How to Parent Peacefully. With the Hand in Hand Parenting approach.

Getting children dressed in the morning has to be one of the most common and most frustrating challenges for parents.

​If your child resists getting dressed and you end up arguing, cajoling and then finally losing your patience then you certainly aren't alone.

I invite you to listen to this week's episode where I talk about some fresh ideas to get mornings going more smoothly.

In this episode I talk about:

If you would love to learn how to bring these ideas into your parenting to making a lasting shift in your child's behaviour and your relationship with them, then doors are open to my Peaceful Parent School. Click here to find out more and book your place. 

If you have a strong-willed child, you know about it and it's hard!

You look at other people's children and ask yourself why it all seems so easy for them. They seem to go through life without all the arguments and drama.

Meanwhile you are dealing with difficult behaviour, engaging in lengthy explanations and major meltdowns over things like putting on shoes or turning a screen off.

It is exhausting and almost impossible to keep your cool.

So why are some kids so strong-willed whilst others are compliant?

And how can you manage your strong-willed child without breaking their spirit but still having a peaceful home?

If you would love to learn how to bring these ideas into your parenting to making a lasting shift in your child's behaviour and your relationship with them, then join my next free Masterclass taking place this Tuesday 10th January at 8pm UK time.  Click here to find out more and book your place. 

It is almost Christmas time and there is so much pressure on parents at this time of year to make memories, to make every moment special, to buy the perfect presents and to make sure your child has a great time.

We are expected to make sure everyone is having a good time, we feel pressure to book fun activities, days out, be the buyer of thoughtful presents for extended family, cook delicious food, manage the meltdowns and upsets and it is never enough. There is often guilt that we should have done more.

Today I talk about how we can help our children with life’s small disappointments as well as the big challenges and changes that so many of us encounter.

One of the main roles of parents is to keep our children safe from harm, to protect them from the ups and downs of life.

But we can’t wrap them in bubble wrap and pretend the big bad world doesn’t exist.

No matter how careful we are, no matter what precautions we take, life happens.

Our children experience many disappointments and challenges that are beyond our control.

It can be so difficult to watch our children struggle with something. We want to make it better, we want to protect them, we want to reassure them that everything will be okay.

It might be small disappointments like losing at football or not being chosen for the school play or being excluded from a friendship group.

Or it might be big changes - like moving house, moving schools, losing a grandparent or other close family member, illness of a parent.

So how can be best support them when life doesn’t go their way?

If you would love to learn how to bring these ideas into your parenting to making a lasting shift in your child's behaviour and your relationship with them, then the doors are now open to my six month Peaceful Parent School. Join by Monday 12th December to avail of the special price and bonuses. Click here to find out more and book your place. 

Most of us have been there when our child is name calling or using swear words.

It usually brings up a big reaction in us. We respond harshly or we aren't sure how to respond at all.

And that is often where the desire to swear arises from with our children. They notice the reaction it brings up in us. Seeing this reaction is compelling to them.

Or perhaps name-calling can be something a child turns to when they are feeling grumpy and disconnected. They direct their discontent towards you or their sibling with words like "You're an idiot".

As always, I am interested in looking beyond controlling the behaviour and instead I always try to understand the feelings and needs driving that behaviour. When we take action from a place of empathy and emotional awareness it is much more effective and satisfying than focusing on changing behaviour.

So in this episode I talk about how we can respond to children when they swear or name-call and what we can do to prevent it or manage it in a connecting way.

Learn more about connection-based parenting in my upcoming free Masterclass Why Your Kids Won't Listen and What You Can Do About It - Thursday 8th December at 8pm UK time.

When I became a parent I would have told you I had life figured out. If you had asked me about my emotional world, I couldn’t have explained much about it. 

It is the key to emotional wellbeing and healthy relationships. 

There is a lot of talk in parenting circles about consequences. So I wanted to spend a bit of time breaking down what exactly we mean by consequences, including logical consequences and natural consequences.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents in Facebook groups looking for help to think of a logical or a natural consequence for their child’s behaviour.

