Hope is Powerful

In this podcast The Hope Lady returns to talk about a crucial part of caregiving - letting others help you.

Stop hinting at your need for help

One of the characteristics of a martyr in passive-aggressive communication. You tell people about your woes and then when they ask how they can help, you somehow want them to insist on helping. They take you at your word when you say, “I’m okay, but thanks for asking.” Then you become angry because no one is helping. STOP IT! Instead say, “I need your help.”

Log your caregiving activities

Make a list of everything you do in caring for your loved one. Sure, it seems simple to you because it’s your routine. You want to have it all on paper so that the next time someone asks how they can help instead of saying “Oh, I’m fine, but thank you for offering” you can say, “I’m so glad you asked. Could you please (specific request)?”

Share honor opportunities

Once you realize the benefits of honoring others, you will want to share the privilege. I am so grateful that our children were able to help take care of their dad. They have expressed in the years since he moved to Heaven that they were grateful they did as much as they did. In trying to spare them, I could have circumvented the process.

Are you going to let others help you?

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Do everything without complaining. Philippians 2:14 NLT

Here is an excerpt from my book, The Power of Hope for Caregivers: Honor the Ride.

The details of my late husband’s (Bill) last doctor’s appointment are indelibly engraved in my memory. It was a routine visit with the pulmonologist to check Bill’s oxygen levels. In our past appointments, this doctor had been pleased that Bill’s lungs were still strong even though his diaphragm no longer functioned. The full-time ventilator pushed the air in and out of his lungs via a c-Pap mask over his face.

“Mr. Sebastian, I must insist that you get a tracheostomy,” the doctor said grimly.

With no hesitation, Bill signed N – O, and then very deliberately grabbed his marker and wrote, “NO.” It was the size of the entire white board we had taken in so that he could communicate with the medical staff.

“I respect that, Mr. Sebastian,” acknowledged the doctor. “I just want you to know that as your doctor it is my duty to let you know the risk you take by not having this procedure done.”

“Wait just a minute, honey,” I said quickly. “Hear out what the doctor is telling us.”

The doctor went on to explain that because of the lack of muscle tone in his face due to the type of Muscular Dystrophy and the continual flow of air through the mask it was more and more difficult for the oxygen levels to stay at optimum levels.

I don’t remember much else about that doctor’s appointment. I felt angry and frustrated.

The following week, Bill woke up on Heaven. He was healed and my caregiving role ended abruptly.

I look back on that time in my life with regret for the missed opportunities to grow and praise God for what I had rather than bemoan the way my life had turned out. I was in a dark place because I had yet to grasp the truth that as a Hope Ambassador I could set the tone for my surroundings by my response to the challenges of my life.

Active Self-Care

Eliminate absolutes like never and always
There are many things that challenge us in the caregiving role. This admonition is not about denying the difficulties but rather looking for solutions. The challenge with focusing with absolutes is that they blow up the bridges to solutions leaving you entrenched in a victim mentality where you are less likely to reach a solution.

Replace complaints with praise
We live in a society that loves to grumble and complain. We now have a whole new platform on Social Media to identify with what we are against. We have those who will jump on the band wagon and agree with us in our objections and laments. The problem with this approach is that it leaves us angrier and more frustrated than ever. More importantly, we miss opportunities to bless and serve fully.

Flip the situation
One of my favorite sayings is “On the positive side…” It’s great to acknowledge the challenge rather than to pretend that everything is fine when it is not. God has a good plan for you even though you may not see it right now. Ask for wisdom from others. It may seem like this season will never end but it always does.

Prayer
Lord, I am just so tired right now. I need you to energize me with the desire

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Be fully prepared to hold your ground. Ephesians 6:13 Voice

What prepared you to be a caregiver?

Most of us went into this experience with zero preparation. In fact, you were thrown into it - sometimes by default because no one else would pick up the task. And now you are here. What are you going to do about it?

Many talk about the hardships of being a caregiver and need a place to vent. If that is where you find yourself, set a timer and go on your rant. What’s left at end of that monologue? Betrayal, anger and despair. As you numb yourself to the strong feelings it could be easy to check out and go through the motions.

Instead, how about you get prepared to hold your ground. Stand firm where you are and learn to regain your power.

What can you do differently?

Prepare to take your power stance

There is a definite connection between your posture and what is happening inside your brain.  Research is showing that holding the power posture stance for 2 minutes a day actually releases the assertiveness hormone (testosterone) and lowers the stress hormone (cortisol). Take this posture even when you don’t feel like it and soon your ‘feel-good’ hormones will catch up with the choice you have made.

