This episode is for anyone learning safety after survival.

In Part 3 of our relationship mini-series, we talk honestly about something people don’t warn you about enough: healthy relationships can be deeply triggering, not because they’re wrong, but because they’re safe.

When your nervous system has been wired for chaos, peace can feel unsettling. In this conversation, we unpack what it actually looks like to build safety after survival, especially when anxious and avoidant attachment styles collide.

We talk about:

• Why “boring” can actually mean regulated
• Anxious vs avoidant attachment in real-life conflict
• How space + time limits changed the way we fight
• Why conflict can build trust instead of destroying it
• Learning to feel “held but free” in a secure relationship

This isn’t about perfection or doing relationships right.
It’s about repair, self-awareness, and learning how to stay present when your body wants to panic, flee, or fix everything immediately.

If conflict makes your whole system shut down…
If safety feels unfamiliar…
If you’re healing while still very much human, this episode is for you.

We’d love to hear from you:
What’s your attachment style? How do you handle conflict?
Share your experience in the comments.

Kit Sargent (they/them) is the host and creator of the Queer Consciousness podcast, a show built around one deceptively complex question: “What does being queer mean to you?”

Kit shares what it was like growing up in evangelical Christianity (“fundy-light”), being homeschooled, and later walking away from the faith they were raised in. What followed was a full-scale deconstruction.

Kit also speaks candidly about late-diagnosed ADHD (and being “peer-reviewed autistic” by their autistic friends), how neurodivergence shaped their experiences in school and relationships, and what it was like to rebuild community after stepping away from church spaces, eventually finding connection through podcasts and online queer networks.

If you’ve ever felt like you had to earn love by performing the “right” version of yourself, this episode will feel like a loving hand on your shoulder.

We sit down with Shelly Ayers who is a high school counselor, Appalachian writer, and “true mountain child” from Stinking Creek, Tennessee (yes, it’s real). Shelly talks about the deep pull of Appalachia: the clan-like ties to land and kin, the pressure to protect your people, and what it means to tell your truth.

Together, we unpack growing up Pentecostal and all the shouting, speaking in tongues, fear of hell, and lingering “spiritual warfare” wiring that can take years to unlearn. Shelly shares how queerness and deconstruction were inseparable for her: the early prayers not to be gay, the church roles she slowly stepped away from, the years of healing work, and the hard-earned peace of building a life rooted in love instead of fear. We also talk about code-switching accents, chosen family, staying vs. leaving the mountains, and how community can be found anywhere—church pews, bar regulars, tattoo shops, and the people who become home.

If you've ever loved your roots and had to leave to survive...this one's for you.

Rachel (she/her) joins Holy Homo Healing Hour to talk about leaving Mormonism. A lifelong LDS member, Rachel breaks down the everyday realities of Mormon culture: the pressure to perform obedience, the gendered power structure of the priesthood, missions, and the way purity culture shapes adults long after they’re married.

She also unpacks the moment everything shifted in 2015 with the LDS baptism policy that barred children of openly gay parents unless they disavowed their family, and the real harm that followed.

From there, Rachel shares how she became outspoken about LGBTQIA+ education inside the church, built support resources to help queer members and parents, and eventually got pushed out when her focus stayed on safety and love—not “staying on the covenant path.”

We talk about parenting a non-binary child, the church’s more recent trans-exclusionary guidance, and what it looks like to choose your kid (and your integrity) over an institution.

In this Holy Homo Hangout Hour, Kari and Elise continue their relationship mini-series by diving into toxic relationships, especially the subtle, covert kind that makes you feel like you’re losing your mind. They unpack love bombing, hidden emotional manipulation, and the “small” comments and behaviors that slowly chip away at your confidence (until you’re monitoring moods, walking on eggshells, and blaming yourself for everything).

They also talk about why toxic dynamics can feel addictive, how religious conditioning (forgiveness without change, not trusting your gut, “unconditional love”) can keep people stuck, and the big takeaway: when you’re in survival mode, you can’t be your best partner because you’re surviving. This episode focuses on the toxic patterns and the red flags; the healing + safe relationship conversation is coming in the final installment.

