I Am The Cute One

Don’t fret, Cuties - Chelsea is NOT in Blackface for this episode, but Donny is using slurs (only the ones Lacey Chabert says, though!) As the Cute Ones watch the 2005 werewolf flop, Cursed, Chelsea educates Donny about how to survive a bear. She also sings the Baby Bottle Pop jingle for whatever reason. Also, wrestlers are not sexy (neither is farting while peeing), but Donny is - especially in this week’s costume, which could explain why he’s in his Fxck Boi era. RELEASE THE MANDY MOORE CUT.

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Donny’s on the mend and Chelsea is doing more voicework as they discuss the latest developments in RugTok and the downfall of Rainforest Cafe. And in a week that brought us Kamala Harris on Call Her Daddy, the 20th Anniversary of Desperate Housewives, Wicked tickets going on sale, and the announcement of Princess Diaries 3, Donny decides to discuss what he’s currently watching (English Teacher on FX). Then, Chelsea educates us all on how awful the Blake Lively interviewer is. Also, which dog would you save if you played Project Makeover?

TO DONATE AND HELP THE VICTIMS OF THE RECENT HURRICANES:

World Central Kitchen

East Tennessee Foundation

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Chelsea’s costume may not have arrived in time for today’s recording, but perhaps it’s fate as it led to her dressing as the best movie character of all time. This week, the two watch “Daybreakers,” which leads Donny to explain why he’d be the Paris Hilton of vampires as Chelsea… goes on a Justin Bieber deep dive? Then, they brainstorm where they’d hide during the apocalypse and rate what makes the best kind of man: one with an older brother or one with an older sister. Then, Chelsea teaches Donny science. Also, we need to know: do you have a beauty mark or do you have a witch wart?

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It’s October 3rd, Cuties (well, it was) and Chelsea isn’t wearing pink, but she is speaking like the Queen of England in hopes that her children will listen to her, and Donny is trying to figure out if he’s a bad person. When Chelsea wasn’t doing accent work, she’s been watching “Will & Harper” and Donny has a new favorite book that he hasn’t read, “Disney High: The Untold Story of the Rise and Fall of Disney Channel’s Tween Empire.” Besides that, this week brought us the trailer to “Are You Smarter than a Celebrity,” Joel Kim Booster coming for Shannon Beador, Sabrina Carpenter’s involvement in Eric Adams’ indictment, and the vice presidential debate. Also, is it proper wedding etiquette to wear a wig and create content while there?

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Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, butt juice! This week, the Cute Ones answer important life questions: Is being called Diane Lane a compliment? Is Beetlejuice’s hair just a Ben Franklin wig? And most importantly - Can horse girls be goth girls? Besides that, the duo discuss where they’d haunt if they were ghosts, how intolerable undead theater kids would be, and the worst place to wait in line. Spinning head.

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Chelsea may be out for revenge, but Donny is out for knee surgery after sliding across the floor at the Disney rave. In this episode, Chelsea educates Donny on heterosexual sex and he educates her on Imodium use before they discuss the twists (or lack thereof) in “Blink Twice” and M. Night’s “Trap.” (Justice for Lady Raven!) They also dive into “Scream” and “I Know What You Did Last Summer” reboot news and Stephen Baldwin’s digs about Leonardo DiCaprio. 

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After the Cute Ones fight about Lifetime movie look-a-likes and Tony Danza appearing gay, they spend the time figuring out who is the Crazy One as they cover the 2002 feminist flop, Swimfan. They spend the hour comparing their motives for being nuts, contemplating if Donny is having a midlife crisis, praying for the release of Jesse Bradford and Azealia Banks’ leaked tapes, and arguing with Gen Z about their hatred of sex. Then, Chelsea talks about her hatred of silver jewelry while Donny shames unprofessional restaurant employees. Shoutout to our UK Cuties; your music is more fun! 

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Happy half birthday, Donny! To celebrate, his penis is growing and he’s telling Big Brother 26 alumni about Chelsea’s hatred of men. Meanwhile, Chelsea has been talking to cat people, making jewelry out of teeth, and using Chat Roulette with a personal pan pizza. After 20 minutes of that, the Cute Ones discuss the Emmy Awards, Trump’s hatred of Taylor Swift, Diddy’s arrest, an asteroid zooming past earth, and more importantly - Pixar and DEFINITELY NOT GAY Riley in “Inside Out 2.” Then, the duo shout out THEE icon of 2024: the 8-year-old girl who went missing in Ohio. Eat our asses, Candace Cameron.   

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After watching a movie that somehow Chelsea and Donny both enjoyed, Chelsea tries to ruin it by talking about feminism right off the bat. Unfortunately for her, this movie has a second message that Donny can fully support. But the duo bonds over learning lyrics, their origin story, the way to impress them at karaoke, and Donny’s history with Chris Daughtry. Also, if you recently met Chelsea, she is keeping a burn book about you. Finally, the Cute Ones brainstorm how they would get rid of Stuart Little. 

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Chelsea and Donny are trying to be grown ups this week, including not soiling themselves, doing some banking, contemplating getting a kitten, and having A-Ha moments. This week also brought us the Presidential debate, the VMAs, Rachel Zoe’s divorce, and Kendrick Lamar being announced as the Super Bowl halftime performer, but the duo won’t be talking about that - instead, Donny finds an excuse to discuss JonBenet Ramsey and the new Brandy movie, and Chelsea has been binge watching “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” and she can’t stop talking about it.

If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!

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