Hops and Box Office Flops

2011's Conan the Barbarian is as bad of a reboot of a classic film as you are going to find. It's just a mess, folks.

Its script is often witless, contradicting itself multiple times; and its cast—as distinguished as some of their careers may be—just don't fit the roles. Worst of all, Jason Mamoa, who plays the titular hero, just didn't appear ready to bear the weight of Conan's broad sword.

As much as the filmmakers purported they wanted to channel the writings of Robert E. Howard, creator of Conan the Barbarian, it more shamelessly robs better films. 

It should come as no surprise then that this was a massive flop. Budgeted at $90 million, it grossed just over $63 million, snubbing any chances of a sequel. Critics, like audiences, were also unkind. With 152 reviews, it sits at 25% on Rotten Tomatoes (User Score of 30%).

We do get a decapitation and an impalement, though, so it got the violence mostly right. Let's toast to that!

Now sit back, hack open a Wizard Staff IPA from Two Brothers Brewing, and enjoy your launch from the trebuchet! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are living, loving, and slaying the night away!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The Conan reboot is a soulless slog. (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the legacy of the Conan character and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

From the directing team of Jeremy Gillespie and Steven Kostanski—the latter of which directed indie hit PG: Psycho Goreman—The Void is a tension-fueled ride that relies heavily on practical effects and pace to maximize its sense of dread. It works.

And it is worth your investigation, especially if you are a fan of Lovecraftian horror. Those inspirations are quite evident. The Void involves a cult, a small town, and the cosmic terrors that lie outside our consciousness. That conceit isn't all that original, but its execution is what sets the film apart.

From its ominous opening onward, Gillespie and Kostanski build an uneasy atmosphere—an uncertainty akin to what lurks beyond. The answers, of course, come, but when they do, you almost wish they hadn't.

This is due in large part to its creature designs, which are some of the more inspired in modern horror. Most impressive, they were accomplished on a shoestring budget. They crowd-funded $82,000 on Indiegogo to make them.

With a low production cost and a good reception (77% on Rotten Tomatoes with 75 reviews), it should've been a hit. But due to a limited release, it grossed just $149,365. Trust us, don't sleep on this one.

Now sit back, open a portal to your tastebuds with either a Poker Face Black IPA from Necromancer or a Cosmik Debris Double IPA from Creature Comforts, and don't approach the man in the robe! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and our beer bros from Hop Nation USA are joining a cult to unlock our best selves!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – The Void nails atmospheric horror and is an excellent ode to the works of H.P. Lovecraft. (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—an interview with the directors and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

The Rundown is a legitimately good action movie. Directed by Peter Berg, in what was his second feature film, it showcases the Rock's size and athletic abilities—while also utilizing his expansive charm.

It was an indicator for how well rounded he could be as a leading man. One of the movie's tests of that is its pairing of him with Seann Williams Scott and Christopher Walken. The former is his comedic foil; the latter is the film's villain.

Scott has rarely been less funny, leaving much of the burden on the Rock to carry their interactions. Walken, on the other hand, is incredible as Hatcher, an oppressive prospector who's enslaved the town they find themselves in. The fact that a green Rock could hang with the insanity of his scene chewing is quite impressive.

More important, unlike Walking Tall and Doom, The Rundown boasts a host of excellent action scenes. From busting up football players in a club to dueling three whip-wielding henchman, the Rock's muscles are put to a stiff test. Spoiler alert: He passes it.

Unfortunately, audiences did not show up to witness that. Budgeted at $85 million, it failed to crack that mark. A disappointing turn for one of his best early works.

I mean, it features an Arnold Schwarzenegger cameo! Who isn't here for that?

So sit back, whip the top off a Dayglow IPA from Elysian Brewing Co., and don't choose Option B! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and J-Man from the Double Turn Podcast are on a quest for O Gato Do Diablo!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Easily the best early film of the Rock's career, The Rundown established what he was cooking. (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the potential for a sequel and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Walking Tall is a remake of 1973 film starring Joe Don Baker. It's also "inspired" by a real-life sheriff, Buford Pusser, who patrolled the crime-laden streets of McNairy County, Tennessee, with a crudely fashioned cudgel.

That's essentially the movie. The Rock walks softly and carries a big stick. As a conceit, that sounds like it could be pretty badass. Walking Tall is just executed poorly.

It's hokey and feels far more like straight-to-DVD fare than an action showcase for its star. Worse, the fisticuffs and fireworks just can't sustain the silly plot that surround them.

There's an entire shootout where the Rock's paramour just wears her bra because ... reasons. It's a dumb movie, folks. So, not shockingly, critics hated it. It's 26% on Rotten Tomatoes with 126 reviews.

