keeps people disconnected from the truth.

_Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect: How to Spot and Survive the Hidden Manipulation Others Use to Control Your Life

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Rewriting Old Trauma Patterns with Micro-Proof

Trauma has a way of keeping us tethered to the past, looping old patterns through our lives when we least expect or want them to. They can disrupt our jobs, relationships, and sense of stability, reinforcing the very fears and beliefs we desperately wish to escape. Each time we find ourselves back in the same pain, it feels like proof: See? Nothing ever changes. This is just how life is. The weight of these moments makes it seem as though freedom from the past will never come, as though we are doomed to relive the same heartbreaks, betrayals, and losses forever.

We find ourselves wondering how many times can a person lose before they break? How many times can you rebuild, only to have it all come crashing down? How many times can you dare to hope, only to be beaten back into the cold reality that safety, love, and stability never seem to last?

It feels like life is a cruel joke. As if the world has some contract to keep you suffering. Like all the work you’ve done – the healing, the therapy, the awareness – doesn’t mean a damn thing when the same old nightmares play out in broad daylight.

Because trauma-trained brains dismiss the good as coincidence and fixate on the bad as proof.

And honestly? Why wouldn’t they?

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