How does the car industry get away with this, in 2021? Especially at the retail coalface. Up next: The ugly truth about the Ming Moll.  

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Last week on my ‘Ask me anything’ livestream - 8:30pm Thursdays, Sydney time - at the risk of sounding like ‘Confession time at the urologist’, I had a problem with my stream. I just couldn’t squeeze it out, contiguously, at the end. I don’t know why.  Flow became intermittent, and it was hard to follow. I felt like I had more in me, frankly, but I was compelled to end it early. Most dissatisfying. Right when I was explaining the whole Ming Moll phenomenon.  So, let’s talk about that. Clear it all up. What are Ming Molls and why do I, at times, refer to them?  OK - so ‘Ming’ (not the one from Flash Gordon) Ming was a form of automotive paint protection, in the olden days. Like, back when women were still throwing it at me. Occasionally.  Ming was a classic upsell at a dealership. Like, you know the endurance event, right? The sales guy wearing you down … gun at your head, metaphorically. Sign here. Meet the sales manager - he’s closing you, trying to make you think he’s approving a deal the sales guy can’t approve - because it’s so good - but they’re really giggling behind their hands at you standing there, holding your ankles like that.  And you’ve already been interviewed by the finance guy, who’s been trained in the Idi Amin method. Then you lose the circulation in your hands over the trade-in negotiation…  ...and finally, there’s the hot chick (I’m generalising) in the tight blouse … the buttons - only just adequate, in the domain of load restraint. And her mission is: Look hot and sell you accessories. Generally ones you don’t need. Keyhole surgery - goin’ in through the wallet. Yessssss!  In the trade, this important sales role is invariably referred to (at least in Australia) as ‘the Ming Moll’. I’m not making this up. Every senior executive in every carmaker in the country knows what/who a Ming Moll is. No context is required. Every dealer principal. Every sales manager at dealerships. Every car company wonk. Yeah - the Ming Moll.  The Ming Moll’s objective is to look hot and suggestive, and thereby sell you shit you don’t need, at the dealership’s typically extortionate billion per cent mark-up. The tinting you can get at a third of the cost, from a dude in a van, with plumber’s crack, independently. The paint and fabric protection you don’t need. The rustproofing they still sell, despite the fact - fact - that new cars are galvanised and therefore do not rust. Anyway, it seems to me that the persistence of the Ming Moll in the face of societal reforms, is a gift, editorially. This standard operating practice of the industry deserves to have the piss taken out of it endlessly, in my view. And, superficially, they are somewhat pleasant to look at, which is of course why Ming Molls exist.

Let me know what you think, in the comments below. Especially if you’re a chick. ESPECIALLY if you’re a Ming Moll. Are you pro Ming Moll, or opposed? Do try to keep it clean.