At the box office, it bombed, as well. It earned just over $57 million on a budget of $46. That's a far cry from the $40 million the 1973 version grossed  on a cost of just $500,000.

There's no amount of corny courtroom speeches to redeem that. So sit back, club open a Luau Krunkles POG IPA from Terrapin Beer Co. with a 4x4, and don't roll those loaded dice! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are administering street justice with our Pusser Sticks!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – As a star vehicle for the Rock, does Walking Tall do enough to utilize his talents? (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Piledriver music video and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Doom carries on the proud tradition of terrible video game movies. It's bad, folks. Real bad. Most offensive, it basically does nothing to harness the insanity of the property that inspired it.

This is a Doom movie in name only. Sure, the BFG is in it, sort of; and there are hellacious creatures. They are just mostly uninspired fare. Well, maybe they're inspired, but you can't see them because the whole film is so damn dark.

Outside of the first-person shooter scene, which channels the spirit of the game excellently, this thing is as boring as they come. With a poor script, trope-tastic characters, and aimless direction, Doom opened the portal to hell for anyone dumb enough to pay to see it. Anecdotally, McCheese and I were two of the dolts who did. 

Worse than offending your average moviegoer, it grossed a dismal $58.7 million on a budget of $65 million; and it was battered by critics. It took such a beating—18% on Rotten Tomatoes with 138 reviews—not even "God Mode" could save it.

Anyway, sit back, use your chainsaw to open a Liquid Poem Double IPA from Stone Brewing Co., and don't get stuck in the nano-wall! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are priming the BFG (to shoot absolutely nothing)!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Doom, like most movies based on video games, doesn't capitalize on the property. (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the game's easter eggs and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Baywatch is a bad movie. Sorry, Rock, but it's true. And it's frankly one of the worst movies based on a TV show. To be fair, that's a crowded field. Many of them are awful. This just sort of treads water among the filth.

That's due in large part to the fact that it is rarely funny. It wants so desperately to be 21 Jump Street. That approach makes sense. Jump Street was able to capitalize on its premise, while also satirizing its absurdity.

Baywatch—despite the wealth to be mined from the show's preposterousness—can't seem to muster the energy to maintain a 15-minute sketch about lifeguards going far beyond their actual job duties.

It's a shame. Baywatch is well cast. The Rock (Mitch Buchannon whose mentor is Mitch Buchannon?) and Zac Efron (Matt Brody) have decent chemistry. They're just not given much to work with. Written by a hodgepodge of people, the film's issues can all be attributed to its mishmash of a script.

Thus, like a bloated body washed up on the sands of Emerald Bay, Baywatch was dead on arrival. It earned $177.9 million on a budget of $69 million—with only $58 million of that coming domestically. It was also lashed by critics, sitting at 17% on Rotten Tomatoes with 246 reviews.

But, hey, a day at the beach always goes better with a beer. So sit back, bask in the sun with an ice cold Florida Man Double IPA from Cigar City Brewing, and watch out for sand grifters! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, and Chumpzilla are staying ready. Forever and always!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Certainly Baywatch was a silly show, but was the film able to capture its utter lack of self-awareness in any funny ways? (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Hasselhoff's hits and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Big Trouble in Little China is a seminal 80s movie, and it may just be John Carpenter's best work.

Starring Kurt Russell—a frequent Carpenter collaborator—as the braggadocios Jack Burton, it takes a familiar formula (the action/comedy team up) and escorts it into a superbly crafted world of ancient Chinese mysticism and mayhem.

It subverts audience expectations in other ways, as well. Burton—for all his witticisms—is not your stereotypical hero. He's actually more a bumbling, albeit well-intentioned, buffoon. The true hero is his friend Wang Chi (Dennis Dun).

Their natural chemistry, along with the film's out of this world villains, creates something more than your average action movie. It's truly unforgettable, which is why it has persisted in the pop culture zeitgeist. They simply just do not make many movies as delightfully offbeat as this.

That's also probably why it flopped, opening to just $2.7 million and finishing its run with just over $11 million. With a budget estimated to be as high as $25 million, that's not great.

What is great is the following Big Trouble in Little China has amassed since its release. It may not have been in theaters long enough for word of mouth to spread, but its distinction as a cult classic is more than well earned now.

So sit back, get hairy with Yeti Imperial Stout from Great Divide Brewing Co., and stay the hell away from the Chinese standoff! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are infiltrating the Wing Kong Exchange to save Miao Yin!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Equal parts weird, wacky, and wonderful, Big Trouble in Little China is truly a cult classic. (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—Lo Pan Style and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

The Chronicles of Riddick is the big budget sequel to 2000's more reasonably priced and plotted Pitch Black. Both feature Richard B. Riddick (Vin Diesel), a wanted ex-con and master of navigating the dark.

