In this episode, we dive into the essential listening and communication skills that truly make a difference in challenging conversations, with insights from retired police inspector, crisis negotiator, and cognitive behavioral therapist Andy Fairie. We explore the powerful distinction between listening and problem-solving, practical techniques for de-escalating heightened emotions, and the art of earning the right to have our say. Through real-world examples and actionable frameworks, we discover how their approach can enhance understanding, build trust, and transform how we connect with others—even in the most intense moments. Join us as we uncover practical tools to improve both our personal and professional conversations in this insightful and value-packed discussion.

Timestamps: 

• (00:00) - Introducing guest Andy Fairie, retired police inspector and author.
• (04:50) - Why "listening is not problem solving" in crisis and everyday life.
• (08:23) - Example of crisis negotiation and power of simply listening.
• (13:56) - Building trust through small gestures and genuine connection.
• (16:01) - Pitfalls of telling people to "calm down" or "I understand."
• (17:55) - Emotional labeling as a tool for de-escalation.
• (25:25) - Andy explains the SIMPLE framework for effective listening.
• (38:04) - How to use "I when because" statements to express impact.
• (45:05) - Importance and technique of practicing breathing for calm communication.
• (51:16) - Research on empathy in policing and the risk of compassion fatigue.

Links and Resources:

• Andy Fairie | LinkedIn
• Amazon.com: Listening Skills for Effective Policing eBook : Fairie, Andy: Kindle Store

Sponsor Links:

• InQuasive: http://www.inquasive.com/
• Humintell: Body Language - Reading People - Humintell
• Enter Code INQUASIVE25 for 25% discount on your online training purchase.
• International Association of Interviewers: Home (certifiedinterviewer.com)

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