Hope Pieced Together

Today’s conversation centers around a personal story about a big life event that requires you to navigate a host of emotions within every member of the family. That life event is adoption, and our hope is that as Kristen Minor shares her story, you will find comfort and wisdom for your own journey. You’ll hear how she and her husband, Matt, came to the decision to adopt through prayer on a trip to Costa Rica, what fears they experienced along the way, and how they found a sense of peace through the realization that God is in control. Kristen tells the story of how they came to meet their child, Gipsy, through donating the proceeds from their worship band’s music to a children’s home in Costa Rica. She gets candid about meeting Gipsy, feeling overwhelmed with fear, and the two signs she saw on the road that confirmed her decision. We touch on the value of community, and Kristen shares what it was like as a mom to witness her child’s grief and heartbreak and the open doors of communication between her and Gipsy, as well as how Kristen’s own experience grieving her brother helped her to walk alongside her daughter. You’ll hear how travel has bonded Kristen, Matt, and Gipsy, and how metalsmithing has become a great mental health space for Kristen. Next, Kristen shares how she was able to still find hope in her brother’s death, the message of hope she wants to give listeners, and how this can only be found in God. We hope you join us to hear Kristen’s story of hope today. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to Kristen Minor, photographer, metalsmith, wife, and mom in San Antonio.
• How she and her husband chose adoption through prayer on a trip to Costa Rica.
• The fear they experienced going into adopting an older child with a complicated past.
• How the realization that God was in control helped them to overcome fear and say yes.
• The story of how Kristen and Matt met their child, Gipsy, through donating the proceeds from their worship band’s music to a children’s home in Costa Rica. 
• A trip to the beach with Gipsy in Costa Rica where Kristen felt kindred with her.
• How Kristen told the story of meeting Gipsy to Matt and how he met her for the first time.
• The process of being approved as eligible parents, and seeing Gipsy’s file.
• The two signs that she saw on the road to San Antonio that confirmed her decision. 
• How valuable it is to find people who have been in your shoes.
• What it was like as a mom to witness her child’s grief and heartbreak.
• The open doors of communication, reminding Gipsy that it’s not her fault without villainizing her parents. 
• How Kristen’s own experience grieving her brother helped her walk through Gipsy’s grief.
• The sense of gratitude that Gipsy approaches life with.
• How Matt and Kristen’s father built an overland vehicle that the family has traveled with.
• How travel has bonded the family and created lasting lifelong memories.
• How Kristen got into metalsmithing and how it became a great mental health tool.
• How Kristen was able to still find hope in her brother’s death and the message of hope she wants to give listeners, that can only be found in God.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Whale Ok
Whale Ok on Instagram
Bugs on my Face

Mosaics of Mercy

Children are much more adaptable than is often expected of them, but they are also aware of much more than their parents may think. Jessica Leger, clinical social worker, play therapist, and our guest on today’s show, describes children as having the capacity to be “emotional sponges.” This means that it is vital that parents, whether they are getting divorced or going through a tough time in their marriage, ensure that their children are protected from the brunt of the adult issues being experienced. As a divorced parent herself, and through her work with many children of divorced parents, Jessica has valuable advice for how parents can soften the blow of separation for their children. That being said, there are many circumstances where children will need additional support, and Jessica shares the types of behaviors which signal that a child is not coping well with the changes, and the kind of help they may require. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• The number of children on Jessica’s caseload who are impacted by divorce.
• How Jessica’s children handled her divorce.
• Children are aware of more than parents may think.
• Jessica explains the importance of being careful of the non-verbal cues parents use in relation to their child’s other parent.
• Ways to tell if a child is struggling with their parents’ divorce, and where to get additional support for them.
• Something that Jessica recommends parents going through a divorce say to their children.
• Why Jessica encourages parents not to share with their children the reason that they are getting divorced.
• Examples of how parents can model emotion regulation skills for their children. 
• Games which help children learn how to regulate their emotions.
• Jessica explains how parents can prepare their children for what they can expect from the divorce.
• How to navigate children’s hopes of their parents getting back together.
• When divorced parents should introduce their children to their new significant other.
• The value of toys as a therapeutic tool for children.
• Resources that Jessica recommends for families going through a divorce, including the New Beginnings Program that she runs. 
• Jessica’s message of hope regarding children of divorced parents. 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Leger Counseling 