This comes from a belief that children will only learn from their actions if every behaviour has some kind of consequence.

The problem is that there is a very fine line between a consequence and a punishment.

It comes down to our motivation. Are we trying to manipulate our child’s behaviour so they behave in certain ways or are we there to support them and offer connection when they are struggling?

Once we get clear on our motivations, we can approach children’s behaviour with a level of trust and connection that will strengthen the parent-child relationship. When we try to control children’s behaviour through using systems of punishments and rewards, we are using our power over our children. This erodes trust and leads to more tricky behaviour in the long term.

If you haven’t already, you might want to check out last week’s episode 51 where I break down punishments and rewards.

I would also like to invite you to my new workshop The Screen Time Solution where I am going to talk about how to end the screen battles and stay connected to your children in a digital world. It takes place on Thursday 24th November at 8pm UK Time (12pm PST, 3pm EST). Click here to find out more and book your place. 

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.

I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach. I always love to hear from my listeners.

There is a common myth that we have to reward good behaviour and have consequences for bad behaviour in order to get our children to listen and behave.

How do you get your kids to listen? What leverage do you have left as a parent if you can’t use a threat or a bribe to get your child to comply?

The problem is that rewards and punishments make children look outside of themselves for how to behave. Instead, you want to teach children to look within themselves, to their own internal compass of what is right and wrong.

In this episode I talk in depth about how using systems of rewards and punishments to control children’s behaviour can damage the parent-child relationship and lead to more disconnection and more conflict.

I also talk about the alternative to this type of conditional parenting which focuses on connection and building relationship as a way to help children stay connected to themselves and create a cooperative, happy home as a result.

Click here if you would like to learn more about my Peaceful Parent School, my transformative six month program designed to make peaceful parenting a reality in your home and help you create a lifelong deep and satisfying relationship with your child based on connection, not control.

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.

I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.

Today I am celebrating the 50th episode of the podcast by answering some of your parenting questions. 

If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST).

Today I talk about respecting our children when they are hesitating or feeling uncertain about joining in at times like Halloween, but also other times like getting photos taken with Santa, joining in at birthday parties or participating in other activities you’ve signed them up for.

Whatever the situation may be, it is really common for young children to be uncertain at these times, to hesitate and hang back in your safety.

For me it always seemed like everyone else’s children were so much more confident and well-adjusted compared to my daughter who would be hiding her head in my leg and clinging on to me for dear life.

I would watch the other kids happily running around, taking part, enjoying themselves and I wanted that for my daughter.

I would have all these thoughts swirling around in my head - What is wrong with her? Why can’t she be more independent? I wish she was like the other kids.

But over time I became more adept at trusting my daughter and attuning to her and what she needed at those times.

Because when I thought about it, it was important to me to trust my daughter’s timing, to allow her to trust herself and what felt right for her so that as she grows up, she stays connected to what is right for her and what is out of her comfort zone - and she knows it is ok to trust and honour that.

Parents have a fear that if they don’t push their children then they will get left behind and they have to foster independence in their children from an early age. But when we focus on creating a secure attachment, this sets the stage for confidence in later life. It also allows kids to stay connected to their yes and no, to trust themselves.

In this episode I also discuss when there is a time and a place to support our children to do things they think are beyond them and how we can encourage them out of their comfort zone in a supportive and sensitive way, making space for their fears and worries, so they can move past them. All in a child-centred way that attunes to your child’s needs rather than acting out of your own fears and insecurities.

I share some practical responses you can use to reassure yourself and validate your child’s experience in these tricky moments when they are struggling to take part or feeling unsure of themselves.

If you would like to learn more about how you can bring these ideas into your own parenting then you are so welcome to join my next free Masterclass which takes place on Tuesday 8th November 2022 at 8pm UK/Ireland time (12pm PST / 3pm PST).

If you enjoyed this episode, please share it with a friend and consider leaving an iTunes review. It will help this conversation reach even more parents.

I would love to stay in touch! You can follow me on Facebook and Instagram @PamParentCoach and I always love to hear from my listeners.