We watched House of 1000 Corpses and were impressed by the use of stock footage and new footage made to look like fucked out stock footage. 

@dgoebel00 on Instagram provided this amazing artwork. Follow him and check out his website.

House of 1000 Corpses is the story of some 20 somethings on a road trip around the US on a mission to find gas station oddities and fright museums.

They stumble upon Captain Spaulding’s museum of monsters and madmen and end up flies in the web of the firefly family. 

The firefly family are a group of twisted, backwater Texans who torture and kill unsuspecting kids on outings in their car. 

The kids are treated to the extensive horrors around the firefly family property before they are picked off one by one.

If this sounds like a Texas Chainsaw Massacre ripoff, that’s because it is. Had it been made with the tiniest bit of skill or nuance, it might have been able to get away with being called an homage or a tribute, but alas, ripoff will have to do.

House of 1000 Corpses is quite a sideshow. It’s the first of writer / director Rob Zombie’s feature films, and the start of an obsession for the musician.

It seems like Rob saw films like Texas Chainsaw, Halloween, and Salem’s Lot,  as a child and wondered to himself, “What goes on in the parts of these movies that I don’t get to see? Why is Michael the way he is? What other weird things happen in the Cannibal’s house?” 

And he had to create the lore that he so desperately desired to see.

To be fair, those are awesome questions. Who wouldn’t want to see what happens in Texas Chainsaw the day after the massacre? As it turns out, the answer is me.

I don’t care about the reality behind the mysteries being shown to me nearly as much as I enjoy being allowed to let my mind wander around those creepy questions. 

Once you answer the question of why Michael is the way he is, I hate the outcome.

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Apart from this fundamental issue with digging up and rehashing old movies that are arguably the best of their kind ever made, the House of 1000 Corpses is a trainwreck.

It’s Americana turned up to 11 and drenched in neon gas station colors, and it smells like the armpit of the oldest, nastiest man you’ve ever sat next to on the bus. The acting is pitiable as soon as Sheri Moon shows up and awesome when old pro’s like Sid Haig grace the screen.

The story is tenuous and boring, the violence is schlocky, the comedy is raunchy.

It’s not my cup of tea, but for what it is, it’s pretty influential. Some would say that it was one of the most over-the-top entries in the gore-porn genre of the 2000’s. I would disagree with those people, but still.

Anyone sitting down to watch a movie called House of 1000 Corpses will get exactly what they were expecting, that much is certain. 

2/10