I Learned Nothing

Pat didn't know how to cut an onion, so Ben introduces him to the many worlds of Modal Realism. Developed by philosopher David Lewis, Modal Realism contends that there are multiple universes that exist alongside ours and they're composed of every possible scenario conceivable in our language. Crazy, right? Anyway, Ben and Pat scream at each other and come to the conclusion that you can't find a good pastrami on rye in this state. Also check out our Patreon.

Pat was feeling ideological so he invites his & Ben's mutual friend Avery Moore to help explain the philosophy of Slovenian lunatic Slavoj Žižek. Using Žižek's penetrating analysis/incoherent ramblings, Ben & Avery expose the insidious lure of Late Capitalism and show Pat how its ideology perverts reality to trap us in a Matrix of consumerism. We also confirm the latent Nazism of Pokemon Go.

Pat was feeling unfulfilled so Ben brought him into a wild, wild country to meet Osho AKA Rajneesh Bhagwan, transcendent guru, pied piper of Baby Boomers, and war criminal of Oregon. Have you ever felt empty? Like you were destined for so much more? But no one set you up to grab what was yours? Then come gather round, fellow sannyasins. What motivated this Rolex-donning, Rolls Royce-driving diva? Listen, rate, & subscribe to learn more.

Pat was feeling conniving so Ben taught him the underhanded ways of Niccolo Machiavelli. Born in 1469 (heh heh) in Florence, Italy, Machiavelli became world-renowned for his amoral guidebook on how to be the most ruthless Mafia don in the world. Read by the likes of Tony Blair, Bill Clinton, Napoleon, and Stalin, Machiavelli's "The Prince" touched off a whole new era of political theory that dispensed with ethics and taught you how to run shit so you never got got. Basically, don't trust anyone, not even luck.

Pat was feeling dense so Ben brought in our 6th fucking guest, Medieval scholar Patrick Sirois, to talk about the philosophy of John Duns Scotus. In a crossover episode for the ages, the WisdomBois talk with the host of Lie, Cheat & Steal to get to the bottom of the univocity of Being, haecceity & the problem of universals, and where the word “dunce” comes from. Spoiler alert: it’s the dude’s name.

Pat was feeling misunderstood so Ben put things in perspective by asking what it would be like for Pat to be a bat. This insane question was put forth in 1974 by philosopher of mind Thomas Nagel to illustrate how unique & intractable the issue of subjective experience is in the face of scientific scrutiny. How can we possibly know what it's like to shriek in front of us to navigate our world while flying around as a furious, blind monster. Nagel's answer: We can't.

Pat was feeling duped so Ben gave him a crash course in logical fallacies. From ad hominem attacks, to begging the question, Ben shows Pat how to identify the various ways people use faulty logic & fuzzy reasoning to trick poor saps into falling for FAAAKE NEWS. The WisdomBois also discuss Ben's notorious sharing of fake memes on Facebook and how a certain middle school science teacher got a little too close to Pat's sister.

Pat was feeling cheeky so he asked Ben to shed some light on easily the most profound question in all of human thought: How long would it take for a bunch of monkeys to randomly type out all of Shakespeare’s plays? After a meandering journey through the principles of probability, the meaning of Art, and the baffling silliness of the British, the answer drove them both to irreparable insanity.

Pat was feeling neurotic so Ben had mutual friend & Director of The Vienna Institute of Psychoanalysis Jared Hawley come on the show to talk about Sigmund Freud. Freud was a serious scientist/naughty pervert who had some wacky theories about our unconscious lives and also had massive issues with cigars & cocaine. It’s Freud, baby! (Please ignore the sniffles. We all had colds.)

Pat was feeling indulgent so Ben teaches him the decadent philosophy of Epicureanism. The secret to happiness is harnessing pleasure and avoiding pain, as told by Epicurus in the 3rd Century BC. Also, we're nothing but atoms, nothing happens to us when we die, and the gods, if they exist at all, don't give a shit about you. In other words: You ain't here for a long time, you're here for a good time.