Pause

Having done all … stand!!!! (King James Version)

The prayerful pause is so powerful because it allows you to take your time and move in the right way without wounding those you love.

Every time you feel yourself shrinking from the task at hand remember that you are in a war.

Take your battle stance. You are a power warrior and the details are already taken care of so that in the end YOU win. This means that instead of groveling and feeling less than your potential, you say, “With the help of the Lord, we’ve got this one too.” This will take practice if you’ve been indulging in complaints .

Pivot to victory

Because of this, you must wear all the armor that God provides so you’re protected as you confront the slanderer, for you are destined for all things and will rise victorious. Eph 6:13 TPT

It’s time to stop reacting and start running to win the race. You can do this! Do you see yourself winning? The stance of someone who wins the race is very different from the one who is happy just to make it to the end.

Pay closer attention to the way you sit, stand, sleep, and move throughout the day. Your body is all connected. When one thing is out of place, the entire body can be affected. When that one thing is your spine, then the body can be greatly affected. Considering that the spine and brain are connected, it’s easy to see why behavior and attitude are so greatly affected by posture.

You are victorious. You are a winner. Throw your hands in the air and praise God before you cross the finish line. Lift up your head to your maker and creator and thank Him for how he has all the details taken care of. Move like a champion not a defeated victim. Prayer will accomplish this in you as you begin to take the territory that is rightfully yours.

Little consistent changes, over time, can mean big improvements.

Prayer

Thank You, Lord, for your help and presence when I feel that this caregiving situation is more than I can handle. I need Your help so that I’ll still be on my feet

Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness cannot extinguish it. John 1:5 Voice

A long caregiving season can feel like a very dark place. I know because I have felt that darkness surrounding me like a wet blanket and chilling my hope. At times it felt like the darkness would win. I felt like the light inside me was dimming more and more every day. At times, it felt like I didn’t even have a flashlight!

The darker it becomes, the more obvious a small light is. What does that mean? It means that you only need a spark of hope to ignite a change in the darkness. It can start with the simple statement, “God is good.”

Proclaim the wondrous acts of the One who called you out of inky darkness into shimmering light. 2 Peter 2:9 (Voice)

You have been called from darkness to light. I love this translation because it describes the darkness and the light. You may feel today that you are no more than an ink spot in a dark place of despair and hopelessness. In fact, it may seem so dark that you can’t even see your hand when you put it in front of your face.

God is calling you to step into a beautiful circle of light in His presence and glory. When you do, darkness flees. The light overwhelms the darkness. It has to disappear.

What you can do differently?
Go Outdoors
Tune in to your senses. See the colors, textures, and shapes that appear naturally all around you. Smell the scents of your neighborhood’s flora and fauna. Feel the cool breeze or warm sunshine on your skin. Broaden your awareness of your surroundings, and expand the possibilities of your life.

Expose your body to extreme temperatures
A cold shower and a sauna can help your body detox. Most of you avoid any feeling of discomfort.

If you live in a hot place, sit in your car for 5 - 10 minutes with the AC turned off. You will begin to sweat and that is awesome because your body is detoxing. Jump into the cold shower immediately after this for more health benefits.

Change your posture
Your body language sends powerful signals to your brain.Bring light into your life immediately by standing in what I like to call the Wonder Woman (or Superman) pose. Bring your shoulders back with your chest out and place your hands on your hips. Holding this pose for two minutes will cause the shift in hormones needed to go into any situation feeling more confident.

Focus on Hope Rays
You have more control over your happiness and hope level than you might think. In fact, the people with the most hope don’t leave their life satisfaction to chance, they do the work necessary to make their hope a priority. While there is no automatic switch that you can simply turn on, focusing your attention on positive thoughts and actions through prayer leads you to a new level of peace and meaning.

Prayer
Thank You, Lord that Your light shines in the darkness. (John 1:5 V)That means that if I am currently experiencing a dark season I only need a tiny light to overwhelm that darkness. I pray for every person listening to this podcast who feels overcome by dark despair that they will begin to proclaim your goodness and faithfulness. (2 Peter 2:9 V) I am so grateful that You created my body to respond every time I adjust my posture to match what You think about me. I change my focus from the darkness to th

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Fix your thoughts on what is true and good and right. Think about things that are pure & lovely & dwell on the fine, good things in others. Think about all you can praise God for & be glad about. Philippians 4:8 TLB

You control your own attitude - so choose to be positive.

