I spent most of my adult life as a caregiver and I complained a lot at the beginning of the journey. I complained then, yet now, I thank God for the positive outcomes and who I have become as a result of the caregiving. I never imagined how hard it would be, yet how rewarding it is. Looking at it from this other side, I know you are probably right in the midst of it and it could be hard to focus on the positive. 

 Someone has said that hindsight is 2020 and, in my situation, as being a caregiver, that is truly accurate because I can see so many positive outcomes from the opportunities that I had and the choices that I made to care for loved ones. The first one is I became the hope lady and wrote a book about it. If you allow God to enter your circumstance, no experience is ever wasted. When you learn from it, it will take you to a new level. So much of my testimony revolves around the initial experience of moving in with my little feisty mother in love. It was not an easy time, yet I would not be the person I am today without those stories to tell and the common experiences that I can have with you. Another very positive outcome is that I learned to honor fully and will receive the benefits of honoring for the remainder of my life.  

What are some active things you can do? Here's what I suggest. 

• Make a list of your benefits of caregiving. I love to mind map. That's where you put a circle in the middle and spokes out. And this is the basis for how I gain the content to start writing, because it allows me to capture my thoughts as they're occurring, and it helps me to get them all down without organizing them without stopping.
• Rewrite the end of your own story. Make the decision today to change the end of your life script. No matter what has been done to you today, you can take control of the rest of your decisions. Choose to give to yourself freely, yet establish boundaries. Forgive and let go of past hurts. 
• Take care of yourself. When rested and balanced you bring about a positive outcome for those you care for. Make a list of the benefits, rewrite the end of your own story and take care of yourself. Zoom on into those possibilities. And here's another part. It may seem like it right now, but this will not last forever.

 Prayer:

Thank you Lord, that I have been taught the true meaning of honor and I ask you, Lord, that this message will resonate with my listeners. Thank you Lord, that you provide a special blessing when I honor those I care for and I'm looking forward to the blessing of a really long life and the favor that comes along with it. I also choose to forgive freely and move forward with confidence in your goodness and the plan you have for me and everyone in my family. Stand tall and honor fully, because that's what you're looking for. I ask this in Jesus name. Amen. 

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So let God work His will in you. Yell a loud no to the Devil and watch him scamper. Say a quiet yes to God and He’ll be there in no time. James 4:7 MSG

Every single person I know wants to make a difference in the lives of others by doing something special and unique. Within you are seeds of a dream to do what only you can do. It is the legacy that you will leave behind. Unfortunately, I had gotten so busy with my job and caregiving responsibilities that I did not make room for my gifts of writing, speaking and music. God was closing doors so He could open others.

Define your gift

The first step in finding your gift is to define it. A great way to start is to ask yourself, “What would you do if you had unlimited resources (time, money and education)? Your mind is free to explore once you remove the self-imposed limitations that often lead you to talk yourself out of what you would love to do. You can always make time – even if it’s just a few minutes

Follow what you love to do

Your gift will be centered around the things you like to do. Have you always had an inclination and innate ability to do certain things? Often you don’t recognize your gifting because you think that everyone has the same capabilities you do and it’s easy for you. It is the unique pattern and combination of talents and attributes that makes your gift rare and precious.  There may be others who do the same thing you do, yet you add a flair that distinguishes your gift from others.

Share your gift

Your gift brings you joy, especially when shared with others. There is no better feeling than to do what you were created to do. It does not seem like work because it is a pleasure. There will be those areas where you will need to grow to support that gift. In fact, you might feel most disqualified in the area where you would like to go. For example, I have always loved to sing and play worship songs. I can get lost in time as I sit down at the piano. I struggle with recording these and sharing with others. It’s my goal to move in that direction because others have told me these songs are a blessing to them.

Grow in your gift

Your gift will open doors and make room for you. Once you define your gift, look for ways to use it and improve your skills in that area. Even if it seems far-fetched right now, take steps in the right direction. This is where you can really get out of your Comfort Zone (or CZ as I like to call it). Volunteer to do something that you don’t feel quite sure about doing but have always wanted to do. You’ll figure it out and can have a lot of fun. Your gifts expand as you use them.

