Helping.Mom

By Terry, Army Vet & CaregiverEducation How To

Helping.Mom episodes

July 20, 2025 Countercultural Caregiving
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Countercultural Caregiving. Romans 1:1

Catch: Caregiving in America today is as countercultural as Christianity was in Jerusalem in day of Jesus, and in Rome in days of Paul.

Christianity began in Jerusalem: Temple, Law, Priests, Passover, Arrest, Trial, Crucifixion, Resurrection, All disciples Jews there, Missions began here, First Sermon: Pentecost (5000 saved from 10+ diff regions of world), Persecution began in Jerusalem when Herod killed James, First churches planted, Real want realized by Christians. Butt it quickly transitions to Rome—center of world, based on Greek ideas + Roman law.

What was society like there:

Religion cold, formal, cultural, distant, outward focused, rote memory, void of life. But Jesus promises peace like river, joy like fountain, eternal life, spiritual rebirth, rivers of living water, love like an ocean, born again—born of spirit. Our hearts cry “ABBA, father!”

Society heavily patriarchal. Every matriarchal value was devalued. Yet Jesus & Paul assert dignity and responsibility and authority of women, and with it maternal values like love, charity, kindness, goodness, grace--all with humble service. Pricilla, Lydia, (at least) 4 Mary’s, widow casting mites, 2 who poured oil in Him in worship,

Hierarchical society based on power, law, control. But in Christianity the last are first, first last, greatest serves most. We are slaves of gospel, Christ, the lost, church and of others. While they were based on 100% hierarchy, Paul and Jesus took forms of lowest slaves, washing feet, being imprisoned and whipped.

Justice grounded in retribution, the lex talionis, reciprocity cycles. An eye for eye, and tooth for tooth. There was no place in Roman culture or Jewish law for forgiveness. If you acted on principle of doing something kind to someone for sake of kindness, or even worse, doing kindness to someone in the face of their hostility toward you (praying for an enemy, giving them your coat if they take your shirt, turning cheeks to offensive attacks), you were mental basket case and threat to your culture, and a shame to your family.

Yet Christianity injected idea that truth is more important than your honor and shame, in fact truth acted on is sole basis for honor, and to reject truth vertically toward God and horizontally toward man is to bring worst and greatest and eternal shame.

The other aspect of Christianity radical was use of written word. Letters were very rare, expensive, in ancient culture--reserved mostly to kings & generals. Archeologists have collected about 13,000 letters from ancient times. The average letter is 500 words long. Letter to Romans is whopping 7000--longest letter preserved in all of ancient human history. By contrast the longest letter written by Cicero is 2000 words.

In Paul’s day 15% of people could read or write any language, and so it is extremely unusual and rare that the New Testament has 27 written texts. It speaks of his vast network he could pen and send dozens of letters in all directions, and have them circulate to other cities and regions and continents.

The idea is that Christianity is true, can be known, grown in, tested & shared, then transmitted to others. We can know it, and do it (doxos, praxis). Every other religion is static, you learn its secret truth, or you follow its dead human founder,. And yet there is evolving sense in Christianity of growth and development and expansion around the world.

Consider purpose of Romans: to convince conquering Romans they are equally under sin as the Jews, whom God seemed to be replacing with Gentiles. At same time Paul has to convince Jews that these wild, barbarian Gentiles are just as loved, forgiven, redeemed, and received as Jews themselves (even more so!).
23 min
July 15, 2025 Why are we Crappy Listeners as Caregivers?
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What makes us crappy listeners? God gave us 2 ears & 1 mouth,, that we would listen 2X more than we talk. So what went wrong?

The thing we need the most of, we do the least.

Broadly speaking sociolinguists identify 3 broad barriers to effective listening:
Internal barriers—daydreaming, ignorance, hearing problems, tired, ADD, jumping to conclusions, personal attacks, listening to speak instead of listening to receive.

