I Learned Nothing

Pat was feeling KINDA BLUE so Ben floors him with the absolutely jazzy color theory of hep cat/philosopher Nelson Goodman and his controversial theory of Grue. Grue is a new color Goodman invented but it's also an innovative new critique of the Problem of Induction. How do we confirm that something is green if we also no that those green things will become grue after time t? Then how do we confirm that anything is green after time t if they were blue? What if they were blue before time t? Ugh, never mind, just listen to the episode. Pat gets mad. Buy Kyrgies. Check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing. Fuck you.

Pat was feeling phallogocentric so Ben turns him on to the earth-shattering philosophy of Hélène Cixous, THE post-structural feminist of the 20th Century. Taking her cue from philosopher/smoking pompadour Jacques Derrida (who Ben suspects was also Hélène's occasional fuck-buddy) his theory of deconstruction, Cixous proposed that women (as well as men) should break free of the constraints of logocentric writing (prose, analytical, etc) in order to more fully express their femininity, rather than have it be defined clinically. Or at least that's as best Ben could understand it. Give it a listen and let us know what you think! And don't forget to check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ILearnedNothing

Pat was feeling gaslit, so Ben clears the air by introducing philosophy's savior of common sense: G. E. Moore. As one third of the Triumvirate of analytic philosophy (including the pervert Bertrand Russell and closet-case Ludwig Wittgenstein), G.E. Moore spearheaded the revolt in British philosophy against the oppressive yoke of German Idealism and ushering in the current analytic turn we see today. He also called bullshit on dogmatic skepticism with his "proof" of an external world: Here's one hand and here's the other. And boy howdy did the skeptics ever catch those hands, nawmean?

Pat was feeling abstract so Ben dives deep into the deepest question of all time: What accounts for the prolific recorded output of Flying Burrito Brother Gram Parsons? No, although that is a mystifying one. In Episode 131 of I Learned Nothing, Ben and Pat tackle the Big One (because why not): Why Is There Something Rather Than Nothing??? This one goes back past recorded history. It's the question we all ask ourselves as soon as we're coherent enough to ask questions. A lot of the greats have wrestled with this one and lost. And guess what? No one has solved it. Until now... (Jk we obviously didn't)

Pat was feeling naughty so Ben tempts him with a comprehensive discussion of the ancient concept of Evil. Evil as a moral or ethical notion has plagued us and bewitched us since we as a species could first distinguish right or wrong. Evil is fundamental, primordial, and horrifying. The Eldritch entity of ethical concepts, the term "Evil" has been applied to people, actions, motives, and institutions throughout history. Some people, however, don't even think it exists. Isn't that nuts? Let's dirty, folks. Also, we have a new promo code for our terrific sponsors at Kyrgies! Use ILK at checkout to get 15% OFF every purchase you make! Wow. What a country.

Pat was feeling pretty satisfied with himself on his precious little birthday so Ben decides to dash his spirits with the Internet 2.0's hottest new meme paradox: Roko's Basilisk. Roko's Basilisk is a thought experiment outlined in 2010 by SOME GUY on SOME BLOG that has disturbed nerds and lurkers alike, causing some to even have nervous breakdowns. Imagine a powerful AI that retroactively punishes all those humans who don't actively contribute to it's creation once knowing about it. Now that I told you about it, you are now a potential victim to an eternity of digital Hell if you don't actively participate in helping the AI. So, now...what do you do? You're welcome!

Pat was feeling loquacious as usual so Ben takes this opportunity to lay out the nuanced and penetrating philosophy of British nerd/superspy JL Austin. This guy is famous for being one of the most original philosophers of the 20th Century, focusing mainly on language and its role in constructing our very reality. Austin's main contribution was his theory of Speech Acts -- how utterances in our language constitute more than just propositions describing states of affairs, but also serve as actions that penetrate reality itself. Trippy. Also, this guy worked for British intelligence during World War 2 and most likely provided the crucial intelligence needed to ensure the success of D-Day. So he also kinda saved the world. Good for you, JL!

Pat was feeling sleepy so Ben regales him with one of the most infuriating thought experiments of all time: The Sleeping Beauty Problem. Concocted by Ben's very own thesis adviser Professor Adam Elga (seriously), The Sleeping Beauty Problem was submitted to the world in 2000 and it has boggled minds ever since. Listen to the episode to hear the full scenario, but here let it be asked: Are you a Halfer? Or a Thirder? We all hate this.

Pat and Ben were both feeling sad, confused, and powerless, so Ben drives that feeling home by discussing the troubling and disheartening political philosophy of contemporary Italian political theorist Giorgio Agamben. Tying together several disparate threads from both ancient and modern political traditions, Agamben distills his unique view on modern politics into his best known theories of the State of Exception and Homo Sacer. In this episode, Ben attempts to connect Agamben's thought to the very real events we're experiencing today, including COVID-19 and the latest wave of #BlackLivesMatter protests. Stay safe out there everyone! #ACAB