Who hates Koren? Those three words used to cause me so much pain and suffering. When I was in fifth grade, I received a note after library class with those three words listed at the top of the paper, along with signatures of my classmates.

At this point, I have forgotten who gave me that note but the feeling of exclusion is a shame trigger for me. When that story comes to the surface, it sticks around in my mind and takes up valuable brain juice. I call it mind crack.

In this episode from 2015, guest co-host Anna Vocino and I talk about our mindsets and the mind crack that gets in our way. We open our minds to you, so that you can learn exactly how to move through the mind crack to create more of what you really want. 

Listen in to hear us talk about some specific thoughts that you can try out for yourself. Think about this like trying on a new outfit or a new pair of shoes. Experiment with these new thoughts and see how they change your mindset.

Your voice matters! Make sure you subscribe to the show and leave a review in Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you love and why you’re here and maybe you’ll hear a shoutout to YOU in a future episode!

The post Mindset + mind crack with Anna Vocino [Wisdom Wednesday] appeared first on howshereallydoesit.com.

There's this mantra that I've heard Brené Brown use that says Clear is kind. And I think that applies to so many situations, like your communication with family members, emails, and the thoughts in your brain. It's much kinder to be clear about what's okay and not okay than to not speak up.

That voice in your head that nags you, tells you you aren't enough, and uses up precious brain energy is a squatter. It's someone who has taken up residence in your mind but isn't paying rent or contributing. 

Raise your hand if this is happening in your life, because it sure is happening in mine. If you're like me, you find yourself losing sleep arguing with them and then wake up frustrated.  Getting clear on what you will and won't allow from your tenants is scary, but it's so important. Because once you've decided what is and isn't okay, there's no going back.

It takes a lot of courage to speak up and say what you want. To tell those squatters to hit the curb. But doing so is the kind thing to do, for yourself and others. Stand up to the squatters in your brain, give them the boot, and find more desirable tenants. 

Listen in today as I share my experience with the squatters in my brain and how I deal with evicting them. Believe me, once you're aware of their presence, you won't be able to unsee them. I'm sharing how to get those squatters out and find new tenants who will contribute and use the space well. Choosing joy can be scary, but it's better than letting the squatters back in.

LISTEN HERE

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Can you feel something if you don't have a word for it? When you don't have language for something, you tend to have trouble understanding it. Because our culture doesn't have an expansive emotional vocabulary, we end up having issues articulating our emotions and being able to identify and work with how we feel.

In this episode which originally aired in 2014, Karla McLaren and I discuss empathy and how to develop the language and skills to be able to use empathy effectively in your life. Karla McLaren is an award-winning author, researcher, and pioneering educator whose empathic approach to emotions revalues even the most negative emotions, and opens startling new pathways into the depths of the soul. She is the author of The Art of Empathy: A Complete Guide to Life's Most Essential Skill (2013), and The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You (2010).

A foundational part of empathy is emotion contagion. While it sounds like a scary thing, we love emotion contagion in the form of entertainment. We pay to have emotional contagion when we go to the movies or the theater, and this is evidence that we are able to experience the emotions of others. 

Another basis of being empathic is our own capacity to work with emotion in ourselves. The problem is, many of us have trained ourselves to disconnect from emotions that are difficult to process. If we can learn how to respond to those emotions, our capacity for empathy opens up. 

As you listen in and learn more about empathy, remember that you are experiencing small moments of empathy all of the time. Misunderstandings about emotions can make it seem inaccessible but you, my friend, are already good at it.

Your voice matters! Make sure you subscribe to the show and leave a review in Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you love and why you’re here and maybe you’ll hear a shoutout to YOU in a future episode!

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How often do you find yourself doing all the work for someone else's vision? The word we is thrown around in meetings, yet you're the one taking responsibility for our goals and vision. Or, you get an angsty email from someone and you make it your personal mission to solve their problem.