External barriers-noise to signal ratio,, context unclear, social pressures, language misunderstandings, Complexity of situation, Emotionalism, noises, TV blaring, time limits

Stereotyping & Bias. 52 to be specific. Most important—confirmation, anchor, Golden Boy, social conformism

So what causes ME to be a crappy listener for my mom?
1) Whack-a-Mole mentality of always solving problems
2) Assuming
3) Anger/Fear—Fear/Anger
4) Unresolved family conflict. Member tension
5) Lack of plan. So much of caregiving seems like planlessness
6) Performance anxiety/perfectionism

The beginning and end of caregiving is listening. So why don’t we? I’m sorry, what did you say??!

19 min
July 13, 2025 Pouring Your Heart out as Caregiver. What to do with your Oil. Matthew 26. Sunday Musings
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Pouring your heart out as Caregiver Mt 26:6-13

An unknown woman enters a room of religious men. What she does inside is memorialized in the Bible. Not her name, but what she does--meaning we too can be memorialized by our actions.

Jesus’ teaching ministry is finished. His healings and miracles are done. He made clear he will die by crucifixion. The number of days he has left on earth is low single digits. His disciples still are unaware of this, for they have not been paying attention.

Into the house of a despised and ostracized leper and into this room an unnamed lady enters, without invitation. She is unknown to everyone in the room, all men. She walks to Jesus, opens a box, then pours out its content upon his head, totally silent. No word is spoken by her. Then she leaves, as fast as she came, though Jesus comments upon her action.

She came and poured, THEY sat and said. She ACTS active tense, they complain in passive voice. She works, they words. She alone, they many. She a woman, they men. She serves, they criticize. She worships, they whine. She is positive, they are negative.

A denarius = 1 day of labor. Here 300 days of gross pay, or $48K @$20/hr.

Spikenard—Amber-colored essential oil from India & China, like honeysuckle, used for perfume + medicine + religious rites. She worked, saved, searched for & preserved this for Jesus.

Alabaster box—soft, polished stone, typically white and translucent, used for carving, either a type of gypsum or calcite. Carved, filled, sealed—hence representation of Jesus’ burial.

Cost-less Christianity is worth-less Christianity. A Christianity without cost is a Christianity without value.

How many times we criticize people for doing what they want with their own things. Like you care? Like it matters to you? Like it impacts you in some way?

Their response to her worship: indignation, murmuring, rebuke & troubling her

Consider this:
Her wordless worship is compelling
Her worship fills the world today, as it did that entire room.
Her sincerity was too much for Judas to bear, or disciples to swallow
The beauty of her act is it is purely and simply given to Jesus.

Hymn: “only one life,” CT Studd:
Only one life, ’twill soon be past, Only what’s done for Christ will last.

How important are “they” to you. Every woman has 5 voices in her head she is listening to-who torment her with guilt. As a result, she is held back. She freezes.

How many people DONT do something, attempt something,—because of ….. roles (she woman, they men), guilt (mine is not enough), shame (look dumb), fear (rebuked).

If you want to do something, nothing can stop you. If you don’t want to do something, any excuse will suffice

Example 2021 bought restaurant at worst time: Biden, Covid, logistics, inflation, supply chain, rural area, no prior experience, reliant on teen labor, in debt, prev owner horrible reputation, extreme bad quality food, 40 miles from my home, nocturnal industry & no weekends, with high standards where previously there were none. 100 things to worry about and deal with before even get to food. With my faith & politics very overt (not hidden). Result: we won Best of Region 2-yrs in row; TV 5-times; 4 food blogs; ; invented everything on menu; welcomed many families into NTX; hosted popular radio program on local station; did much good—1st Responders Meal; kids eat free pizza for reading 10 books at library; veterans get free beer as our way to say thanks; hosted homeschool groups for military history lesson & make own pizza; 100 free pizzas to teachers in 8 school districts.