Choose to look at difficulties through a hope lens.

Embrace challenges so you grow & develop in key areas.

Filter negative experiences through a lens of gratitude.

What can you do differently?

Hang out with positive people

You become like the people you are around.  Negativity multiplies as you get around others who reinforce negativity & martyrdom.

Seek out encouragers. Ask them to hold you accountable. 

Avoid negative conversations

Challenge yourself to avoid negative self-talk. Minimize negativity on challenging situations. A simple deep breath can be all that is needed to witness a negative thought dissipate.
 
Praise God for difficult situations

The more you appreciate your life, the more you flourish & grow. Recognize negativity so you can inject more gratitude into your day.  Identify what you're thankful for & trigger growth.

Make a glad list

How much positivity you experience is a direct result of how you choose to interpret the experiences in your life, so get real about your habits of thought.

See challenges as opportunities.

People with a positive outlook see obstacles as opportunities for growth and are able to experience empathetic joy for others’ good fortune.

Journal prompts:
What brings you joy right now?
What provides a spark of excitement?
What was the best part of your day?
Focus on these things.
Plan to do more of the same.

Prayer
I am thankful, Lord, that I have a choice today to focus my thought life on truth rather than lies. You provide me with a true perspective on all that is swirling around me as I care for the needs of others. I choose to think about all that is going right in this situation. I choose to capitalize on the good qualities I see in the difficult people in my life. (Philippians 4:8) Most of all, I choose to praise You & find joy and laughter every day.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

A-Accept Your Role with Honor
B-Bounce Back with Hope
C-Celebrate Everything
D - Dance with Abandon
E - Eat Right and Enjoy Every Bite
F- Forgive Freely
G-Go Outside
H-Have a Good Cry When Needed
I-Infuse Hope - Be a Thermostat
J-Journal to Capture Your Thoughts
K-

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For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Beloved friend, I pray that you are prospering (all is well) in every way and that you continually enjoy good health, just as your soul is prospering. 3 John 1:2 TPT

“Nearly three quarters of family caregivers report not going to the doctor as often as they should and say they skip doctor appointments for themselves. 63% of caregivers report having poor eating habits than non-caregivers and 58% indicate worse exercise habits than before caregiving responsibilities. ( National Alliance for Caregiving and Evercare)

What can you do differently?

Keep your own health appointments
In the pressure of getting those you take care of to the doctor you might neglect your own health appointment because you think, “It can wait…” No, it cannot. Pick up that phone and make your appointment. Do it right now.

Change your eating habits

• Drink water instead of soft drinks
• Munch on a handful of nuts instead of that cookie
• Increase vegetable consumption 
• Cut out processed foods
• Avoid all fast-food places 
• Prepare healthy snacks ahead of time

Increase movement
As you wake up every morning s-t-r-e-t-c-h! Set a small goal to monitor your steps each day. Get someone to help you for an hour a day so that you can walk.

Take care of your own emotional needs
This verse also refers to your soul - that is your emotions. In this hamster wheel called care-giving you can often bury what you are feeling so deeply that you begin to feel nothing. Your emotional health comes first - and then your physical will follow.

• Develop a social network and reach out them consistently
• Ask for help when you need to.

Self-care is NOT selfish.
 
Prayer
Thank you, Father, that you care for my listeners even more than they may be caring for themselves. I pray that You give them wisdom to monitor their own well-being and to prioritize their decisions from that viewpoint. Give them deep, rest-filled sleep. Show them the window to take a small window of ‘alone’ time every day. Give their loved ones the grace to pull back on their own demands to allow the time for these precious ones to be refreshed. Most of all, may they feel your presence and good pleasure in all they do day in and day out.
In Jesus name
Amen
Here are more letters:

A-Accept Your Role with Honor
B-Bounce Back with Hope
C-Celebrate Everything
D - Dance with Abandon
E - Eat Right and Enjoy Every Bite
F- Forgive Freely
G-Go Outside
H-Have a Good Cry When Needed
I-Infuse Hope - Be a Thermostat
J-Journa

Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Shownotes:
We were filled with LAUGHTER, and we sang for JOY. And the other nations said, “What amazing things the Lord has done for them.” Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What JOY! Psalm 126:2

In this podcast, Karen shares how she learned to choose laughter every day. You can shift your perspective no matter what is going on. Your choices will provide sustainable JOY.

