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Step 4 of the AA and Al-Anon program is all about taking a personal inventory.  This episode is an overview of the step and how to work it.  We learn how this step is about healing resentments, outgrowing our fears and creating a new map with our Higher Power. 

Books Mentioned:

Blueprint For Progress Al-Anon's 4th Step Iventory- by Al-Anon Family Groups
Alcoholics Anonymous (Big Book)

List of Columns to work Resentment and Fear Inventory
1. Name the person, place or institution you have a grudge/resentment towards.
2.  What Happened
3. My Part/it effects my ..(self esteem, pride,finances, emotional security, ambitions, personal relationships, sexual relationships)
4.  Name the fear around how it effects you.
5.  Why am I afraid
6.  Has self reliance failed me(how I managed the problem..yelling, gossip, manipulation, deception etc.)
7.How would God have me be-The prayer you will create.  How would God have me be, what would he have me believe or do.  

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Have you been angry or bitter about how your beloved  addict  has treated you?  Is the injustice of a situation replaying like a stuck record in your mind?  In this episode we discuss how to spot resentments and how they affect us.  We will talk about some ways to release resentments and keep them from stealing our joy.

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Maggie shares her journey through her daughters addiction and how she was unwittingly giving for years to a situation she was unaware of.  In the al-anon program Maggie learned positive coping skills and a new way to navigate her relationship with her daughter.  Today Maggie is happy and thriving and her daughter is in recovery;  take a listen and feel the hope!

Books Mentioned:
The Power of Vulnerability-  Brene Brown
Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses-Al-anon Family Groups

You Tube:
Front Porch Friends- Karen Wheaton

Al-anon literature:
Detachment Brochure Download link below

https://al-anon.org/pdf/S19.pdf

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Dr. Daniel Amen is the author of the bestseller Change Your Brain Change Your Life.  His groundbreaking study of the human mind has helped many people.  One of the therapies he uses with his clients is ANT therapy.  In this episode we discuss ANT Therapy and how we can exterminate negative thoughts.  Dr. Amen is a physician, adult and child psychiatrist and the founder of the Amen clinics; with over 10 locations across the US. 
If negative thoughts are pervasive in your life, you won't want to miss this episode.

https://drmanyahelman.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/05/ANT-Therapy-and-CBT-worksheets.pdf

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Today we will be talking about step 3 of the 12 steps of AA and Alanon "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of  God as we understood Him."  We will discuss what it means to turn our will and lives over and some help on how to do this.  I will give some action steps you may try to aid in working this step.

Books  mentioned:
Paths to Recovery  Al-Anons steps, Traditions and concepts by Al-Anon family groups
Alcoholics Anonymous (known as the big book of AA) by Bill Wilson and Henry Parkhurst

Action Steps:
*take note for 3-7 days each time you are jumping into fix, rescue, correct or save another person.
*Take a PAUSE before you take action relative to the person you are trying to help.
*Give your will over to your higher power-Create a prayer/meditation journal, God Box or list of your prayers.
*Create your own prayer for the 3rd step. Or use the one below :)
The 3rd Step Prayer:
God, I offer myself to Thee-to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will. Take away my difficulties , that victory over them may bear witness to those I would help of  Thy Power, Thy Love, and Thy Way of life.  May I do Thy will always!

Some additional questions from Paths to Recovery:
*How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
*Am I willing to turn my problems over?What could help me to be willing ?
*Do I trust my Higher Power to care for me?
*What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
*How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
*What can I do when a loved one makes decisions I don't like?
*What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
*How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
*How can I express God's will in my actions and words toward others, including the addict/alcoholic?

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Codependency is a term that became popular with the AA and Alanon program back in the 1950's and 1960's.  In this episode I will talk about what codependency is and what empathy is as they may seem similar but there is a big difference.  I will share some hallmarks of codependency and some ways to build healthier relationships and effective self-care strategies.

Books mentioned:
Codependent No More by Melanie Beattie

Attachment Styles Article:
https://psychcentral.com/health/4-attachment-styles-in-relationships

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In this interview episode Nick shares how his life transformed when he regained his values and self respect.  Little hinges often swing big doors and Nick tells how taking a pause has had wonderful results in his life.   He shares stories, books and things he does in everyday life to thrive.

Books mentioned:
Love Must be Tough by Dr. James Dobson
Opening Our Hearts Transforming Our Losses  by al-anon family groups
Facing Co-Dependency by Pia Melody
One Day at A Time  by al-anon family groups
Courage to Change by al-anon family groups
Hope for Today  byal-anon family groups   
 

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Today we will be diving into step 2 of the 12 steps.  Often the first steps can be the most difficult to accept and come to terms with.  We will break down this step and look at some questions that may help you digest this step. 

Paths to Recovery -Al-Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts is the book that I refrenced.
Questions to reflect on:
*What is my concept of a Higher Power at this time?
*What would it take for my concept of my Higher Power to change?
*Have past experiences affected my concept of a Higher Power?and if so, How?
*What do I hope to gain from accepting the concept of a Power greater than myself?
*Do I sense spiritual guidance in life?How?
*What does let go and let God mean to me?
*What does faith mean to me?
*With whom and in what circumstances and I comfortable discussing my spiritual experiences?
*What might I gain from believing I could be supported and loved by a Power greater than myself?
*What does sanity mean to me?
*How has the addict situation affected my sanity?
*Have I allowed the addict situation to become my Higher Power?How?
*How has my thinking become distorted trying to handle the addicts behavior?
*When have I done the same thing over and over and expected different experiences?

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In this episode I will discuss boundaries, why we need them and why we may struggle creating them.  You may finish this episode feeling inspired to reflect on your boundaries and maybe even coming up with some new ones moving forward.  

Questions to think about:
*Who do I struggle to set boundaries with ?
*What am I afraid will happen if I set boundaries with this person?
*How would I feel if I established healthy boundaries with this person?
*How do I think the other person will react to these boundaries?
*An affirmation that gives me courage.

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Jumping into the proverbial boxing ring with someone under the influence is an act of futility.  Listen to this quick tip episode and see what a better alternative may be.


If you are a victim of  domestic violence please get help.
*the  National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-7233