This, friends, is your Invisible Soldier. The part of you that springs into action without asking if you even want to or have the capacity. There is a need, and you would rather get it met than let things get uncomfortable. You might not be conscious of your soldier, but it's there.

When you let your invisible soldier act, you abandon yourself. Going along to get along is another way of saying your needs and desires don't matter. Not only are you not heard, but ideas you don't stand for get the spotlight. Your invisible soldier wants to make sure everyone else is comfortable and happy. 

It takes awareness to notice your invisible soldier creeping up. Your brain has been programmed to respect invisible structures, like patriarchy and cultural rules. What would happen if you decided to not let your invisible soldier take control and instead, asked yourself what you want?

In today's episode, I'm exploring the invisible soldiers inside all of us that are disempowering our voices, needs, and visions. If you're tired of getting mad at yourself for fulfilling everyone else's needs but your own, it's time to consider how much power you're giving your invisible soldier. Remember, you are not a soldier. You are the leader of your life.

LISTEN HERE

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I know my values well and I use them to guide me in my life whether it's as a parent, in my business, or as a leader. The best part of this is that it helps make decision making much easier and clearer. I waste less brain juice and don't spend time questioning those decisions after the fact.

Do you know what your values are? Learning what they are and keeping them in mind can help guide you in all parts of your life. In this episode from 2014, executive coach Michele Woodward and I discuss how values can be a guiding light in your life and career.

When you know what is important to you, you can live aligned with your values. Not only that, your life gets a whole lot easier. Decisions get a lot more fun because you have more clarity, less scarcity, and less judgement.

We also answer a listener question that launches a discussion about values in the workplace. We talk about workplace culture, whether harmony in the workplace is essential, and even how to leave your job while honoring your values.

After you listen, I invite you to sit down and write down what your values are. (Or, head to the show notes for a link to the values assessment that I mentioned in the episode.) Write about how you are living your life that supports your values, and what areas you aren't supporting enough. Let this be a living document. Keep referencing it to help you make decisions and support yourself.

Your voice matters! Make sure you subscribe to the show and leave a review in Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you love and why you’re here and maybe you’ll hear a shoutout to YOU in a future episode!

The post Values as your guiding light in your career [Wisdom Wednesday] appeared first on howshereallydoesit.com.

2020 has been an emotional roller coaster. We began the year thinking this would be an exciting start to a new decade only to experience a pandemic. But it's not just COVID wearing us down. It's our government, the economy, the racial injustices, the decision fatigue. 

If you are feeling exhausted right now, it's okay. You've been on an emotional roller coaster like so many of us and you've been feeling a lot. It takes a ton of energy to feel the emotional energy from our families, colleagues, communities, and social media. 

I want you to know that it's okay to feel your feelings and it's okay if they don't feel good. Recently, I've found myself going from despair to hopeful all within an afternoon. Instead of beating ourselves up for it, what would happen if we got curious about our feelings? Why are you feeling so exhausted? 

Right now, you may only have a shot glass size capacity for emotions. Some days you might have a hydro flask size. Remember to take care of yourself so your glass refills, and then look for ways you can grow your capacity. And my friends, it all starts with feeling our feelings so we can process them. 

In today's episode, I'm talking about why we're all so tired right now and how to be okay with where you're at. Of course, you're exhausted; acknowledge what you've been experiencing the last few months. Feelings take energy to experience and work through. But, they can also give us clarity. I'm sharing how you can grow your capacity to feel so you can wake up and rise again tomorrow. 

LISTEN HERE

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Taking care of yourself is important, especially at this time. Many of us have reservations about self-care. We wonder whether we are doing it the right way and whether we deserve it. But we tend to forget that the best way to take care of yourself is different for every individual.

Join me in this conversation with Karen Walrond as we discuss simple and accessible methods of taking care of yourself and how to find the right one for you. 

We also discuss how taking care of ourselves helps us be more aware and present in the moment so that we can live our lives more fully.