Jessica Leger on LinkedIn

Dinosaurs Divorce

New Beginnings Program

Mosaics of Mercy

Going into 2020, one in seven adults in the United States experienced a substance use disorder. As of June 2020, the CDC said that 13 percent of adults reported an increase in their use of substances to cope with the stress of the pandemic, with this statistic accompanied by a tremendous increase in overdose deaths. As a result, we feel it is important to dive into the difficult topic of substance use disorders and their impact, not only on the individual but also on the family system, and examine what the recovery process looks like from both perspectives as well. To help us do this is local counsellor, Christopher Crawford, who has over 20 years’ therapeutic experience working with adolescents, young adults, and adults with mental health and substance abuse issues. In this episode, Chris addresses the shame and blame cycle that families experience and how to navigate through it, some of the tools he uses to help families and individuals impacted by addiction, and the importance of setting boundaries and constant communication. There is no one-size-fits-all solution for recovery, which is why this is an important conversation for both families and individuals struggling with addiction. Tune in today to learn more!

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to Chris and his experience as a licensed chemical dependency counsellor. 
• What Chris wants individuals suffering from substance use disorders to understand.
• The shame and denial that individuals struggling with addiction often feel.
• Why it can be so difficult to navigate out of a ‘shame and blame’ cycle.
• The relationship between dysfunction and disorder and the internal conflict it creates.
• Why change can feel threatening and how Chris aids families through those changes.
• Some of the tools Chris uses to help families and individuals impacted by addiction.
• Understanding that the substance is just a symptom of a much larger issue.
• Chris shares some example to illustrate the importance of setting boundaries.
• When it might be necessary for your counsellor to set boundaries for you.
• Find out why Chris makes it clear to his clients that he can’t treat them while they are under the influence of substances.
• What he looks for in a treatment center: accountability, structure, and collaboration.
• Chris explains the process of entering treatment at an in-patient facility and emphasizes the importance of continuity of care.
• Some of the options available to you when it comes to insurance cover.
• Common emotions that family members experience while an addict is in treatment.
• What recovery looks like after leaving a treatment facility, from support meetings to professional mental health guidance.
• The value of replacing unhealthy habits with healthy ones, like exercise.
• How families can participate in the journey of recovery, including family support meetings.
• Why Chris advocates for keeping the family together in the recovery journey.
• Chris shares a story of hope about two of his clients, Justin and Zach.
• A final reminder from Chris that there is a solution, there is hope, and you are not alone.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Christopher Crawford on Psychology Today

Life Spring Behavioral Health

Alcoholics Anonymous

Mosaics of Mercy Resources

When we experience issues that impact our physical health, that can also provoke certain feelings that impact our mental health too. In today's episode of Hope Pieced Together, we speak with mother and daughter, Kate Turner and Jess Sohns, about the emotional journey of dealing with those repercussions, as well as how to parent through them. When Jess was born with what Kate calls “specific needs,” it turned Kate’s expectations of what her parenting journey was going to look like on its head. Tune in as Kate and Jess share some of the physical and emotional challenges they encountered as Jess grew up and how they learned to overcome them. Both women also share some poignant advice about the importance of allowing your children to make mistakes and allowing yourself to feel your feelings in order to heal, and you’ll discover some helpful resources and powerful tools for raising self-confident, motivated children who are ready for the real world. Make sure not to miss this candid discussion!

