Hold On, I'm Calling My Mom

We're back for a whole new season :)

This week I called my mom because she's getting ready to move across the country to Southern California and thought she found the one that would make it all worth it… until it wasn't exactly what she expected.

We recap my latest trip back home to New Jersey to help my mom get her shit together and discover a homemade shrine dedicated to the last family member I expected.

Plus, an uncomfortable realization courtesy of my brother and boyfriend: sometimes the people we love most become the practice ground for our hardest moments.

And speaking of family… we have a pretty major update from my boyfriend's side.

I Called My Mom is back for Season 4 ;)

This week I called my mom because after months of searching, she finally found the place she was going to call home and was getting ready to move across the country to be closer to me.

Then her dream home fell through.

We talk about the disappointment of hitting a major roadblock in a move we've been planning for months, my first-ever Erewhon experience (yes, it only took me 10 years), and whether the Hailey Bieber smoothie is actually worth the hype.

Plus, I share a huge realization I've had about this chapter of my life. For so long, I've been looking at everything that's happened through the lens of loss and setbacks. But what if this isn't the chapter that's breaking me? What if it's actually the chapter that's building me?

And maybe the biggest realization of all: I thought I was doing it alone, but I've had a team behind me this whole time.

This week I called my mom because there was a lot to catch up on!

We talk about her birthday, her Joshua Tree adventure, and continue our search for a new place for her and my brother to call home in LA. But somewhere in the middle of the conversation, I tell her something I've been feeling since her trip.

Sometimes I feel like she protects my brother more than me. Definitely not in a way where she loves him more, but in a way I feel misunderstood by her from how I'm feeling… so we do what we always do and hash it out on the podcast like most families do, right?

Plus, a little life update from both of us before we head into our summer hiatus and return in September.

This week I called my mom because it's her mothafuckin birthday… and somehow that turned into me going through decades of home videos realizing our entire relationship has basically been documenting itself in real time.

Between Spice Girls performances in the living room, me telling my mom to "shut up" as a child, emotional homecoming speeches, vag wax updates, getting lost in a lake, and me discovering I've apparently had the same need for validation since 2004… this episode quickly spiraled into a chaotic time capsule of how our relationship somehow evolved from mother/son to whatever the hell this is now.

Because nothing says "happy birthday" quite like emotionally unpacking your childhood through old family videos and realizing your mom accidentally shaped your entire personality. Happy birthday, Barb <3

This week I called my mom because it's Mother's Day… and naturally, we decided to test the boundaries of a mother/son relationship.

Shout out to our listener-submitted situations, Barb and I try to figure out what's actually considered "too far" between a mom and her adult son… which quickly spirals into oversharing, my biggest insecurities, Barb's biggest ick, and a childhood memory involving our dad that we absolutely did not need to unpack publicly.

Because nothing says "Happy Mother's Day" quite like accidental family trauma and oversharing on a podcast.

This week I called my mom because I think showing up for myself is starting to upset people.

What started as a conversation about something happening in my own life quickly turned into something bigger, about boundaries, sensitivity to other people's energy, and the pressure to stay in a version of yourself that others are comfortable with.

After being told to "stay in my role" and not use my voice, I found myself questioning what it actually means to show up as myself… and whether that comes with consequences.

As we talked through it, I realized my mom has been here before.

There was a point in her life where she stepped into who she really was… and it caused friction with the people who were supposed to support her the most. Including my dad.

Which is why, more recently, she found herself asking a question she didn't expect to be asking again, when do you show up for someone else, and when do you choose yourself?

So for a moment… it flipped.

It wasn't just "hold on, I'm calling my mom."

It was "hold on… she's calling me."

This week I called my mom because… my high school bully just followed up asking to hang out.

And I don't know how to feel about that...

Which it made me think about the episode where he first slid into my DMs AND came out to me.

At the same time… a year ago, my mom was hesitant to even think about moving across the country. Now she's sending me listings every day trying to find the perfect place in LA.

So we're revisiting a moment where everything felt uncertain…

knowing where it all stands now :)

This week I called my mom because… she set a boundary with me.

And naturally… I challenged her on it :)

It's been a week where social media has had a lot to say. People are coming for my mom for loving me and my brother for being gay, while at the same time people think I'm in a feud with NeNe Leakes after a post I made. The truth is way less juicy.

It made me realize how one post can create so many different narratives. Even within our own family, something was shared this week that didn't feel accurate to me, and it sparked a bigger conversation about why I feel the need to hold people accountable when I don't think they're telling the truth.

So it turned into a bigger conversation about what gets said… and what doesn't.

And in my mom's case… what doesn't get said is anything about her sex life.

Even though I'm over here sharing everything with her.

So what do I do?

I decide to play 'Never Have I Ever.'

And let's just say… she was not prepared to hear all of that again.

This week I called my mom because… she set a boundary with me.

And naturally, I challenged her on it :)

It's been a week where social media has had a lot to say. People are coming for my mom for loving me and my brother for being gay, while at the same time people think I'm in a feud with NeNe Leakes after a post I made. The truth is way less juicy.

It made me realize how one post can create so many different narratives. Even within our own family, something was shared this week that didn't feel accurate to me, and it sparked a bigger conversation about why I feel the need to hold people accountable when I don't think they're telling the truth.

So it turned into a bigger conversation about what gets said… and what doesn't.

And in my mom's case… what doesn't get said is anything about her sex life.

Even though I'm over here sharing everything with her.

So what do I do? I decide to play 'Never Have I Ever.'

And let's just say… she was not prepared to hear all of that again.

This week I called my mom because… I didn't feel like myself anymore.

So I did something random and a little unexpected. I went to visit Marilyn Monroe.

Standing at her grave, in the middle of Los Angeles, turned into something bigger than I thought. It made me question everything I've been taught about this industry… especially the idea that you're supposed to be seen and not heard. Because right now, I'm in a season where I'm shedding an old version of myself and trying to step into one that actually uses their voice… and I don't fully know what that looks like yet.

At the same time, I've been struggling. And my mom, being 3,000 miles away, feels completely helpless. We talk about what it's like for her to watch me go through something she can't fix, and how hard that is when all she wants to do is make it better. Because sometimes support isn't fixing anything… it's just staying on the phone, staying present, and sitting in it together.

It's one of those episodes where I'm not showing up with answers… I'm kind of in it while we're recording. But it felt important to say it out loud anyway.