Prayer

Lord, I am so thankful for the gifts You have given each of us. I pray that You will grant us the courage to take a good look at them so we can expand and grow in these areas.  With Your help we will step outside of our ‘comfort zone’ and take some risks. Thank You for those around us that encourage us to ‘go for our dreams.’ In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. Proverbs 30 :17. ESV 

 In the verse I chose to add to this series is a fascinating one from the well known Proverbs 31 woman. When it says she dresses herself with strength, that means that she rolls up her sleeves and approaches her responsibilities with force. She's going after it. She's secure in who she is. But the Hebrew word there also means praise. 

Put praise music on every morning as you start your day. Raise your arms in praise, making your arms strong. Put on the strength that you will need for that day. She makes her arms strong. That means to me that she does her part to increase her stamina every day. She is alert mentally and physically and has the courage to face whatever lies ahead because she trusts in God's good plan for everyone in her life. Hope says that I have the courage to face today with energy and strength. That is so important. 

1. Start today. Stop putting it off. Research suggests that everyday physical activity like walking and gardening are a great place to start. Even household chores, if you do them rapidly enough, such as sweeping or vacuuming can get your muscles going. Increase your physical activity by using your own muscle power. 
2. Start small. Do frequent short exercises instead of those that require large blocks of time and find activities that you enjoy. One other thing you can do while brushing your teeth is stand on one leg. Go for at least 10 seconds each time. 
3. Stay consistent. It's okay if you miss a day or two, if you have an emergency. Obviously that will happen. But just get back into the routine. It can be as simple as if you have your loved one in the hospital. Park as far away as you can so you can walk and get the steps in. Set reminders on your phone to take posture breaks or hold yourself accountable with a friend. Walking is such a great way to get the exercise that you need because it's easy, it's available, it's free, and besides its physical benefits, walking helps to reduce stress. 

What other exercises would you recommend? 

Prayer:

Thank you Lord, that you have given me the ability to choose to do something for myself. And I pray for my fellow caregivers that they do not feel that this is selfish, but instead they know that you have given them the gift of health. Let them maintain it. I ask for wisdom so they'll know when to take a break, when to incorporate it, when to do it.  Thank You, Lord, that you give them hope. They have the courage and mental and physical strength to rise above what might seem overwhelming right now. I ask this in Jesus' name, Amen. 

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A cheerful look brings joy to the heart. Proverbs 15:30 NLT

One of the hardest things about my first husband’s illness (FSHD – Facioscapularhumeral dystrophy) was that it affected the muscles of his face making it hard for him to smile. The other day, as I was looking at some old pictures I started to smile because it brought back memories of when I first met Bill. We were both in the same Greek class at L.I.F.E. Bible College (Now Life Pacific College). I remember two things – his smile and the little drawings on gum wrappers. I have long since lost the works of art on the gum wrappers yet will always remember his smile.

During the last two years of his life Bill had to use a mask for the ventilator that did the breathing for him because his diaphragm had failed. That was when he relied on his little white board and marker to express how he felt. Emoji’s were a blessing because they were able to express his smiles even though he physically could no longer smile.

One of the greatest lessons Bill taught me was gratitude for the choices I have. Most people do not realize how powerful those choices are until they are around someone who can no longer make them. His mouth may not have been able to form a smile but his eyes expressed so much.

Active Self Nurture

Use your smile muscles
The choice to lift the sides of your mouth can actually make you feel better. Researchers believe that activating a specific set of muscles in the face connects you to greater happiness and joy. When you choose to smile, you signal the emotional centers of your brain that all is well. Here’s where hope comes in. This scripture says that the cheerful look brings joy. When you trust God’s good plans for your life you can smile and mean it.

Keep your thoughts focused on the positive side
It’s not enough to simply paste on a fake smile. When you are feeling discouraged, start thinking about all the things that bring you joy. Gratitude produces genuine smiles. As a caregiver, you no doubt experience a great deal of stress. It can be easy to start focusing on all that you do not control. Instead, release the burdens to the Lord and find what brings you joy.

Live longer
Research has shown that those who smile actually live longer than those who do not smile. This was fun research with a baseball team in a yearbook. Those with big smiles lived 7 (seven) years longer than those who did not.

Improve your mood
Did you know that putting chop sticks in your mouth to resemble a smile will help you to be in a better mood? This experiment was done with some unhappy folks who actually ended up being in a better mood. Try it and let us know how it works when you are having a bad day.

Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for all Your blessings and for providing all that I need just when I need it the most. At times, the burden of caregiving seems too great and it can be hard to smile. It is right there that I choose to look up and smile. I know you will take care of the rest.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
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What You’re after is truth from the inside out. Psalm 51:6 MSG

In this podcast, The Hope Lady remembers a difficult time in one of her care-giving assignments. She learned a lot about releasing unforgiveness and anger in order to fully honor the one she was caring for - in this case, her mother-in-love.