Its not just this woman. Simon Leper opened his house and fed so many. Mary in Bethany did similar when she
20 min
July 11, 2025 Special Request: PRAY for Sabrina & William, Parkinson’s
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"Though our bodies be taken from us through Parkinson's, or our minds removed by Alzheimer's, our soul is intact in Christ.”
Please pray 3 things for Sabrina & her dad, Willam.
If you have prayer request, email me [email protected]
Pray!
6 min
July 08, 2025 Jim Henson, on Caregiving. 5 Muppets insights
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Jim Henson, on caregiving

Catch: it ain’t easy being a caregiver, and it ai t easy being green

Henson created modern puppetry. Every person over 40 can name 10 of his characters, each it is said reflects some attribute about Henson. In high school he joined a puppetry club. He met his wife in a puppetry class in college. He applied for a TV job in College but no one was hiring. He noticed job posting for a puppeteer. He went to library, read one book, came back and ended up with a twice – weekly puppet show on television. Like every “overnight success” it took him 10 years to strike on Sesame Street idea. His leadership style was marked by: fearless, hardworking, generous, and calm. Worth $100M at death. His companies 2-3x that amount.

1) We create our own reality. Bible: As a man thinks, so is he…Pro 23:7

2) Listening is the first & last step. The thing we need the most of, we do the least of—listening. Listening creates humility, builds relationship and better results.

3) Simple is good. Jim would say these words then set about to create and perfect the most complicated task possible-nearly wiping out all to do it.

4) The reason we’re here is to work our way through it—and come out wiser. We learn as we tackle each problem.

I cannot say why I am good at what I do, but I work very hard. I am not aware of making conscious career decisions. I do one thing, and it leads to another, in natural progression. I believe in what I do, and get great pleasure from it. I feel fortunate I do what I do and love it.

When the path is steep and night is all around. When your heart is lost and your map cannot be found, face facts, act on your own. Preparation, perspiration, determination are keys. Pack snacks, and make tracks.

5) The places you’re going are never on the map. Show me what I can explore. Direct your energies on things you can affect.
This is the place,
This is the time.
To clear your heart,
And open your mind.

11 min
July 06, 2025 Caregiving for Apostle Paul. The Dynamic Duo of Aquila & Priscilla. Sunday Musings
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Acts 18:1-4
On Easter Sunday evening of 1523 a man drove his wagon full of fish barrels into the courtyard of a nunnery in Germany, where 12 nuns secretly were waiting to flee. Many of them had been sold as young girls into the convent by their parents, some through destitution, others by neglect and others for profit. And so these 12 brave young nuns hid themselves quietly inside fish barrels, hoping they could escape their convent prison. Only their clothes & faith, shoeless so as not to make a sound.
The next day they were met by a former German priest, now himself a protestant minister of the gospel of salvation by grace through faith, and not of works. He looked upon one of these freed young ladies. Most he married off to former priests, some went back to their families. But the one left began the first and most powerful dynamic duo for the gospel in the modern era. Martin Luther had met his young Catarina. He was 40, she 24. This was the first time in 500 years that anyone had seen a married pastor. Both hated: she divorced Christ to marry one who had divorced the church.
Today we talk about the first Dynamic Duo of Christianity. Their names are mentioned 6x in 4 books of NT. His name means “eagle, her’s “old fashioned.”
AP Journeys
Rome to Corinth: stay 2 years
Corinth to Ephesus: stay 4 years
Return to Rome
800 miles Rome to Corinth, Italy to Greece, 2 languages & cultures
2100 miles Corinth to Ephesus (by way of Syria)—otherwise just 400 miles, Europe to Asia, 2 continents
1200 miles Ephesus to Rome
3 continents / 3 big cities / 4000 miles / across 5 seas & oceans / 4 very distinct land masses / multiple languages & cultures / enormous cost & effort to themselves (as family) / self-funded / with family? in 6 years
Paul travels 50 miles from Athens to Corinth, while A 800 miles Rome to Corinth — for this divine appointment
Curious: both Paul and Aquila BORN in Asia Minor (modern day west turkey). Tarsus—Paul. Pontus-Aquila. Homies! Ironies: both Jews, now Christians, travelers, teachers, workers in gospel, tent makers, evangelistic, leavers of rural hometowns to become cosmopolitan, manly masculine men.
From Rome where there was a tent makers association. Then to Corinth due to expulsion because Jews. Met Paul. Later moved to Ephesus few years later, where confronted Apollos. Hosted Paul in home. They then move back to Rome. Prob killed by Nero after great fire in Rome in 64ad.
Jesus said, id “seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things [food, clothing and drink] shall be added to you” (Matt. 6:33). The Apostle Paul describes Aquila and Priscilla as “fellow workers in Christ Jesus” (Rom. 16:3). We have seen that this couple was missions minded, they opened their home so that the believers could gather to remember the Lord, pray, and have fellowship as they were instructed in the Word of God (cf. Acts 2:42). They also were engaged in “secular” employment so that they were not a financial burden on the churches. Yet God blessed them with a very successful business so they could show hospitality to the saints by inviting the church in their home.
There is no secular-sacred divide. Somebody has to pay for religious things. God can use every part of your work & home & family for His care of others. Your work is personal (Apollos) and corporate (fellow workers who risked lives for gospel) in 3 cities.
Aquila and Priscilla were a married couple who owned and operated a tentmaking business. All six New Testament references to Aquila and Priscilla mention them together.
They were known for their hospitality, hostin
25 min
July 01, 2025 WHEN to LIE to MOM. Caregiver “White Lies”
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WHEN to Lie to Mom
Liar liar pants on fire, when is it right to lie to your mother. Or other care receiver?
We Lie all time:
Like fletcher Reed in hilarious Jim Carrey movie liar liar. What would happen if we had to tell truth in every situation for 24 hrs!!!
We lie so often we call them white lies. Pure lies. Harmless lies. Since 1500s—pure lies oxymoron.
Dont lie, when phone rings, “tell them im not here.”
You look great in that outfit
Don’t tell your mother!
Kids: I promise, we won’t…
I swear to God…
On my mother’s life
Cross my heart, hope to die…stick a needle in my eye!
No, granny, we love your meatloaf; its just that we ate before we got here.
Im on my way.
Well be there in 10 minutes
Your kids not fat, just big boned.
Im eating for 2.
Laughing at joke that wasn't really funny
Ill call you.
Were praying for ya’
I didn't get your text
Everything coming out of wash dc!
Joke: how do you know when a politician is lying—their lips are moving.

