As season 15 continues, we’re chatting today about a topic that has been close to my heart lately, and always, really — the power of friendship. We’ve already spoken about friendship this season, and we will again before the season concludes. I really resonated with Laura Tremaine’s 2023 book The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs. I think we have a tendency sometimes to put so much emphasis on one friend, but Laura’s book puts forth that we have many different types of friends that make up a life — and that each member of the Life Council is important, valuable, and necessary. Like I tell Laura in today’s episode, I see the Life Council like a presidential cabinet, all of my friends sitting around a table helping me navigate my way through life. And each of us has our own Life Council. Today Laura and I chat about how we are lonelier than ever, despite being more connected than ever; her five friendship philosophies, including making friendship a to do; the 10 members of the Life Council, including the Daily Duty friend, the Battle Buddy, and the Empty Chair; how we handle friendships when we are in different stages in life; the reality of the pain of a friendship breakup and how to grieve that loss; her best tips to make new friends as an adult and what she thinks about friendship groups; what she wishes more people knew about friendships; and so much more. I would personally like Laura to be my new friend, so let me tell you a little about her — she worked in film and TV production for many years at MTV, VH1, Fox, and Paramount Pictures before becoming a full-time writer. She writes about friendship (obviously), anxiety, motherhood, and marriage, and her posts and her podcast, 10 Things to Tell You, resonate with women looking for ways to connect more deeply with others as they move through life’s stages. She’s also the author of the 2021 book Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level, so, despite her reticence to call herself a friendship expert, I certainly see her as one. Sit back, get comfortable, and get ready to chat about friendship with me and the fabulous Laura Tremaine.

The Life Council: 10 Friends Every Woman Needs by Laura Tremaine

As we continue this great week of episodes, I’m delighted today to welcome Dr. Ethan Kross to the show to talk about his latest book Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You, which is out February 4. Shift follows the success of Ethan’s 2021 book Chatter: The Voice in Our Head, Why It Matters, and How to Harness It, which was an international bestseller. In Shift, we’re talking all about emotions — and how they can be our superpower if we can learn how to regulate and manage them. How do we make our emotions work for us, rather than against us? Ethan is helping us find that answer. Ethan is a psychologist, neuroscientist, writer, and one of the world’s leading experts on emotion regulation and is an award-winning professor in the University of Michigan’s top-ranked psychology department and its Ross School of Business. He is also the director of the Emotion and Self-Control Laboratory. In addition to appearing on CBS Evening News, Good Morning America, Anderson Cooper Full Circle, and NPR’s Morning Edition, he has participated in policy discussion at the White House and has had his research featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, The New Yorker, The New England Journal of Medicine, USA Today, and more. He is a graduate of Penn and Columbia and has spoken at TED, SXSW, and consulted with some of the world’s top executives and organizations. From Shift’s opening pages, it’s a power punch, and I’m excited for you to hear what he has to say.

Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don’t Manage You by Dr. Ethan Kross

Today on the show we’re talking about two topics that seem quite different but are actually incredibly related: breaking up with our phones and having more fun. Catherine Price’s book How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life originally came out in 2018; the revised edition of the book actually comes out tomorrow, February 4 and is fully revised and updated. Today on the show we talk about a phone’s impact on a life and how it robs us of living fully; that our phones — social media specifically — are designed to addict us and rob our attention and, as Catherine argues, what we pay attention to is what defines our lives. We talk about screen/life balance, a digital sabbath, and then we weave into Catherine’s 2024 book The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again, which introduces us to a fun audit, having a fun squad, finding fun magnets, and the concept of True Fun, which Catherine explains today. There is so much good here, all of which will add to your quality of life. Catherine is also the author of Vitamania: How Vitamins Revolutionized the Way We Think About Food, which came out in 2015, and she is an award-winning science journalist who specializes in writing evidence-backed books about building joyful and meaningful lives. You might have seen her work in The New York Times, The Washington Post Magazine, The San Francisco Chronicle, O: The Oprah Magazine, Parade, Slate, Salon, Popular Science, The Los Angeles Times, Men’s Journal, and more, and she has been dubbed, appropriately so, “the Marie Kondo of Brains” by The New York Times. You’re going to get so much out of this conversation.

