Her Rules Radio

Are you a multi-talented, multi-passionate woman with a lot of interests and ideas? Are you like me--someone who refuses to niche down into one singular box? Maybe you’re an entrepreneur like me who can’t stand being told that you have to pick “one thing.” What about your personal boundaries? Do they help you maintain the productivity and creative output that you want? Do you have community support and inspiring people in your life who motivate you to take risks and do things differently? Whatever your answers are, I’m pretty confident that THIS is the podcast for you. Join us as we begin Season 6 with an overview of upcoming shows here on Her Rules Radio.

You can read the full show notes at http://www.alexandrajamieson.com/blog/256

There are many challenges to being a creative person. I’ve experienced many of those challenges, and we’ve discussed many of them here on the show. Today’s show will inspire us to make it through a crisis situation to thrive in your craft. In addition, we’ll be taking a sabbatical of sorts after today’s show, but Her Rules Radio will be back soon with more interesting guests and perspectives.

Christine Dixon is an actress whom I met on Instagram. Since then, we’ve had many email and video conversations, and I knew that her story was one that my listeners needed to hear. Her experiences bring up many themes around the obstacles that creative thinkers face in putting their work and ideas out into the world. Chris has been performing her one-woman show, Harriet Tubman, for years. She has incredible stories about the challenges she’s overcome to deliver this performance. It’s a combination of education and entertainment that brings empowerment to each audience. Chris shares with us how she faced the fear of failure and rejection and learned to adapt to tough situations. She demonstrates how to think positively and proactively while reaching out for help when it’s needed. She shares how we can keep moving forward, so we live with no regrets. I hope you’re inspired to help support Chris and her amazing work. Her story is a beautiful ribbon as we wrap up the package that is this season of Her Rules Radio.

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/255

This show is all about living life by your own rules. One of the challenging areas in which we need to break the rules is in setting boundaries. It’s an ongoing battle for many people--and for most women. Let’s dive into this topic and learn more!

Nancy Levin has written a new book, Setting Boundaries Will Set You Free, and she’s busted a lot of myths around setting boundaries. We’re discussing the nitty-gritty of boundary setting, and Nancy is sharing truth bombs to revolutionize your life and your relationships.

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/254.

Creativity, Compassion, Courage...

The 3 C's we need now.

We need to be creative to solve big, new problems we're all facing…

...and we need to be creative to heal, grow into, and discover our best selves.

We need compassion for each other if we're going to come together and survive as a species…

... and we need compassion for ourselves so we can embrace our failures, failings, and fuck-ups, and continue to grow and achieve.

We need COURAGE to change habits that lead to the healing we want, the growth we desire, the relationships we dream of…

... and we need COURAGE to dismantle the unjust systems we live in, speak uncomfortable truths, and stand up for what we believe in.

Becoming an Artist has required all 3 of these - some days all at the same time.

STAYING an Entrepreneur has required all of these… every day.

Today, I’m excited to invite you to the Creatrix Circle 2020, a 28-day group experience with:

• The support and accountability you need
• The inspiration you desire
• The community and coaching you’ll love…

See the info here, and sign up!

http://bit.ly/Create28

We know that every woman’s worst critic is . . . herself. It’s a sad but true fact. Why do we spend so much time and energy berating and judging ourselves for falling short of our perfectionist ideals? Why can’t we embrace the truth of who we were created to be and who we have become through the ups and downs of life? This might be just the interview that you need to hear today.

In this episode, we discuss some juicy topics for women. What if you took the energy you spend on self-improving and bashing your body in chasing impossible standards of perfectionism and channeled that energy into things that truly bring you alive? Join us!

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/253

Your thinking, clarity, and the ability to be present as a creative leader are tied to how you nourish your body with meals and snacks. A change to how and what you eat can improve how you think. Want to know more? Join us!

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/252

Have a tough time making and keeping personal boundaries? You're not alone!