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to today’s guests, mother, Kate Turner, and daughter, Jess Sohns.
• Hear about the unexpected turn in Kate’s parenting journey when she gave birth to Jess.
• When Jess first realized that she was different from her peers.
• Some of the challenges Kate encountered in parenting a child with "specific needs,” including navigating comparative milestones.
• Jess shares some of the challenges she experienced growing up, including feeling isolated.
• The insight Kate gained with hindsight into her unhealthy methods of coping with shame.
• Self-pity versus self-compassion and how Jess learned to cope with negative emotions.
• The parenting decisions that felt more difficult for Kate and her experience of what she calls learned helplessness.
• How the Love and Logic program helped Kate allow her kids to be independent thinkers.
• Find out why Jess believes that certain struggles help young children build independence.
• The importance of allowing your children “the gift of little mistakes,” as Kate says.
• How Kate’s pride prevented her from feeling her feelings and how she overcame that.
• Jess emphasizes the value of allowing yourself to grieve and feel pain in order to heal.
• How Kate and Jess’s mother-daughter relationship was impacted by their struggles.
• The benefits of allowing your children to exercise control over choice where they can.
• Some of the healthy coping mechanisms that Kate learned through Love and Logic, the 12-step group, and her faith.
• What has been helpful for Jess on her journey, including a story in John Chapter 9.
• Ending on a story of hope: Kate uses the analogy of an oyster, a grain of sand, and a pearl.
• Learn more about the Love and Logic program from Kate.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Kate Turner

Kate Turner on LinkedIn

Kate Turner on Mosaics of Mercy

Jess Sohns on Instagram

Love and Logic

Skye McClain always thought she was just a highly strung person, never considering that she might be suffering from anxiety. Having her son seven years ago revealed her underlying anxiety which often presented itself in bouts of anger, but it wasn’t until the pandemic last year that Skye’s anxiety reached breaking point and she found herself in a state where she was barely able to function. While we have talked about anxiety from a child and teen perspective in the past, today, Skye McClain, Blogger, Instagrammer, pastor’s wife, and mom, joins us to share her personal story of her journey with anxiety from an adult perspective. She explains how her husband helped her see that she needed help and the importance of being willing to hear and trust the people who love you most. Tuning in today, you’ll find out what barriers Skye needed to overcome in order to get help, what false beliefs she had surrounding anxiety and treatment, and what unhealthy things she did to try to manage it. Hear about her experience with medication over the past eight months, what she is doing to progress after getting help, how her anxiety levels and relationships have improved throughout this process, and how her journey has affected her relationship with her son. For some hope-filled encouragement, tune in today! 

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to today’s guest Skye McClain. 
• Skye gives some background into being ‘highly strung' and her struggles with anxiety.
• How having a child really exposed her underlying anxiety issues. 
• How her anxiety revealed itself as anger and the effect this had on her son.
• The effect of her anger on her relationships and how this motivated her to address it. 
• The role her husband played in helping her see that she needed help. 
• The importance of being willing to hear and trust the people who love you.
• The types of unhealthy things she tried to do to manage her anxiety. 
• What fears, false beliefs, and stories she told herself about getting help. 
• The barriers she overcame in order to get the help she needed: The lack of education and her own misperceptions. 
• Thoughts on the difficulty of just taking that first step. 
• How she followed her progress after getting help: documenting her journey in a journal.
• The importance of being able to observe your responses to things without judging yourself.
• The differences she’s noticed in her anxiety levels and relationships throughout this process.
• How her child has responded to his mother’s success on her journey thus far.
• Why Skye feels it’s important that her son sees that she is imperfect and is no longer afraid to apologize to him. 
• The feedback she has received from sharing her journey on social media.
• Skye’s final words of encouragement to listeners. 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Skye McClain

Skye McClain on Instagram

Skye McClain on Twitter

Mosaics of Mercy

The grief process can vary with each individual, but sometimes it can be helpful to find commonalities in a journey similar to yours. In today’s episode, we talk about the loss of a spouse with Maureen McClelland, LPC, RN, BSN. Learning about different types of losses can help us better support someone in the midst of this experience, and Maureen draws on not only on her professional experience but also her life experience as a young widow, only parent to her now-grown daughter, as well as a breast cancer survivor in order to help her clients strive to reach their full potential. Tuning in today, you’ll learn about the similarities between PTSD and grief, the differences between alone time and isolating yourself, and some of the resources Maureen found helpful during her personal journey with grief, as well as so much more! Make sure not to miss today’s profound and insightful conversation with Maureen McClelland.