All by Catherine Price:

How to Break Up with Your Phone: The 30-Day Plan to Take Back Your Life

The Power of Fun: How to Feel Alive Again

“How to Feel Alive” on Substack

One year ago this month — February 20, to be exact — the world was introduced to Dr. Sue Varma’s landmark book Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being. Its tagline certainly speaks to our modern times: “A practical program rooted in optimism to help you live fully and joyfully in an imperfect, turbulent world.” Yes, please! Sign me up. Sue has a fascinating story — she is a board-certified psychiatrist with a private practice in Manhattan, and was the first medical director and attending psychiatrist at the World Trade Center Mental Health Program. Through this experience, Sue worked directly with civilian and first-responder survivors in the aftermath of the attacks of September 11, 2001, and through this, she saw both devastation as well as resilience and growth. Through this experience, she asked herself how some people survived and even thrived, despite immense challenges, and how can we optimize what we have control over and block out stressors as much as possible? That was the genesis of Practical Optimism, the book we are discussing today. This book combines Sue’s own personal experiences with the latest research in psychology, psychiatry, medicine, and neuroscience, and teaches us that cultivating an optimistic mindset makes all the difference — and is something that can be done by anyone, even if you’re not a naturally born optimist. Sue has eight pillars to help us cultivate practical optimism, and her research shows that optimists aren’t just happier, but they’re also physically healthier, too. Optimism is a practice, something we can all get better at each day, and Sue’s book teaches us how. If you’re looking to boost your happiness, health, longevity, resilience, and success — and who among us isn’t? — then today’s conversation is tailor made for you. Dr. Varma is Clinical Assistant Professor of Psychiatry at New York University and teaches both medical students and residents; she’s also a highly sought after and award-winning national medical contributor for major news outlets, and today we talk about topics like kintsugi — totally fascinating — as well as healthy pride, cultivating an aloneness practice, and how, in her words from the book, “It doesn’t matter whether the glass is half full or half empty — it’s always refillable.” So good.

Practical Optimism: The Art, Science, and Practice of Exceptional Well-Being by Dr. Sue Varma

Like so many, my heart is deeply heavy today for the victims of both the Washington D.C. plane and helicopter collision and now, as of Friday night, the tragic plane crash in Philadelphia. Both incidents — as well as so much else going on in my life right now — have led me to start reevaluating my life. What matters most? What should be prioritized? Today’s guest helps us, through her impressive body of work, learn how to make decisions, including learning when to quit and walk away from something, be it a relationship, a job, or a goal, for example. We’ve got Annie Duke here today to talk in particular about two of her many books: Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away, and How to Decide: Simple Tools for Making Better Choices. Quit came out in 2022, and How to Decide in 2020. Annie is also the author of Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts, which came out in 2018; we briefly mention Thinking in Bets, but don’t delve deep into it in this episode, though I have read it and highly recommend it. To deeper understand Annie’s work, you must first understand Annie — she’s now a prolific self-improvement writer, but she is also a former poker player, and brings those decision making skills into her writing. Annie isn’t just some average poker player, mind you — she is one of the most successful poker players of all time, particularly among female poker players, and won the 2004 World Series of Poker Tournament of Champions. In addition to her mainstream work, she’s also written a number of books for poker players specifically, and published her autobiography in 2005. Annie was educated at Columbia and Penn, an active philanthropist, a business consultant, public speaker, and is an expert in decision fitness, emotional control, productive decision groups, and embracing uncertainty, which is an area I feel like all of us are living in right now. Today on the show we talk about why quitting has an unfairly earned negative connotation; the dichotomy of grit versus quit; how quitting is a key decision making tool; how impactful decisions are on our lives; how her career in poker led her to the work she does today; and so much more. Let’s kick off February with this great conversation.

