In this week’s episode I am joined by Kathryn McCabe, social ecologist and founder and director of the Change Agency. Kathryn is passionate about creating change at a systems level and in this conversation we look at how we can change our society for the better through parenting. I invite you to check out Kathryn’s website and Facebook page.

We started this conversation in a workshop we jointly facilitated as part of the Imagine Festival of Ideas in March 2022 on how parenting can change the world. Here is the link to the replay of the full workshop. In the workshop we discuss in more detail how parenting continues to evolve over many thousands of years, control based parenting vs connection based parenting, how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can help us be more conscious and peaceful parents and the challenges we all face as parents in the Western world today. So if you love this episode, check out the full workshop.

I enjoyed the conversation with Kathryn so much I decided to invite her onto the podcast so we could talk some more about the big ideas of why parenting matters as a form of social activism. So let’s zoom out for a minute and take a look at the big picture of parenting and why we think gentle parenting can and will change the world. I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts on this topic so please get in touch so we can keep the conversation going.

You can contact me via email [email protected] or message me on Instagram or Facebook. 

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to put these big ideas into action and learn the strategies to parent in a peaceful and respectful way, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.

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Do board games with your child end in arguments and frustration? 

Is everything a race to see is first and best? 

Is there a lot of competition between siblings and huge upset when someone gets more than the other?

Parents often ask me - is it better to teach my child to lose or should home be a safe haven where they always get to be the winner? 

Well, the answer is a bit of both and it's all about focusing on the deeper feelings driving the competitive behaviour. 

In this episode I talk about getting to the root cause of competitiveness and two tools that can support our children to be flexible and relaxed around competition. 

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.

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Today I’m going to talk about a parenting tool you can use in as little as 10 minutes.

It builds connection.

It brings fun.

It’s practically guaranteed to bring laughter.

It is the glue of your relationship with your kids.

It helps with sibling rivalry, builds cooperation and helps kids overcome fears. It builds their confidence, self-control and emotional regulation.

All this in as little as 10 minutes a day.

It is a parenting superpower and it’s called Special Time.

If you’re new to Special Time I’m going to tell you how to get started.

If you’re already doing Special Time I’ll tell you how to get the most out of it.

If you know about Special Time but haven’t done it in a while or avoid it or it doesn’t go as planned, I’ll tell you how to get back on track.

If you are a seasoned Special Timer I’m going to celebrate you and make you feel really good about yourself for using this tool in your parenting.

On the surface Special Time is one to one play time with your child. They are in charge so you follow their lead (child-led). No distractions, you give your child your full love and approval for a set amount of time (eg. 10 mins).

It is so much more than that, listen in to find out why. 

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.

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In this week’s episode I talk about whether we should make our children say sorry, please, thank you or excuse me.

We want our kids to grow up to be polite, considerate and respectful to others

We are brought up in a society that expects children to be well behaved, that judges parents (or parents feel judged) if their kids aren’t polite.

Children learn from what we do. So if we are polite, thank people when we mean it, apologise when we’re wrong, they will learn to do it too.

This episode is about so more than teaching good manners. It is about understanding our children’s true nature, what motivates their behaviour and trusting ourselves to trust our children.

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.

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Dealing with a grumpy child after school can be hard work. You want to connect with them after being away from them for several hours, you want to find out how their day has gone, but instead you are met with grumpiness, aggression or meltdowns.

In this week's episode I talk about why our children struggle so much after school or childcare and what you can do to support them.

It is so important to understand what our child is trying to communicate in their difficult moments. They truly don't want to be grumpy or angry with us. They want to be loving and cooperative, that is their natural state of being. 

But holding it together all day in school is hard work. You are their safe person so when they see you, all the emotional upsets come tumbling out sometimes as tears, sometimes as grumpiness or aggression. 

Once we understand what is going on then the next step is how we can support our children to offload whatever big feelings they are carrying with them so they can get back to enjoying life. 

I share some tips and tools for you to use to connect with your child and support them with their feelings. 

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.

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Ever wondered how you can have more peaceful, playful mornings - without all the tantrums about getting dressed, brushing teeth and eating breakfast?

In this bonus episode from a Facebook Live I did this week for the Hand in Hand Parenting Facebook page, I show you how the Hand in Hand Parenting tools can inject connection into your days so you see more smiles instead of struggles in the mornings.

