How are we supposed to deal with an onslaught of ongoing terrible news? Valerie and Regina get tips on preparing for a mass shooting in the workplace or a Cici's Pizza from the Department of Homeland Security, the Art of Manliness blog, and survivalist coworkers. Plus an interview with Laura, the high school teacher who teaches aging in her sociology class by letting her students watch Big. She describes a high school mass shooting drill and why moving to Denmark or cowering in fear are not the answers to avoiding tragedy. Plus Regina and Laura make Valerie jealous when they share stories of hot grocery store workers throwing apples in their faces. Does anyone know what a parsnip is?

Meet Valerie Nies and Regina Soto. In this inaugural episode they need help with suspicious moles, frozen yogurt toppings, brisket marinades, withdrawing from sugar, mail theft, hoarders, freemasons, and multigenerational co-ops.