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to today’s guest, Maureen McClelland, her background, and her practice.
• Hear more about Maureen’s personal experience with grief, which she shares candidly.
• Learn about different types of grief and loss, both sudden and expected.
• Maureen reflects on some of the similarities between PTSD and grief.
• How she was affected by the loss of dreams and milestones when her spouse passed away.
• Why it is advised that you don’t make major decisions after going through a major loss.
• Hear how Maureen adjusted to becoming an only parent to her daughter.
• How she learned to care for herself by finding a support group.
• The ways that COVID-19 has compounded the loneliness that often accompanies grief.
• Everyone grieves differently; how the process of grieving might vary from person to person.
• Learn about the differences between being alone versus isolating yourself and the important role that routine can play.
• Preparing yourself for triggering milestones like birthdays and anniversaries.
• Finding happiness and purpose after grief, purpose being the sixth phase of grief.
• Resources Maureen found helpful during her grief journey, like keeping a gratitude journal.
• The small joys she looked for on a daily basis that gave her hope going forward.
• Ending on a story of hope: remembering that these moments of sadness will not last.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Maureen McClelland on LinkedIn

Maureen McClelland on Facebook

McClelland Counseling

Modern Widows Club

Kain Ramsay

The Promise of a New Day

Today’s episode covers something that pretty much everyone will go through at one time or another in their lives; conflict in relationships. It is often joked about that opposites attract and a common difference that creates that opposition is contrasting approaches to life. One partner may look at things from a fact-based viewpoint while another may come from a more emotional perspective. Really, there is no right and wrong, but these differing positions can certainly create conflict! When that happens, what do you do? Local counselor, Mary Lambrecht, hopes to answer that question in today’s discussion. Mary is a Texas and Wisconsin State-licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who is passionate about helping couples learn healthy habits and patterns in communication and conflict resolution. With Mary, partners and families learn how core differences, family-of-origin patterns, and emotional wiring affect their respect and understanding of the other and, in this episode, you’ll hear about some of the helpful (and healthy) tools she teaches for communicating, understanding, and addressing conflict better. Tune in today to find out more!

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to Mary Lambrecht and her practice as a marriage and family therapist.
• Hear about the differences between facts and feelings, logic and emotions.
• Why you might be more fact or feeling-oriented, from genetics to environmental factors.
• What would be helpful for a fact-oriented person to know in order to better understand and connect with their feeling-oriented partner.
• Understanding that efforts go a long way when we are hardwired differently.
• You don’t have to fully understand your partner’s viewpoint in order to step into their shoes.
• How trauma can compound conflict and cause heightened anxiety for feeling-oriented people.
• Find out how it plays out if this anxiety goes unrecognized; a common response is to step back or withdraw completely.
• How fact-oriented people can use cues to convey their feelings, dreams, and priorities.
• Tips for navigating these differences when they arise: extending the hand of grace.
• Remember that being fact-oriented or feeling-oriented isn’t wrong or right, just different!
• If you detect confusion in your partner, it’s up to you to clarify what you’re thinking or feeling.
• How to know if you need couple’s counseling: if you keep getting stuck in the same conflict.
• Ending on a story of hope: how two partners respected and made room for each other’s fact or feeling orientation, perspectives, and needs.
• Why there is no task or interaction too small to be significant regarding honor and respect.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Mary Lambrecht, LMFT on LinkedIn