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Masterclass: Why your kids won't listen and what you can do about it. 

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Whining can be one of the most annoying and frustrating things for us to deal with as parents.

It often feels like our children are doing it because they know it annoys us so much!

And once it starts it feels like nothing will solve it.

As always when our children’s behaviour is tricky, it’s good to look behind the surface behaviour.

All behaviour is communication.

It is our job to decode the signals a child is sending us.

They don’t have the cognitive skills to have a measured conversation with us about what is going on for them. That would be so much easier for us to navigate. If we could decode their behaviour, the whining is a signal that a child is feeling alone and powerless. They have been overtaken by these feelings and even when we offer them our presence, they are unable to let us in. 

These feelings are getting in the way of them feeling your offers of connection.

So what our aim is to find a way through to our sweet child inside who just wants to feel all ok again.

We need to find a way for them to feel our connection.

In this week's episode I offer a few suggestions of how you might re-establish connection when dealing with a whining child.

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Masterclass: why your kids won't listen and what you can do about it.

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Today I'm talking about how we can parent in a gentle and respectful way without being permissive.

It is possible to model good boundaries and limits with our children without harshness or punishments. In fact, setting limits early and often can strengthen our relationships and develop our children's emotional intelligence.

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.​

Are you struggling with your child's aggression?

Maybe it is directed towards you, a sibling or at other children in childcare or school.

We often try explaining, reading stories about "gentle hands" or punishing our children for their aggressive behaviour.

But the key to stopping aggression lies in the feelings driving the behaviour.

Find out how to support your child so they can let go of aggression.

Thanks for joining me. If you want to learn more about this approach to listening to feelings and supporting our children to heal from their difficult experiences, then you are very welcome to join my next Peaceful Parent Masterclass.​

When I first became a mum, I held a cultural belief that bedsharing was wrong / dangerous etc.

After 3 days of sleep deprivation, I was bedsharing and continued to bed share for several years.

There are lots of advantages to bed-sharing

But as your child grows you might not enjoy bed sharing any more for many reasons

You can transition your child to sleeping on their own in their own bed all night without doing them emotional harm.

I’m talking about children over the age of 1 years old. I think under this age they need a lot of closeness, attention, on-demand feeding etc.

Different for every child - high needs, premature, traumatic birth, medical issues, stress in the family - they might benefit from extra closeness

There isn’t a right age or a right time - that is your decision - best to check in with yourself - are you getting resentful, check in with your child. Are they very rigid?

It is ok to put your need for sleep first - weeks, months and years of disturbed sleep take their toll.

By paying attention to your own needs you can show up in the best way possible as a parent

You could co-sleep for years because that’s what you think your child needs to feel loved and secure but be resentful and worn out

Or maybe your child has been sleeping in their own bed for a while but bedtime is a nightmare, or they come into you in the middle of the night.

It is possible to support your child to sleep all night on their own.

Will they be upset about it? Yes!!

That is ok

If they are upset it means they have some big feelings about separation that they’re holding on to.

In fact, you can help them let go of these feelings, support them to have the confidence to sleep all night

I love what Marion Rose, Aware Parenting says that Children need 3 things to sleep well:

Over the course of days, weeks, months, children experience all kinds of feelings - fear, disappointment, frustration etc.

All those feelings get packed away in their emotional backpack and that can get in the way of them feeling relaxed enough to sleep.

If we can listen to those feelings of upset whenever we can, that is going to help our children let go of emotional tension and be relaxed enough to sleep well.

Children can become very rigid in their bedtime routines and that is a way for them to keep the emotional backpack closed up tight

But the thing is, that makes it harder for them to sleep.

So they might insist that you read a certain number of stories, then you have to sing a song, then rub their back. They must have their special teddy or their blanky etc etc.

So what can happen is we play along with this extravagant system in the hope they will get to sleep when what they might actually need is for us to set a limit on some of those things, that will allow them to actually feel their feelings instead of hiding them away in increasingly difficult ways.

5 tips to support your child to sleep well.

Thanks for joining me. If you’re ready to get your kids listening so you don’t have to shout, and instead you can start enjoying being a parent, then get signed up to my next virtual Peaceful Parenting Masterclass.​