Whether we realize it or not, each of us harbors a motherwound. Motherwound Coach Michaila Tyson describes it as a set of internalized limiting beliefs that we develop as a result of the early dynamics with our mothers. They are fear-based, and pass from generation to generation. These wounds, and the feelings they create within us about ourselves, are on a spectrum. But since no mother is perfect, no one escapes falling somewhere on that spectrum.

According to Michaila, those experiences become the blueprint of our life, and influence our choices and how we see and move through the world. They influence our psychology and show up in codependent traits. They also show up in our body. Michaila says she experienced IBS, bruxism, endometriosis. She says she frequently sees fertility challenges and autoimmune disorders in women she works with, as well as eating disorders and addiction.

In this episode, Michaila outlines how we can heal these wounds.

In a later episode, I’ll share the medical research that explains the mechanisms by which these limiting beliefs impact the brain and body, opening the door to disease.

Show Notes:

www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

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Newlywed Kristen Williams encountered several culture changes and obstacles in rapid succession; moving from a liberal community to one that was far more conservative, going from “single” to an interracial marriage. She planned and postponed a wedding, broke from her church, lost her job, witnessed social unrest, encountered racism…

Kristen’s life had always been defined by her faith, but suddenly anxiety began to take hold, and it was crippling.

In this episode, Kristen talks about the expectations placed on a generation of women whose mothers had very different options, her decision to remain temporarily childfree, and the coping techniques and therapy that help her manage a burst of change and challenge in her life.

Episode Notes:

www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

 Navigating her journey has been complicated by pre-conceived notions and cruel comments meant to undermine her dignity. And at one time, Jerra thought the discrimination was unique to her community. But in using her voice and her online platform, she’s discovered the sentiment is cross-cultural. Now she’s helping to re-write the narrative around women without children, and points to women like Rosa Parks and Maya Angelou who affirm, a woman’s legacy goes beyond children.

Show Notes:

www.imfriendswithyounotyourbaby.com

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Actress and playwright Rachel Diamond never intended to be the “Poster Child” for sterilization. What she knew was that she didn’t want to have children. But in spite of a copper Intrauterine device (IUD), a back-up form of birth control, and a fertility-challenged partner, Rachel became pregnant. The pregnancy was ectopic; a potentially fatal condition in which the embryo implants, and can begin to grow, in an area other than the uterus. Finding herself in the Emergency Room, Rachel asked for doctors to perform a surgery involving her fallopian tubes to ensure she wouldn’t become pregnant again. When they refused, it sparked a lengthy process of Rachel taking on a mission of medical advocacy.

While many people are familiar with the reference of women who don’t want to become pregnant and “have their tubes tied,” Rachel’s request was to have her “tubes” “cut.” Her story was featured in a recent New York Post article (linked at www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com) examining a growing number of women telling their doctors they’re certain they don’t want kids.

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In the process of In Vitro Fertilization, there is one solitary focus: Hoping Against Hope.

You’re scared…

You’re looking at the numbers…

You’re evaluating the odds…

Nothing else matters.

At best there’s a passing glance at ramifications on the finances, the marriage, the relationships which only provided passive or trite comfort along the way.

To the outside world, THE BABY is the end of the story. A neat bow that absolves the messiness. The pain.

Internally, there may be time to process past grief, wonder why the path was so challenging (wonder whether those without the means can overcome it), consider health (wonder whether birth control was masking a lurking threat)…

But there’s a hidden end to many IVF stories. A luxury that couple’s could never dare to hope for, that becomes a challenge....

What do you do with viable, leftover, embryos when your family is complete?

It’s a question Dallas mother Laurel never dared to consider, but recently had to wrestle with. She overcame a surprise diagnosis of Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and became a mom to a little girl. But that wasn't the end of her IVF story.

The question of remaining embryoes comes with moral, ethical, and financial considerations. It forced Laurel and her husband to confront what they wanted individually, and as a family, and why. In this episode she’s sharing honestly about her decision to destroy their remaining embryo, how they came to the decision, and what it was like to share that choice with a friend struggling with infertility.

It was news that blindsided her.

At the age of 21, Melissa Bornico was told she was conceived using a donated egg. Her mother was not biologically related to her. Her father and brother were. Suddenly everything, and nothing, made sense.

