*****TRIGGER WARNING: Suicide, Self Harm, Suicide Ideation, & Abandonment Trauma*****

This is a story about my experiences with suicide, about the night in Chicago my ‘band dude’ ex-boyfriend left (the actual coldest winter night I have ever experienced), and why I advocate so much for mental wellness and suicide prevention now. This is my story. DAMN, it feels good to get this out. This is my truth. I was never alone. You are not alone either. 

Music: https://www.purple-planet.com

On this episode of H2BH, Dave shares his personal story of how he uses cannabis as an alternative to opioids, how he became addicted to heroin, speaks on the years and friends he lost to heavy drug use, and how self-care and exercise are the most important tools he uses in his recovery today. Dave’s story is wild and incredible and inspiring, especially because we were close friends and I had NO idea he did any hard drugs until years later, when he was in a rehab center in Prescott, AZ.

I am thankful and honored he shared his struggles, stories, and pain with me. You are my hero and my friend, Dave. I am proud to know you.

If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, please know that you are not alone. The Promise Resource Network is an incredible place of community in Charlotte, NC for recovery from mental illness and addiction. Please reach out if you need to be directed to other resources or something in Dave’s story resonates in your own heart and experience. 

This was recorded on May 25, 2020. While Dave's story is incredibly important--I felt it necessary, with the death of George Floyd and the current conversations happening in the world, for me to pause and take a step back for a few weeks and really think about what my voice was saying. I have found a lot of strength in the quiet. I am very proud of this podcast and look forward to more storytelling and connection in the future. 

If you enjoy the podcast and want to support my work, please consider becoming a Patron of Hard To Be Human here. 

In this episode of H2BH, I sit down with the lovely Spotify software engineer, Kaity Hallman, as she talks about what it’s like living and working in the heart of New York City. In a pandemic! We talk internet trolls, what the word ‘productivity’ means to us, and she tells me the great things Spotify is doing for both their employees and artists! She also talks openly about body dysmorphia and not feeling comfortable in your own skin. She even overcomes her fear of being on camera with me! An honor.

She is a true delight and I can’t wait for her to become a regular on Hard To Be Human. Thank you for giving me your time and energy, Kaity. You are an inspiration to me.

Find Kaity at :

https://kaityhallman.com/

Instagram - @kaityhall

Twitter - @kaityhallman

It is really freakin hard to miss your friends. Especially when you have been friends for over 20 years and they live in another country during a pandemic. In this episode on H2BH, I sit down with my best friend and one of my most favorite people in the whole wide world, Emily Smith. She talks about life in the U.K., how hard it is to miss your family during a crisis, and we talk about how a family goes way deeper than blood. We also share a lot of stories, including the origin of our "fun" tattoos on our fingers! Family is love. Friends are love.

Imagine meeting someone who even understood the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul. I am, once again, so acutely aware of how “temporary” it all is, our precious time together. And yet, the bonds we co-create here on earth feel so ancient as we come and go, weaving in and out of the “oh-so-familiar places — and faces.”

Especially the ones that remind us we are here, and we are alive. Someone who will see in me a kindred spirit, and make me believe that souls do travel in packs. And that someone will awaken within an ancient truth, that real friendship has no beginning or end — and can never really die. That someone will easily pick up where we left off and become in a holy instant, an instant friend, no matter how far away.

I love you, Emily. Thank you for being my family forever.

Suicide. It’s a scary word. Most of the time, a shameful word. We live in a culture where talking about your feelings is looked down upon, we stuff our feelings down into the pit of our stomachs and wonder why we are all sick and dying. Nearly 450 million people worldwide are currently living with a mental illness, yet nearly two-thirds of people with a known mental illness never seek treatment. Most people are too afraid to talk about it. I want to change that.

In this very special episode of H2BH, I sit down with the one and only, Fonda Bryant, as we talk about her childhood trauma, the importance of suicide prevention in the wake of a pandemic, and we share our self-care tips since we can't go the gym! She is a suicide prevention and mental health advocate. She teaches QPR Suicide Prevention training and other classes with Mental Health America of the Central Carolinas (that I have taken!) She was awarded the MHA Advocacy of the Year Award in 2019. She has worked tirelessly to put up suicide prevention signs on rooftops all over Charlotte and beyond. She speaks to schools and colleges on the importance of mental health, and she gives the best damn hugs. I am so honored to have shared so many spaces with her.

What does it mean to advocate for suicide prevention and mental health? What does that look work look like in the real world? Can anyone be an advocate? Can anyone prevent suicide? My dear friend, Fonda Bryant, thinks so.

This episode is in honor of Mental Health Awareness Month. Each year millions of Americans face the reality of living with a mental illness, most very very alone. If you are one of those millions, Fonda and I are here to tell you…you can ALWAYS rekindle hope. You are NOT alone.

Here is a place to start: 

NAMI: National Alliance on Mental Illness

Mental Health America of the Central Carolinas

Promise Resource Network 

Hard To Be Human 

PART TWO of my lovely morning with Mary. We talk about her Ehlers-Danlos syndrome diagnosis, how angry getting sick made me, and SO much more.  Thanks for coming back. I am so happy you are here with us. <3

______________________________________

‘You’re too young to be sick. Disease is all in the mind. You don’t look sick to me. I’m sure things will get better. Did you get this because you ___? My aunt’s cousin’s best friend who also has your disease is doing great! You should try this amazing herbal remedy. It could be worse. Everyone gets tired. You are faking it. It must be nice not having to go to work/school. You’re just having a bad day. You need to get more exercise. I wish I had time to take a nap. The power of positive thinking!! It will get better, just be patient. It’s all in your head. You’re just stressed. Depressed. Anxious. You need to get out more. Have you tried yoga???’  