Laughter is the gift you give yourself and everyone around you. It comes as a result of a changed perspective and a strong decision to see the humor in every situation.

Self-Care for Caregivers

Choose to laugh
Make a decision to find humor in the messy mundane details. Replace sarcasm with laughter. As you laugh, share the story with others and the joy will spread.
Assignment:
Start making a list of the following – What was the funniest thing that happened this week? What brought you joy?

Discover life’s funniest stories
Get input from your loved ones(s). Start a book of funny stories that will leave a legacy of laughter and joy. Keep it simple. Relive funny times & great trips. Remember embarrassing moments and highlights of high school, college and early years of marriage.
Assignment:
Ask lots of questions and get others to share their stories.  Keep the concept going with family memories so they can ask about them.
 
Seek the humor in EVERY situation
Decide to create an atmosphere where it is okay to have fun even in the midst of the trials. I encourage find humor.  It’s not easy to do and yet, you can improve your odds of coming through the caregiving journey with greater strength and a sharpened wit.
Assignment:
Make a commitment to seek the humor in everything. Learn to laugh at yourself, especially when reliving embarrassing moments. Practice sincere laughter every day. 

Prayer
Thank You, Lord, for giving us the gift of laughter. I thank You for allowing me to see the glimpses of humor in the mundane and everyday challenges that I face as I care for ______________. I lift my eyes from the problems and allow you to fill me with laughter. I choose to sing for joy as I look at all the blessings You have given us. I honor these difficult days as times to grow and will smile in the face of it all as I look to You – author and finisher of my faith (Hebrews 12:2). In Jesus’ name. Amen

Here are more letters of the ABCs of Self-Care for Caregivers - so far:

A-Accept Your Role with Honor
B-Bounce Back with Hope
C-Celebrate Everything
D - Dance with Abandon
E - Eat Right and Enjoy Every Bite
F- Forgive Freely
G-Go Outside
H-Have a Good Cry When Needed
I-

Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit – you choose. Proverbs 18:21 MSG

I used to hate Mondays. I guess I was like most people I worked with, except that I complained about it a lot. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that I hated my job, my husband was ill, our oldest daughter was going crazy, I had been diagnosed with lupus AND my mother-in-love was living with us and I became a very reluctant caregiver (more about that on this podcast). If you are a caregiver you may feel overwhelmed right now.

You may be caught in a negative downward spiral of complaints and negativity that is making matters worse. Your words are killing you – literally!

Have you noticed that, instead of feeling better after a bitter complaint, you actually feel worse? This scripture confirms the reason for that. You get to choose your words. You get to choose your attitude.
Active Self-Care

Embrace the power of your words
Your words set the stage for your life. They establish the atmosphere and openness of those around you. There are many verses in the Bible that express how powerful your words are. The one used at the top of this post is one of the most powerful especially in the MESSAGE paraphrase. How exciting that you get to choose life-giving words rather than poisoning the atmosphere!
Assignment: Identify the poison words that you are using and write them down. Instead of trying to stop yourself from saying them,  replace them with life-giving words.

Flip your negative expressions
Eliminate the word “hate” from your vocabulary. Other expressions to avoid are those that include the word “death” as in, “I died laughing” or “I thought I would die.” This is harder than you think because you have adopted these sayings and may not realize you are saying them.
Assignment: Make a list of the negative expressions you are using and replace them with positive affirmations.

Modify your self-talk
As I started the journey of examining my words, I became more aware of what I mumbled under my breath. Things like, “That was dumb” or “How stupid can you be” were frequent. Be your own best friend and say kind things to yourself. You don’t need anger for motivation.
Assignment: Take note of your negative self-talk and replace the phrases with positive ones.

Prayer
Lord, I ask You to take my weakness and make me strong in You. I choose today to recognize who You say I am. I am Your daughter/son and I will treat myself that way. I choose to speak life over every difficult situation and person in my life today. I am grateful that I can love what You are doing in and through me.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Here are more letters of the ABCs of Self-Care for Caregivers - so far:

A-Accept Your Role with Honor
B-Bounce Back with Hope
C-Celebrate Everything
D - Dance with Abandon
E - Eat Right and Enjoy Eve

Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

Write down this vision. Write it clearly on tablets so that anyone who reads it may run. Habakkuk 2:2 Voice

I have always wanted to be a classic journaler (is that even a word?) In my ideal world, I sit down to a perfectly ordered home every evening and write in my best penmanship about the amazing day I have had in a beautiful, leather bound journal. During my caregiving days, I felt fortunate if I could write a few words on a post-it note. There were so many thoughts swirling through my head and things to do that I could not keep track of them all.