Verses in Bible which make lying a sin:
Lying lips are an abomination to God
God hates a lying tongue
Satan is father of liars; he was liar from beginning
Thou Shalt Not Bear False Witness Against Your Neighbor

So when is right:
When safety dictates. “The doctor said..”
When they cannot distinguish reality from fiction. When truth too much. It confuses. It’s too complex
When you know their limits but they do not. It preserves their sanity.
When it preserves your health and sanity
Its my business, and no one else’s business
To protect someone else, their name, their face. Their good graces.
Many things too trivial & unimportant to Go into, explain, defend, justify
When challenges key belief stereotype bias she leans on. Even crazy things
When she will forget
IF person emotionally fragile, near death, or would be confused by truth.
Where in situation unable to control (were going to die in plane crash; “everything’s okay.” Or you have bad information
When cost of telling truth outweighs cost of lie (hiding a Jew example)
Tips on How to Lie:
Speak truth in love
Love covers multitude of sins
If can’t, say next best thing
Never in anger
Never to hurt
Be positive
Speak in active voice
Goal: best quality of life possible w-I larger context of rights & interests of others
What say let be truth—even if incomplete
If real serious involve someone else in discussion

12 min
June 29, 2025 The Apostle Paul as Caregiver. On Being a GrandFam today
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The Apostle Paul as Grandfam. Paul’s care for Tim & Titus
Catch: What is a Grandfam. No, not a baseball homerun when the bases are loaded! Today on Helping Mom we look at the Apostle’s Paul’s great care for 2 young men & pastors.
In America today 10% of children live with a grandparent (10M). This is due to drugs, addiction, alcholism, prison, abuse, neglect & death. Another 10% (10M more) are informally raised by grandparents. I know, this was me. According to statistics, 50% of children raised by grandparents are under 6yoa, most at or below poverty level. Many school districts today don’t even use the word “parent” but “guardian” when discussing students. For 1 year, I taught in a Title 1 public school where it seemed 1/3 of kids have no parental involvement.
The Apostle Paul was a spiritual grandfather. And just as GrandFams today face economic, emotional and financial stresses to raise a skipped generation, so, too, did Paul. Yet Paul fulfilled the Caregiver Creed--to set up those in his care to succeed. This is what it means to caregive--to set up our care receiver to enjoy the best quality of life we can at this time.
Paul’s caregiving was spiritual, not natural. He cared for a bastard Jew, born of scandalous mixed-marriage of Jewish mother and non-Jewish dad. And for a Roman gentle, about whom nothing is recorded until after he joins Paul in actual ministry.
These young men became of all things pastors, though in radically different places. They never appear together in scripture. There is no mention they ever met. Neither qualified for roles given.
Titus. Paul put Titus in worst place possible to be pastor. He was young. The best Paul could do was write him 1 letter. Before then Paul had been taking Titus’ measure (favorite quote here by Mardsden, “Make every occasion a great occasion, for you never know when God may be taking your measure for a larger place.” Jesus said, “To whom much is given, of the same much is expected.” And, “he who is faithful in little will be faithful in much.” Titus as faithful in everything Paul asked him to do. First, to carry a harsh letter Paul had written to a messed up church in city of Corinth. Then he used Titus to collect money from gentile Christians to take with him on journey to Jerusalem to help Jewish Christians suffering poverty. Then Paul took Titus to Jerusalem to attend very important leadership meeting on church doctrines. Finally, Paul gave Titus the worst job in world--to be a pastor and create a church that pleased God, on the awful, lying floating island rock of sin—called Crete.
Titus was a task-oriented How-to…Type A Doer. He would have been a great soldier. AccompLish the Mission; Take care of your People.
Timothy on other hand, was a mamzer, whose mother and grandmother Paul knew, who were 2 biggest influences in Tim’s life growing up in painfully small town in middle of nowhere called Lystra. Timothy had no dad, was insecure, so Paul did a lot to build up the psyche of Timothy before putting him as most important, largest church in early Christianity--the church at Ephesus. Ephesus was huge, mostly Gentile, big-city folk, with international outreach, and many languages spoken inside.
Timothy is Greek name; Timothy is a Mamser. Could only marry slave or fellow mamser. Stigma passed on till 10th generation!