In this episode, we sit down with author, blogger, and long-time witch Yvonne Aburrow (they/them).

Yvonne shares their journey out of high-control Christianity, through atheism, and into paganism and Wicca, unpacking what it looks like to rebuild your beliefs after religious trauma. We discuss the many books they have written and how their work centers on queer, trans, disabled, and neurodivergent folks who still want real spiritual depth without the shame.

We also get into the Satanic Panic, what coven life is like, how polytheism and animism fit together, and how Wiccan practice is rooted in pleasure, nature, and community. Yvonne offers super practical advice for anyone curious about paganism or witchcraft, including how to spot red flags in groups so you don't jump from one high-control situation into another.

If you're deconstructing, witch-curious, or just a nerd who loves mythology, this one's for you.

In their very first Holy Homo Hangout Hour, Kari and Elise finally hit record on the conversations they usually have after the podcast ends. This time, they are talking about first queer relationships, especially when those firsts happen later in life.

They unpack puppy love that shows up “late,” why lesbians get stereotyped for U-hauling, secret first loves that never got closure, and the messy overlap of best-friend love and romantic love.

They also talk about the particular grief of breakups shaped by internalized homophobia, compulsive heteronormativity, and religious trauma, and what it means to grieve years later when you finally feel safe.

Join the conversation: What did you learn from your first queer relationship? Share your story in the comments or in our DMs on Instagram at @holyhomohealinghour.

TW: Rapture anxiety, hell imagery, exorcism, depression, suicidal ideation, self-harm

Theo (they/he) grew up Pentecostal in rural southeastern Kentucky, where church meant all-day services, speaking in tongues, and constant warnings about the rapture. As a kid, they went to bed terrified that a blood-red moon meant Jesus was coming back and leaving them behind.

In this episode, Theo shares how fear-based faith, “journey through hell” church events, and even a nearly staged exorcism shaped their early understanding of God, self, and mental health.

We talk about questioning a God who sends most people to hell, being told depression was a demon, and discovering as an adult that they are likely intersex, a secret their family never intended to name.

Theo also shares what it has been like to embrace their transmasculine identity, start testosterone, cut off the hair everyone else loved, and navigate a rocky relationship with a mom who insists it is all “made up.”

From small-town surveillance and public school prayer circles to online queer community, walkable New York streets, and building chosen family in Louisville, Theo reflects on what real healing has looked like for them and what they would say to baby Theo now: keep being unapologetically you.

TW: Purity culture

In this episode, we sit down with Mary B. (she/her) who is a New York City–based speaker, author, and host of the Found Family podcast. Mary B. traces her winding spiritual journey: from small-town Episcopal and Methodist pews, through Young Life and the World Race, into the soft patriarchy of “reasonable” evangelical spaces where certainty felt safer than questions.

Together we talk about purity culture, sexual shame, and the quiet “gay panic” of Subarus, flannels, and sapphic movie scenes that slowly cracked open her understanding of herself as bi. Mary B. shares how therapy, queer friends, and a growing disconnect with non-affirming theology eventually led her to walk away from a church she’d poured years into—and toward Pride, queer Bible study, and a faith that actually makes room for her full self.

We also get into people-pleasing, spiritual authority, and the moment she realized that the men on stage are not the voice of God—they’re just dudes. This is a story about found family, sacred queer spaces, grief, and the deep relief of finally letting the “sleeping bear” of your sexuality wake up.

Lucas Wilson, editor of Shame-Sex Attraction: Survivors' Stories of Conversion Therapy, joins us to unpack how conservative Christianity frames the world in stark binaries and how those behavioral scripts police gender, sexuality, and personal identity throughout our society. We swap Liberty University party stories and trace the difference between official conversion therapy programs and everyday conversion practices. This episode offers some clarity for anyone unlearning scripts that they never chose.