Family Help Counseling & Seminars

Dr. Brent Atkinson

The Couples Clinic

Dr. Susan Johnson

The Gottman Method

The Gottman Institute

The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work

LoveNudge App

Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy

The Body Keeps the Score

While we may be aware that obsessive-compulsive disorder can have debilitating consequences for the adults who suffer from it, OCD in children and teens presents a unique set of challenges. Today’s guest is Joy Ryan, Licensed Professional Counselor and Registered Play Therapist who specializes in Pediatric OCD. She often treats children and teens who suffer from OCD at her practice Connect Psychology Services. In this episode, she sheds light on exactly what OCD is, how to differentiate it from anxiety, and what the obsessions and compulsions are that define it. She also goes through the five most common forms of OCD and provides tips on how to identify it, particularly in children, as well as the steps that she takes to help a child learn to cope with OCD, from measuring it on the Yale-Brown OCD scale to compiling a fear hierarchy and creating exposures. She emphasizes the importance of involving parents in the process and provides some helpful resources for anyone wanting to find out more information. As always, the episode ends with a story of hope, as Joy shares her experience with one family who would not have survived the pandemic without her help, so make sure to tune in today!

Key Points From This Episode:

• An introduction to today’s guest, Joy Ryan.
• Joy’s background in psychological services and her own practice. 
• How she identified a need and went on to specialize in Pediatric OCD.
• What the true diagnosable OCD is and how to define obsessions and compulsions.
• Sherry shares her own experience with OCD. 
• Using the word “obsessed” in the wrong contexts and how that can diminish what those with OCD experience.  
• Common types of OCD: Contamination OCD, Harm OCD, Just Right OCD, OCD related to sex, and Scrupulosity OCD.
• How to identify OCD in children. 
• How a child with OCD might have rituals that are unintentionally reinforced by their family.
• The different approaches to diagnosing OCD and differentiating it from anxiety, including the Yale-Brown OCD scale. 
• Some common questions Joy gets from parents of children with OCD.
• Questions around whether or not kids are afraid of giving up their rituals like adults often are.
• What parents tell the kids about why they’re seeing a counselor and the importance of involving the whole family.
• How Joy goes about treating a child with OCD, including involving the parents throughout. 
• How treating a child with anxiety is different from treating a child with OCD. 
• What drew Joy to work with children and adults who are facing OCD. 
• Helpful resources for anyone wanting to pursue help or find out more information.
• A story of hope about a family who would not have survived the pandemic without Joy’s help. 

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Joy Ryan on LinkedIn 

Connect Psychology Services 

Dr. Aureen Pinto Wagner on LinkedIn

The International OCD Foundation

The Peace of Mind Foundation

Mosaics of Mercy

Although setting boundaries can be very difficult, it is an essential self-care practice and one which will lead to improvements in your relationships. If you are fearful of setting boundaries because you are worried about the possible negative effects, keep in mind that the better we understand and care for ourselves, the better we will be able to care for others. Even Jesus set boundaries! We are joined on the show today by Dr. Monica Polonyi, who has extensive experience as a counselor working in numerous different settings. She explains the types of boundaries that spouses can put in place in their marriages, red flags to look out for which signal that there is an issue that needs to be addressed in a relationship, and how to approach the topic of boundaries with your partner so as to make the discussion as comfortable as possible (but also remember that discomfort is okay!). There is no how-to manual for learning how to set boundaries but this conversation with Monica will inspire you to get started. 