In this episode you'll learn:

• Alex's most popular and commented upon boundary (that keeps her distraction-free)
• The 2 questions to ask yourself and others to help you define powerful, compassionate boundaries

Pre-order your copy of Radical Alignment at www.RadicalAlignmentBook.com to master this and the All-In Method, and get your bonuses here! 

Ever struggle with shame?

Imposter Syndrome? 

Yeah, me too. 

When a client experiences shame, they live in constant fear of being rejected. And they become trapped in the avoidance strategies they create to escape the pain.

However, shame left untreated grows more powerful. And it can often lead our clients into behaviors that invite even greater shame.

I’m going to show you the ONE thing that has been studied and shown to dissolve them BOTH - the ONLY studied method used by professional trauma therapists and researchers…

AND I’m going to show you how the All-In Method, the tool at the heart of our book Radical Alignment, works to dissolve BOTH.

HUGE new info coming to my attention:

Bessel Van Der Kolk, author of the body keeps the score, in a special course from The National Institute for the Clinical Application of Behavioral Medicine

The one counterintuitive technique that removes the fear of rejection from shame… it’s the same one that dissolves imposter syndrome…SHARING YOUR SHAME AND FEAR OF BEING SHAMED WITH SOMEONE SAFE, IN A NON-JUDGMENTAL SPACE.

Impostor syndrome is often comorbid with depression and anxiety and is associated with impaired job performance, job satisfaction, and burnout 

Impostor syndrome (also known as impostor phenomenon, fraud syndrome, perceived fraudulence, or impostor experience) describes high-achieving individuals who, despite their objective successes, fail to internalize their accomplishments and have persistent self-doubt and fear of being exposed as a fraud or impostor.1 People with impostor syndrome struggle with accurately attributing their performance to their actual competence (i.e., they attribute successes to external factors such as luck or receiving help from others and attribute setbacks as evidence of their professional inadequacy.

People with impostor syndrome had fears that were significantly related to maintaining their social standing and not wanting to display imperfection to others

The only studied method for helping people with Imposter Syndrome is sharing your fears and concerns in a safe space.

A 1985 paper by Matthews and Clance qualitatively described their experiences in private practice caring for 41 people with impostor feelings.53 They recommended validating patients’ doubts and fears, directly addressing fears of failure, and providing group therapy since these patients often feel isolated and that they alone experience impostor feelings;

SO: HOW can you start to implement this in your life?

Use the All-In Method from our new book, Radical Alignment:

Intentions

Concerns

Boundaries

Dreams

I’ve seen it work again and again in my marriage and in parenting my son.

We now have a safe structure and habit of communicating our fears.

Order your copy of Radical Alignment and share your receipt number at RadicalAlignmentBook.com to get a bonus workshop with me and co-author/hubby Bob Gower!

Need to have a talk about a tough topic? This show is for you!

Welcome back to Her Rules Radio where you come to learn how to live life by your own rules!

Today’s show is brought to you by my new book, co-authored with my incredible husband Bob Gower, Radical Alignment, how to have game-changing conversations that will change your business and your life!

SOOO excited to be back here with you, talking again - I took a little summer break and now we are basically back here in Season 6 (yes, coming up on our 6th anniversary of this show!)...

If you’re listening for the first time, or the first time in a long time, I grew up in a radio station - my mom had her own organic gardening radio show for 10 years, and every once in a while I would go on the show and do a “children’s gardening” episode with her! My older brother brendan was her sound engineer, so it was a family affair!

Even though we were a creative, often collaborative family, there’s one thing I didn’t really learn growing up with my fam:

How to have tough, emotional, or high-stakes conversations that felt safe, where everyone could be bravely vulnerable.

It’s part of why Bob and I finally wrote this book - RAdical Alignment.

You know those skills you wish you'd mastered earlier in life?

ME too.

I didn't learn how to gracefully talk about emotional topics until well into adulthood. Important conversations would veer wildly from where we started, and it felt so dangerous.