These are all actual things people have said to me over the years on the journey of my body actually falling apart from the inside. It’s hard to be chronically sick. In pain all the time, with no end in sight. AND YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE BELIEVES YOU. Does any of this resonate with you? In this extra special 2-part episode, I sit down with my friend, Mary (who I DID NOT go to college with), as we try to unpack what it means to be chronically ill, even though we don’t look sick. We feel like we are dying, and NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION.  

We talk about what it’s like to live with pain and uncertainty and bodies that cannot be trusted to work properly. We laugh and tell stories about the awful doctor experiences we have had. We share TONS of information about coping with chronic illness, what our headspaces are like, and what we do to pull ourselves out of the darkness when we feel so much pain all the time. We talked for so long that I had to split it into two parts and MAKE Mary get off the zoom call (with the promise of another follow-up episode soon!).  

It is really hard to be a human when you don’t trust your own body and it’s functions, but you are not alone. I am very candid in my experiences in hopes to create a space where you also feel comfortable talking about yours.  Remember, the absolute best and most powerful thing you can EVER say to someone with a chronic or invisible illness is: I believe you.  

XOXO, JESSIE   

RESOURCES FOR YOU!   

https://www.ehlers-danlos.com/?fbclid... 

https://www.amazon.com/dp/0615825796/...

‘You’re too young to be sick. Disease is all in the mind. You don’t look sick to me. I’m sure things will get better. Did you get this because you ___? My aunt’s cousin’s best friend who also has your disease is doing great! You should try this amazing herbal remedy. It could be worse. Everyone gets tired. You are faking it. It must be nice not having to go to work/school. You’re just having a bad day. You need to get more exercise. I wish I had time to take a nap. The power of positive thinking!! It will get better, just be patient. It’s all in your head. You’re just stressed. Depressed. Anxious. You need to get out more. Have you tried yoga???’

These are all actual things people have said to me over the years on the journey of my body actually falling apart from the inside. It’s hard to be chronically sick. In pain all the time, with no end in sight. AND YOU FEEL LIKE NO ONE BELIEVES YOU. Does any of this resonate with you?

In this extra special 2-part episode, I sit down with my friend, Mary (who I DID NOT go to college with), as we try to unpack what it means to be chronically ill, even though we don’t look sick. We feel like we are dying, and NO ONE IS PAYING ATTENTION.

We talk about what it’s like to live with pain and uncertainty and bodies that cannot be trusted to work properly. We laugh and tell stories about the awful doctor experiences we have had.  We share TONS of information about coping with chronic illness, what our headspaces are like, and what we do to pull ourselves out of the darkness when we feel so much pain all the time. We talked for so long that I had to split it into two parts and MAKE Mary get off the zoom call (with the promise of another follow-up episode soon!).

It is really hard to be a human when you don’t trust your own body and it’s functions, but you are not alone. I am very candid in my experiences in hopes to create a space where you also feel comfortable talking about yours.

Remember, the absolute best and most powerful thing you can EVER say to someone with a chronic or invisible illness is :

I believe you.

XOXO, JESSIE 

RESOURCES FOR YOU! 

The Ehlers Danlos Society 

A really good book on Hashimotos 

In true H2BH fashion, nothing ever goes as planned. It is really hard to be a human, and, apparently, it is really hard to record a podcast too. Over the last two days, I planned to record three-hour-long podcasts with three different people. The universe said the hell with your plans, I am going to teach you how to let go of your expectations. You only get 12 minutes of crap footage, do something with it. Now, normally, I would have raged and been sad that all that work was lost. I would have said I am failing at “doing a podcast” because all my plans changed. Instead, I used that 12 minutes of crap footage and turned it into a story. I am refusing to give up. The beauty of @hardtobehumanco is that the harder it is, the more I have to talk about. 

Here is Episode 2, with @fromkelseywithlove, not at all what I thought the second episode of this morning talk show was going to be, but even more proud of the story that came out of it. You are going to make mistakes. Just keep going. Streaming everywhere now.

EDIT*****fast forward 60 seconds!! It is there! I promise!

 May 8th, 2020

In this new post-pandemic season of H2BH, I turn the podcast into a weed-friendly morning talk show about mental wellness and life in a pandemic. 

One hour of an honest, unedited conversation with another human. That's it. ;)

In this episode, I spend the morning with one of my dear friends and local Charlotte artist, Libby Reynolds, as we gush over Hayley Williams and the Petals For Armor release, discuss how we are staying creative in quarantine, literally walk through my extreme anxiety of being on camera, and Libby talks about what it's like to get engaged during a pandemic! 

Here are the links for the incredible organizations we talked about during this episode. She is currently raising money for these groups with her latest print, 'Nobodys illegal on stolen land.'  Both groups are doing incredible work in the Charlotte community, and I would encourage you to check them out. Real people helping others. 

ourBRIDGE for KIDS : https://www.joinourbridge.org/

Comunidad Colectiva : https://comunidadcolectiva.org/donate/

Stay connected with me on Instagram for more. <3 

Me: https://www.instagram.com/cosmicallyjessie/ & https://www.instagram.com/hardtobehumanco/

March 22, 2020. It's really hard to be a human right now. So hard that every time I try to record an episode about the current state of the world, I just freak out, and get too worked up to understand. We all have a lot of feelings to work through and that is v a l i d. Here is a little clip from my trip to Orlando that made me smile today. I hope it will do the same for you. Stay strong, humans. We can do this. <3