He's an anti-hero—a man who has done bad things, but who we root for because of his devil may care attitude. It was an archetype that worked perfectly in Pitch Black, as well as the third film in the series Riddick. The problem with The Chronicles of Riddick—problems rather—is the sheer size of the story they are attempting to insert him into.

Chronicles is a full-on space opera. There are prophecies, warlords, intrigue, and treachery. It's a lot; and when compared to its predecessor, it doesn't feel at all like a sequel. As one reviewer put it, it's "Space Conan," but that's not a compliment. Where Conan the Barbarian juggles the heft of its story well, Chronicles crumbles beneath it.

Hence why it was reviewed so poorly (29% with 167 reviews on Rotten Tomatoes) and failed to recoup its budget. It grossed just $115.8 million on a budget north of $120 million.

But, hey, it does boast a handful of classically cheesy Diesel one-liners, some laughable self-seriousness, and a smattering of shoddy CGI. So sit back, crush a can of Old Rasputin Russian Imperial Stout from North Coast Brewing, and prepare yourself for the Underverse! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are being taken to the threshold!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Is the scale and scope of Chronicles too much for its titular character? (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Dame Judi Dench's D&D exploits and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Mortal Kombat marks the return of the legendary video game franchise to the big screen for the first time in 24 years. Considering its wild success on consoles, the gap is hard to fathom.

Certainly Annihilation sort of poisoned the well, but the 1995 original remains popular, as does its techno theme song. The one thing most would agree on, though, is that 95's lack of an R-rating kept it from truly being a Mortal Kombat film.

That is no longer an issue. 2021's film boats buckets of blood, and gruesome fatalities that are as true to the game as is probably acceptable for theaters. This is the adaptation die hard fans of Mortal Kombat have been waiting for.

But it is not a flawless victory. As I noted in my review, Mortal Kombat suffers from silly plot contrivances, an expedited pace, and an uncharismatic lead. Those issues, however, do not prevent it from rising to the top of the video game film ranks. There is just too much fun to be had.

General audiences seem to agree. In its opening domestic weekend, it grossed $22.5 million—the second largest premiere of the pandemic, behind only Godzilla vs Kong. Worldwide, it's already generated over $50 million, nearing its $55 million budget.

With a decent critical reaction (56% on Rotten Tomatoes with 211 reviews), box office success, and a built-in sequel tease, it appears a follow up is definitely in the cards. That's good because there are elements here that are noticeably absent. Bring on round two!

Now, sit back, uppercut a can of "Stone Cold" Steven Austin's Broken Skull IPA from El Segundo Brewing Co. into your mouth, and attempt to channel your Arcana! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, Mayor McCheese, and a special guest are helping Jax pump up his tiny robot arms!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction/Plot Breakdown – Heaps of hemoglobin and gnarly fatalities? Count us in! (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the insane choreography and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!

Fight Club hasn't aged well. And that's putting it mildly. It wasn't that David Fincher and company didn't have something to say. Certainly, they did. It's more that the message is muddled and often lost amidst the overpowering stardom of Brad Pitt.

You cast a movie star, you get a virtuoso performance. That's generally not an issue, but when the character is meant to represent the reprehensible, a conundrum ensues. Pitt's Tyler Durden is a false prophet; we're not supposed to think he's cool; and his ramblings—though hovering around actual facts—are not meant to inspire.

Most viewers are aware of this, but for some, that meaning was lost. Thus, the dangerous fanaticism the film is supposed to expose instead becomes a roadmap. Truthfully, it only has its own execution to blame.

For too much of its runtime, Durden's maniacal musings go unchallenged. There is no voice of reason until it's far too late. By then—like the increasing volatility of the titular Fight Club—the narrative damage has already been done. Thus, despite how well acted, shot, and scripted the film is at times, it can't get past its own problematic plot and pacing.

But, that's nothing a few beers can't solve. So sit back, get punchy with a few Hazy Wonder IPAs from Lagunitas Brewing Co., and don't ask about Project Mayhem! I, the Thunderous Wizard (@WriterTLK), Capt. Cash, Chumpzilla, and Mayor McCheese are fist-fighting our imaginary friends in the parking lot of Lou's!

This Week’s Segments:

• Introduction – Yes, we know the rule is that you don't talk about Fight Club, but the format of the show forced our hand! (00:00) 

And, as always, hit us up on Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram to check out all the interesting factoids—the Fincher/Pitt bromance and more—from this week’s episode!

You can find this episode of Hops and Box Office Flops on Apple Podcasts, Google Play, Stitcher, Podbean, Spotify, Acast, TuneIn, iHeartRadio, Vurbl, and Amazon Music!