Do you sometimes feel undeserving or guilty when taking time for yourself? You may be taking those actions from a place of shame. The same actions can have very different effects when they are coming from a place of confidence.

Listen in and discover how a practice of taking care of yourself confidently can also help you feel more happiness and joy in your life.

Your voice matters! Make sure you subscribe to the show and leave a review in Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you love and why you’re here and maybe you’ll hear a shoutout to YOU in a future episode!

The post Taking Care of Yourself with Karen Walrond [Wisdom Wednesday] appeared first on howshereallydoesit.com.

Right now in my state, people are having a civil outcry about being forced to wear masks. And I get it, they're hot. They add more laundry to my workload and require me to remember to bring them everywhere. I don't like wearing masks and I'm not a fan of them.

But, my friends, I do wear them. And the reason I choose to wear them wherever and whenever we're supposed to is because I'm willing to try and see if this keeps us safer. My why is that stopping germs from spreading is worthwhile. 

You see, we lose motivation in all areas of our lives when we don't have a strong enough why. As high achievers, we use stress to drive us forward but that isn't sustainable and usually results in burnout. Or the stress and shame we're driving motivation from eventually makes us want to quit and beat ourselves up for it.

Your why right now doesn't have to be your why forever. We don't know if wearing masks will actually make us safer, but I'm willing to give it a try. What would happen if you found a why and tested it to see if it works for you?

In today's episode, I'm sharing how us over achievers can sustain our motivation from a place of value instead of a place of shame. When I face obstacles, as I have in the past few months, I remember my why and that motivates me to keep going. Join me in a discussion about how to choose your why, make sure you like it, and test it out.

LISTEN HERE

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In this interview I talk with author Emily Esfahani Smith about meaning. In her book The Power of Meaning: Finding Fulfillment in a World Obsessed with Happiness, Emily argues that the unending pursuit of happiness has distracted us from what really matters the search for meaning in life.

In this conversation Emily and I talk about finding meaning in your life and why finding meaning doesn't have to be intimidating. 

We also discuss the stories that we tell ourselves, and the negative story bias that we have as a result of evolution. How can you shift that bias and see the positive stories more often? Developing meaning and fulfillment in your life is a great start.

Finding meaning in life goes deeper than general well-being and happiness. Instead, moving through adversity can help us understand what is important to us. And in turn, knowing what matters to us in life makes overcoming obstacles easier.

Listen in to learn about all of the factors that go into finding meaning in your life, how to own your whole story, and how to find beauty in the mess. 

Your voice matters! Make sure you subscribe to the show and leave a review in Apple Podcasts. Tell me what you love and why you’re here and maybe you’ll hear a shoutout to YOU in a future episode!

The post The Power of Meaning with Emily Esfahani Smith [Wisdom Wednesday] appeared first on howshereallydoesit.com.

There is a lot going on in the world right now. From the pandemic to the Black Lives Matter movement to figuring out what the new normal is supposed to be, it's a lot. But it's okay. Every moment doesn't have to be a yippy skippy moment. 

When I think back to my brain in April, there's no way it could have handled the things I needed to do this week. I was just too overwhelmed and confused. You might be feeling like that right now. When there's so much going on, so many choices, where do you even start?

Martin Luther King Jr. said it perfectly: All you need to do is see the first step. How can you reduce the overwhelm and make things less confusing? Approaching the new normal can be overwhelming. Seeing how much you don't know about racial injustices in this country can be overwhelming. 

All that matters is you take the first step. You don't know what you don't know. That's why we have people in our corners and resources in the form of books and articles to help us see the first step. 

In today's episode, I'm sharing the kinds of overwhelm I've been dealing with lately and how I'm choosing to break through the confusion. Seeing things clearly comes from learning. So I'm sharing some of the ways you can reduce your overwhelm by learning from compassionate and non-judgmental people and places. And, I'm talking about the power that comes with finally making a decision.

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