Fire family life doesn’t come with a handbook, but maybe it should.

In this episode, Chelsi talks with Elise Vermillion about what it’s really like to be a firewife, from wildland fire assignments to Cal Fire schedules, forced overtime, and raising kids while your spouse is gone. Elise shares why she wrote The Firewife Guide and the practical systems she wishes every new fire family had from day one.

They talk about:

• The reality of fire schedules and constant recalculation

• Why re-entry after a shift can be unexpectedly hard

• Identity, resentment, and learning to stop fighting the lifestyle

• Practical tools for communication, home life, and transitions

• Why most fire service resources overlook the spouse at home

If you’re a firewife, firefighter spouse, or someone trying to better understand this world, this conversation will feel familiar in the best way.

Get The Firewife Guide: ⁠⁠https://tinyurl.com/3dx429fj⁠⁠

Find Elise on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thefirewifeguide/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Fire Family Life

04:34 The Journey of a Firewife

09:15 The Guidebook for Firewives

11:08 Practical Tips for Fire Families

14:22 NEWCHAPTER

15:22 Identity and Community in Fire Service

15:56 The Impact of a Firefighter's Career on Family Life

18:55 Managing Household Responsibilities

20:55 The Emotional Toll of Transitioning Home

24:37 The Need for Resources and Support

28:03 Creating a Guide for Firewives

28:27 Finding Community and Support

Infertility is already isolating. Inside the fire service, it often becomes invisible.

In this episode, Chelsi talks with Brittany R. Thomas-Vestal, a therapist who works with first responders and their families and a fire wife whose own family was built through IVF. Brittany shares what it looked like to navigate infertility around fire schedules, overtime, and deployments, often without language, support, or space to slow down.

Together, they talk about the unspoken pressure fire spouses feel to stay strong, independent, and grateful, even while carrying financial strain, emotional exhaustion, postpartum mental health challenges, and long stretches of solo parenting.

This conversation names what so many fire families live through quietly, and why independence, while powerful, can also keep us from asking for the support we actually need.

LEARN MORE ABOUT BRITTANY: https://www.brittanythomasvestal.com/

In this episode, Chelsi is joined by Lacey Keller Smith, a wildland fire wife and cofounder of Fired Up, a nonprofit supporting wildland fire families. Together, they talk about what home life really looks like in a federal wildland fire family and how those realities compare and intersect with CAL FIRE and structure fire life. 

Lacey breaks down the federal wildland schedule in a way most people have never heard, including 5/8s, fire season extensions, six day weeks, and 14 day assignments that often turn into 16 to 18 days with travel. She explains why the hardest part is not always the dramatic moments, but the long stretches of daily grind where dad comes home late, kids stay up just to see him, and the family runs on fumes for weeks at a time. 

Chelsi adds the CAL FIRE perspective, including the reality of split schedules, how different assignments create completely different home experiences, and why agencies struggle to support families when the job itself is unpredictable by design. Together, they dig into the “station family” gap in wildland, how inconsistent support depends on leadership, and why spouses often do not have the built-in community that firefighters have on their crews. 

Lacey also shares what Fired Up is building, including a family handbook designed to fill the resource gap that currently leaves spouses and parents without guidance, from practical needs like washing wildland gear safely to the emotional reality of supporting kids when a parent is gone. This conversation is honest, deeply validating, and focused on what helps, including building local and online support, being more vocal, and giving spouses permission to acknowledge that the fire service touches the whole family.

Visit fireduppartners.org for more info.

Takeaways:

• Wildland firefighting impacts the entire family unit.

• Isolation is a common experience among fire families.

• Communication is key to maintaining family relationships during deployments.

• Building community among fire families can alleviate feelings of loneliness.

• Understanding the unique challenges of wildland firefighting is crucial for support.

• Fire families need to be vocal about their experiences to drive change.