All by Annie Duke:

Quit: The Power of Knowing When to Walk Away

How to Decide: Simple Tools for Making Better Choices

Thinking in Bets: Making Smarter Decisions When You Don’t Have All the Facts

We’ve got an absolute legend on the show today, although he’d never refer to himself that way. Dr. Marshall Goldsmith, world-renowned executive leadership coach, is here today to chat with me specifically about his 2015 book Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts — Becoming the Person You Want to Be, which turns 10 years old this year. In Triggers, Marshall writes that meaningful behavior change is very hard to do, and today he explains what a trigger is and how triggers can stop behavior change from happening. Triggers, by the way, can be direct or indirect, internal or external, conscious or unconscious, anticipated or unexpected, encouraging or discouraging, productive or counterproductive. We talk today about how to identify our triggers, the path of going from a trigger to a behavior, why knowing about our triggers is so important, and if we can change our triggers, or if they’re locked and loaded permanently. I spoke to Marshall soon after my father died, and we started talking about why becoming the person we want to be is such a noble pursuit. This conversation went in directions I wasn’t expecting but could not be happier that they did. Marshall Goldsmith, my friends, is a legend for a reason. He is first in class, top of the heap, the best of the best. So, who is Marshall Goldsmith? In case you don’t already know, Marshall is an academic and professor who held appointments at places like Dartmouth before he became a founding partner of the Marshall Goldsmith Group, an executive coaching group. Throughout Marshall’s renowned career, he’s worked with CEOs from over 200 companies and is credited with pioneering 360-degree feedback for leaders. He has written or edited 41 books which have sold over 2.5 million copies, been translated into 32 languages, and become bestsellers in 12 countries. Those books include, of course, Triggers, as well as What Got You Here Won’t Get You There and so many others. Triggers is one of his best-known works amongst a slew of well-known titles, and today Marshall also tells us about a new AI project he’s working on, and why he signs off his emails with the phrase “Life is good.” Lots to learn from this remarkable person.

Triggers: Creating Behavior That Lasts — Becoming the Person You Want to Be by Dr. Marshall Goldsmith

Make sure to check out marshallgoldsmith.ai!

I could not be more excited to continue our big week of programming with the fantastic Molly Fletcher, who is a podcaster, entrepreneur, speaker, and former sports agent, described as “the female Jerry Maguire” by CNN and ESPN. She is also the founder of The Molly Fletcher Company and, when she was working as a sports agent, she represented athletes, coaches, and broadcasters ranging from Tom Izzo to Doc Rivers, Erin Andrews, Billy Donovan, Joe Theismann, and more. She is a former athlete herself, having played varsity tennis at Michigan State. Molly was one of the first female sports agents, and during her almost two-decade career, she negotiated over $500 million in contracts and represented over 300 of sports’ biggest names, including the aforementioned. These days, she’s one of the most booked female speakers globally, and her TED Talk “Secrets of a Champion Mindset” has more than 1 million views. Her work has been featured everywhere from InStyle to Sports Illustrated, Forbes, Fast Company, CNN, and ESPN, and her latest book, Dynamic Drive, is a No. 1 USA Today national bestseller. Speaking of, today we’re chatting with Molly about her book Dynamic Drive: The Purpose-Fueled Formula for Sustainable Success, which came out last September 3; she’s also written a number of other books, including 2011’s The Business of Being the Best: Inside the World of Go-Getters and Game Changers, 2013’s The 5 Best Tools to Find Your Dream Career, 2014’s A Winner’s Guide to Negotiating: How Conversation Gets Deals Done, 2017’s Fearless at Work, and 2020’s The Energy Clock: 3 Simple Steps to Create a Life Full of Energy — and Live Your Best Every Day. Molly also hosts one of my favorite podcasts, Game Changers, which I can’t get enough of. Dynamic Drive is Molly’s latest work, and today on the show we talk about what dynamic drive is and how its heartbeat is purpose; she shares seven keys to unlock our dynamic drive, and she talks to us about how we are in a complacency epidemic and how to step out of our comfort zone and into our stretch zones. We also talk about, as the subtitle alludes to, sustainable success — not a quick fix, momentary, flash in the pan success, but success that lasts and lasts. Success to Molly is about so much more than achieving a goal or checking a box — it’s about who we become as people in the process. I enjoyed learning from her so much.

