Listener Question from Frank in Oklahoma:  (5:30)

"I grew up in a family that didn’t really share feelings or show much emotion. I’m continuing to work on this as an adult. I now have three boys of my own and I want them to feel comfortable being vulnerable and expressing emotions in our family. How do I encourage this in a genuine and natural way?"

The Goal:

Help kids feel safe expressing big emotions and cultivate a family environment where vulnerability is normalized and encouraged. Vulnerability builds trust, emotional health, and deeper family connection.

Key Takeaways from the Episode:

1. The Big Idea:
   • Home needs to be a safe place for our kids' big feelings.
   • If kids don’t feel safe being vulnerable at home, they’ll find somewhere else to express those feelings—and those places may not be the healthiest or safest environments.
2. Biblical Inspiration:
   • God models emotional openness by giving His children the freedom to express big feelings without condemnation.
   • Examples:
     • Moses: Expressed his doubts and fears about his abilities. God responded with reassurance and provision.
     • David in the Psalms: David openly shared his grief, joy, anger, and confusion with God.
     • Jesus weeping: Demonstrated vulnerability in front of His disciples, showing us that emotions are part of our humanity.
3. What’s at Stake:
   • If kids don’t feel they can share their emotions at home:
     • They might bottle them up, leading to long-term emotional struggles.
     • They might turn to unhealthy outlets for expression.
   • Vulnerability at home protects kids emotionally and ensures they learn how to process their feelings in healthy, God-honoring ways.

Practical Steps for Cultivating Vulnerability:

1. Lead by Example:
   • Model vulnerability by sharing your own emotions in an appropriate way.
   • Example: Share when you’ve had a hard day and explain how you’re working through it.
   • Let your kids see how you navigate emotions in a healthy way.
2. Create Safe Spaces:
   • Develop daily or weekly rhythms that create opportunities for connection and openness:
     • Bedtime routines: A quiet moment to ask, “How are you feeling today?” or “Is there anything on your mind?”
     • Car rides: Captive time where kids often feel less pressured to “perform” or overthink.
   • Use these moments to gently ask questions and give your kids space to open up.
3. Cultivate Connection Through Shared Activities:
   • Spend intentional time doing fun or meaningful activities with your kids. Vulnerability is more likely to flow out of strong relational connection.
   • Example: Playing a game, doing a shared hobby, or even just sitting together.
4. Avoid Shutting Them Down:
   • Even if their feelings seem exaggerated or misplaced, let them express them fully before stepping in with guidance.
   • Avoid phrases like, “It’s not that big of a deal,” or “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
   • Validate their emotions by saying things like, “I can see why you’re feeling this way.”
5. Ask Questions to Invite Sharing:
   • Simple prompts like, “Is there anything I can pray about for you?” or “What was the best and hardest part of your day?” can lead to deeper conversations.
   • When kids feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to reciprocate by asking about your emotions too.

Favorite Quotes from This Episode:

• “If we want our kids to be vulnerable, they need to feel safe being vulnerable.”
• “It only takes a few times of us shutting them down for them to learn it’s not safe to share their feelings.”
• “God allows us to bring every big emotion to Him—our homes should mirror that grace and safety.”
• “Vulnerability in families isn’t just about kids opening up to parents; it’s about parents modeling what healthy vulnerability looks like.”

Greg and Cody’s Parenting Wins & Fails:

1. Greg’s Win:
   • After his son lost an important soccer match, Greg met him in his grief rather than minimizing it. He gave him the space to feel sad, which strengthened their bond.
2. Cody’s Fail:
   • Cody accidentally missed a live event with his kids due to a time change he didn’t notice. Despite the disappointment, it became an unexpected moment of shared vulnerability and connection.

• (00:00) - Intro