Kewywords: wildland firefighting, fire families, community support, mental health, family dynamics, advocacy, firefighter schedules, isolation, family life

00:00 Introduction to Wildland Fire Families

02:09 The Mission of Fired Up Nonprofit

04:13 The Loneliness of Fire Families

05:57 Understanding the Wildland Fire Schedule

08:17 The Challenges of Family Time

10:15 Balancing Family and Responsibilities

12:31 The Need for Systemic Change

14:14 The Importance of Community Support

16:26 Navigating Personal Crises

18:28 The Disconnect with Leadership

20:13 The Need for Family Inclusion

22:24 The Complexity of Fire Family Experiences

24:27 The Future of Wildland Firefighting

26:13 Conclusion and Call to Action

31:19 The Importance of Community in Fire Families

32:11 Navigating Tragedy and Support Systems

32:50 Understanding the Spouse's Experience

36:17 Communication and Identity in Fire Families

39:33 Managing Family Dynamics and Expectations

40:41 Technology and Family Relationships

41:15 Building Community and Connection

Firefighters are often told to leave the job at work. But what if the job is not something you can just turn off?

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Scott Hewlett of Multiple Calls Podcast to talk about the expectations placed on firefighters and their families, and why the idea of switching work off at home does not reflect the reality of first responder life. Scott shares why being a firefighter is not just a job but an extension of who someone already is, and how asking them to shut that part down at home can quietly erode connection and authenticity.

They discuss how work and home life inevitably affect each other, the resentment that builds from unspoken expectations, and the damage caused by keeping score instead of building agreements. The conversation explores emotional regulation, capacity, and why both partners need permission to be tired, overwhelmed, and human without judgment.

Scott also speaks openly about mental health in the fire service and the pressure men feel to be better firefighters, partners, and parents.

This episode is for firefighter families who are tired of pretending work and home exist in separate worlds and who want to build a relationship rooted in honesty, compassion, and being on the same team.

Learn more about Scott:

website: https://www.multiplecalls.com/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/multiplecallspodcast/

email: [email protected]

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Expectations at Work and Home

00:56 The Unique Mindset of First Responders

04:46 Understanding the Impact of Work on Home Life

08:41 Communication and Unmet Expectations

12:48 The Importance of Emotional Expression

17:47 Managing Mental Health as a First Responder

20:53 Creating a Safe Space in Relationships

22:55 Emotional Release and Trust in Relationships

25:07 Changing Perspectives on Mental Health

27:01 Navigating Gender Roles in Modern Parenting

29:50 The Reality of Work-Life Balance

33:12 Finding Fulfillment in Family Life

35:56 Collaborative Solutions for Family Dynamics

In this conversation, Chelsi and Samantha discuss the complexities of being in a dual first responder relationship, particularly focusing on the challenges of balancing work and family life. They explore the emotional toll of the job, the importance of communication, and the need for mental health support.

Samantha shares her experiences as a paramedic and fire wife, detailing the struggles of managing schedules, raising children with special needs, and the impact of mental health on their family dynamics. They also touch on the evolving culture within the first responder community and the significance of finding support and understanding from peers.

Chapters:

00:00 – Intro: Dual First Responders at Home

What it means to be a first responder married to a first responder.

03:00 – How the Job Shapes Family Life

Schedules, stress, and entering first responder life together.

07:45 – When There Is No Off-Duty Parent

Managing a household when both parents are on shift.

12:30 – The Invisible Mental Load

The work no one sees but someone always carries.

17:15 – Mandatory Overtime and Unpredictability

How mandos disrupt routines and parenting.

22:00 – Becoming the Default Parent

Why one partner often absorbs more at home by necessity.

26:40 – Parenting During Fire Season

How fire season changes everything.

31:20 – Neurodivergent Parenting

Supporting kids with additional needs in a high-stress home.

36:10 – Marriage Under Pressure

Communication, exhaustion, and staying connected.

40:45 – Acceptance vs Resentment

Living with the reality of the job.

45:30 – What Actually Helps

Support systems, boundaries, and realistic expectations.

