ICUE&MESH

The result was the loss of a friendship. By the time I got the information necessary to understand someone, I had had to end the friendship.

I talk about the concept of hitting a "restore button" in our brains. I think about going back to February 10th when Olga, my limerent interest, asked if she could call me again after our initial phone date that day. Her not calling me the next day spoke volumes and I should have listened.

Closure is exactly what it is. It's closure. It's not wishful thinking. I sent Olga one last text and walked away.
I may have to run into her when I'm checking the group posts at IOP because the posting is in the patio where she sometimes still sits for her lunch.
But I am making a very big effort to do no contact from now on because of the way she acted last Thursday. That was the deal-breaker that was the last straw. That was the last reminder that I'm living in a fantasy. Time for me to face reality. She doesn't want me! Not even as a friend.
From now on I follow the heart advice for limerent sufferers: STOP TRYING TO BE FRIENDS WITH THEM. *NOW* !

Falling over and over again with Olga. When this time I thought she reached out to me. So I reached back and fell again.

I practice five modules of mental wellness and I'm careful to avoid the shadow sides of each module. This episode is about how I explained that. Is our mental wellness process authentic or are we practicing the shadow modules: extremism, perfectionism, entitlement, spiritual bypass, health anxiety or health extremism? Let's be sure that we are practicing authentic modules of mental wellness: purpose, accountability, validation of self and others, safe process of emotions and thoughts, and authentic healthy behavior that promotes our well-being.

Kindness will save our world and us. Can you imagine what the world would really be like if it were always interesting?
I think we would crash and burn. I truly do.
In this episode I talk about how I was bullied in group therapy because someone saw me as boring and domineering.
I also talked about it being a form of covert abuse when vague language is used in The bullying tactic.
There's also mention of ending here I want you all to be safe and call 988 in the United States or talk to a trusted individual and get help if you are feeling that way. The kind of stuff that I discuss here is sensitive.
We all deserve to be treated kindly and we all deserve to learn kindness.
Many people still see kindness the same way they see climate change and lgbtq issues---the subject to be avoided.

If someone is being lukewarm to you or cold or cool to you while you're being hot or warm to them, learn to give them the same treatment they're giving you. Stop having fantasies about it working out. It's very likely they don't want to deal with you. Face this cold hard truth and take care of yourself. They're not worth it. You are.
Here's the link to my other podcast if you want to know anything else about what's going on between Olga and me:
https://open.spotify.com/show/...

Last night I found a voicemail from my counselor asking me "if I was okay" and "do you need any support..." etc. Hoping remotely that I could reach someone human there, at last, I left him a message stating that I was suspicious of being dogged out by a phone block from the desk lady.
Radio silence the next day.
And no call from Olga either, the woman that I had attempted to befriend.
Chapter closed.
The end.
Crying.
Disgusted.

I share my experience with not being able to connect with a woman I met at IOP that I was hoping could still be friends with me and letting her go. I also share a little bit about isolation and how important it is to fix our "picker" , as we go out again and be around people.

Leaving IOP because my phone got blocked, they got angry with me for reporting and checking on repairs with a stall door lock in the bathroom, they forgotten to pick me up on my admission day back in October and they got angry with me for self-transporting! Of all the audacity and the denial of what that Mental Health providers sometimes still do to clients.