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Today we discuss the 3 universal beliefs held by every attendee at the Harvard University John F. Kennedy School of Government Faith & Leadership Program, and what these beliefs have in common with caregivers. Stay tuned!  

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As Senior Level Project Manager for US Army & Federal Govt I was responsible for $2BN projects in many states, & overseas. The same skills then help me now caregive for mom, including: defining overarching goal, thinking strategically + deciding tactically, developing meta-awareness about decisions made, communicating them effectively within team, and never tearing down fences till I first know why it was put up. I schedule 3-4 tasks/day for mom, 1 of which totally for fun. 

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Oh, Dear! This is going to get me in trouble...Come laugh with me as I share KEY lessons learned about women, by caring for my sweet, dear mama: 

HOW can you talk for hours about a problem, instead of solving it in minutes? 

Why marry a man, when you seem so much happier without him?

How can women be so pretty within 30 seconds!

To others your sons are amazing--to us we are still 2yoa 

Why are women racked with fear, when you control the world? 

Why does EVERY old woman grab food off their plate and ask people, “Do you want some?” 

Is it possible to truly forgive a wrong, when you never really forget it?  

Why is something always wrong (see #1 above)?

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It is critical to create a signed written Caregiver Agreement to set forth who is doing what to care for mom, in exchange for what compensation or reimbursement. This will save you $200K/yr, AND improve care for your mom vs hiring an "angels" service. Today we set forth what is a Caregiver Agreement, and what provisions it should contain. If you have questions, email [email protected]  

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Today we are blessed with Carolyn's Story of 2-X cancer, first her's, then her husband's, and what she learned through this valley of death's shadow. 

If you wish to share your caregiving story, please email me at [email protected]

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Daughter Vivian helps us today answer the age-old Q: why we are here, what we are supposed to be doing, and why. These are critical to know, as caregivers. Come let us study together.  

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I think term "parental control" applies more to regulating your aging parent's cell phone, than your childrens'. Decluttering your mom's phone is like swatting mosquitos in Summer in Indiana--you gotta stay at it. It never stops. With her phone, you must delete apps, eliminate notifiers, and remove access to bank, financial & other accounts on regular basis. K.I.S.S. is the motto to maintain cell phone calmness. Get all apps to 1 screen, mimic her phone to your phone, direct to one source for all shopping. And watch like a hawk! I never imagined that being guardian for mom would require so much ongoing time simpliying her phone. But apps & notifiers multiply like, well, mosquitos....So, keep swatting!     

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Self-pity is the self-dug grave of caregivers. Why Me, Woe is Me. I dont deserve this, I didnt ask for this. Why dont they, When will they... SP is worsened by our culture of selfishness, our online/on-phone isolation, and breakdown in family structures. SP focuses on what we are losing rather than gaining. But there are 6 things we can do to help, beginning with practicing self-kindness and remembering (and not straying far from our) our own strengths. Please share your own ideas with us at [email protected] 

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Nothing is more untrue than, "Sticks & Stones may break bones, BUT WORDS CAN NEVER HURT US." Every pain I have suffered in life, and most I have inflicted on others, has been the result of words--hateful words, mean words, destructive words. Words that tear down, vs build.  

Today on helping.mom we talk about a different sub-set of words--what I call "Wasted Words." Words that may be true, but which nonetheless add no value to our caregiving--which words prove more cost than benefit. And, there are many in caregiving. Complaining, Justifying, Giving too much detail, Arguing on any topic, Comparing yourself to anyone else, Defending yourself. The list is long. 

But there are right uses of the tongue, to help us "Speak Life" (Toby Mac) into our loved one. Today we discuss both wasted & useful words on our podcast. Thanks for joining us. Please share your own ideas to [email protected]

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What not to think about is the epitome of positive self-discipline. Think of the squirrel who loses half by thinking of all. The weight of wrong thinking submerges the caregiver, more than the doing of required tasks; our battles are more within than without. Mental minimalism is knowing what NOT to think about, so we can channel available energy, light & flow to care for others--while caring for ourself. Today Terry shares 7 things we must NOT think about to be effective caregivers--beginning with perfectionism and ending with criticism. Please share your own ideas to [email protected]