Three years later, Melissa says she’s found peace. But it’s clear she’s still trying to contextualize the information that felt like a wiped-out connection to one side of her family. And she’s weighing whether she should try to connect to a legion of strangers to whom she’s genetically linked. For Melissa, and many other donor-conceived people, this comes with a tsunami of trepidation. They often wonder if they’ll be accepted by their biological parents and worry they’ll wound their social parents in the search to find themselves. They often fear the possibility that a love interest could be related to them. And in many cases they bear the weight of whether the expensive price tag that comes with donor conception was worth it… an in, “Am I enough to warrant the sacrifice?”

Melissa wants to help, and be an advocate for those in her position. So does Donor Conceived Council, which also hopes to educate donors and parents about the impact of their choices.

In sharing her story, Melissa is illuminating the struggle of so many who feel they had no choice in the complicated, costly decisions that led to their conception.

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20-something student Ellie Houghtaling has her whole life ahead of her.

...And isn't that a daunting prospect in this day and age?

Ellie lives in one of the most expensive cities in the world (New York) to attend one of the most prestigious schools in the country (Columbia University) in the hope of one day securing her dream job (in print journalism). The future is uncertain. The cost to get there is astronomical.

Even so, when a friend said she was pursuing egg donation as a means of cash, Ellie thought she was crazy. But then a few years went by. And then Ellie was accepted into a 9 1/2 month, $115,000.00 investigative journalism program. Suddenly that crazy idea didn't seem so crazy anymore. Ellie decided she'd do it, and tell no one.

But when the opportunity came to report her own story in an article for "The Guardian," and she knew she'd have to go public with her family before going public with the world.

In this transparent discussion, Ellie talks about the process and the risks. She highlights her concerns about the industry. She shares how her parents' perspective on the procedure differs from her own. She weighs whether the word "donor" is the proper term for her role. And, she talks about the money.

Watch this episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ/featured

Show Notes:

www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

Psychotherapist Elizabeth Greenberg wants you to live well. In fact, she believes its our birthright. Elizabeth says self-love and living authentically generates a peaceful, stable state of wellbeing. And when that's out of alignment, our ability to rebound quickly sets the stage for sustainable happiness.

In this episode we talk about the challenges of being childless or childfree, and the societal pressures that come along with it. We talk about the foundations for love and attachment, emotional and religious abuse, how envy and jealousy distract us, addiction and healing.

Additional Information on this Episode:

https://www.friendswithyounotyourbaby.com/post/s2e1-live-you-well

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Like something out of a Sex and The City episode, PR guru Rosanna Ortiz once told a teeny lie to escape a lunch date when it morphed into her girlfriend's own personal "Ted Talk" on why Rosie should freeze her eggs and have children. But as most women know, there is no escape from the societal pressure surrounding motherhood. Rosie couldn't escape it either, or her girlfriend, finding herself exposed as she fled the lunch only to slam into her girlfriend in the shoe department at Barney's moments later!

For realtor Christina Rosciti, the pressure came by way of her father's marching orders, suggesting she visit a sperm bank.

While Rosie is firmly childfree, Christina's path there wound it's way through a brief, unsuccessful attempt at IVF. In this episode, pull up a chair and listen in on a conversation among three friends about marriage, divorce, ambition and happiness, and their care for one another.

Find us on Instagram:

www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb

Show Notes:

www.ImFriendsWithYouNotYourBaby.com

https://www.instagram.com/friendswithyounyb/

Ladies, lock up your nieces! 

Ben Hague is on the loose in this lighthearted and funny episode. The former comedian turned private jet broker says he'll trade his bachelor lifestyle in the name of love...eventually. But eventually isn't soon enough for his grandchild-hungry mom, who hopes her son will come home with a nice girl with sizable birthing hips and a high egg count. 

He is now, however, one step closer to a more traditional situation (kinda?). Ben recently capped off his career with an appearance in Season 11 of Curb Your Enthusiasm. He says an epiphany led him to leave Hollywood, but not before the Covid-19 pandemic almost cut short his final bow. Ben talks about his connection to Larry David and (*cough*) name-drops other celebs as he describes the grind of a life in showbiz.

Watch this episode on YouTube:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCcQtsHifLdXzXiMUs73XaGQ

Find show notes at:

https://www.friendswithyounotyourbaby.com/