49:30 – Final Takeaways

What dual first responder families should know.

Grief shows up in first responder families in more ways than we often realize.

In this episode, Chelsi talks with licensed marriage and family therapist Destiny Morris about grief, trauma, and mental health through the lens of fire and first responder life. They discuss how unprocessed grief builds over time, how trauma from the job impacts both partners, and why emotional overwhelm, anxiety, and burnout are common in first responder families. Destiny also explains EMDR therapy in approachable terms and shares practical tools for nervous system regulation and emotional support.

This conversation offers compassion, clarity, and reassurance for anyone navigating the unseen emotional weight that fire life brings home.

Course for Female First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/female-first-responder-course

Course for Partners of First Responders: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/fire-season-survival-partners-1

More about Destiny:

instagram: https://www.instagram.com/on_being_resilient/

website: https://www.destinymorristherapy.com/

Chapters:

1. Introduction to Grief and Mental Health- 00:00:00
2. Understanding EMDR Therapy- 00:10:00
3. Challenges of Female First Responders- 00:20:00
4. Masculine and Feminine Energy in First Responders- 00:30:00
5. Coping with Grief and Trauma- 00:40:00
6. The Impact of the Holidays on Grief- 00:50:00
7. Self-Care and Emotional Regulation- 01:00:00
8. Therapy and Healing Strategies- 01:10:00

Fire family life stretches every system in the home. In this conversation, Chelsi sits down with Fair Play facilitator and family coach Lori Sugarman-Li to talk about what it really takes to keep a household running when a first responder is gone for days at a time.

Lori explains how the Fair Play method helps families name the invisible labor that often falls on the partner at home and create real equity by shifting from “helping” to full task ownership. She shares how laying all one hundred Fair Play cards on the table can be a wake up call for couples, revealing the depth of the unseen work that keeps a family functioning. Together, Chelsi and Lori explore how first responder families can use this system to rebalance the load, reduce resentment, and build a stronger sense of partnership even across long stretches apart.

They talk honestly about managing the daily grind while carrying the emotional weight of worry, how to divide tasks when one partner works 48s, 72s, or multi week deployments, and why remote responsibilities like scheduling appointments, renewing prescriptions, or managing school logistics can be owned by the firefighter even when they are out on the line. Chelsi shares examples from her own home, including meal planning, reintegration after shift, and the quiet calibration that happens when both partners check in about their capacity before reconnecting as a family.

This episode also explores what happens when kids gain agency in the home, how handing off tasks builds confidence and academic success, and why lowering the bar during fire season is not failure but survival. Lori and Chelsi remind listeners that family wellness begins with clear values, open conversations, and the freedom to build a home that reflects who you are, not who you think you should be.

This is a practical and emotional guide for every fire family that has ever tried to keep the wheels turning while one partner is away serving the public. It is a reminder that you can evolve your systems at any point and that real partnership is built through language, boundaries, and shared ownership of the life you are creating together.

Connect with Laurie

website: http://www.ourhomeourpride.com

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/ourhomeourpride

Buy Laurie's Children's Book: https://ourhomeourpride.com/my-childrens-book

Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lori-sugarman-li-50592911/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Fair Play in Relationships

03:00 Understanding the Fair Play Method

05:49 Task Ownership and Family Dynamics

09:04 The Importance of Emotional Labor

11:45 Empowering Children Through Agency

14:51 Creating a Supportive Family Environment

17:58 Balancing Responsibilities in First Responder Families

21:03 Communicating Needs and Family Values

23:31 The Delicate Dance of Marriage

24:37 Lowering Standards for Family Well-being

27:40 Understanding Core Values in Family Dynamics

30:16 Evolving Family Roles and Expectations

35:19 Empowering Children Through Responsibility

38:50 The Importance of Communication and Change

Fire season is supposed to be in the summer, but in 2025 it showed up in January. ..

In this episode, Chelsi talks with fire wife and corporate finance professional Jenna Partlow about what really happens at home when everything catches fire at once.

