Welcome to today's exciting guide to apostolic church patterns. Please keep your arms and theological objections inside the vehicle at all times. Plural elders, somebody asked why you've got 17 assistant pastors and a CEO. The book of Titus just quietly stares at you from across the room. Weekly communion! Try serving it in tiny plastic cups while the worship team launches into their 18th consecutive key change. The apostles are slightly confused. Consensus! Everybody gets to speak. Everybody gets heard. Nobody gets voted off the island. What a bizarre first century concept. Participatory meetings, everybody brings a hymn, a teaching, a testimony, except Larry. Larry brought another fog machine. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. Church size. If you need binoculars to identify your pastor, Paul might have needed GPS to find Timothy. The Lord's Supper. Somebody says it's symbolic. Somebody else says it's spiritual. Meanwhile, Paul's wondering why supper stopped looking like, well, supper. Plural elders. One pastor is easier to idolize. Five pastors keep each other humble. Imagine that. Traditions. Everybody says, we don't follow traditions. Then everybody sits in rows, faces one stage, starts at 10, ends at noon, and argues about carpet color. Congratulations, you have successfully invented new traditions. That's your church pattern today. That's your church pattern today. Somebody quotes Corinthians. Somebody quotes Calvin. Somebody quotes YouTube. Guess which one gets shared the most.