A Bastard. A mumzer was prohibited from being circumcised, entering temple, he could never worship with Jews, and absolutely he would never have any right to participate in any formal matter concerning religion. So consider here when Paul circumcises Timothy, he is violating the law. Mom was not allowed to be circumcised. It was from Lystra- a small town in plan in middle of nowhere.
25 min
June 24, 2025 Dementia Dos & Donts. What caregivers CAN do
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Dementia Dos & Donts
Catch: I confess. I am guilty of believing ALL myths about D--that D is a disease, normal in old people. Everyone gets it. It means forgetfulness. There’s nothing you can do once you get it. It is a mild form of Alzheimers. There are meds you can take for it. You can take a test for it. It is clear, obvious, etc.
It’s name is horrible. Dementia comes from Latin demens, (de-without, mens-mind), lit. “out of one’s mind.” Name so awful, some med profs suggest changing it to “disorder” or “disease.”
Truths
It is not common. 5%. It is not disease. It is collection of symptoms. There is no test for it. There are things you can do. It is not fatal. It is much more than just memory loss (judgment, decision making, physical movement). There are no meds for it. There is not even clear definition of what constitutes dementia. It is subjective by med professionals. It is not even clear what med prof should be the one to diagnose it. They look for a collection of symptoms caused by one or more underlying diseases. The most common is Alzheimers. Second stroke. Third Parkinsons. Fourth HBP or diabetes. Fifth TBI.
MDs could prescribe up to 15 diff meds, not for D itself but for underlying causes (e.g., Parkinsons, Alzeimers, Depression, HBP, Diabetes, etc). Same thing for testing, MD could order MRI of brain--not to see dementia, but maybe signs of strokes, or bleeding.
5.3M currently suffer D. By 2050 30M, at which time it will cost $1.2Trillion/yr.
Very expensive to treat, perhaps most expensive condition
This and Alz most feared by elderly, plus trip and falls.
Dementia is a collection of symptoms, not a single disease. It is caused by various brain disorders, including Alzheimer's disease, vascular dementia, and frontotemporal dementia. Symptoms typically worsen over time. Common symptoms include memory loss, confusion, difficulty with language, changes in behavior, and problems with judgment and decision-making. Dementia can affect people of all ages, but it is more common in older adults. There is currently no cure for dementia, but treatments can help manage symptoms and slow down the decline.
Key Difference is when you don’t remember that you forget. Dont know you are different.
Generally diagnosed when Memory loss AND one of 4 other traits: can’t understand language; can’t make certain movements; don’t recognize objects or people; executive functions.
Alzheimer’s—a plaque that builds between synapses in brain. Not sure cause of A. Can live with A for up to decade, but 3-5 yrs most common.
Things that increase the risk of developing dementia include:
age (more common in those 65 or older)
high blood pressure (hypertension)
high blood sugar (diabetes)
being overweight or obese
smoking
drinking too much alcohol
being physically inactive
being socially isolated
Progression First D takes away recent events memory. Then other areas of brain—judgment, movement. Executive functions. Mood changes. Some suffer intense hallucination—seeing large colorful animal for minutes and hours. Some start doing really risky things—shoplifting, stealing, taking money out of bank, driving reckless.
No cure. But can lessen symptoms if catch early enough. For some reason up to drink two drinks, a day of alcohol may stem the worsening of dementia. Coffee may help. Green tea also. BEWARE JUNK SCIENCE! (espec supplements by social media influencers)!!!
Early signs and symptoms are:
forgetting things or recent events
losing or misplacing things
23 min
June 22, 2025 He care-GAVE, so we can Care-GIVE. Who is Daniel Webster Whittle? John 17. Sunday Musings
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We can care give, because He care gave!
His past tense makes possible our present tense.
Because he said, “I have,” we can say, “I can.”
Who was Daniel Webster Whittle?
Named after great Daniel Webster. Joined civil war, got married on eve of departing. Lost arm in major battle fighting with Sherman in Georgia. Became POW. There he found a NT put into his knapsack by mom. A nurse came to him one night, telling him another soldier lay dying. Needed someone to attend. Whittle went. While there on knees praying for wounded soldier, Whittle confessed his own sin. When opened his eyes, that soldier dead.
2 Tim 1:12 Lyrics
I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.

