The Optimization Toolbox by Jenna Redfield is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

This episode is part of what I call this podcast the Optimization Toolbox — practical systems for neurodivergent brains.

Because so many of us have the same frustrating experience: you meet someone, you have a genuinely great conversation… and then five minutes later you can’t remember their name.

It’s not because you don’t care. It’s not because you’re “bad at networking.” It’s because names are basically the worst possible input for an ADHD brain: random, context-free information delivered while you’re also trying to manage eye contact, read social cues, and not black out from overstimulation.

And I wanted to talk about it because I think remembering people is a branding skill — not in a fake, “personal brand” way, but in the real way: how people feel after they interact with you. Being remembered (and remembering others) builds trust faster than almost anything.

My angle on “memory” usually lives in the world of messaging and marketing — making ideas memorable, making offers clear, making your brand easy to recognize.

But today’s guest, Bob Miller — former magician, memory speaker, and author of Remember the Room — focuses on something even more human: memorizing people’s names.

We recorded in person at the amazing PodcastCrewMN in Robbinsdale MN.

And instead of giving me “try harder” advice, he gave me what I actually want: a system.

It’s a skill, not a personality flaw

The first thing Bob said when I called remembering names a “gift” — he corrected me immediately.

“It’s a skill,” he said. “I can forget stuff as easily as anybody.”

That matters because most of us have spent years training ourselves to say:

“I’m bad at names.”

“I’m awkward.”

“I’m not a networking person.”

“My brain just doesn’t do that.”

But neurodivergence isn’t a character flaw. It’s an operating system.

And what Bob gave me was essentially this reframe:

If your brain won’t do it automatically, you don’t need more willpower. You need a workflow.

The Look → Listen → Link framework (aka: giving your brain something it can actually hold)

Here’s Bob’s system, and once you hear it, it’s almost annoyingly obvious in the best way.

Look → Listen → Link

Step 1: LOOK

We think we look at people, but we don’t.

When you meet someone, choose one striking feature — the thing that stands out most about their face.

Not clothing. Clothing changes. Faces (mostly) don’t.

This matters for ADHD brains because attention is selective. If you don’t choose a focus point on purpose, your brain will focus on whatever is loudest/fastest/newest — which is usually your own internal monologue.

So: pick the anchor.

Step 2: LISTEN

Bob said something that made me laugh because it’s so true:

Names are basically nonsense words.

What is a Jenna? What is a Bob?

Your brain can’t hold onto a random, abstract sound — especially when you’re also juggling social anxiety, overstimulation, or five competing thoughts.

So the moment you hear a name, your job is to convert it into something visual:

* Bob → a fishing bobber

* Sally → a salad

* Doug → a dog

Is it logical? Not always.

Is it sticky? Yes.

And for a neurodivergent brain, “sticky” beats “proper” every time.

Step 3: LINK

Now connect the two.

Take the image you made for the name and mentally attach it to their striking feature — in the most ridiculous, vivid way you can imagine.

Bob’s rule: weird is memorable. Boring isn’t.

This is so important, because a lot of us try to remember names by being serious about it.

But ADHD brains don’t remember what’s serious.

They remember what’s distinct.

So make it strange on purpose.

The 3 pre-event rituals (because your brain needs a runway)

Before you even walk into a networking event, Bob recommends three things:

Make the decision.

Decide ahead of time: I’m going to work on remembering names today.

Neurodivergent brains do better with intentional “modes.” (Otherwise your brain defaults to survival mode.)

Use the name immediately.

When someone tells you their name, say it back once or twice:

“Nice to meet you, Jenna.”

You’re creating a memory of saying it, not just hearing it.

Review while you’re still there.

Before you leave, scan the room and mentally recite the names of the people you met.

ADHD brains need repetition closer to the moment or it evaporates.

Memory is the tool. Connection is the goal. (And this is the part ND folks deeply get)

This was the line that stuck with me most:

“The memory is just the tool that allows you to make that connection.”

Because if you’re neurodivergent, you probably don’t struggle with caring about people.

You struggle with the mechanics:

* recall

* follow-up

* consistency

* the “admin work” of relationships

You can be warm and brilliant and genuine… and still forget someone’s name five minutes later.

So the goal isn’t “be a person who always remembers names.”

The goal is: build a system that makes people feel remembered.

My Notion CRM “database move” (because I don’t want my brain to be the storage unit)

Bob told me that after events he collects business cards and puts notes into a database:

* name

* striking feature

* key facts they shared

* any context for follow-up

He said:

“I can forget it once it’s in my database.”

And I felt personally called out, because… same.

This is exactly why I use Notion as a CRM. Not because I’m trying to be “optimized,” but because I’m trying to be kind to my future self.

Here’s what’s true for my ADHD brain:

If it lives in my head, it will disappear.

If it lives in a system, it becomes reliable.

So after I meet someone, I do a quick “capture” inside Notion:

* who they are

* how we met

* what they do

* anything personal they shared

* what I want to follow up about

* and (this is key) when I want to follow up

Notion becomes the second brain for my relationships — which means my relationships don’t have to depend on perfect memory.

The part nobody tells you: follow-up is a neurodivergent superpower when it’s systemized

A lot of people think networking is about being charismatic.

I think networking is about being consistent.

And consistency is hard when your brain is:

* time blind

* novelty-seeking

* easily overwhelmed

* allergic to “I’ll do it later”

So instead of trying to become a different person, I build systems that do the remembering for me.

That’s what a CRM is supposed to be.

Not “salesy.” Not corporate.

Just: a way to continue the conversation like a human.

Try this today

Next time you meet someone:

* Convert their name into an image (Listen)

* Anchor it to one feature (Look)

* Make it weird (Link)

Afterward: write one line somewhere external

(your Notes app, a Post-it, Notion, whatever)

Because the win isn’t “remember forever.”

The win is: don’t lose the connection.

Want my Notion setup for this?

If you’ve been thinking, “Okay I love this… but I need the system,” that’s exactly why I built Tabstack — my Notion template for tracking content + follow-ups in a way that actually works for a neurodivergent brain.

It’s designed to help you capture people + context quickly, keep your relationship momentum, and stop relying on your memory to do the heavy lifting.

If you want to turn “I should follow up with them” into an actual workflow, check out Tabstack here: https://course.jennaredfield.com/life-tracker/

The Optimization Toolbox by Jenna Redfield is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.

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