Jenna shares how her husband was sent to the Palisades and Eaton Fires for more than two weeks, right over their son’s birthday and their anniversary, while she was recovering from pneumonia and trying to manage work, parenting, and nonstop questions from people who do not understand fire life. She talks about the emotional math of being the one everyone contacts for updates, the pressure to reassure people when she has no information herself, and the shock of having a wildfire close enough that her kids could see the flames from their dinner table.

Chelsi and Jenna dig into the invisible labor of fire families, the expectations placed on firewives to make everything look effortless, and the guilt that shows up when you want a break as soon as he walks through the door. They talk about letting go of timelines, adjusting expectations, and why real community matters when the days stretch into weeks and nothing is certain.

This episode is for every fire spouse who has ever carried the weight of the house, the kids, the schedule, the emotions, and the unknowns and still tried to make the birthday special while ash falls from the sky. It is a reminder that being strong does not mean being silent. It means not doing this life alone.

find Jenna on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennacpartlow/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Fire Wife Life

02:53 Balancing Work and Family

05:54 Navigating Expectations in Fire Life

08:46 Community Support and Resilience

11:49 Coping with Fire Season Challenges

14:42 The Role of Communication in Relationships

17:50 Media Representation of Fire Families

20:46 Personal Growth and Self-Care

23:38 Advice for New Fire Spouses

In this episode, Chelsi talks with Amy Motroni, author of Genius Mom Hacks and mom of four, about how to create systems that make motherhood feel lighter and homes run smoother.

Amy shares her story of going from overwhelmed and exhausted to organized and at peace by focusing on routines that actually work in real life, not perfection or Pinterest standards. She explains simple habits that reduce stress, how to involve kids in daily tasks, and why progress matters more than perfection.

Together, they talk about mom guilt, teamwork in the home, and the difference between surviving and actually enjoying your family. This conversation is full of practical ideas and gentle reminders that you cannot do everything, but you can build a rhythm that works for you.

Follow Amy

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/geniusmomhacks/

Get the book Genius Mom Hacks

Chapters:

00:00 Introduction to Amy Matroni and Her Journey

02:55 The Overwhelming Reality of Motherhood

05:44 The Power of Effective Routines

08:24 Morning Routines: Setting the Tone for the Day

10:53 Evening Routines: Ending the Day Right

13:43 Involving Kids in Household Routines

16:20 Creating a Teamwork Environment at Home

19:03 The Importance of Presence in Parenting

21:16 Changing the Narrative of Motherhood

22:25 Where to Find Amy Matroni and Her Resources

28:05 Outro.mp4

In this episode, Chelsi sits down with Rachael Choate, a life coach, mom of three, and LA County fire wife, to talk about the moments we don’t usually say out loud. The mom rage. The messy reintegration. The mental load of fire family life.

Rachael opens up about what it’s like raising three young kids while her husband works 24-hour shifts, how they’ve learned to communicate through exhaustion, and why the chaos when he comes home can feel harder than when he’s gone. Together, they explore the stories we tell ourselves about what our spouses are thinking, the guilt that follows when we lose our cool, and the small shifts that make a big difference in connection and patience.

This conversation is honest, comforting, and a reminder that you’re not broken, you’re just tired, and you’re doing better than you think.

Follow Rachael: https://www.instagram.com/rachaelchoate_/

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Mom Rage and Family Life

05:20 Navigating the Firefighter's Academy and Early Marriage

11:07 Reintegration Challenges and Communication Strategies

19:25 Understanding Emotional Needs and Decompression

20:21 Navigating Life as a Fire Wife

21:36 The Importance of Vulnerability in Community

22:33 Understanding Murphy's Law and Mom Guilt

23:31 The Challenges of Planning in a Firefighter Family

24:53 Normalizing the Chaos of Family Dynamics

28:00 Addressing Mom Rage and Emotional Overload

31:18 Finding Grace in Parenting Challenges

35:36 Resources for Fire Wives and Moms