Dynamic Drive: The Purpose-Fueled Formula for Sustainable Success by Molly Fletcher

I could not be more excited, because today is R and P day on the show! That’s right — today we’re chatting with the fabulous Lindsay Jill Roth, one of my new favorite people, about her book Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions, which comes out today, January 28. I spoke to Lindsay just before my wedding, and even though I was obviously in major love mode in the leadup to that, let’s be honest — I’m always in major love mode. I’m a hopeless romantic, and I love reading books about relationships, and Lindsay’s book and the 250 questions within it gave my husband and I a chance to bond even more during our engagement. R and P is not just the title of Lindsay’s new book, but also a system created by her — today she tells us about that system and what she hopes it achieves; how this great idea originated; the methodology for choosing these 250 questions to help get to know someone more deeply; how she chose the sections of the book, which include Animals and Pets; Communication; Relationships, Sex, and Sexuality; In-Laws and Families of Origin; Chores, Domestic Duties, and Building a Home; Health and Medical; Children; Careers; Money and Finances; Weddings and Marriage; and Religion, Spirituality, and Politics. Romances & Practicalities is filled with experts and interesting people, and in it is sprinkled details of Lindsay’s own romance with her now husband. Lindsay clarifies, by the way, that you do not have to be partnered to take this inventory, and that it’s for everyone; I also ask her about what she means when she writes in the book “The sexiest kind of romance is also the most practical” and what it’s like to write a book about relationships after writing a novel in the past, and how those two experiences differ. Let me introduce you to Lindsay — she is an award-winning television and live events producer who has created and developed a wide variety of programming globally, including original content for NBC, ESPN, BET, Billboard, Food Network, the Grammys, the TONYs, the Masters, and the U.S. Open. She is the former producer of the Emmy-nominated Larry King Now and the creator and executive producer of Haylie Duff’s Real Girls Kitchen. As I mentioned a moment ago, Lindsay is also a novelist, writing What Pretty Girls Are Made Of in 2015. I am thrilled for her in this new adventure, and I certainly think she’s found a big time calling here. Let’s dig into it.

Romances & Practicalities: A Love Story (Maybe Yours!) in 250 Questions by Lindsay Jill Roth

Today we’ve got another necessary conversation for so many of us — we’re talking with Dr. Ellen Hendriksen about her new book How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists, which came out January 7. It turns out, perhaps not surprisingly, that feeling a lack of enoughness is a widespread problem, and Ellen’s book taught me so much about perfectionism — including that I apparently am one, even though I never would have thought that of myself. Perfectionism, as Ellen writes, can be used for good — it can help us have high standards, a strong work ethic, reliability, and a deep care of others — but it can also be used for ill, especially when it comes to our relationship with ourselves. Today on the show we explore the link between perfectionism and never feeling good enough; we talk about clinical perfectionism and where it stems from; how to stop putting our self-worth in the wrong places; seven shifts we can take to feel more enough; and so much more. Ellen has a Ph.D. from UCLA and completed her training at Harvard Medical School; she is a clinical psychologist at Boston University’s Center for Anxiety and Related Disorders and, in addition to How to Be Enough, she also wrote How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety. You might have seen her work everywhere from The New York Times to The Washington Post, BBC News, New York Magazine, Harvard Business Review, Psychology Today, Scientific American, The Guardian, Goop, O: The Oprah Magazine, and more, and she’s here to help us stop being so hard on ourselves already. 

How to Be Enough: Self-Acceptance for Self-Critics and Perfectionists by Dr. Ellen Hendriksen

Today I am thrilled to have on the show Israa Nasir to talk about her book Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More, which came out November 19. Israa is a psychotherapist, speaker, and the founder of the mental health brand WellGuide, a digital community for mental health awareness. I love getting her WellGuide Substack, so make sure to subscribe to “The Well Guide” if you love this book and this conversation, which I know you will. Her work is centered on transforming the way we talk about mental health, taking it from a place of shame to a place of empowerment. You may have seen her work on NBC or in Teen Vogue, Huffpost, or Vox, and she’s been invited to speak everywhere from Google to Meta to Yale. We know anecdotally what productivity is, but what is toxic productivity? It’s something Israa has battled herself, as have I. Today on the show we not only define toxic productivity but healthy productivity, as well, and what that might look like; how we can separate a false sense of urgency from a true sense of urgency; that multitasking is not possible for the human mind; and how so many of us are using productivity as a barometer of self-worth and as a way to meet our emotional needs — and how this will never serve us. There is also a connection between shame and toxic productivity I think you’ll be really interested to hear about. 

Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More by Israa Nasir