Our memories are flexible and who better than the Holy Spirit to reshape painful events and to bring us peace right where we need it the most.

Active Self Nurture

Face what you are feeling
Do not be afraid to express exactly what you’re feeling. Your Heavenly Father already knows, so why try to hide it? Admit your fear or your anger. Own the feelings instead of trying to pretend that everything is okay.

Ask the Lord for His perspective
Once we honestly face what we are feeling we can open our hearts to the true perspective the Lord can bring. It’s amazing to me how different a situation becomes when we see it from an eternal Godly perspective.

Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for giving me emotions that can let me know when something is wrong. With your help, I will take the time to process what is truly going on. I release all anger to You and ask for Your perspective in the difficult situations that I face as I care for __________________.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Those who humbly serve will see and rejoice! All you seekers-after-God will revive your souls! Psalm 69:32 Voice

There is no exhaustion quite like the one you may feel as a caregiver. It feels like it will never end and you don’t know how you keep going – yet, you do. Technology has provided us a way to connect and keep people informed of prayer needs. There is a great deal of support from friends who can reach out to us with encouragement. On the other hand, there is a great danger of becoming addicted to Social Media. One of the greatest respites you can find is to completely unplug from technology for 24 hours.

Social Media Addiction
Here are some questions to ask yourself to see if you are addicted to social media. They are followed by alternative Hope Antidote that serves as an active form of self nurture.
1. Do you check Social Media accounts first before doing anything else every morning?
Hope Antidote: 

• Stretch physically in bed before getting up.
•  Pray and ask the Lord for strength and wisdom during the day. 
• Jot down notes recording your dreams or first impressions of the day.

2. Is reaching for Social Media your main recreation or distraction throughout the day/evening?

Hope Antidote: 

• Make a list of physical actions you can take that will get you moving and involved with people. 
• Act on at least one of them every day.

3. Do you choose online time instead of actual face time with family and immediate friends?

Hope Antidote: 

• Placing your phone in a basket and passing the basket around. 
• Put phones on airplane mode and put them in the middle of the table. 

4. Do you feel anxious when you think about not checking your social media outlets for 24 hours?

Hope Antidote: 

• Turn off the notifications. 
• Schedule specific times to check your accounts. 
• Find someone to help you remain accountable.

Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for giving me a heart of immediate responsive obedience. I want that so much. Forgive me for letting the distractions of Social Media dull me to the nudges of Your Holy Spirit to reach out to someone in need or share an encouraging word. Thank You for energizing me from deep within. It is such a comfort to know that You give me the desire and the ability to complete all that will bring You pleasure.

In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Jesus said, Let’s go to the a quiet place and rest awhile. Mark 6:31 NLT

Caregiving burnout is very real because you can easily neglect yourself while caring for others. It is imperative that you secure your life vest and wear it all the time.

Take care of yourself
Why is this so hard to do? It starts with a good premise of taking care of the crisis and being the one who is there when needed. Unfortunately, this can become a pattern that is perpetuated where that becomes what brings you value. You easily take on the role of a martyr and neglect your own health. (See this article: Monitor Your Health)
Hope Tip: Do something little for yourself EVERY day.

Learn to power nap
Moms say it best don’t they? She would say every afternoon, “I have a 101 things to do now and one of them is the nap. See you in half an hour.” You can learn to relax enough so that you will be able to take a 20 minute nap every day. This is a discipline that is practiced by some of the most effective people on the planet. It does not mean you are lazy. On the contrary, this short amount of sleep, when done properly can revive creativity and allow you to function at top capacity. The best time to power nap is either mid afternoon after lunch or just before dawn. During these times you experience a natural dip in alertness due to your circadian rhythm, making it the most ideal time to power nap. Set your alarm for 20 minutes; relax fully; change your focus to inner peace; get up immediately when your alarm goes off. For more on this vital topic click here.
Hope Tip: Set aside 20 minutes every day for a power nap whether you sleep or not.

