Help Wanted

We have a helpful and insightful conversation about death positivity with Sarah Wambold, a hip funeral director who's been working with dead folks for 10 years. Why are we so reluctant to talk about death, and what good might come out of addressing it? Plus Making a Murderer (Sarah's from Wisconsin and has an insider's scoop), classic morgue stories, necrophilia, Six Feet Under, natural burials and natural cemeteries, the importance of rituals, funeral playlists, and the worst band in the world: Blue October. Regina plans her funeral. Valerie remembers an encounter at the medical examiner's office.

Not sure what the "best" way to be is at a funeral? Here are Sarah's funeral etiquette tips, that differ, depending on who you are in relationship to the deceased:

• The Dead Body: can look and act however they want!
• Family/Close friends: can act however they want but must follow wishes of The Dead Body.
• Friends/Coworkers: pay respects to #1, there to support #2, don’t overt exert their self-importance.
• Acquaintances/Followers/Fans: go to funeral if able to, pay attention to decisions made and think about/talk about your plans with other loved ones.

General Funeral Etiquette Guidelines

• Go to the funeral! If you are worried about the visual of death, go in support of being a visual of life-of the full life of the dead. Otherwise it will just be a dead body in a room.
• No rules on the "right" type of funeral, touching the body, showing emotions.
• If unsure of your emotions, offer support to someone clearly struggling.
• If no "funeral" occurs, there is a mourning period, which is sort of a funeral. Mark the calendar to reach out after a week, monthly, yearly.

Basics

• Follow instructions on parking and funeral processions if that is what is set up.
• Try to respect timelines. It will give everyone more time and peace to memorialize.
• You can wait outside the funeral home/service space until you are ready.

Comedian, actress, and online dater Kim Stacy shares her experience with dating apps Tinder and Bumble. Her advice for successful dating: be honest about your intentions, use photos that highlight your personality, know your hell nos, never leave anything you want to see again at a guy's house, and be selective about giving out your digits. Oh, and always flirt with a Baldwin brother, even if it's the bloated one from Celebrity Intervention. We cover what makes an activity good for a first meeting (drinks/coffee) and what could be a trap (lengthy miniature golf courses). Regina can't stand the large number of men posing with fish on dating apps. Valerie will date a 55 year old if he looks like Hugh Laurie. Everyone would date Luke from Gilmore Girls.

We treat sleep like an unwanted houseguest inconveniencing our lives, but it's damn important. In this episode we have tips for better sleep as suggested by the National Sleep Foundation and notorious rich and privileged sleeper: Gwyneth Paltrow. Things that encourage sleep: night time rituals (freaky), adhering to a schedule (boring), avoiding naps and corndogs (what is the purpose of life?). Good advice for anyone who suffers from insomnia or who could just stand to take better care of her/himself. We finally learn what a duvet cover is and what makes Egyptian cotton so Egyptian.

This episode contains all things scatalogical. Regina "prefers air fresheners" Soto has allergies and Valerie "big fan of matches" Nies discovers the portmanteau of your Help Wanted hosts is "VAGINA" (pronounced vageena).

Pee shyness is an actual, real issue, that affects one out of ten men and any woman in a new relationship. Poop is an automatic relationship killer. Celebrities use a lot of toilet paper and Regina has tips for office bathroom etiquette: don't talk on your phone, don't make small talk, clean up after yourself (who's always making the bathroom a mess? ISIS?), and always use a courtesy flush. Plus what your stall preference says about you, and a listener poll regarding UTIs and yeast infections that surely no one will take part in.

Did you know that sugar gunks up your organ systems? And that sugar actually has no health benefit? And did you know that Valerie once accidentally killed her college roommate's fish? Sarah Marie Curry, a sugar free aficionado and author of the blog Unsweetened Sarah Marie, informs us on all things sugar, explains why it's bad news, and shares her experience kicking the stuff. Regina informs us there are 56 names for the word sugar. If you're not quite ready to kick sugar to the curb, Sarah Marie shares tips for easing in slowly to find out what works best for you.

Is it ever appropriate to contact an ex? Do we seek validation from our past loves? Regina's ex creepily contacts her. Valerie believes you can be friends with ex and frequency of contact can increase the farther away they live and lengthier the time you've spent apart. She thinks maybe there's an equation somewhere in that theory. Justin "Throw Some Skin in the Game" Dehn is a big believer in a 3 to 6 month post-breakup moratorium on talking to exes. He's the most mature, highest road taker when it comes to running into exes. Regina and Valerie share tips about when it's appropriate (on a birthday or when someone dies) and when it's not (when you're drunk and lonely or you need some wood hauled) to reach out to an ex. And the whole gang brainstorms ideas for getting over an ex: banging a drum at a sweat lodge, visiting Haiti, or blowing it out a little with some Montreal rebound sex. #ThereforeTrue #PainIsHard

Do you take risks in your life? Or are you too afraid? Margie Warrell, author of Brave and Stop Playing It Safe, suggests these tips to practice taking more risks in your life:

1. Acknowledging Your Fear.

2. Taming Your Fear.

3. Harnessing the Power of Your Fear.

We visit with Britney Salyer, a risk taker, who spent 3 years Eat-Pray-Loving in SE Asia, a land of helmet-less motorbiking toddlers and breakfast-for-dinner eaters. In short, a land of risk takers. Britney tells us about hostile hostels and nearly dying in Phnom Penh. Valerie mispronounces Phuket, and we learn Regina watches a lot of TV. Plus a risk-taking quiz listeners can take along with us to determine if they have the balls to bungee jump through life or if they'd rather read a book while staying at a resort of nerdy introverts.

We talk about the grossest-tasting, yet, best-working wellness vitamins, Instacart, parents, nightmare next door neighbors, and murder-rapists (mapists). How will Valerie deal with her mom bringing all of the sugar from the upper Midwest to Austin for the holidays? Regina has tips on gift-giving, guilt-ridden gifts, and bow overcompensation. Wanna know how to have an effective breakdown around your family in the organic dairy section of the grocery store? Valerie's got the answers. If you'd rather learn about how to deal with family over the holidays sans breakdowns, we have tips from the much more qualified Therese Borchard. Last but not least, how helpful are gift cards and aromatherapy diffusers?