The Property Brothers Drew and Jonathan Scott teach us how to fake it 'til you make it, how to impress ladies with magic tricks, how to sneak dirty words onto HGTV,  how to switch places with your twin, how to talk like a Canadian, and what clown sex might sound like. Plus we play "The NewlyBro Game" to find out how much Drew and Jonathan really know about each other. Who would beat whom in a fight to the death? Which Golden Girl would each of them be? And who is the TRUE star of The Property Brothers??

"Tonight Show" and College Humor writer David Young teaches us how to be a parent, how to say "my wife" without sounding like Borat, how to do the "perfect" Richard Nixon/Harrison Ford impression, how to write for the internet vs. television, how to give your baby a weird name, and how to avoid "Shaking" Baby Syndrome. Plus, we play "What Will They Be," where we try to guess what a baby will turn out to be based on their name. This episode may or may not get you pregnant.

"Late Night with Seth Meyers" writer and "Looking" actor Andrew Law teaches us how to win at NBA Jam. Sort of. He also teaches us how to impersonate a penis, how to have an allergic attack at bar mitvahs, how to kill a giant hornet, and how to realize your fear of failure. Then we play NBA Jam with surprising results. You're on fire!

"Parks and Rec" and "Broad City" writer Jen Statsky teaches us how to be in a stable relationship, how to do a terrible Boston accent (so, a Boston accent), how to have an award-winning butt, and how to live that #vapelife. Then Jess reveals a little too much about her time at summer camp. Way too much. Plus, we test our mental compatibility with Jen in a game of "Say the Same Thing." Seriously, Jess reveals way too much. We're so sorry.

"@midnight" writer and comedian Emmy Blotnick teaches us how to read self-help books, how to cry in public, how NOT to hug yourself, and how to involuntarily make the Tim Allen Home Improvement “euuughh” noise. Plus Mike tells us about the time he tried to ask a girl out with a vampire poem. Then we play a game of “Meditation Mantra or Game of Thrones Character.” Happy self-helping!

Mike's brother and G20 talking points writer Daniel Drucker teaches us how to move to another country, sneak Rick Ross lyrics into speeches, sell Greece as a refurbished Apple product, and survive two months without toilet paper. Then we play a game where we find out the official diplomatic way to say "I'm a bad girl" and "I pooped my pants." Plus, Daniel tells his famous "Any Given Sunday" wedding speech story and talks about getting stuck in the net of "Vampire Diaries."

Also, apologies for the poor sound quality on this one. Skype issues.

"Daily Show" writer Matt Koff teaches us how to parallel park, how to draw the perfect Garfield, how to use that Garfield drawing to get laid, how to appreciate fat jokes, and how to write very unsubtle sexual innuendo for newlyweds. Then we get to know each other by playing "The NewlyMet Game." Bonus mentions of cocaine and Tony Shalhoub! Hurray!!

Neuroscientist and comedian Jono Zalay teaches us how to be a scientist, how to quit science to be a comedian, and how to give rats cocaine. Mike nerds out over neurobiology, while Jess has horrible flashbacks to her days as a chemist. Plus a game of F-Marry-Kill with famous scientists and research subjects. Let this be the only podcast you listen to this week that references Phineas Gage.

"Giant Bomb" editor Alex Navarro teaches us how to become a professional video game reviewer, how to write an interesting game review, and how to get into games if you've never played them. Plus, Alex tries to explain video games like "Katamari Damacy" and "Number Munchers" to Jess. Keep that in mind: There was an educational video game franchise called "Munchers."

"Tonight Show" writer and social butterfly Albertina Rizzo (@albz on Twitter) teaches us how to make friends, how to be confident, how to be a real New Yorker, and how to style Tony Shalhoub. Plus a game of "Friend or No," where we ask who you'd rather be friends with. Hitler or Chef Boyardee? Tia or Tamara? Tough choices.