Key Points From This Episode:

• Monica gives a brief rundown of her career as a counselor. 
• A definition of what boundaries are, as they are commonly misunderstood.
• Setting boundaries is a form of self-care, and this will help you to care for others better.
• Examples of emotional and physical boundaries in marriage. 
• Red-flags that are important to be aware of and to be able to address within a marriage.
• The correlation between substance abuse issues and the disregarding of boundaries. 
• Behavioral patterns that people bring into marriages from their personal lives and how this impacts their current relationship.  
• The use of control as an unhealthy coping mechanism. 
• Fears that Monica commonly sees people struggle with when it comes to setting boundaries in a marriage. 
• Advice for how to approach the setting of boundaries in a marriage, using a garden as an analogy. 
• Self-awareness needs to lead to behavioral change in order to have a meaningful impact. 
• Discomfort is okay, don’t run away from it. 
• The importance of validation when engaging in a discussion around boundaries with your partner. 
• Why Monica often looks to the Scripture of Galatians 5:22:23. 
• Reading recommendations from Monica, and final words of encouragement and hope around setting boundaries.  

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Dr. Monica Polonyi Website 

Dr. Monica Polonyi Contact Number - 8329980028

Dance of Anger by Harriet Lerner

Cloud-Townsend Resources

Keep Your Love On! by Danny Silk

The High Conflict Couple by Alan E. Fruzzetti

Safe People by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Necessary Endings by Henry Cloud

Mosaics of Mercy 

The primary mental health issue that many counselors have seen increase during COVID has been anxiety, which was already the number one mental health issue in the US. Today’s guest is Shannan Blum, Clinical Director at The Woodlands Recovery and Wellness, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Certified Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional for Children and Adolescents. She specializes in treating individuals and families suffering from depression, anxiety, and relationship or family conflict, as well as substance abuse, post-traumatic stress disorder, and difficulties adjusting to life transitions among others. In this episode, she shares her expertise and practical advice for those experiencing depression and anxiety and for parents who might be unknowingly exacerbating the anxiety of their children. Tuning in, you’ll hear from Shannan as she emphasizes flexibility over rigid routines and skill-building over comfort and certainty, explains how she sees our outcome-based culture contributing to the anxiety that children and teens are experiencing, and shares her externalization approach to treating anxiety, which is in opposition with the traditional approach that says we should eradicate it. You’ll also learn about the invaluable skills that Shannan teaches, including mindfulness and self-soothing techniques, and the top four skills she believes children and teens need to know to tackle anxiety and depression head-on. Tune in today to find out more!

Key Points From This Episode:

• Learn more about Shannan and her personal history with family trauma and anxiety.
• The certifications and experiences that have allowed her to approach anxiety and depression from a unique perspective.
• Hear Shannan make the distinction between stress, worry, and anxiety.
• How parents are unwittingly contributing to their children’s anxiety; how to help them manage uncertainty and discomfort instead.
• Not the introvert’s dream: why the pandemic has been tough for kids suffering from anxiety.
• The importance of helping your children build skills to help them segue back into school.
• How Shannan sees an achievement focused, outcome-based culture contributing to anxiety.
• While systemic changes could be made, parents have to decide to make individual changes.
• When to seek a higher level of care, starting with a free professional assessment.
• The value of keeping a log to track sleep, appetite, or medication during treatment.
• Learn more about the traditional approach to anxiety, which deals with eliminating it.
• Why Shannan tells her patients to thank their brains for trying to protect them and then move into the realm of positive creativity.
• Find out how your depression and anxiety hijack your values; you are not your anxiety!
• Shannan shares her approach, which centers around externalizing not eliminating anxiety.
• The mindfulness, self-soothing, challenging cognitive distortion, and reaching out for support skills that Shannan teaches.
• How to rally and use the energy of your anxiety as a resource; go on the offense!
• Shannan explains why parents are not assisting their kids by removing obstacles for them.
• Four top skills: dialectical versus dichotomous thinking, identify and challenge distortions, self-analysis, and mindfulness.
• Why Shannan tells patients to exhale first; the tendency to hold your breath with anxious.

Links Mentioned in Today’s Episode:

Shannan Blum on LinkedIn

Shannan Blum on Instagram

Shannan Blum on Facebook

The Woodlands Recovery and Wellness