Make time for prayer and meditation
Jesus told his disciples after a busy day of dealing with demanding people that they needed to get away and rest awhile. Follow His example on this. Jesus was actually taking a power nap when they were in the middle of a big storm. Make your car a prayer closet as you drive today. Find rest in the Lord.
Hope Tip: Find the best time for you to quiet your heart and enjoy the presence of the Lord.
Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for being the perfect example. Today I want to thank You that I can rest in you and trust You with every detail of __________’s care. I ask for wisdom and the ability to relax enough to nap regardless of the storms raging all around me. You can speak peace to my heart and I receive it right now as I sit here.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

S-Stay Connected

If one person suffers, all suffer together; if one person is honored, all rejoice together. 1 Corinthians 12:26 ESV

Active Self Nurture

Reconnect with friends

Who are your forever friends? Make a list of those who you would love to speak with or sit down with your favorite cuppa coffee/tea. Pick up the phone or send a message over social media to these friends. They will be delighted to see you and you will be refreshed after your time with them.
Make a list of people with whom you would be comfortable leaving your loved one (if you are at that stage). Let them come over to test it out and to show them what they need to do while you are away. This is especially important if your loved one has advanced dementia or Alzheimer’s.

Receive positive input

Delete all social media that is negative or inflammatory. Surround yourself with optimistic messages that edify rather than those that tear down.

The admonition of Philippians 4:8 is as follows:
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.
True - what you know to be the truth - related to your values and your life. They may seem hidden to some but revealed in your life.
Are you willing to be patient with your judgment until all the details are revealed?
Noble - Reverential awe - worthy of worship - in alignment with your faith that God will work all for your good - belief in hope.
Do you maintain a hopeful heart believing that God can work out all the details?
Just - to do the right thing even when no one is watching you. Your own responsibility to the world to do the right thing and serve God.
Do you do what is right when no one is watching?
Pure - what is right about others.
Are you willing to look deeper into what could be another’s motive rather than judging harshly?
Lovely - Emitting light - Smiling to bring about a response from someone who is in a dark place.
Do you believe that everyone has the capacity to shine brightly with hope no matter how dark the situation becomes?
Good report - Excellence - what you do extremely well.
Are you able to see what others do well in order to highlight and call it forward?
Virtue - Tell stories of the good things that others have done. This is what we do in a eulogy at a funeral.
What stories can you tell about the amazing qualities of others?

Recommit to time for yourself

It is not selfish to want to honor your personal needs for refreshing and rest. Work toward shared responsibilities and time when you can collect your thoughts and sense the presence of the Lord. It is vital that your well be full before you give out to others.

Prayer

Thank You, Lord, for the times of refreshing that you have for me right now in this caregiving journey. I ask you give me peace as I leave __________ for times to reconnect with friends. Thank You for those who are coming alongside to suffer as we suffer and rejoice as we honor those we love. In Jesus’ name.  Amen.

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
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This is the second part of the podcast called Good Mourning - Joy does come in the Mourning.

Heather is the host of Creating You Podcast. As a licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor she has a lot of powerful insights into the process of grieving a loss.

Takeaways:
It's important to be willing to do a paradigm shift to check in on what you're believing or feeling. Here are some questions to ask:
Why can't I feel anything?
Where did the messaging come to me?
Where is that feeling coming from?
Is what you're feeling right now serving you?
Do you want it to be different?
What do I have to put into place in order to grieve openly?

Shift from I'm so sorry this happened to I'm grateful for all the experiences I've had and that I can come out on the other side complete, whole and better than if it had never happened.

Give yourself permission to feel all you are experiencing. 
Say yes to yourself.
Step out of your comfort zone and do the next thing.

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
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Welcome to Season 2!

Hope is Powerful podcast's second season starts with a delightful conversation with Heather from the Creating You podcast. She is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor, a Master Licensed Alcohol and Drug Counselor and a dear friend. Once you listen, you will understand why I love talking to her.

We all are grieving something. This podcast encourages you to embrace your pain and lean fully into your feelings in order to "mourn well."

Remember:

You can learn to ride grief waves to comfort. When you get hit with a wave of grief instead of fighting it, lean into it, catch the wave and let it take you all the way to comfort.

Sadness and happiness are held in tension so you can have both at the same time.

Mourn as long as you need to.

The sixth stage of grieving is creating meaning around their life not just their death.

Stop apologizing for tears. Get permission up front that if I start crying it's okay.

People respond out of their discomfort and want to fix it and wanting it go away.

"Feelings are not the enemy, they are the informants.
Be sure you welcome a range of emotions.
Feelings are an open house.
Be flexible with that."  Heather

Join Heather's Facebook community called Best Days Ahead.
Follow her on Instagram.
Creating You podcast on Apple and on Spotify.


 

Send us a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.