• Maybe you grew up in a family where any past mistake could be brought up again.
• Maybe you didn't have space to talk.
• Maybe one person would dominate conversations so you felt like "what's the point?"
•  

• Emotional conversations were hard for me until my late 30s because I always felt I had to argue my points and “win” - and that never felt right to me. I would show up to conversations with people I cared about, friends or family or even business colleagues, and I would feel like I was trying to be fair and generous, and maybe the other person was out for blood!
• The heart of our book Radical Alignment is The All In Method, which helps each person commit to sharing their intentions, concerns, boundaries and dreams about a topic. It’s not about arguing points, or “winning” - it’s a format to collect information so you don’t avoid talking about really valuable emotional stuff that sits underneath all important things. YES - emotions matter and they’re always present!
• • I grew up thinking emotions were bad, or invalid or even unfair to bring into conversations. But we are all human! EVERYONE has emotions. So our AIM helps you share them in a respectful, safe way where people are able to listen to each other better than ever before.
• Another thing that kept me from bringing up tough topics? Things going off the rails! Has this ever happened to you? You start talking about one tough topic, and the other person brings up something completely different that happened in the past, and now you’re arguing about something completely different. 

• In our book Radical Alignment we show you how to set up a conversation with another person or people so that you all agree in the beginning on the topic, so you can come back to it if things feel like they’re getting off course. It's such a relief! 
• • I like to think of it as a linear process for emotional topics.
  • When you have a shared map - ok, everyone we are agreeing at the start to share our intentions, then our concerns, then our boundaries, and then our dreams, and everyone gets the same amount of time, and no one will talk over each other - we are just hear to listen to each other …
  • With THAT roadmap? Totally new outcomes are possible. 

One of the tough conversations we are in as a family, and that’s me and my husband, my son, and his dad and step-mom, is what is life going to look like in September.

 My son is getting ready to go into high school here in New York City, although at the point I’m recording the show, I don’t know if he’ll be going to school or starting the year from his bedroom. This is a tough choice and many families are feeling really upended because we don’t know what to do, or what’s coming. 

So we are using our AIM to help us have conversations about the decisions that need to be made as an extended family. We use AIM to help us understand each other’s needs, worries, and to actually build empathy with each other - which in blended families with competing needs and fears isn’t always easy.

This is a way to have a shared vocabulary, a shared commitment to how we will communicate that is respectful, fair, and productive. It helps us stay grounded. And it helps us make space for our son to share his thoughts and feelings, and because we’ve been using it with him for a while, since he was 7 or so, he feels comfortable talking about tough topics with us - 

WHICH feels so huge to me.

A few weeks ago at the dinner table, he said, out of nowhere, “I’m really glad I’m being raised learning to care about other people’s feelings.”

I don’t know about you, but this feels like a huge parenting WIN!

SO: I offer you a challenge: to invite someone in your life to have a tough conversation in the next 48 hours.

Invite them with openness and kindness: don’t say “WE NEED TO TALK.”

No one likes to hear that.

How to invite someone to a tough conversation

Be specific but not rigid. 

Be inviting, and be clear about the topic.

See what happens!

Personally I’ve had a BIG breakthrough with some family members recently about topics I’ve been avoiding for decades… the conversation is ongoing but we are off to a clear, caring start.

I would love to hear from you how this goes! 

Pre-order Radical Alignment and get your bonuses here! https://radicalalignmentbook.com/

Today’s show will be the last one for a couple of months. I’m taking a summer break before the August 2020 release of my new book, Radical Alignment, co-authored with my husband, Bob Gower. Today’s show has everything to do with design--and we are going far beyond kitchen remodels. 

Angie Lee is someone I met in the last few months, and we bonded immediately. She’s an architect, partner, and Design Director of Interiors at FXCollaborative in NYC. Angie knows the importance of design and how it is a part of everything in our lives. 

You can read the full show notes at www.alexandrajamieson.com/251