Writing in a composition book solved this for me. Typically, these black and white composition books are a required item with the annual school supply list. I started using them after reading David Allen’s book, Getting Things Done (GTD). In this book he refers to productivity in a new way where you establish calm rather than living in chaos. In the midst of ‘caregiving chaos’ I craved calm yet didn’t need another item on my burgeoning to-do list. The most important take-away from this book was to capture my thoughts on paper so my mind could do what it does best – envision the future and create the vision for what only I can do.

Active Self-Care

Sweep your mind

This is a concept that I love to do periodically. Sit in a quiet spot and write down everything that is claiming your attention and is your responsibility. At this point stay on task to get it all down on paper. Usually, what you put down on that paper are things that you neglected to do or you put off doing. I most likely create a mind-map first and then come back and put them in my to-do list.

Capture thoughts in writing

Most nights I struggled to get to sleep as the swirl of undone chores and ideas threatened to overwhelm me. There were nights when I tossed and turned and woke up with a headache. The worst part was the feeling that I had forgotten something. I put my composition book by my bed and when I would wake up during the night I would write down what I had forgotten so it could become an action item.

2 Corinthians 10:5 (MSG) puts it well as it says, “fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.”

Take hold of your dreams
You will find that as you bring order to your chaotic thoughts you will be able to write your vision. What do you feel is something that only YOU can do? What are you dreaming at night?

What is your purpose? As you put words around what God has put in your heart, your next steps will become more clear.

Remember, there is no waste in God’s economy. You may have a book inside you that you need to write so that it will bless many others. Perhaps, you are to write a blog about your experiences as a caregiver.

Prayer
I am so grateful, Lord, that You have placed a vision inside me to compel me to run. I am no longer running from the difficulties, Instead, I am increasing in stamina and courage to finish strong what You have called me to do no matter what others do. I pray for wisdom in writing down the loose thoughts, emotions and impulses so that they propel me toward a life shaped like Jesus. You have come to give me abundant life and I enter into all that You have for me today.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.

In this podcast episode, Karen Sebastian-Wirth (AKA The Hope Lady) shares the importance of determining your own hope level. You CAN be a thermostat and raise the hope level no matter what is going on around you. This is especially challenging when you are a caregiver who is monitoring the progress of serious health conditions. 


We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise. Romans 5:3 MSG

Takeaways:
Hope is realistic.
Hope is not unabashed denial that there is a problem. Instead, it is educating yourself enough to understand the terms the medical professionals are using and trusting God in the midst of it all.
Your confidence is in the way that God will work out the details even when you get bad news. You will survive and even thrive in the midst of it all.
You can land in a wide open space.
Hope says that no matter what happens you will land on your feet.
You will continue to experience God’s grace and glory in the midst of the darkest times.
You get to choose your posture (more on that later).
You can choose to shout praises. Now that’s contagious hope.
Active Self-Care:
Find places that bring you peace

Go for a walk
Find consistent green space
Get outside and enjoy sunrises (or sunsets)

Use alternate methods of communication

It is hard to hang on to hope when facing a critical diagnosis or the never-ending hamster wheel of caring for a loved one. This is especially true during a stay in the hospital. Everyone wants to know the details and you grow weary of repeating yourself. Still, in speaking the truth in love and declaring the goodness of the Lord in the midst of the hard times, you inject hope into the conversation.
Recruit others to  help you communicate progress or lack thereof
Investigate alternate ways of letting others know what is going on

Make a prayer and praise list

Praise worthy blessings need to be acknowledged.
Make your list and keep it updated.
Speaking the praise out loud intensifies its benefits.
Shout your praise and you will be amazed at the release it brings

Prayer

Lord, you fill our hearts with hope in the darkest nights of our soul. I ask You to fill the precious caregivers reading this now to feel an infusion of hope that they can pass on to the others in the situation. Things may look bad now, yet I am grateful for so many blessings. I shout praises to You for ________________. You always have me land on my feet. You give me grace for every situation and we see miracles of Your glory at every turn. I know we will continue to sense your presence and thank You for every provision.
In Jesus’ name. Amen.

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Send a text

For more hope inspiration you can follow her posts on:

https://www.instagram.com/the.hope.lady
https://www.facebook.com/hopeispowerful

Rate and review this podcast to spread the hope to others who need to be reminded they can go from rock-bottom to the mountain top one step at a time.