Refrain:
But “I know Whom I have believed,
And am persuaded that He is able
To keep that which I’ve committed
Unto Him against that day.”

I know not how this saving faith
To me He did impart,
Nor how believing in His Word
Wrought peace within my heart.

I know not how the Spirit moves,
Convincing men of sin,
Revealing Jesus through the Word,
Creating faith in Him.

I know not what of good or ill
May be reserved for me,
Of weary ways or golden days,
Before His face I see.

I know not when my Lord may come,
At night or noonday fair,
Nor if I walk the vale with Him,
Or meet Him in the air.
Whittle wrote 200 hymns, dedicated his life to serving God, even with DL Moody. His daughter married Moody’s son. Whittle often wrote in pseudonym.
John 17 is high priestly prayer by Jesus. John Knox had wife read this to him on death bed. Jesus prays for unity service purity and glory. He commends his followers to God’s care, for he is now leaving them.
Jesus was a caregiver, so we can be too. John 17. His past tense “I have” makes possible our “I can” as caregivers. Because of his “I have” we can say “I can…” as caregiver. I have glorified, finished, manifested, given, prayed for, kept, sent, I in them. These are the hallmarks of caregiving.
His past tense (served) empowers our present (serve).
Why? Because, I know Whom I have believed, and am persuaded that He is able, to keep that which I've committed unto Him against that day…

16 min

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Army Vet returns home to care for aging mom. Creates podcast Helping.Mom to help caregivers care for aging parents.

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