More Germans can't live on their wages, but the new minimum wage commission has decided to raise it, erm, minimally — ensuring another neoliberal wet dream this weekend for BlackRock Chancellor Friedrich Merz. Meanwhile, Olaf Scholz gets a shiny new office (but what for?), the Bundestag president is unnecessarily mean to the LGBTQ community, and we can confirm that former Health Minister Jens Spahn is indeed a wanker. All in a day's work for the Megacanners. Cheers!

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