I Learned Nothing

Pat was feeling militant, so Ben checks his bitch ass with a rundown of Just War Theory. Somewhere between Pacifism (believing war is always wrong) and Realism (believing war will happen no matter what and it rules), there lies a DMZ of ethical theory called Just War Theory, which answers important questions like when it's chill to go to war, what's chill in warfare, and how to be chill with your enemy once the war is over. Listen in as Ben and Pat explore the thorny issues exposed by war, like why is war the only time you can get away with murder? And was the bombing of Hiroshima an unnecessarily weird flex?

Pat was feeling swampy (gross!) so Ben freshens him up with a zesty thought experiment called The Swamp Man. Conceived by American philosopher/rip-off artist Donald Davidson, The Swamp Man is a bananas thought experiment meant to illustrate the theory of meaning called semantic externalism. How do you mean the words you say if you’re a Swamp Man who has never experienced anything and never encountered any of the objects of this world? Find out on this very special screaming match of I Learned Nothing.

Pat was feeling rhizomatic (whatever that means) so Ben confounds him with the very upsetting philosophy of noted French Postmodernist Gilles Deleuze. This single-lunged pervert developed some of the most Byzantine theories on metaphysics in the Continental tradition. He claimed, for example, that difference precedes identity, upending 2000 years of Western philosophical traditions. In other words, the thing that makes a thing that thing is not its intrinsic properties, but its differences with other things. Pretty straightforward, right? So naturally, Pat and Ben scream about it for the better half of an hour. Enjoy!

Pat was feeling 'Murican so Ben teaches him about the theory that put America on the map: Pragmatism. Developed by three dick-swinging cowboys of knowledge, Charles Sanders Pierce, William James & John Dewey, Pragmatism holds that truth has nothing to do with how reality actually is. This is a huge flex, as it kinda flies in the face of what philosophy has been trying to prove since forever. Instead, these patriots contend that truth is nothing more than what gets the job done. If a belief, concept, or theory aligns observation such that it helps us achieve our goals, it's truth. In other words, truth is simply whatever gets us to the fucking moon, bitch.

Pat was feeling timeless so Ben puts him in his place by exploring the concept of time. Yeah, this one's a doozy. Amid much screaming, Pat learns the various ways time fucks with all of us. Is it linear or circular? Does the future even exist? Does the past? Do our memories mean nothing? Ultimately, Pat & Ben conclude that time is our greatest enemy, as it never seems to relent and has a 100% kill rate. Also Ben has to learn physics again to (poorly) explain something called light cones to Pat. Just like old times!

Pat was feeling lonely, so Ben cheers him up by teaching him about that classic conundrum: The Problem of Other Minds. Trudging past the filthy opening banter regarding Pat's cunnilingus prowess, the Bois get down to business talking about how we can ever know that other minds exist outside of our own. What if, WHAT IF, you were to wake up too early one day only to discover that the entire world's population except for you is secretly a robot and you've caught them with their (skinsuit) pants down. How do you know this isn't the case and you just haven't caught them yet? How do you know everyone else isn't a robot, merely mimicking human behavior but with nothing going on inside? Will your extraordinary ability to eat box get you out of this haunting ordeal? Listen to find out!

Pat was feeling spectacular, so Ben tags in a heavyweight for philosophical assistance. Comic, friend, and Dean of Philosophy at ACC, Clara Blackstone helps Ben explain the riotous philosophy of Situationism, founded by legendary French ashtray/Marxist theorist Guy Debord. Together, they drag Pat and themselves out of the bewitching and lurid world of the Spectacle, a Matrix-like world of hollow images that Late Capitalism has built for us to keep us complacent and consuming. Debord's bizarre program of inciting Marxist pranks like some class-struggle clown eventually led to France's biggest riots of the 20th Century in May of 1968. Sous les pavés, la plage!

Pat was feeling broken so Ben invites a dear friend to join in on the fun. In a very special 78th Episode, Ben invites fellow podcast host and unmitigated mess Jake Flores of Pod Damn America to trouble Pat with thoughts about gay robots and whether or not we're keyed into a level of artificial consciousness that we identify a little too closely with our own. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to the Uncanny Valley. Deja Vu is only the appetizer. The entree: Sublime Horror. Lol. (Give us money. Check out our Patreon: patreon.com/ilearnednothing)

Pat was feeling randy so Ben finishes him off with the lurid details of Bertrand Russell's life & philosophy. In Part II of this disgusting saga, the WisdomBois explore the latter half of Lord Russell's life, including his unapologetic swinging, chronic civil disobedience, and revolutionary attempt to up-end all of philosophy with his spearheading of the Analytic tradition. Introducing a novel approach that takes a cue from common fucking sense, Bertie developed the intriguing philosophy of logical atomism, which Ben explains to Pat by using the auto-erotic suicide of David Carradine as an example. Fun! For once, Pat kind of agrees. With what? Listen to find out, stupid!

Pat was feeling analytical so Ben outlines for him the monumental life and work of 20th Century philosophy's horniest mad lad: British intellectual/fuckboy Bertrand Russell. In a smashing two-parter, Ben teaches Pat about Lord Russell's logical, political, and sexual escapades, which old (and we do mean old) Bertie indulged in throughout his 97 year long life and career. Ben kicks it off by talking about Russell's Paradox, a logical pothole that Russell discovered while trying to work out the fundamental axioms of mathematics. It goes like this: A town barbershop employs a barber who only shaves those who do not shave themselves. Can this barber shave himself? Guess how Pat responds lol.